Should I come out to my doctor?

[PaulaQ]

So I need to go in for a physical. I'm suffering a LOT of anxiety. I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. I'm not dealing that well with being transgendered, at least not yet. (Hey, I'm new at this - I'll probably improve!)

I think I should probably disclose all this to my regular MD when I see him - this seems pretty significant, even if there's not much for him to do about it at the moment.

What do y'all think?
Would you tell?
Anyone have any negative outcomes from telling their physician? (I wouldn't think so, but it doesn't hurt to ask.)

I am considering a much less delicate speech for my physician than what I've prepared for my wife.

Thoughts anyone?

BTW, were it not for the anxiety and mood swings and general craziness (how have I not been banned from here?!?) I wouldn't feel the need to mention this at all to him, at least not yet.

[Sylvermane]

I wouldn't. But only because what is he gonna do, its not a medical problem. At least not until you are ready if ever to transition and become TS. The best he can and likely will do is advise you to find a gender therapist I would imagine. But I don't trust people generally so I may and probably am worried about nothing.

[Wildaboutheels]

I think your wife should be the first one you tell. IF she turns out to be accepting, you are likely not to NEED to confide in or tell him. Or maybe anyone else? It may turn out you might be happy simply dressing at home? No way for you to know, is there?

IF your wife "approves" I think you will have far less trouble telling ANYone you think needs to know?

[PaulaQ]

I think your wife should be the first one you tell.

Yeah, she'll be the first. I'll see the doctor shortly after that though, and unless it goes really swell with my wife, I will be a mess when I see him, in all probability.

[Lisa Gerrie]

I think it's very appropriate to talk to your doctor about anxiety. As somebody who has struggled with both depression and anxiety, I can tell you that it does affect your physical health. Whether you choose to disclose the source of the anxiety, and in how much detail, is probably optional. I tend to head for my doctor to treat the symptoms and my therapist to treat the cause. I take medication because both think it's a good idea.

[Joanne f]

Your doctor is there to help you and not judge you so if you think that it will help you to get to the bottom of this anxiety and mood swings then it would not do any harm in mentioning it as it may give your doctor a clue on things that he/she may find like signs of stress or high blood presser, anxiety and mood swings can be a sign of you not copping with not being able to express yourself in the way that you would like to but it can also be attributed to other things so it would be a good idea for you to say something about what you are feeling and that in it's self helps as it has a way of taking some of the burden of being TG off yourself , I personal look upon being TG as one of the feelings that can give out quite a lot of anxiety and mood swings simply because at times you can not quite understand where or what you are meant to be or even why you are doing it so it is important that you gain all the knowledge you can about your feelings so that you can learn how to control them instead of them controlling you which is not good for you or your wife as she no doubt has to take the brunt of your mood swings .

[Stevie]

Unless it is medical related I wouldn't tell him. My wife and I see the same doctor and she always ask about her and my family. I wouldn't feel comfortable with it.

[Sandra1746]

Your doctor is there to help you and not be "judging" you. They are also under both ethical and legal restrictions to protect your medical information. If your CD/TG/** tendencies are causing stress then it is a medical condition and it falls in the areas your doctor needs to consider. Besides they may be (or may recommend) a 'neutral' listener that could help you get your mind arranged.

Good luck,
Sandra1746

[Karen_K]

Anxiety is certainly something your doctor might want to know about if he is the kind who doesn't just treat symptoms. He may be able to refer you to a good counselor as well, if that's what you're looking for. If you're worried about privacy, depending on where you live he may be legally obligated to keep your information confidential.

[I Am Paula]

Do you present female 24/7? If yes, then wear your regular femme attire to the Dr. If not, and you have no medical gender related issues, he doesn't need to know.
Karen K. Everyplace in the civilized world has VERY strict medical confidentiality.

[kimdl93]

I think you need to tell your regular doc about mood swings, anxiety and the source. Its important for him to know and there won't be any adverse consequences.

[Loni]

i say NO do not tell your regular Dr.

not his line of work. he/she is a medical person, not a head person. (sorry just do not know the correct title).

and if he is a anti it could go bad for you. he could get you labeled as defective..as some Dr's still believe being trans is a mental defect.

get down to your local transgender group and get the names of a good therapist who does transgender work.
and they have a list of medical Drs that know and treat transgender folk with respect.

[Anne Elizabeth]

My two cents is If you feel that your anxiety is some what related to crossdressing or trans then i feel you should talk to your doc about it as is is a part of the diagnostic tool. Then I feel you should ask if he knows of a gender counselor that you might talk to. You doc might have some resources that can be recommended. I think seriously talking to a gender counselor can help you put things in perspective and that alone can help a lot with the anxiety. I always consider the mental process before taking drugs to take care of a problem. You should know after a few sessions if there needs to be a medical intervention to help. Just going to a counselor and getting stuff off your chest and out of your head can help bunches. All said if cross dressing and/or gender identity are causing physical problems with your doc and your doc does not know this how can your doc help you fully.

