Just a hobby?

[GG Kay]

Hi everyone,
My SO of 4 years just came out and told me that he is a CD.
He said that it is "just a hobby." Do other MTF CD's feel this way too? From what I've read, it seems to be a bit more than a hobby, but I don't know for sure. I think he might just be trying to ease me in to it, but I'd like to hear what others think.

Still trying to figure all of this out,
Kay

[Tabitha Storm]

I think it depends on the person. For me I don't get to dress very often but there is and will probably always be the urge to do it. The fact that I don't get to often could make it sound like a hobby but it is more than that. I can't speak for your husband but to me it seems as a way of easing you in to it.
I commend you greatly for coming here and asking questions instead of condemning him.
Bravo!

[Kathi Lake]

Kay, it's a hobby to me as well, but if you only knew how obsessive guys get about our hobbies . . .

:)

Kathi

[tiffanynjcd24]

kay sometimes i feel its like a hobby and other times i feel just want to express myself en femme but you have to learn to give it time for him to explain why he crossdress one thing i would point out is that you are what you are and you cant change that

[PaulaQ]

Hi Kay, this depends a lot on the person, so none of us can say for sure about your SO.
There are some of us, for whom this really is kind of a hobby.
There are some of us for whom this is a sexual fetish - a fantasy.
There are some of us for whom this is a part of them, a feminine part, but not all of them. It's more than a hobby for them, usually.
There are some of us who want to be girls - it's usually more than a hobby in this case.
There are some of us who become girls - I think we can definitely say "not hobby" in that situation!

The only person who can tell you is your SO. And look, HE may not be able to really tell you because he may not want to admit his real feelings to himself. A lot of us, especially at first, have terrible feelings of shame or guilt. Also, society is GREAT about sending the message to young boys "Hi! Hide this or we'll kill you!" So hiding becomes pretty ingrained in some of us. It may take him time to be honest with himself. There is still a fair amount of social stigma associated with this, and the older you are, the worse that was as you grew up, typically.

However, to answer your question, I've talked to several folks here who swear to me that this is just a hobby for them, and they can chuck it for another one anytime. I certainly believe that is possible.

However, even if it's not a hobby, and is something deeper - it's OK. It could take a little bit for him to admit this, both to you, and to himself.

Please ask questions - lots of questions. We want to help.

Paula

PS. Don't get scared by what you read here. I've talked at least moderately, with at least 30 different folks on this forum. And you know what? All 30 of them were different. There were sometimes some common elements - but this is a VARIED population of individuals. So don't let something you read from someone here scare the hell out of you.

[kimdl93]

Making model airplanes is a hobby, and perhaps so is dressing for your SO. For me, dressing is a way to express something deeper. I didn't choose it...it seems to have chosen me.

[Cheryl T]

We all have our own feelings about this and for some it is "just a hobby", while for others it is a lifestyle. There is no "one size fits all" here, this is a sliding scale and each of us determines our position on that scale. Many just enjoy wearing a particular article of clothing while others need to dress fully and express their feminine side to the fullest and venture into the world interacting as a woman.

Perhaps it is "just a hobby" for your hubby. What you need to do is TALK, TALK, TALK. Don't be afraid to ask questions and also don't be afraid to let him be honest in his answers without reproach. Together you can see this through and find a common ground you both are comfortable with. You've taken the first steps by not freaking out and seeking out answers. Support is very important to us, as is the love of our spouse.

[Dinsdale]

Hi Kay,
it is not a hobby, it is something that we as crossdressers cannot stop. Yes, we can stop for a while but if you read through the threads we always come back to crossdressing.
We enjoy it , and it is a part of us, ( the level of crossdressing may vary).
It is great that you are open enough to at least explore , and hopefully you can both accept and grow together .
It wont go away, but hopefully you can both compromise and enjoy
I am a normal hetrosexual male and have no desire to have a sex change , and was unfortunate that my wife could not accept . This is just one part of me that I have accepted and any future partner will need to accept , ( and I let them know upfront)
Good Luck

[Wildaboutheels]

What might be a rather simple [but blunt way] to get some idea is to ask him 2 questions. How much "stuff" does he have and how long does he usually stay dressed.

