Nobody cares about your crossdressing as much as you THINK they do

[Veronicatally]

For those who are nervous or simply too afraid to go out in public while xdressed, I wanted to share something that might inspire you. Put quite simply, nobody cares about xdressers or your xdressing as much as you might THINK they do. Here's what I mean.

When I did my first makeover by a pro makeup artist, I was astonished. I sat in front of her mirror and was blown away. I didn't even recognize myself. I couldn't get over the transformation. My cheeks hurt I was smiling so strongly. I didn't know what to do next. I'd scheduled the makeover because I was curious about what it would be like, but I hadn't planned on going out in public. I was too scared. It never even crossed my mind. What if somebody I know sees me? It's a valid concern shared by many, but in retrospect, it seems so silly. I said **** it and walked into a store just to experience it. That was wild. A lot of people looked at me discretely, but nobody marched over and said, "Hey, I know you." LOL.

I'm in Los Angeles after all. There are 12million people here. And even if someone I knew happened to walk or drive by, so what? I don't even recognize myself. How on earth would they recognize me? It's simple paranoia at work. We think everyone is searching for us and trying to find us when the fact is that very few people are actually thinking about us at all.

Ask yourself this, when you go out alone and you're not dressed up, how often are you just bumping into friends by coincidence? Probably not much. If you do, then don't go to those places when you're dressed up. And even if you did, most people go through life on auto pilot. They're either staring at their smart phone or talking on it. Nobody is out looking for you in xdressing clothes.

And then there's the club scene. Many are too afraid to go to CD or gay friendly clubs. Why? Once again it's usually paranoia about being seen. What if someone from work sees me? Guess what, nobody goes to gay or CD friendly clubs to out anybody. If you see someone at a club that you know, chances are they're being just as discrete.

When I started going out in Los Angeles to CD friendly venues like Shine, Hamburger Mary's and others, I was amazed at how friendly, supportive and accepting everyone was. All the CDs seem so happy to be out. It's like a birtday party. Nobody is in a bad mood. Everyone is complimenting each other on their clothes, their makeup, asking where they bought their shoes. Everyone introduces themselves and asks about you. Nobody's trying to dissect you and find out who you "really" are. It's fantastic. In all my years of going to bars and clubs even as far back as college, I've never had as much fun as when I go out in the CD scene. Even if I'm just standing alone having a drink, it's great.

My point is this, if you're on the fence, give it a shot. The fear, excitement, joy and thrill all combine for a super fun experience. I'm completely comfortable going out at night dressed. I still get nervous, still wish my makeup was better, but I always get excited, and the thrill I get out of that beats anything I ever enjoyed in guy mode. Just wanted to share that.

[NathalieX66]

All is true.

Still, it may affect peoples' marriages.

[jsunic_1978]

Very well said Veronica! Yes, for first timers, just go to a shopping plaza. dont do the malls right away until the confidence is built up. Go to a Starbucks before the womans clothing stores. Do this in a safe suburb on a sunday or early during the week on a week day and JUST HAVE FUN :) I go out all the time now. I even just go out as jeff wearing womens clothes, just uggs, sneakers, basic jeans and a hoodie onder a light jacket NO ONE EVEN NOTICES AT ALL im cross dressing :)

[JulieH2]

When we shop in grocery stores I person the shopping cart and coupon box as my wife collects the various goods. I spend my time people watching and I want to assure you that the variety of GGs and their wide-ranging choices in clothes, accessories, shoes, hair styles and makeup have lead me to believe that by just putting forth a modest effort and dressing appropriately anyone without a beard can “pass” to the degree to be looked at as one of the ladies.

Hold your head up, focus on what you are doing and don’t worry (or look like you are up to something – you might catch the eye of the loss control staff):eek: Just get on with living and enjoy yourself.

Julie H

[Veronicatally]

That's a great point, Nathalie and we both know that's a completely different issue. Keeping this private from family members and spouses is something else, and I wouldn't recommend xdressing at home if the spouse or SO is not cool with it. LOL. Yes, that would raise an eyebrow.

