A little lost...any advice?

[Jessica_NZ]

I dont really know where to start but here goes. I've always struggled with my dressing, but recently (maybe last 6mths) I have completly come to terms with it, and accepted it as part of myself. This is in no small part due to my loving wife and supporting friends. The problem is, where to from here? I'm not quite to the point of heading out in public, and to be honest I dont really think thats going to help. I just feel like I have stalled. I think I have been trying to accept this part of myself for so many years that now that I have found peace in it, it hasnt fullfilled me like I thought it would. Sometimes I feel it would be easier just to tell the world about this side of myself, but as many have said on here you cant come back from that.

Has anyone else felt this way, and if so what did you find helped?
I know this is a journey but its really starting to get me down the fact that I feel this way. I have thought of telling a few other friends, and all going well, maybe heading out to people houses as all I do is sit around the house at the moment while dressed. The problem with heading out in public is that, with my job, I run into alot of people I know, be it through work or just friends/acquaintances etc.
Sorry if this is a bit long winded, maybe I'm just being silly but it still doesnt change how I feel.

J

[Wildaboutheels]

..."due to my wife and supporting friends".

My math tells me that at least 3 people know? My many years on the planet tell me that that probably means at least 6 people know. If not far more...

Just because it is a PART of you doesn't mean you need to tell or show the whole world. Does it? Nor does it mean you are ashamed IF you don't really have a desire to go out dressed in public. It's obviously a fervent wish of the vast majority here to flee the closet but you are you and don't need to follow some "natural progression" as some here would tell you.

I think it's an error to feel you "must" progress and that you SHOULD be wanting that "next step" of going public.

Don't believe that Forum MYTH that "we all progress".

Count your blessings that your wife knows and accepts. With her support, you will probably not have any doubts about when/if the "time is right".

[Lisa Gerrie]

It's not clear to me where you want to go next. If you are happy, stay put! If you have reached a point where you are uncomfortably restless to move forward but you don't see a away around current obstacles, that's common and unpleasant. Can you focus on growing in other areas of your life? Look forward to -- and work toward -- the day when you can be yourself in new ways?

Did you expect this life-change to Fix Everything like some people expect from a first marriage? Maybe it will, but not until farther down the path.

-- MS

[Rogina B]

Like Wild told you,you don't have to do a thing more other than to enjoy yourself.You may not have needed to mention it to anyone other than those under the same roof..Don't do anything you aren't comfortable doing as that is not smart when dealing with a subject that is like toothpaste..."once it is out,you can't get it back in".

[Beverley Sims]

Wellington has little pockets of communities everywhere.
You need to go into the CBD or some shopping centre that is up or down the road by ten miles or so.
Get out of town, go to Lower Hutt or Porirua are two examples.
Once you get confidence come back to local areas.
I think the first step is to get out dressed somewhere in clothes that you feel good in.
Dress somewhat androgynously first.

[suzy1]

Following on from what the others have said, it sounds like you can only be really happy if you come out to the world and live 24/7 as Jessica.

Are there other things going on in your life that rob you of fulfilment?

Personally I have always recognised that no one can have everything they want in this life so the trick is to be happy with what you can have.
That has helped me.

[Joanne f]

People and friends knowing what you are like is one thing but actually seeing you and mixing with you when dressed is quite another thing as many people are willing to accept what they do not see or come into contact with as they can feel like it gives other people the perception that they are similar to the people they mix with so just be careful on who you pick to come out to as they need to have thick skins so it might be wise to invite people to your house first and tell them of your intentions to be dressed , but I do know how you feel as once you have accepted yourself there can be this feeling that others should as well and have this need or wanting to be accepted by others and it can seem quite unnatural to you that they may not but you may be lucky enough to have friends that will which will be great for you and your wife as it will make you feel so normal ( which you are) and I guess that the only way you will find out is to try something not to drastic at first ,( If you dig a hole for yourself just make sure that you have a ladder handy to climb out with ) :D

[Karren H]

I never understood why we can't be happy in the present and always think there has to be more? Or we have to be going some where or advancing.... a stable status quo isn't a bad thing and moving beyond isn't always better.... imho....