There are so many Forum MYTHS that abound here. The most important thing is to not fall prey to ANY of them and EXPECT certain behaviors from him.

The spectrum and variety of all "CDers" is endless because all CDers are Humans and all Humans are unique.

I also think it's important not to just simply grab his hand and blindly jump in with 2 feet.

EDIT: btw, you are supposed to be "mad" because he lied to you. One of many Forum MYTHS.

[Lorileah]

Welcome Kay. Get 10 posts and join the FAB section so you can talk to other GG's

As far as hobbies go... maybe. Some men I am sure will do this as a hobby (would be cheaper to make model airplanes but... :)) Most do it because they like something about it. Really you don't do something like this unless you feel good about it.





EDIT: you are supposed to be "mad" because he lied to you. One of many Forum MYTHS.

You and your "myths". :) Actually you twisted that, the reason many women are mad is because of the lie. It isn't all women are angry about cross dressing. And you don't know that Kay isn't somehow hurt from not being told up front.

[Kate Simmons]

Part of it is learning to deal with the deep feelings that drive it. Once we accomplish that and make them our own, it's not that big of a deal any more.:)

[Launa]

Its a little deeper than a hobby for me. If I were to call it a hobby then it would be considered a real big one, not just a 10'x10' room in the basement where I could work on model trains....
When I do it feels like going to a race track for a day and someone gives you keys to a Ferrari to use.
I can't say what your SO wants to do but you'll have to ask. I was fine with dressing behind closed doors for years now I want to go out in the world so CD's can feel like ramping things up later on...

For years I also toned things down as much as I could and but really didn't want to CD that much anyway because I would toss it for another hobby. Now things have changed quite a bit and I like to go out once in a while.

If I was asked a question I never said exactly how much I wanted to do it because it would cause a bigger, longer uncomfortable conversation. Kind of like going to the doctor and he asks a question, you always tell 60-70% of the truth. How many drinks did you have this past week?
Answer 4-6
Actual 10-12

Remember Kay, he won't be exactly like me....

Cheers

Launa

[Wildaboutheels]

Um, JMO, But I think you might have C&Pd and/or simply used your 6:06 post here.

If you wanted to get better answers.

Many folks won't read through threads to see further input from the OP [original poster] so it's always best to spill ALL the beans in the first post.

[girl_in_pantyhose]

Kay,

As shocking as crossdressing seems far more men do it and never tell their SO than do tell. It takes guts to admit this secret to anyone but the fact he is able to tell you means he has a huge amount of trust and faith in you. I told my SO and she was understandably mad, she shut down and I thought our wonderful time together was at its end. I had to make promises that I could not keep, purges of things that I felt important to me, and in the end I was left as an empty husk. Then if almost by magic she opened up and told me her greatest fears about my crossdressing. She was under the impression that I no longer wanted to be a man and that I was gay and lying to her this whole time during our relationship. After this talk she told me that if crossdressing was this important to she would be ok with it, with many stipulations of course. That was 10 almost 11 years ago. Our relationship has never been this intimate before my crossdressing confession. She has drawn lines in the sand that I dare not "cross" in regards to things way beyond crossdressing but they are things that I would never consider doing, EVER!

In the end I had faith in her and she had faith in me and I love her SOOOO much for it! Best of luck to you! I hope my story helped.

[Rachelakld]

Hi Kay,
First 2 question - ever meet a girl with short hair who "sometimes" wears trousers and likes cars or does plumbing or is on a board of directors?
Isn't CD just the opposite?

Anyway for me, it's more like an itch
If I don't scratch the itch, it feels worse and the longer I leave it, the more it itches.
If I give it a good scratching, I can go for a few weeks before I get emotionally frustrated (sex helps reduce frustration, but does not stop it).

I've got multiple personalities, they work co-operatively regardless of "mode", but both personalities also need to have time to express themselves.

