Cozy vs aroused

[Geena75]

Something I've experienced and may be worth discussion. The feelings I get from dressing (to the degree I do) vary across the board. There was a time that I would get aroused by it. Most of the time now it is just the sense of wonder and feeling cozy, like my earliest experiences. Now and then, though, it is being aroused.

I think it may be that the tactile sense of feminine clothing creates the male response, even though I'm in the clothing. When dressing is all about feeling feminine, like the early experiences, and most of the time recently, the reaction is more confortable.

What do you think?

[ReineD]

I compare it to a couple who falls in love. In the beginning for most people it is intensely hot and passionate. These intense feelings actually have a biological purpose. They serve to form the bonds that the couple will need to stay together, in order to provide a stable environment for their growing children. But eventually as the couple ages, all that passion settles into the more comfortable phases of any long-term relationship. The intensity and frequency of sex between most couples greatly diminishes during middle age compared to the way it was in their 20s. But if after so many years their marriage is still good, they will be devoted to each other and they will not be able to imagine living life without their partner.

[RADER]

Reine;
You hit the nail on the head. My wife and I are married for over 19 years now,
Not a great amount of time, but it is still a great feeling between us.
We are both over 65, she just had a stroke, and Rehab is just working out.
I might have to put her in an Rest Home. This just tears me up, as I adore her,
and wish she was back at home. But I still and always love her to the end.
Rader

[PaulaQ]

I guess I don't fit the pattern. Arousal while dressing switched off like a light switch - almost literally overnight - about a month and a half ago. It wasn't gradual at all, it was rather immediate.

Arousal with my spouse of 17 years is about the same as when we got together. Maybe better.

[docrobbysherry]

I compare it to a couple who falls in love. In the beginning for most people it is intensely hot and passionate. These intense feelings actually have a biological purpose. They serve to form the bonds that the couple will need to stay together, in order to provide a stable environment for their growing children. But eventually as the couple ages, all that passion settles into the more comfortable phases of any long-term relationship. The intensity and frequency of sex between most couples greatly diminishes during middle age compared to the way it was in their 20s. But if after so many years their marriage is still good, they will be devoted to each other and they will not be able to imagine living life without their partner.
I'm sure that's generally tru, Reine. However, it's exceptions that prove the rule, rite?

When my ex and I separated after 10 years, we weren't having sex, period. Sherry renewed both my interest in women and in sex. That was 16 years ago and now I'm 16 years older and she still blows my hair back.

I'm well past middle age, but Sherry just turned 16. Maybe THAT explains it?

[Wildaboutheels]

I think Pavlov's dogs is the simple answer.

Pleasureable, as well as unpleaureable things, can easily become entrenched in our brains.

And let's face it, Os are pretty fun. And highly "addictive" Which is WHY men are so visually oriented. More Os/easier Os are an elegantly simple solution to producing MORE offspring - a man's most basic programming.

Few people here of any age will claim they have NEVER had an orgasm while "dressed". [to some degree] Some say "only in their teens" or "for a period of time".

Whether it was only 10 times or a hundred or thousands... Certainly the brain would make that association and latch onto it? ANY activity that could perhaps drag a 7 second O into a much longer drawn out experience?

Although it's certainly not a given, it IS an expectation that with the passing years, more kids, most likely higher weight, more job stress, more bills, probably popping more pills for more "ailments", most men are going to want/need "it" much less?

I seriously doubt if FtMs get very excited from dressing as males or put ON clothing items to help get to the "promised land". But admittedly, I am only guessing and maybe I'm all wet.

[AmyGaleRT]

Geena, this mirrors my experience. I started as mainly a fetish dresser, preferring silky nightgowns, but one of my "awakenings" as a CD came when I tried a couple of dresses I had ordered, and found that I wasn't aroused, but felt comfortable and happy. This started me on the path to developing a proper wardrobe and a full femme presentation, and led me to the belief that I had a part-female soul. I can still get aroused by my gowns on occasion, but I can be happy and relaxed in one now as well.