[Kate Simmons]

This is something that has to totally be your choice. The only reason it ever came out with my Dr. was that back in 2005 he wanted to know where I was and what I was doing when I collapsed and was taken to the ER. I had to tell him I was at the local LGBT club and had been dancing. I was taken by ambulance to the ER half in and half out of femme. Otherwise he wouldn't have known. The only comment he made really, after lecturing me about not taking my BP meds, was that he thought my getting the aerobic exercise by dancing was great.:)

[Lorileah]

Doctors need any detail of your life that you believe could be causing you issues. High blood pressure? They will ask about diet and exercise and stress. Depression, they will ask about stress and life style. Metabolic issues...diabetes....weight gain...insomnia....irritable bowel....they need the WHOLE story. You know many things can be treated without drugs if you just help the doctor diagnose. Otherwise, you will be placed on drug after drug after drug. And they won't work as well as if you allow the doctor to know that your mental situation is a part of the issue. Dealing with things that stress you out can make a huge difference in you over all health.

So I believe that the doctor needs ALL the pieces to the puzzle. So if your TGism is an issue to YOU, you need to tell them. Or you can continue with your insomnia, high blood pressure, weight gain (or loss), anger issues. And you can shorten your life so that would also take care of if you should tell or not...but then it wouldn't be your decision

[Beverley Sims]

I was going to reply, but after reading other posts here, I think take in what Lorileah has posted
It is all there. If you think CDing is causing you stress, tell the doctor and he may advise a therapist.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

being transsexual is a medical problem

being a tg/cd with major anxiety issues is a medical problem...

some doctors are not supportive and that means you may need to doctor shop..

none of the other stuff matters...

[linda allen]

If you feel that you are really transgendered, not just a crossdresser, I think you should tell your doctor. This may be the cause of your anxiety.

And if you are really transgendered, you might as well tell your wife as soon as possible. It's not going to get any better by waiting. She needs to know. So does the rest of your family.

[Kelly Greene]

Paula

I can only speak from my own experiences, when I started having health problems due to stress I found it necessary to tell my doctor about all the stresses I have been going through including my being tg. His reaction was entirely professional and he explained that being tg has to do with brain chemistry and this is just how we are there is no disorder or fault in someone being tg. The doctors advice was to get dressed up however I like whenever I need.

[Jamie001]

Kelly's situation was the exact situation and advice I faced from my doctor. Whenever I go for a doctor I am always my feminine male self so everyone knows that I don't see gender in a binary manner. We need to stop causing ourselves undue stress and just be ourselves.

[AllieSF]

I am in the camp that says that you should tell your doctor about your anxiety/depression or whatever, but you do NOT need to tell him the details unless you want to. Go find a good gender therapist and give the details to that person. If you ever go on hormones, then your GP does need to know.

[boink]

If you're having true anxiety issues and your transness is a big part of that then it is probably a good idea to disclose that to your doctor. It's going to help them to better treat and handle your situation if they are fully informed. I would strongly suggest coming out to your SO first if you haven't done that, and would recommend you see a therapist who can help you work through your gender/anxiety/and depression issues.

[AllyCDTV]

You say you are suffering a lot of anxiety. Certainly talk to your doctor about it. You may wish to suggest that you think it might be related to some possible gender dysphoria issues you are having but don't play doctor yourself and try to make it appear that you have already made the diagnosis. That is the job of your doctor. You could also start by saying that you think it is caused by some psychological issues that you are rather sensitive about and would rather discuss them with a mental health professional and see if he accepts that. Chances are, your doctor will want to check to see if the anxiety symptoms are caused by anything physical and if some anti-anxiety drugs will help. If he confirms that it is truly a psychological issue, he might just refer you to a mental health professional and leave it in their hands. Getting a referral will probably mean your insurance will cover the cost. If I understand correctly, gender dysphoria is not considered a health issue unless it is causing you mental suffering. By your own admission, it appears to be. Since you have yet to tell your SO, make sure he understands that this is confidential and he is not to discuss it with your SO without your permission.

[PaulaQ]

Answers to things that have been raised in the thread:
1. Coming out to my wife first - yep, will do that tomorrow or sunday. I have a speech prepped, and have rehearsed it some with my therapist. She needs to know what I am going through. Note: This may increase my stress. In fact, unless I win the spousal lotto, that seems fairly certain. However, I'm not so sure this is neccessary - my doctor would have no permission to tell my wife.

2. Am I really TG, and not just a CD?
Yes, I am TG. I am a woman trapped in a man's body. I feel like a freaking prisoner in my body and in parts of my life. I've been battling this for a very long time. I don't understand the extent of this, what I should do about it, what I can do about it, or much of anything else. I'm not really thrilled by the prospect of this, but hey, like it or not, there it is. I'm not going to keep fighting this and trying to suppress it - that has screwed over my life at least twice before. (It's probably about to do it again, too.)