[Brittany CD]

It probably is just a hobby. No one can really explain crossdressing, but some of us like me just have an attachment to female attire, makeup, and wigs

[Sallee]

I would say "just a hobby" is a good description although probably it is a bit more than that. I don't want to say the f word but maybe somewhere between hobby and f...ish. If he can keep it in the hobby realm that is good but there are those times when it can be overpowering and and a need to CD is needed. It is a good thing to get it out BUT all things in moderation is a good rule. It is easy to let it be controlling
Advice to both go slow don't be too encouraging or discouraging and enjoy it.

It looks like you are getting some good advice We here have had lots of experience with our "hobby"

[Jamie001]

No. It is a way of life. It is the feminine person inside of us expressing herself. It is who we are as a person.

[GG Kay]

Thank you for all of the wonderful responses. The more I hear about others experiences, the more comfortable I become.

This post is very inspiring. Thank you for sharing with me. I appreciate all of the support

[sometimes_miss]

PaulaQ said it right, but the 'types' described are only the tip of the iceberg. There are many more, and sometimes we evolve from one 'type' to another. Life is growth, and people change. While I suppose there have been some crossdressers that simply gave it up and did something else in it's place, I've never met one. GG Kay, just support your SO like he supports you. This doesn't change who he is, it just changes how you might see him.

[Jenniferathome]

It's no hobby for me. It is in me. This is not golf or bowling. Can he quit? If no, not a hobby. You need to feel free to ask ANY question and he needs to answer them. Nothing should be off limits.

By the way Kay, get 10 posts in and you can join the FAB (Females At Birth) forum. Many women here are in your heels. Men can not see the FAB forum posts.

Good luck

[docrobbysherry]

Yes. For me and others it may be like a "hobby".

But, it's a very compulsive, fetishy, hobby for me!

[Stevie]

Kay this is not a hobby for me. I don't collect clothes. I wear clothes that make me feel comfortable.

[~Joanne~]

For some this is a hobby. For some it's a fetish. For some it's who they are. For some it's an expression of their feminine side, For some it's something they can't begin to explain. It's a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Please don't use "us" to try and figure out who your SO is. It could be just a hobby for him. In time it could be something more.

[Missy Tanya]

I've said that it's a Hobby for me many times. I do feel it is one, one that I dearly love doing. I have no past thoughts that I was born the wrong sex, or want to change sex. I just love everything about women. From their clothing, to smells, to make up, jewelry and of course shoes. I think each and everyone of us have a different need or desire for being whom we are. I'm just a normal guy with a girly side that needs to express herself from time to time.

Thanks for being interested and asking questions. Tanya

[Veronicatally]

Hi Joanne
Thanks for posting this well-put thought. I'm fairly new to xdressing and one of the most enlightening moments for me was realizing that we all bring a variety of experiences and expectations to xdressing. None is right, wrong or the other. They are simply our experiences and it's fun to share them, explore and learn from others. Thanks again for posting.
V

[Chiana]

We are all different and it would be impossible for me to say whether or not CDing is a hobby for some. It could be. For me, CDing is a hobby like eating is a hobby.

[Jilmac]

I can name many recreational hobbys that, for some people, have become an obsession. Fishing, hunting, archery, golf, coin and stamp collecting, doll plate and spoon collecting, just to name a few. I once had a coworker who collected bells, he and his wife lived in a modest three berooom home along with their bells. They had bells of every shape and size imaginable throughout the house, garage, and yard. His hobby of collecting bells became such an obsession that he and his wife went to a therapist to see if what they called a hobby was normal.

So if your BF calls his crossdressing a hobby, to him it may not be much different than some of the hobbys I mentioned. Actually, I think it's a quite harmless hobby, and no more expensive than collecting bells or any other persuit.

[Ressie]

A hobby! That's an interesting way of looking at this obsession I have. Collecting stamps is a hobby; why not collect women's clothing? I like matching shoes, tops and skirts into an organized outfit. I'm just not very good at it yet. But putting the clothes on isn't what I would consider a hobby. But maybe that's just me...