[jsunic_1978]

i rather be single and honest and if im not accepted to date, even if i dont dress around her, well, im better off hasving female friends to do my girl stuff with. I never came out with my dressing till I turned 30, back in 2009. when im read to date, ill but a picture of me both ways on a site and look for BI women. its all about compromise. just know me for the person i really am and give me the chance to compromise.

[lingerieLiz]

I don't know if I would go to a shopping mall on Sundays. In some cities it is a young teen hang out then. I do agree that most people could care less that you are xdressing. Take your time and visit where you would like to go discreetly a week or so to see what the traffic is.

[jsunic_1978]

check out different areas as guy first, then figure it out. I just came to the point I DONT CARE! PEOPLE ARE ALL IDIOTS WE ARE NOT! REALLY!! it takes SO LITTLE for people to get a laugh?? GROW UP NOW.. :)

[Rachelakld]

I so love malls, as daughters teens friends are normally late waking up, I used to stop around 11am or move to an art gallery / museum.
Daughter wants to take me to church to show me off, I'm not really a church person

[jsunic_1978]

i learned that the hard way LOL usually im just in uggs, jeans jacket, sometimes i wear the wig and make up, sometimes not. somehow, im even LESS noticable as guy when i wear uggs and a womans coat. HUMMM ??? whats up with that LOL ? :)

[nolafeet]

YOU ARE SOOO right!!! I learned that this weekend and plan on letting Mandi out as often as possible! My gf and I broke up a few weeks before (unreleated) but even friends are like ... "who cares, I'm not surprised"

[Ressie]

My town is much smaller than LA and I know a LOT of people. If I step out it will be in another town.

[docrobbysherry]

I must agree heartily with part of your post, Roni. Going out to CD friendly venues with girl friends is such a hoot! And, I'm never worried about running into anyone who knows the drab me.

On the other hand, I was nearly knocked over coming around a corner in a shopping center parking lot just yesterday by my daughter's high school coach. Which is why going out dressed to vanilla venues by myself is something I have no desire to do. It's NOT fun. Simply nerve racking.

[Tracii G]

Well said the fear is in your head propagated by you and only you.
People don't care really plus they are busy with their daily doings.
I have seen people I know and actually made eye contact a few times and have never heard a word out of them.
I ran into my neighbor last Sunday at the grocery and passed her in several aisles she never even looked twice at me.And she is the nosy neighbor that watches everybody.
Getting out and about is really a fun thing whether a mall or a CD club or trans event its all good 99% of the time.
For those who are thinking about going out try the next Pride event in your town that is a very safe venue for a first timer.

[Eryn]

I agree that fear is internal, but I'll add that fear is what stops us from doing unreasonable things.

For example, I'm pretty well known in my suburb and when I walk through the local mall in male mode I'll often be recognized by someone. I could probably get away with it en femme but the consequences are too great. It's not that hard to maintain a "no-fly zone" and limit my CDing to places where the chances of being recognized are very small. That keeps things much simpler and while it has some disadvantages (the only nearby Dress Barn is inside my NFZ) having that layer of safety has served me well.

In general, however, most of the public remains quite oblivious to me when out and about. I get the same looks as any tall woman and folks quickly stop paying attention when they realize that I'm not all that attractive. People in general aren't playing "spot the CDer" and pretty much go by their first impression. If it has breasts, long hair, and makeup, it's a girl.

[TeresaCD]

Thanks for the encouragement!
Need to pick the right time and place though I think..

[Veronicatally]

Haaaa. Love it. A day at the mall. I haven't had that experience yet. It's fun to learn what others are into. I don't fear the public as much as I fear bright lights. A dimly lit room is my best makeup tool.

[MysticLady]

My point is this, if you're on the fence, give it a shot. The fear, excitement, joy and thrill all combine for a super fun experience. I'm completely comfortable going out at night dressed. I still get nervous, still wish my makeup was better, but I always get excited, and the thrill I get out of that beats anything I ever enjoyed in guy mode. Just wanted to share that.

Im so happy for you Veronica. In time Ill experience that feeling also. The anticipation is my catalyst for this venture:heehee:

[Beverley Sims]

I agree in principle but there are some cautions I would still practice.
Not shopping locally springs to mind straight away.