[Jenni Yumiko]

I agree with karren, only you can determine at what point you are satisfied, and possibly you are at that point but are seeing the other options. I would say try and experiment to your comfort level and determine where your line is. The forums here are pretty bad for gauging where you should be at because there is the whole monkey see monkey do mentality that people tend to feel that you have to be able to distinguish. If you can't draw your own line your going to keep wanting to keep up with the joneses, in which case you will never be satisfied

[deebra]

You said, "where to from here", why not try underdressing and androgenist and going out, if you start to meet to many people that know you go to the next town; and donot tell anybody else, you are not mandated to tell anyone!!!

[Kathi Lake]

It sounds to me that dressing was kind of a rush to you, and now that the rush is gone, you're looking for more. As others have mentioned, simply taking satisfaction in your appearance and dressing is perhaps the "next step" you're looking for.

Kathi

[docrobbysherry]

A lot of wise posts above, Jessica. The bottom line on our dressing is a bit different for each of us.

After dressing for 10 years in a private vacuum, I came out online. Which inevitably led me want to meet other dressers. For me, going out to vanilla venues dressed by myself is pointless and stressful. But, going out with other girls, I find to be exciting, rewarding, and very educational!

[MonctonGirl]

Probably you feel stalled because you have acceptance from the wife ... and so there is no TENSION or FEAR there ... which is part of the thrill for many ( unconsciously )

If you want to go out en femme in public without fear of loss locally - go on a vacation - your "wife" will take way too many clothes *wink*.

[DonnaT]

There is no 'next' per se.

What comes next depends on what you actually feel you need, not some false goal.

For instance, at some point you may feel the need to go out and socialize as Jessica, but it's not something you have to do just because others do it.

[kimdl93]

It's good that you're coming to terms with who you are...but don't expect that to be a solution to problems, nor set expectations that are unrealistic in the short term. If going out is something you seem to desire, but not something you want to risk locally, why not look for other venues....a different ton, a trip, something that is planned around expressing this desire.

As for a longer term desire to come out, think long and hard about what you need versus what you want, then weigh out the pros and cons in your life.

[Chari]

Consider asking yourself "Am I comfortable and confident at where I am in my dressing? Is there any room for improvement (to be more passable) with make-up, feminine attire, my physical appearance, etc.?" Please do not rush life. Enjoy where you are now. When you are ready to move on, you will know it and hopefully will find the next level as exciting and rewarding as your past adventures.

[Launa]

I'm never satisfied with this side of me...

I will always be trying to push the impossible like trying to look like Sofia Varga. LOL

[Tracii G]

For me I don't feel the need to tell the world all about me.Posting here sort of does put it out there in a way.
Why some always feel one thing has to lead to something else is bewildering to me.Just be happy where you are is my motto.
Trying new things is always good too so pushing the envelope to some degree is pretty normal.
Some are all or nothing some are not.
Thats what I like about people like us we are all different.

[Jessica_NZ]

Wow - so many responses!
After reading through each response a few times, a few things have become clear. Also, I had a call from a friend who knows, who has had a few people asking him if I was into crossdressing. Nice timing, but anyway. Seems there are alot more people out there that know about this than I thought. Oh well, will wait and see if anyone decides to ask me in person. I'm not ready to tell the world just yet, but if it comes to the point that it does come out then so be it, nothing I can do about it.

Alot of you have mentioned being happy with where im at, and not worrying about progressing. I had not thought about it that way, I guess I was stuck in the mindseet of needing to take the next step. I'm happy where Im at so I guess I'll stay here for a while, enjoy it and see what happens.

Also, thank you all so much for taking the time to respond. Im amazed at how many of you replied! Thank you all so much! I'm supposed to be at work right now, nipped home as I had a little time to kill, but will update further as I have a little more thinking to do on this.

J