[AllyCDTV]

It's a hobby for me. I look upon it as just a fun thing I like to do. My interest comes and goes and right now, it seems to be going since I am finding some other things that interest me more. Can I ever quit it? Only time can tell. I haven't touched my model railroad in 15 years but I'm not throwing any of my trains stuff out either.

It is different for everyone and that goes for your SO too. And as Wildaboutheels pointed out, there are plenty of myths and "absolute truths" that get tossed about on this forum. Give special attention to those of us who speak for themselves and discount those who speak for crossdressers as a whole. There are differences about all of us.

[DonnaT]

I've had several hobbies during my life, and never felt the need to do what I did. I could quit any of them with no problem.

Crossdressing, however, for me, is quite different. It's something I have to do, and although I've tried, could never quit for very long before the urge/need drew me back in.

Note that hobbies can become obsessive for the hobbiest, and some CDs can find this same hobby obsession with cross dressing.

[kristinacd55]

Hi Kay....welcome to the forum! Ummm.....I'd say in most cases it's NOT a hobby.

[melissakozak]

Hobby? Obsession? Unusual interest perhaps? Sorry. It is NONE of the above for most CDers and transidentified people.

[Lynn Marie]

Kay, it's a hobby to me as well, but if you only knew how obsessive guys get about our hobbies . . .

:)

Kathi

Oh yes, I'm one of those who can get downright obsessive about my hobbies. I like referring to my CDing as a hobby or a sport sometimes but, in truth, it does seem to be a good deal more than that. Could I just give it up anytime I like? Probably not, in that respect, it's a lot like a smoking addiction. I quit 15 years ago, but I could easily start again. I really enjoyed it even though it tried to kill me!

[Laura912]

Is the term "hobby" like the term "pornography?" We use the term but cannot define what it is but know it when we see it. Do not know of many hobbyist who purge frequently during their lives. Any one here who has not ever purged? (For the OP, that is throwing everything out and swearing never again.) This goes beyond hobby to being a part of me.

[Beverley Sims]

If you collect pornography you would get an insatiable urge to purge if the cops are a 'knocking on your door.

[NicoleScott]

I don't want to say the f word but maybe somewhere between hobby and f...ish.

I always thought the f-word was something else. We learn something new every day.
Fetish is not a dirty word. Used properly, it describes the drive that some crossdressers have.
To the topic: we dress, as others have said, because we are driven by something deeply internal, and it's not the same for all. But, as crossdressers, some of us have hobby-ized it.

[Trishpdxcd2]

As you can see, many different perspectives. For some it is a hobby, some a fetish, some a compulsion and some an expression of gender. Since he is out the best thing to do is communicate. I am closeted myself and for me it is a mix of several things but weighs more towards being sexual. Each person is different but most of us with so care about them deeply regardless so keep that in mind and she is lucky to have you.

[flatlander_48]

Sorry, this is not a hobby for me. A hobby is something you do for interest or for fun, but it is not what you are. That's the difference from my viewpoint.

[DianeDeBris]

"As far as hobbies go... maybe. Some men I am sure will do this as a hobby (would be cheaper to make model airplanes but... :)) "
Sometimes I think it would be cheaper to make REAL airplanes!

[Eryn]

Sometimes I think it would be cheaper to make REAL airplanes!

Trust me, unless you frequent Nieman-Marcus, CDing is much cheaper than homebuilt aircraft.

http://www.eaa.org

Now, the question of whether CDing is a hobby. Wikipedia defines "Hobby" as "A hobby is a regularly undertaken activity that is done for pleasure, typically, during one's leisure time." Using that definition I can definitely call CDing a hobby.

Of course one could also look up "Obsession" and find that it is defined as "A compulsive or irrational preoccupation." which also fits my perspective of CDing. I seem to have to do it and I can't really think of a rational reason for it so I suppose I'm obsessed. So are a lot of people who ride Harleys. :)

[Lorileah]

Trust me, unless you frequent Nieman-Marcus, CDing is much cheaper than homebuilt aircraft.

well duh, where else would you shop?