[Veronicatally]

Hi Mystic Lady
Glad you enjoyed my post. OMG, some of my BEST days ever were spent in Austin. I've a special place in my heart for that city. It's second only to LA as the most enjoyable places I've lived. I'm excited for you and can't wait to hear about your experiences.
V

[jsunic_1978]

i go where ever i want and locally, i just tell people im transgender and cannot afford the transition and i do like being a guy to. Have my cake and eat it to..?? not where people already know me as JEFF i cant use the ladies roon, just to put on lip stick. I got yelled at today BY A MAN GO FIGURE LOL! none of the women said anything. They understand us as they see us out n about. I went to a group with a friend in recoverey for support and people got to know jeff. I went as jen for the first time. that went pretty well, execpt for only one idiot, at least he had the decency after the meeting to pick that bone with me as i was leaving. that didnt spoil my night.

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Nobody cares anymore too many people.

[Lynn Marie]

Excellent post Veronica. Very well done dear.

As far as shopping malls go, I hate them in drab and can't see why that feeling would be any different in drag!

[Maria S]

Go out! When was the last time you saw somebody you knew when you were out boy or girl mode? Answer: Rarely if ever. So why should they all appear because you are dressed as a woman? If they saw you they probably would not recognise you as it is not what they expect to see. If you see them first it is easy to avoid them just dive into a ladies toilet or something. If they see and recognise you and even approach you is it the end of the world? Answer: No. At least after that you will not need to hide it from them anymore.

A CDer needs to get out and about else they are just a prisoner in their own homes whilst en-femme and their female clothes are just a prison uniform.

Maria

[jsunic_1978]

The OMGH reations, people are NOT making fun of us. This is something thyat isnt seen evreyday. Just SMILE ask where they got there purse etc etc. also the OMG is just how well we corrindante out outfits :) THIS IS FUN NOW I want to go out again today :)

[Launa]

People in general aren't playing "spot the CDer" and pretty much go by their first impression. If it has breasts, long hair, and makeup, it's a girl.

This is very true. The only problem is that some of us don't blend, pass, or squeak by at all. I can say I fall into that category and I stand out like a sore thumb as a girl and all eyes magnate to me when I go out. I really don't give a poo but my SO doesn't want me doing this stuff in public.... I do go to the bars sometimes though :) :)

[FelicityMay]

I went out for the first time a few days ago. it was to a very uncrowded mall, but every person that looked at me felt like they could see right through me. I had no makeup on and tried to talk as little as possible. It was pretty scary, but no one really seemed to care! i was with a couple close friends too. I didnt want to look at anyone in the eyes, but my friends later told me I got checked out a few times. So I went from being so nervous and shy, to just being happy I decided to try it out

[MissyW]

Great post. Well said

[Veronicatally]

Hi Felicity and thanks for sharing that. What a fun adventure.

Thanks Lynn. I'm with you on the shopping malls thing. It never occurred to me to go to one. I typically only go out dressed at night, so I wouldn't want to waste that time at a shopping mall. Fortunately, since I'm in LA, there are endless options. I love the looks I get at gas stations and mini markets. It's so fun.

[Loni]

i do not "blend" in very good, but only once did i ever hear a commit. and it was a older lady stating thats a guy in girl jeans (in drab, dress shopping that day).
got some laughs more like a giggle (made her day) from a teenage girl fist time she saw a guy trying on heels in a store.
but when out as loni never a giggle or look, just treated as a lady out and about.
now if i could just lose that 60 pounds.


.

[DebbieL]