The tactile sensations are a big part of what I loved (and still do) about the nightgowns, and that's present with other parts of my wardrobe as well. It's one of the things that combines to create the warm, glowing "aura" of femininity I feel when dressed. But these days, it doesn't have to develop into full-blown arousal to make me happy.

So maybe it's just that you're passing into a new stage of your dressing. Don't fear it.

- Amy

[Lisa Gerrie]

For me it was a conscious decision, quite some time ago. I still get excited sometimes, but instead of focusing on it -- and acting on it -- I just move on and let it blend with the overall glow. It doesn't go away, exactly. It's like being a little bit aroused all the time.

When I am dressed I feel "turned on" but not in a sexual way. Large parts of it are not sexual at all, and the older I get the less important it is. Such is life.

[EllenJo]

Well like many here I was aroused when younger. This came mostly from lingere, just the feeling and the taboo nature of it all was extremely arousing. When I began dressing more fully is when I found the cozy part. The calm natural feeling while dressed as a woman. I still get aroused when I stand in front of a mirror in just panties, stockings and a slip. If I continue to dress it remains exciting but in a different way. Recently after a bout with a kidney stone which also brought on a UTI I had some "dribbling" problems for about a week. My wife who has similar problems due to her poor health gave me one of her feminine pads to contain the problem. For some reason I became very aroused because of this. Partly because she's the one that came up with the idea (she is only recently accepting) and partly because of just the idea of something so personally feminine. The UTI cleared up in about a week but I am still wearing a pad sometimes just for the feeling. It also makes tucking more comfortable, who knew.

As far as the comparison to a long term relationship as Reine suggests, I agree. I am pushing 60 and with the wifes health issues, physical relations ended quite abruptly a year ago. I love her deeply and being suddenly sexless has only increased my desire to dress which I think is partly due to no longer needing to prove my machismo to my spouse. Which I think also contributed to her acceptance after all these years. Just my thoughts.

[Yvonne York]

Something I've experienced and may be worth discussion. The feelings I get from dressing (to the degree I do) vary across the board. There was a time that I would get aroused by it. Most of the time now it is just the sense of wonder and feeling cozy, like my earliest experiences. Now and then, though, it is being aroused.

I think it may be that the tactile sense of feminine clothing creates the male response, even though I'm in the clothing. When dressing is all about feeling feminine, like the early experiences, and most of the time recently, the reaction is more confortable.

What do you think?

Certainly now after around 40 years dressing, I can look back on a time when it always had an amazing arousal effect on me. Now, as it feels more natural, more right, still exciting in a different way, it is as you say more of a comfortable feeling. Together with my understanding wife, I am certainly more aroused when I am dressed, but we do have a great relationship either way. In honesty she prefers having the man, but understands why I want to be the woman.

[CDChloe1972]

I'm finding lately that I'm dressing for comfort. It was a lot about fetishising and arousal in the beginning and a lot of times it still is. But lately having found myself on my own and stressed over my recent separations and stresses at work dressing has made feel pretty and confident and sexy but also very very relaxed, and comfortable and well just plain relaxed.

Who needs prozac or valium??

CDing Its the best. Its a vacation in a D Cup

[Beverley Sims]

When it is cold and I am curled up by the fire........
I just feel warm and fuzzy.
I am always dressed.

[Julie Denier]

Arousal is still a significant component of my dressing. But I am finding great comfort and contentment in being fully dressed and made up for a much longer time. I've also been tucking a bit more securely lately.

[ReineD]

Whether it was only 10 times or a hundred or thousands... Certainly the brain would make that association and latch onto it?

The tactile sensations are a big part of what I loved (and still do) about the nightgowns, and that's present with other parts of my wardrobe as well. It's one of the things that combines to create the warm, glowing "aura" of femininity I feel when dressed.

When I am dressed I feel "turned on" but not in a sexual way.

I still get aroused when I stand in front of a mirror in just panties, stockings and a slip. If I continue to dress it remains exciting but in a different way.