[Natalya]

I have my fair share of hobbies, pastimes and little obsessions; I can see how some people might view their cross dressing in a similar vein. There have been times of denial when I've tried to kid myself that for me too it was just a 'hobby' and that could have been a valuable, even necessary, part of the process of coming to accept myself for who I am. It may, though that was never a conscious intention, also have helped others come to terms with who I am. But, in my case, it isn't and never was a hobby.

Of course, we are all of us different and are all on very different and unpredictable journeys; there is no one-size-fits-all explanation for why we do what we do or why we are what we are.

Best Wishes

Natasha

[Tracii G]

Welcome Kay you did the right thing coming here lots of nice people here to answer your questions.
For me its an extension of my personality and part of my inner self.
I can say its not a hobby for me.

[Eryn]

Trust me, unless you frequent Nieman-Marcus, CDing is much cheaper than homebuilt aircraft.


well duh, where else would you shop?

If that's where you are economically you won't be homebuilding aircraft. You'll be jetting off to Cannes on your G-5. :lol:

[PaulaQ]

Trust me, unless you frequent Nieman-Marcus, CDing is much cheaper than homebuilt aircraft.


Am I bad for having a Neiman-Marcus card? :o uhh, uhhh - they don't take american express there, and I needed to buy perfume - for my "wife".

This isn't sounding believable, is it? :o

I suddenly realized that for some of us, CD does have one thing in common with a lot of hobbies - a lot of guys lie like hell about how much they spend on their hobby, and what they buy. On *all* of my hobby forums, there is a thread about "how to hide purchases form wife". LOL, that part isn't unique at all!

[Loni]

i can not say about your so, but for me it is a lifestyle. but then i do wish i could go full time as a woman. job and family say no.
for me it is more a obsession, not a just hobby.

talk with your so, find out his/her needs and wants. let yours be know. can you live with her? do things go places? help with makeup, deportment?
is your so willing to help with your wants and needs?
you will find that a close girl friend is a valuable way to live. and who knows your sex life could be very great. pending you are married? (old fashioned conservative here).

hope it does work out.

.

[Eryn]

...On *all* of my hobby forums, there is a thread about "how to hide purchases form wife". LOL, that part isn't unique at all!

ROFL! So true. One of Roger Welsch's rules for tractor collecting is:

Never line up your tractors, ever. Nothing distresses a difficult spouse more than seeing twelve old tractors lined up, looking for all the world like a burning pile of hundred dollar bills. Scatter the tractors around- a couple behind the shed, one or two in the shed, another beside the garage- so that it is not possible for anyone, if you know who I mean, to see more than two or three from any one perspective. Your hobby will be less "irritating" that way, if you know what I mean..."

The problem is, my wardrobe is pretty hard not to "line up" on the closet rail! :)

[Tiffbear]

Its a hobby for me. It is fun, a use of free time, pretending to be someone else. But, it wasn't the kind of hobby that you pick up because you see others do it, try it and realize it is fun, something makes you want to.

Don't worry too much, just talk to your SO about it, just don't make it into an issue if it shouldn't be. Clearly you're accepting of it since you're here.

[Tara D. Rose]

For some, it is a hobby, and for some it's not. For me it is not a hobby at all, it;s something that I have got to do. My hobbies are guitar playing and singing and oil painting. But becoming Tara is something I must do, I have to do, I will do, I need to be her at times. There have been times, when I was getting off of work and invited to a fun party, but I would decline, for I was yearning to go to be female side. It's always been with me and it always will. It took many years to learn that. It's really just opinions on this. So a hobby, for some it is and for some it isn't.

[ReineD]

Is it a hobby? I suppose this depends on a person's definition of "hobby", based on the degree to which they need to engage in it and also the strength of their reactions when they do engage in it. As Eryn pointed out, some people turn their hobbies into obsessions.