It really is amazing how much things have changed from the 1950s to 2013.
In 1956 my father was scolded and reprimanded for wearing a PINK TIE! They told him his career was over if he dressed so inappropriately again.
In 1962 my classmates threw rocks and shouted "Stone the Sissy" because I liked playing with the girls but wasn't allowed to do it anymore
-- because I had been caught dressed like a girl.
In 1966 My mother knew I was still dressing - she was afraid that I would be forced into electro-shock and/or lobotomized - so she told me not to tell anyone.
In 1968 I was whipped with towels because I was so effeminate and my d*ck was so small.
In 1969 Harry Benjamin published his paper on treatment of transsexuals.
In 1977 I told my fiance' - she broke up by leaving me a note the following morning.
In 1978 I tried to tell my therapists about "Debbie" and they told me they legally couldn't talk about it.
In 1979 Rocky Horror Picture Show became a cult movie - but even there coming dressed was "high risk".
In 1980 I told my sponsor and my fiance - my fiance almost left on the spot.
In 1987 I found a cross-dresser's group in Rochester NY. None of them could pass - it was still a crime.
In 1988 I was nearly fired on the spot for wearing a maid costume to the company Halloween party.
In 1989 I was harassed daily until I was willing to quit - because I had dressed, and was dressed in public - Even though I was earning the company's highest awards.
In 1990 My wife divorced me because of my dressing - the school social worker offered to have my visitation revoked - because I was a dresser.
In 1991 I was detained for nearly 2 hours while the officer checked every criminal database for both my male and female alias - because I was dressed when he stopped me.
In 1992 I was investigated for running a prostitution ring - because I was a cross-dresser and was living with 4 women - and had coached labor for 2 of them and written letters of recommendation for a third who was trying to regain custody of her child. A female undercover officer gave me the alias "The Fairy Godmother" because I was "Godmother" to 4 children in less than 2 years.
In 1996 I was denied a leadership role because of my dressing - even though I had broken every statistical record in my training courses.
In 2004 I put up my profile, which included pictures of both Rex and Debbie. 1000 women viewed the profile, only 6 wanted dates. I married one of them.
In 2013 - I went shopping as Debbie, and no one even noticed me, let alone challenged me or threatened me - to them I was just another woman.

In the 1960s, a cross-dresser who went out in public could be arrested for lewd behavior and tried as a sexual offender - just for dressing up.
In the 1970s, a transsexual had to go to Sweden to get a sex change.
In the 1980s, She-males were becoming more common, and they were appearing in Adult films to fund their transitions.
In the 1990s, several shows and movies had cross-dressing and she-male or transsexual aspects.
In 2010, the first emperical studies of over 10,000 transgender men showed high incidence of suicide, self destructive behavior, and poverty - especially those who came out to families or girl-friends when they were young.
In 2012 the American Psychology Association decided that it was MALPRACTICE to try to convince a transsexual NOT to transition if they really wanted to do so.
In 2013 the American Psychiatric Association decided that it was MALPRACTICE to try to deny transition therapy to transsexuals.
In 2013 - as part of a number of Gay Marriage campaigns, many men have admitted to being transgender living in stealth mode.
One author recently suggested that as many as 1 in 6 males may have been transgendered and were living in stealth mode.

[Jamie001]

GIf they see and recognise you and even approach you is it the end of the world? Answer: No. At least after that you will not need to hide it from them anymore.

A CDer needs to get out and about else they are just a prisoner in their own homes whilst en-femme and their female clothes are just a prison uniform.

Maria

That is true - it is not the end of the world. The best thing to do is to just get out there and not worry about who sees you. That is real freedom.

[Vanessa5]

Getting past my fear has been the biggest issue...then going to my local thrift store enfemme reminds me that I don't have to be afraid. I get compliments on my appearance and am often asked on fasion advice..even when not Vanessa. They know me both ways and are fine with it. Kohls on the other hand seems to be hit and miss.

[jsunic_1978]

its more difficult for straight males that like to dress. I still dont know why /i do so, lesbian in the wrong body or just like the female side and want to experience it a fetish or all of the above? :)

[Sylvermane]

I wish it was as simple as that. I really do. But I've always been terrified of people in general much less the idea of going out dressed. In my case I'm not simply worried about not passing, I'm worried about being 6'4" tall at 237lbs. I already catch attention wherever I go most every time. Dressed it would be 10 times worse. But I'm also a paranoid person (actually paranoid schizo) and I don't think it will ever happen for me, I just can't get past some things. I do support people who do even if they don't completely pass. Is an inspiration to anyone in the cd / tg / ts closet. I'd like to think that even though I can't or won't ever go out dressed I would be the first one to defend someone if they were outted in a public place and made a target. If that explains my view on it in some way...