... still exciting in a different way,

Who needs prozac or valium?? CDing Its the best. Its a vacation in a D Cup

Right! I've been trying to find a word for the notion of being turned on but not sexually, since so many CDers say that it is not outright sexual for them (necessarily leading to orgasm) and therefore, not a fetish. Yet, they do feel a heightened sense of "je ne sais quoi" that people like me simply don't experience on a regular basis. Actually the only times I have felt a sense of elation or euphoria that comes close to how CDers in this forum describe their feelings, were during specific, romantic highlights of my life such as the butterflies phase of falling in love and my wedding day. And even then, the heightened sense of happiness that I felt on my wedding day had absolutely nothing to do with the way that I was dressed.

So if intense feelings are felt just over presentation, is 'non-sexual fetish' a good way to describe it? One of the definitions of fetish is a material object such as a talisman (or a situation such as as putting on the clothing?) regarded with reverence or devotion.

[NathalieX66]

I think, in the early game, I felt aroused. Going into taboo territory can seem very exciting, for whatever the reasons may be.......we all know that.
Nowadays, the idea of wearing women's clothes does not arouse me, it's just the way I express myself as the way I am. I somehow migrated, a few years ago from the short haircut dude, in a polo shirt and some facial hair, in a corporate environment, and the reality is I did not feel the look reflected the real me...as who I really am: a gender non-conformist.

For me, putting on a dress doesn't arouse me, it just simply makes me feel like a girl, thus I feel complete and whole. Being female is only a part of me, not the sum or the whole.

[Lisa Gerrie]

Non-sexual fetish doesn't ring true for me. The only reason I have reverence for women's clothing is that they cost so frickin' much.

I suppose I like exploring my feminine side partly because I was pressured by society to repress it. Getting dressed up feels like a release, a relaxation into a place where I simply feel more comfortable and can be myself. It isn't the physical objects, it is what they represent. I don't know how to explain it better, except to say that it feels Right.

[PaulaQ]

And even then, the heightened sense of happiness that I felt on my wedding day had absolutely nothing to do with the way that I was dressed.


Gosh, that's neat, Reine, but the wedding gown industry would like to suggest that you are probably in the minority in your view on this issue.

Do you ever feel good when you are dressed especially nice? Good about yourself? You just know you look nice, so you feel nice?

Is it so farfetched that some of us feel the same way?

[ReineD]

Gosh, that's neat, Reine, but the wedding gown industry would like to suggest that you are probably in the minority in your view on this issue.

Do you ever feel good when you are dressed especially nice? Good about yourself? You just know you look nice, so you feel nice?

I always feel good about myself and the way that I present, unless I am the only person in the room who is underdressed at a dressy function. Or, if I am the only person in the room who is way over dressed compared to everyone else. You know, it's like having a dream where you are the only person who does not belong. :p

Luckily though, I seem to hit it just right no matter where I go. I do enjoy presenting nicely with clothes that flatter vs. hanging loosely like a burlap bag, but the clothes really don't give me a buzz the way that many CDers describe. I'm just as happy on a casual evening out with my SO in a well fitting pair of jeans and a soft sweater, as I am more elaborately dressed at a charity ball.

As to the wedding dresses, I agree that many women go for tradition replete with the traditional gown. Some women care more about finding the perfect style and fit for their bodies while others may well want to look like a princess on their day. Or maybe they want to look virginal. :) But I promise you that none will feel the same type of buzz that I have read about here time and time again.

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are CDers who don't feel any buzz at all. But, this thread is about feeling a buzz vs. not feeling one, and I had a question about the people who did say they get a buzz, even though it no longer culminates in orgasm each time. This topic comes up a lot in this forum, and in my view it is helpful to find words that describes fairly well, something that a lot of CDers seem to experience.

[PaulaQ]

@Reine - I apologize for the acerbic tone of my remark, I respect you.


But I promise you that none will feel the same type of buzz that I have read about here time and time again.
1. How can you know this? It may be true for you, of course.
2. I think it is fairly obvious that many women get some sort of a feeling from clothes.

Whether it is the same or something totally different, I dunno. I've certainly watched women who seem to be every bit as obsessed with shoes, for example as anyone on this forum.

I'm not trying to be obstinate - I'm just asking why is it different, and how do you know, in general? Do women who put on especially sexy clothes not feel, in general, at least a little sexy while they are wearing them? That never happens?