I was an avid skier when I was younger and you could say this was a hobby. But, during the times of year when there was no snow, I did not get the urge to ski nor did I even think about it. It was not something that I had to do nor was I miserable without it. Eventually I moved out of a skiing area. I just spent my time doing other things . Also as much as I did enjoy skiing when I got the chance to, the pleasure that I derived from it came nowhere near the level of euphoria that I often see described here, especially when a CDer crosses new barriers.

The CDing alters the expression of a person's gender. And gender is a fundamental building block of who we are. It just seems to me that anyone engaging in something like this is doing so for deeper reasons than just playing around with a hobby. Also, I can think of no hobby that necessitates lying, non-disclosure, and/or hiding and that can possibly put relationships or a job at risk.

I would consider two instances where the CDing conforms to my definition of a hobby:

A man who occasionally does drag shows for fun (not professionally ... else it would be a job) and who is not interested in dressing the rest of the time.

The scores of CDers who dress strictly for sexual gratification in mostly clothes that cannot be worn in public, and who participate in all the sites that Google comes up with when you enter "CDer" as a search term. But, this type of CDing might be considered a hobby in the same way that watching online porn regularly is a hobby. :p

[NathalieX66]

Reine has some pretty good insight.

I took a lot of ribbing by my employer, in a family run business, when I grew my hair long. I've also been through a year and a half of permanent hair removal (electrolysis and laser). I feel pretty comforatable going out anywhere in the public eye. This is me....this is who I am. My hobbies are my guitar collection.

[Elle1946]

I don't know that I would call it a hobby, in a certain sense, but it is something that I do enjoy doing, eventhough I can only share it with a few others, unlike I would be as if it was a hobby, eg. art, woodworking,etc.

[larissa-laurie]

It is definitely not a hobby for me as I can do a hobby anytime. I love being in lingerie and can't do that anytime. It is so rare but I seem to get on this forum whenever I can dress en femme at home. I would certainly enjoy more ladylike experiences and the wonderful feelings involved with dressing in dresses,etc. but one has to enjoy those precious moments and just deal with living in a closet if that is how it is.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Trust me, unless you frequent Nieman-Marcus, CDing is much cheaper than homebuilt aircraft.

http://www.eaa.org

Now, the question of whether CDing is a hobby. Wikipedia defines "Hobby" as "A hobby is a regularly undertaken activity that is done for pleasure, typically, during one's leisure time." Using that definition I can definitely call CDing a hobby.

Of course one could also look up "Obsession" and find that it is defined as "A compulsive or irrational preoccupation." which also fits my perspective of CDing. I seem to have to do it and I can't really think of a rational reason for it so I suppose I'm obsessed. So are a lot of people who ride Harleys. :)Interesting perspective, Reine has some good points too.

Words can be tricky beasts, in the way that *I* understand the word "hobby" i don't think so. But that is my viewpoint, I accept that there is a WIDE variation of the human type.

If he is being....inaccurate? Don't feel that he is outright lying to you, there is often a lot of potential shame and denial wrapped up with this, if this isn't freaking you out, ( it shouldn't, in opinion ) then accept it, for now, and talk, ask questions, ask him, every so often, to look into himself, and analyze his own feelings on the matter. I know, once I told my soon to be GF, being able to talk about it, and think, without being clouded by guilt, about it. My sense of it changed. These days, I'm tempted to think of myself as not a crossdresser, but a man whose sense of self, and sense of self expression, is not mainstream.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Am I bad for having a Neiman-Marcus card? :o uhh, uhhh - they don't take american express there, and I needed to buy perfume - for my "wife".