[CDChloe1972]

I went out for the first time a few days ago. it was to a very uncrowded mall, but every person that looked at me felt like they could see right through me. I had no makeup on and tried to talk as little as possible. It was pretty scary, but no one really seemed to care! i was with a couple close friends too. I didnt want to look at anyone in the eyes, but my friends later told me I got checked out a few times. So I went from being so nervous and shy, to just being happy I decided to try it out



great to hear you went out Felicity and thanks Veronica for the cool insight, i'll have to give it a try.

and thats a great new Avatar Felicity, you look great and more confident wih each pic!

[linda allen]

Strangers probably don't care about your crossdressing. Some won't notice and some will just notice and walk on by. Occasionally someone will make a nasty remark. Some crossdressers have been beaten up just for being crossdressers.

On the other hand, people who know you will care. They may avoid you because they don't want to be seen with a crossdresser. Being seen crossdressing by people you know can cause you to lose your job or a promotion. Being seen crossdressing by people you know can cause embarassment for your loved ones, wife, children, etc.

It's not as simple as some people make it out to be. Some of us may not be worried about friends, jobs, or loved ones. Others may indeed be worried about these things.

[Jamie001]

I wish it was as simple as that. I really do. But I've always been terrified of people in general much less the idea of going out dressed. In my case I'm not simply worried about not passing, I'm worried about being 6'4" tall at 237lbs. I already catch attention wherever I go most every time. Dressed it would be 10 times worse. But I'm also a paranoid person (actually paranoid schizo) and I don't think it will ever happen for me, I just can't get past some things. I do support people who do even if they don't completely pass. Is an inspiration to anyone in the cd / tg / ts closet. I'd like to think that even though I can't or won't ever go out dressed I would be the first one to defend someone if they were outted in a public place and made a target. If that explains my view on it in some way...


Strangers probably don't care about your crossdressing. Some won't notice and some will just notice and walk on by. Occasionally someone will make a nasty remark. Some crossdressers have been beaten up just for being crossdressers.

Have you ever considered just being a feminine male and incorporating some feminine items like a skirt or women's shoes into you otherwise male presentation? It would certainly be a lot easier than attempting to pass. Kind-of like the male equivalent of a Tomboy.


On the other hand, people who know you will care. They may avoid you because they don't want to be seen with a crossdresser. Being seen crossdressing by people you know can cause you to lose your job or a promotion. Being seen crossdressing by people you know can cause embarassment for your loved ones, wife, children, etc.

It's not as simple as some people make it out to be. Some of us may not be worried about friends, jobs, or loved ones. Others may indeed be worried about these things.

It has been stated many times here that we blow things entirely out of proportion in our own heads and create our own demons. I know of people that have been alcoholics, domestic abusers, and deadbeat fathers that have not lost their jobs or loved-ones. I also know of one very prominent CFO of a corporation and all of the employees knew that he belonged to a nudist colony. There were no repercussions. We blow these things out of proportion in our own minds because we have really big demons. In most cases, there is no reality. We are simply wearing women's clothing. It is not illegal and doesn't harm anyone.

[jsunic_1978]

tyhis shouldnt have any effect on ones job, if your well liked and a good worker and also never bring it to work, but a female cloyhing store job may be the best part time gig to dress, long as we are well known shoppers both ways and apply in our regular guy mode for the job

[Ressie]

Strangers probably don't care about your crossdressing. Some won't notice and some will just notice and walk on by. Occasionally someone will make a nasty remark. Some crossdressers have been beaten up just for being crossdressers.

On the other hand, people who know you will care. They may avoid you because they don't want to be seen with a crossdresser. Being seen crossdressing by people you know can cause you to lose your job or a promotion. Being seen crossdressing by people you know can cause embarassment for your loved ones, wife, children, etc.

It's not as simple as some people make it out to be. Some of us may not be worried about friends, jobs, or loved ones. Others may indeed be worried about these things.

I agree with Linda and it's not the first time. You may be recognized by someone important in your life and they may not say anything... to you that is. Going out is a risk that has rewards, yet the risk is bigger for some of us than for others. In my case the rewards don't outweigh the possible consequences.