[ReineD]

1. How can you know this? It may be true for you, of course.


LOL Because it's written in the girl code! :D

There are things that my SO can tell me are near universal about men that don't make sense to me either, since, well, I'm not a guy. I ask him the same thing ... "How do you KNOW this is true"? and he shrugs his shoulders and says it is just the way it is. He knows.

Seriously. We just don't get the same type of thrill about wearing our clothes as CDers do. I don't know how else to explain it. The clothes are not and were never TRIGGERS for us!

And yes, of course we feel sexual at times just like men do. And a woman who feels sexual will enjoy attracting a male (or fantasizing about attracting a male). Enter the lingerie. But, unlike a CDER, if a woman is not aroused to begin with, the lingerie by itself will not act as a trigger for arousal when she puts it on. In other words, it's not about putting on the lingerie. Or the stilettos, thigh highs, boots, etc.

As to women being obsessed with shoes, yes, there are women with shopping addictions. It's not the same thing. The shoes do not and have not triggered a sexual response or some sort of buzz just because it's a woman's shoe, the way that it does for CDers.

I guess the fundamental difference is that a CDer's excitement over wearing women's clothing is rooted in sexual gratification. That's how it all started for the vast majority of you! Whereas this is not the case for GGs.

EDIT I sometimes wonder if it is this buzz, or glow, or heightened feeling (however it may be described), that makes a CDer feel "feminine". Yet, you will hear GG after GG tell you that femininity has nothing to do with feeling this way (since we don't get a similar glow when we put on our clothes), nor does it have anything to do with looking particularly girly or feminine.

[Geena75]

I imagine women do get a buzz out of dressing up. I recall my SO getting giddy over trying on an outfit that was pretty or sexy or just made of material that felt good. I have also noted that it doesn't happen as much now as it did 20 years ago. The only buzz I have gotten out of men's clothes is if they focus on some machismo idea (hunting, bikers, outdoorsmen).

(Hey did I complete the cycle? commenting how the other gender feels dressed up? LOL)

[ReineD]

Hmm. Geena, I'd love to have your SO come into this forum and describe exactly how she felt when she put on that outfit. Sometimes, we read into others what we feel ourselves. :D

[Geena75]

Just to add another dimension to this -- since it has been hinted at in several posts. When you've been dressing, do you find you are more affectionate to the SO? That doesn't necessarily mean while you are dressed.

I have found that I do show more affection when I have been dressing. (Uh Oh, come to think of it, my past binges were at similar intervals to the birth of my children. Fortunately, that won't happen this time.)

[TeresaCD]

Both of these things at times - my SO says my whole demeanour changes when I dress. It's a happy place. And I do treat her better - I love all the more for accepting this part of me.

[Lisa Gerrie]

Let me try a different tack. Reine, have you ever accidentally worn clothing to work that was too tight? When you get home at the end of a long day, it just feels so good to take it off. There's a feeling of relief, relaxation, and feeling normal again.

When you feel like you have to permanently hide some part of your soul from society, you walk around uncomfortable all day. Maybe there's no buzz from crossdressing after all; maybe I am just feeling normal, after not. I honestly don't know if my mood is elevated above yours, all I know is that it feels more comfortable than not doing it. Maybe I am just raising myself up to the normal that you experience every day, so you don't notice it.

When you are hungry, food tastes really good. Day to day, it's just food and you don't think about it. Maybe crossdressers are just foodies, focusing on each bite.

I don't find peace in "pretending to be a girl"; I find it in not pretending to be a boy.

[ReineD]

^ Yes, I've experienced relief when taking off binding clothes and shoes at the end of the day. Like loosening a belt after a big meal.

It sounds as if for you, it is more about taking off the male clothes as if shedding a heavy mask, than getting a buzz over putting on the female clothes.

Was it always this way even in the beginning? When did you start to dress?

[Lisa Gerrie]

Seventh grade, but I thought about it as early as fifth. I think I have always felt more relaxed when dressed, but when I was young there was a sexual tension that hid it. There was also an urgency to childhood dressing; hurry up before you get caught.