This isn't sounding believable, is it? :o

I suddenly realized that for some of us, CD does have one thing in common with a lot of hobbies - a lot of guys lie like hell about how much they spend on their hobby, and what they buy. On *all* of my hobby forums, there is a thread about "how to hide purchases form wife". LOL, that part isn't unique at all!LOL indeed! I am fortunate that the big expenses, are to do with bicycles, and as long as I don't deny my GF the opportunity to buy bikes, and am willing to give the occasional gift of bicycle or bicycling related gear, I have no problem! Well, apart from the need to find a place to live that has enough space for all our bikes.....:o

[Jacqueline Winona]

Yes, its a hobby for most of us. it isn't life or death, it isn't a job, it isn't necesary like food, water, or other stimuli. Painful as can be for many without it, butits a hobby. And then its so much more for many others. Take the workouts away from the gym rat, take the heels away from the GG who just loves them, take the sports away from the true sports fan, take the rifles away from the hunters, then you'll start to see what I'm trying to get at.

[Chickhe]

I can't answer the question, but I think the answer is to trust your SO in what he says, but at the same time realize that he may not have all of the answers. Just find a way to enjoy what he does even if it seems a little unusual.

[TeresaCD]

Hi Kay,
Anyway for me, it's more like an itch
If I don't scratch the itch, it feels worse and the longer I leave it, the more it itches.

This is a good way to put it, for me at least also.
'Hobby', in that it's something I enjoy, find fulfilling and would like to do more often, yes.
But perhaps, as others have said, more than that.
More part of me, than you would describe say golf (yuk) or yoga..

[mollycd99]

If by "hobby" one means "something I do occasionally or regularly in my free time for fun," then yes, for some of us it can be a hobby. Bt "hobby" also implies a casual interest, a pastime that is amusing but not essential to ones being. And for most of us (it seems) CDing meets some deeper need or urge. It's just not something a guy does casually: too much social stigma is out there against it.

But what it almost seems you are really asking is ... Is it possible to do this part time, or are all these girls on a glide path to a sex change? And the answer to that is a resounding "it depends." Some of us are just satisfying a sexual urge, or can dress a couple of times a month and be satisfied with that. Some of us are heading to transition. And some of us (myself included) have NO IDEA where this is heading. Best of luck to you.

[ssmjoanne]

A hobby implies it is something you have chosen. I think CDing has chosen most of us. Why? Who knows. As you can see CDers are much more diverse in make up (ok, pun intended) than most people would think. I am one of the minority on this site- a fetish CD. My wife not only supports my CDing she actively encourages it. We see ourselves of gender bending rebels within our home. 95% of what we have bought is intended for the bedroom. But I also think it is easier for her to be encouraging because I have never wanted to be a woman and I don't have a desire to pass in public. And, I absolutley do not feel the need to out myself to others.
I don't know about others but I will say this- if a SO can get past all the misconceptions and deal with the person, there is an opporunity to create a very special bond.

[StacyPump]

I wonder if perhaps we are obsessing a little too much on the definition of the word "hobby". Kay, I wonder if your husband chose this word simply to express to you that his motivation and/or desire is not VERY intense. And that certainly may be the case. As others have said, our deep, underlying motivations are quite varied, and I would caution that your spouse may not yet know exactly what his motivations or desires are.

You have both made the great move of opening communication. You are both to be commended for that. I would encourage you, to encourage him, to keep exploring his feelings and desires surrounding crossdressing, and to continue the open communication, and to take it all s-l-o-w-l-y!

He is lucky to have such a caring and loving spouse. You are both lucky to have each other.

[Rachel05]

I often refer to my dressing as "my hobby" to my wife, she is a non supporter of my cross dressing and she cringes if I use the phrase, so I try and protect her as best I can by using "my hobby" if it comes up in conversation

For me it is a way of life and part of me and way more than a hobby

[NicoleScott]

The scores of CDers who dress strictly for sexual gratification in mostly clothes that cannot be worn in public, and who participate in all the sites that Google comes up with when you enter "CDer" as a search term. But, this type of CDing might be considered a hobby in the same way that watching online porn regularly is a hobby. :p

I doubt that we have many here who dress STRICTLY for sex. Many here admit there is or was a sexual element to their dressing, even the primary driver, but I think that most are here for the other things the site offers, like beauty and fashion talk, going out, coming out, relationship matters, newby advice, etc. Since the forum tolerates some sexual content but not explicit sex, dressers STRICTLY for sex will find that elsewhere.

