Don't call me Sir!!!!!! OMG!! :-/

[Lynnmorgan451]

Ok. A little rant....I can handle being called sir when I'm in boy mode...sure...I look kinda like a femme dude, whatever..it makes me feel a little old but I get it, they've identified me and that's proper English, right? On the other hand...if I spend 2 hours on makeup and picking out an awesomely cute outfit, put on my favorite long flowing blonde hair down to my waist and feel good and sexy and build up the nerve to drive through a fast food place to order food with my cutest girly voice, when I pull up to the window and you happen to notice I'm not really a girl but trying to be, for the LOVE OF GOD don't call me SIR!!!!!! And that was BEFORE I handed him my credit card with my boy name on it....what a jerk!! That hurt my feelings so bad that I didn't even eat the food I ordered...I was pissed! Uggghhh.....don't DON'T call me SIR!!!:sad:

[MonctonGirl]

SOLUTION:

If you always place the same order

1 - have a female record your order and play it back on your car stereo. Lip sync it. lol
2 - Wear big sunglasses so the dude at the window doesn't make you.
3 - If he does ... say "Thank-you....Ma'me."

[Persephone]

Yep, it really, really hurts when it happens. But it is also a message that you need to figure out why it happened and fix whatever you are doing that caused you to be misread. It isn't the clerk's fault.

If it was your voice a good rule is "don't speak where you can't be seen." I'll bet that if you were well dressed and passable and you had walked into the restaurant, smiled at the clerk and then placed your order you would have been "Ma'm"ed.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Chickhe]

No reason to be upset... you are in a male body...just use the experience to get better at making yourself look female (did you ask him what made him think you were male?). On one hand you expect respect, but in reality many people are not educated and don't know what they are saying is offensive... you could respond back with 'and a big thank you to you too MISS!'.

[Paula T]

Both answers are good ones so far, in fact the second one made me laugh. But the sunglasses thing is very good as when I have my sunglasses on and am out shopping I don't don't get a second look. (of course maybe I would like a second look):eek: Maybe I'll have to wear higher heels the next time I am out shopping.:o

[Gwinnie]

I've had people call me ma'am when I am dressed like a guy. Even have had it happen over the phone. My voice could not be mistaken for a woman's.

Gwendolyn

[Lynnmorgan451]

I get so nervous in those situations that it never even crossed my mind to ask him! I've only dressed up and gone drive through like three times and the other two gave me funny looks but no gender assignment. But this guy I think was gay, first of all, a little more tuned to notice stuff, so I think in a way he was impressed with himself for noticing that I was a guy and he said "sir" in a way that made me feel like he was calling me out, instead of being respectful...then the jerk repeated it again after giving my card back, sort of to affirm his suspicions were accurate. I know I shouldn't be so sensitive, but I'm girly!! Sensitivity comes with the territory! I wish I had the nerve to ask him what gave me away...lol. Cuz I thought I looked GOOD :)

[Beverley Sims]

It can be frustrating, did you speak in a deeper voice, and you were not seen face on, do you have manly features that shine through?
Even your mannerisms need questioning by yourself.
If I am misquoted in any way I laugh it off for the time being, no need to create a scene and then I have a good look at myself and try to find out why.
Just don't be upset, it will probably happen again.

[Tracii G]

Sunglasses will hide a bit so not a bad answer.The voice is important when in a drive thru,maybe you need to work on it by recording your self and doing a playback.
I find most places I go in to shop like the grocery or clothing stores its all about how you are dressed and how YOU carry yourself.
I have been sir'd in a drive thru before and when I drove up to the window the girl said I'm sorry I said sir Ma'am.I said no problem it happens a lot.
You need to get some thick skin and not let it bother you.

[Kate Simmons]

Hey, maybe I'm the "odd ball" here but why does it really matter, especially if you enjoyed the meal Hon?Edit: Oh, see you didn't eat the meal but this is exactly the reason I never take myself that seriously. No need throwing away good food.:)

[Jamie001]

Even if you are presenting as a male I am annoyed by the fact that folks feel the need to call you sir even when they are in a conversation with you. It is quite annoying. I have been doing some observation and have found that most of the same folks that over-use the "sir" word, don't use the "maam" word when speaking to a GG. I have seen this over and over again and it is really strange. Also, the word "sir" tends to make folks over 50 feel like an old fart. Why can't folks stop using this word? For someone that is neither male or female such as myself, it is quite annoying.

[Michelle55]

You could always throw them off with a little humor. Assuming of course they've watched old Army movies. Respond (in your best drill sargent voice) "Don't call me Sir. I work for a living!"

[bridget thronton]

Good advice about not speaking when you cannot be seen (no fast food orders today and got the "hello ladies" treatment all day)

[Rita C.]

It doesn't matter to me, I dress as a female for my comfort any way. If thay can't handle what I look like, that's there problem. Mayby thay need there eyes checked.