Now, when I change into my favorite clothes there is no urgency. It's like the very end of the day when you put on your comfy robe and slippers, and fix yourself a cup of tea. The word cozy is pretty close. For me, the pleasure -- the buzz -- comes from being "in the moment". Like being with a favorite old friend, and feeling energized and alive when you are around them.

It's almost like crossdressing puts me into a light trance. It's pleasant.

[tall2826]

When I was first starting out I always got aroused even before I got anything on now it's a comforting relaxing feeling most of the time.

[PaulaQ]

It sounds as if for you, it is more about taking off the male clothes as if shedding a heavy mask, than getting a buzz over putting on the female clothes.


Imagine taking a walk in the prison yard, a brief furlough after a long period in solitary confinement.
Imagine eating a morsel of food, when you are starving.
Imagine taking a short gasp of air when you are drowning.

It's like that.

As for shedding a heavy mask - sure, I feel that way too. In my case, I am unsure which image of myself is real - which is the mask, which is me? Sometimes both feel real. Sometimes neither. Sometimes one or the other.

[ReineD]

It's almost like crossdressing puts me into a light trance. It's pleasant.

If you were to go to the TS section and ask them if they feel as if they are in a light trance when they dress, they'd tell you no, just like a GG would. When I loosen my belt or take off shoes that hurt, I don't feel at all like that.

My point earlier was that there is a difference in motives for dressing, between a CDer and a GG. But let me also say there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. :)

[Lisa Gerrie]

When I loosen my belt or take off shoes that hurt, I don't feel at all like that.

You've never stood under a hot shower and just enjoyed how flippin' good it felt for a few minutes? Maybe crossdressers just like to wallow in that feeling, like some people like to wallow in food.

Now that I can dress routinely I don't walk around in a trance all day. Doing the dishes is doing the dishes and I don't focus on what I am wearing. But when I catch myself in a mirror, or need to adjust my bra, it still brings a momentary smile to my face because I am in the moment. I hope that someday I can just feel normal all day, and never think about it. There would be no buzz, just a lack of stress. That's how it is for me anyway.

BTW "heavy" mask isn't quite right. I suppose it's like makeup; you forget that you have it on.

[mollycd99]

This is also where I am. For years it was 100% sexualized. Now I dress as often as I can and it just feels comfortable and natural and makes me happy.

[AmyGaleRT]

I've been trying to find a word for the notion of being turned on but not sexually, since so many CDers say that it is not outright sexual for them (necessarily leading to orgasm) and therefore, not a fetish. Yet, they do feel a heightened sense of "je ne sais quoi" that people like me simply don't experience on a regular basis.

[...]

So if intense feelings are felt just over presentation, is 'non-sexual fetish' a good way to describe it?

I don't know if I'd use the term "non-sexual fetish," Reine. I think of it usually as "the feminine aura," the warm, contented feeling I get from being en femme and "in the moment." This "in the moment" feeling also causes other things, like my semi-conscious shift to Amy-voice, because it feels more "natural" in that mode.

Coupled with that is the notion of "sweet reminders," little things about just being Amy that are unique and serve to underscore my femme state. One of those, like Mich, would be the act of having to adjust my bra strap. GGs would probably regard it as just a minor annoyance; there's aspects of that with me as well, but it also carries the connotation of, "You're a woman now, and you need to worry about this sort of thing." A similar thing would be the act of smoothing my skirt underneath me as I sit down, which I've been doing for so long it's practically automatic by now--and the fact that it is so automatic is a sweet reminder: "Look at you! Just the perfect little lady!" :) There are other examples, I'm sure.

- Amy

[Lisa Gerrie]

Male or female, masculine or feminine. I am male, but feminine. If I was even more feminine I might have been driven to change my sex. I guess I'm lucky that my feminine drive isn't that strong, and crossdressing is enough to put me sufficiently at peace with the internal conflicts. At the very least it puts me more at peace.

The buzz comes in part from "I'm doing it! I'm doing it! I'm being myself!". I suppose that fades away eventually, but right now I'm enjoying the heck out of it.

[Kate's at home]

Over the years, it's gradually become cozy and comforting.

Kate