What we seem to best here is argue over definitions - this time it's hobby.

[suchacutie]

I read the word hobby and broke into giggles! I'm on a business trip, at the end of the day, and dressed!

I have other hobbies, i.e. I play the violin semi-professionally. Any idea how many hours per week are devoted to what most people would call a hobby?

I think what he is trying to tell you is that he 1) is not interested in transitioning to a girl full time, 2) that it's important, but not as important as you are, and 3) being a girl part of the time is not insignificant.

But talking to him after you've read everything we've written is probably the best :)

[ReineD]

I doubt that we have many here who dress STRICTLY for sex.

Nicole, I didn't say "here". I should think that most pure fetish CDers would be bored here. :p This is what I said:


... and who participate in all the sites that Google comes up with when you enter "CDer" as a search term.

[Kathi Lake]

I should think that most pure fetish CDers would be bored here. :pMost likely. I mean, this site isn't "Prudes Я Us" or anything, but I for one am glad that that kind of stuff is toned down a bit.

:)

Kathi

[Joanne f]

There are some that say that they do it just as a hobby so I just take their word for that but if I look at myself and the difference between my hobby's and my dressing and TG related things is that with my hobby's I can take it or leave it and just enjoy them when I can but with the CDing/Tg things I have to do them and if I do not then I get moody because I feel that I am not being me ,so whether looking for the mood swings would be a starting point to understanding if it is just a hobby or not I am not quite sure or maybe I am just not into my hobby's enough for me to get moody if I can't do them but I do know that with this other thing I have to do it or I am not just moody but plain right unhappy so if you can see a big difference in mood that MAY give you an idea of what is going on .

[Claire Cook]

We all have our own feelings about this and for some it is "just a hobby", while for others it is a lifestyle. There is no "one size fits all" here, this is a sliding scale and each of us determines our position on that scale. Many just enjoy wearing a particular article of clothing while others need to dress fully and express their feminine side to the fullest and venture into the world interacting as a woman.

Perhaps it is "just a hobby" for your hubby. What you need to do is TALK, TALK, TALK. Don't be afraid to ask questions and also don't be afraid to let him be honest in his answers without reproach. Together you can see this through and find a common ground you both are comfortable with. You've taken the first steps by not freaking out and seeking out answers. Support is very important to us, as is the love of our spouse.

Cheryl has nailed this for me. If there is a common theme in this thread, it is that we are all different, and we are all individuals. And, yes, by all means follow her advice.

My take: these are my clothes; I wear my clothes. My hobbies are gardening, music, golf. etc, but my clothes are my clothes.

[heelsforme67]

i try and dress as much as I can.life gets in the way unfortunately.but I do get down and moody when I cant feel comfortable and dress.hobby for me is music.but if i could id dress all the time. and be much much happier!!

[Mollyanne]

I too am a cd'er but I don't call it a hobby. I just know that I feel better when I am in female mode. I like the feel of the lingerie on my body, I like the snugness of my heels, I like all the different styles that I think I look good in. I like the jewelry. I like getting my hair done and the make-up as well. I guess in short I like being the female that I feel that I am. This is me, not necessarily anyone else. I have come to realize that I was born "wired" this way. There is nothing wrong with what I do, its just a matter of acceptance and not "pushing the button to the extreme.

Molly

[MissTee]

Welcome, Kay, and what a great post! Just one opinion here, but I think I could see it as a hobby in the sense that I do not want to dress full time. I like my guy side, too, and do not look to giving that up. Ever.

Having said that, I find the need to CD sometimes is a compulsion -- meaning it's something I h-a-v-e to do. Not sure why and I don't worry about it. It's never become a complete obsession, either. Like everything else, it simply has it's place.

BTW, my wife is very supportive and we have fun together with the CD-ing. Hope you two can learn this as well.

[NicoleScott]

Reine, I wasn't disagreeing with you - just making an observation.