[Lorileah]

a simple "ma'am to you." would be my answer (truthfully being the sarcastic witch I am more like "Try again"). But then again drive through fast food???? You could call the management and explain what happened and ask them to do some sensitivity training

[Lynnmorgan451]

lol...I need to work on my confidence because I am a very sarcastic person, but when I'm out flaunting my stuff, I get really submissive and shy and don't respond the way I should. Good advice ladies! thank you all! xxoo

[Tracii G]

Stopped by Qdoba to get dinner on the way home and the lady that waited on me called me ma'am and I was in mostly guy mode.
I was waiting in line talking to a GG friend I ran into so my back was turned to lady behind the counter most of the time.
My friend said Tracii its your turn to order sweetie,at that time she said what can I get you ma'am so I ordered.
No funny awkward moment at all for me anyway

[sometimes_miss]

Don't blame the fast food server. They're busy, and automatically call people what they obviously are. Unless you really pass, the server will call you sir if you're a guy and ma'am if you're a woman. They're just trying to be polite like their mom taught them. For all they know you're a professional female impersonator on his way home from work or something. Unless they're being sarcastic, sir and ma'am are titles of respect to others.

[CynthiaD]

Just laugh and say "I prefer ma'am actually." No need in getting mad or hurt over it.

[BillieAnneJean]

Maybe the most enlightened thought they had that day was to determine your birth sex. Let them have their little victory. They have no ides how much fun this is. I couldn't care less if they have their moment. I have the day. Why is this such fun? Why do I look forward to transforming myself? Why do I enjoy the different types of clothes, how they feel, how the shoes make me walk, how it all changes my disposition?

They can have whatever little victory they think they earned. I am happy reguardless. I love this tht much.

[kimdl93]

It's not what we want, but as Persephone said, we learn and grow out of such experiences. I've been called sir and ma'am by different people in the same store. I've learned to smile and accept those disappointments, but it hasn't stopped my from trying to look better.

[docrobbysherry]

I like it when youngsters call me, sir. Politeness should be appreciated. I think it beats the heck out of; bub, fella, or dude.

The few times I've gone out dressed, I don't think they called me, sir. But, it was hard to tell because they're usually laffing too hard to speak clearly.

[ReineD]

I could never figure it out either. Why call someone 'sir' when they're obviously presenting female?

My SO and I have a friend who is not biased, in fact she is rather open-minded. But, she always referred to my SO as "he" even when she was not presenting male! We both know that our friend did not do this to be hurtful. It's as if her brain was not wired to use a different pronoun than a person's assigned sex!

We were sirred once in a restaurant by a very young waiter who was not trying to be insulting. He just had no clue. I sensed at the time that this young guy had likely not seen a crossdresser before, and he had a rather "live and let live" attitude. He didn't give me the impression that he had any personal opinion or judgement about why my SO would want to present as a woman, but he decided to err on the safe side when addressing my SO. He might have thought that we were headed for some costume party, and my SO would have been insulted if he had been addressed as "Ma'am". :strugglin

[AmyGaleRT]

Just laugh and say "I prefer ma'am actually." No need in getting mad or hurt over it.

Or play it like Kathryn Janeway: "'Ma'am' is acceptable in a crunch. I prefer 'Captain.'" :)

One of the biggest ego boosts I've gotten when being out as Amy was going through a McD's drive-through and having the (apparently somewhat-confused) young lady at the second window say "I'm sorry, ma'am, what was your order?" and "There you are, ma'am, sorry about that." She may have been confused about my order, but she picked right up on my presentation!

I plan to try and get out as Amy more often as the weather warms up, and continue improving my comfort level and presentation.

- Amy

[AmyGaleRT]

Bless your heart, Purple hon. :hugs: That was from my New Year's Eve photo session, wearing the closest thing I have to an evening gown. My hand is in that position as much to show off my engagement ring as anything else. ;) That was one of the first photo sessions I did where I really felt like my femme look was coming together well. I think I've improved a bit since then; next time I do a photo session, I'll try and see if I can find that pose again. (That may be this coming weekend; I have new ankle boots coming in and a new dress in the closet to pair them with...)

Meantime, I'll see if I can dig up a higher-resolution version of that image and put it on Facebook.

- Amy

[AmyGaleRT]

Given the forum's limitations on photo size, it's really difficult to get the ring to show up, but I recropped the image so you might be able to see it better:

200978 200979

My fiancee thanks you for your well-wishes...and she has made it strongly known that if I were to set foot out of here as Amy without wearing that ring, she would be...displeased. :D

We're not firm yet on when we're making it legal. It's been several years, and we're in no hurry. But it's only been since last October that she's known about Amy. (And I'll need the sparkling water too, or maybe sparkling apple cider...I can't drink, gives me a gout flareup!)

- Amy

[Jamie001]

I don't know why folks just can't drop the sir or maam for the most part. When someone is speaking directly to your face, it is absolutely not necessary. I can understand someone saying "excuse me sir, or excuse me maam", but constantly using the word sir or maam in direct conversation with a person is ingratiating and annoying and has the ability to make a middle-aged person feel like and old fart! Please see the following link:

http://youremakingme.com/do-you-still-call-people-sir-or-maam-stop-it/