3. Is this causing me issues?
I suspect I am suffering, to some extent, from GD. I am miserable, a lot of the time. Dressing takes the edge off this. My anxiety, when I'm not dressed, is through the roof. I don't have any really major immediate real life problems. However, I feel certain that I am doomed. This isn't real, I know it isn't real, but I can't shake these feelings. They color everything I do. Since CD seems to reduce or eliminate these, I think they are probably related. I find myself thinking about changing my appearance not because "gee, that'll be so fun", but instead because I am thinking "gee, I sure hate that about myself."

So yes, I think this is causing me issues. Moreover, I've had two other mental breakdowns in my lifetime, both of which I think are related to TG issues. (First when I was 18 - I was so depressed I'm amazed I made it through that period alive, but that's when my drinking started. Second when I was 27, and went into recovery for alcoholism.) I think I'm having substantially worse issues now, and that my TG issues / feelings are much stronger than they have ever been.

4. Find a good gender therapist.
Talking to one, have been for a month. Should've started sooner. Started as soon as I stopped denying that I have a problem.

I suspect a psychiatrist is probably needed too - but who knows, maybe I can get my wife somewhat on board with this - at least to the point where I don't have to lie all the time, and can explore this and find a balance for this in my life without needing a bunch of medication. That may be all I need. I don't think it's all I need - but I'm also so anxious and paranoid right now that I can't really tell when I'm being realistic, and when I'm being unrealistically negative.

If nothing else, I may need some medication for anxiety, at least for a short time.

BTW, I've known this doctor for most of my life, at least 30 years. I trust him. This may freak him out, I can't say how he'll react, but I do trust him. He was there when I recoverd from alcoholism, for the birth of my son, every major event in my adult life, seems like.

Has anyone had a really negative outcome from telling their doctor?

[Tracii G]

If being TG is causing mental/stress and physical issues then by all means tell him to help get you lined out.
I never had any issues from being TG so I really don't have a clue what you are going thru.
Good luck either way.

[Jamie001]

There should be no negative outcome because medial doctors are supposed to be professionals. If you doctor reacts negatively, then he/she is most likely a fundie with an upbringing that is rooted in back-woods, fundamentalist thinking. From all of the conversations you have had with your doctor, you would know by now if he is a fundie.

[PaulaQ]

I never had any issues from being TG so I really don't have a clue what you are going thru.


I hear this from a fair number of people, although by no means all. I'm happy for you though. I hear from a lot of people that when they accepted this about themselves, they felt a lot better. Still waiting for that for myself.

I keep hoping I'll wakeup one day, and it'll all make sense, and the magical journey of self discovery will begin.
Or maybe my magical journey has already begun - but mine involves tears and screams. Magical tears! Magical screams!
I dunno.

The one thing I will say is that I've made up my mind to push forward through this, instead of trying to fight it. I've been trying to fight it my whole life, and it hasn't worked out so well. Unfortunately, some part of my brain did NOT get the memo, and it is fighting - hard.

I will say that I'm not feeling especially guilty about this anymore, at least, anymore so than I am about the fact that my pancreas doesn't quite produce enough insulin.

[kimdl93]

I haven't come out to my family practice doc, yet, but I haven't exactly hidden it either. I have worn panties to exams for years, discrete but clearly women's, and my legs, chest and arms are shaved of what little hair there is. She's never asked, and I haven't volunteered because I didn't have any physical or emotional problems to address. Still, I have an annual wellness exam coming up and I am seriously considering mentioning this to her.

[Wildaboutheels]

You have known this doctor for at least 30 years. And your wife for at least xx years...

And yet, you have no idea how each will handle it. And THATS the thing about people. No way to predict how they will handle it and YOU, unlike many here, realize that. Is it possible your doctor already knows or suspects you are not quite "100% guy"? Any shaving, mannerisms or anything else over the years he might have picked up on? Sounds like you have a great Relationship with him and in your case I don't see why you could not tell him first. He has probably seen it [who knows how many times before] in others. I mean, is there really any accurate way to know just how many folks have gender issues?

[PaulaQ]

Is it possible your doctor already knows or suspects you are not quite "100% guy"?

I'll be interested in hearing what he says about this. Although I've really been pretty CD free for most of the past 20 years (the last year or so has been an exception), I have had other issues, including a period of a year or so, several years ago, where I had some impotence issues. He was of the opinion that my issue was mostly psychological. And he was probably right. I've also had periodic bouts of anxiety that never really made any sense over the last 20 years. I mean, there were usually external stressors that triggered them, but they were bad. There may be other stuff I haven't thought of, that he noticed.

As long as he's been in practice, I can't imagine I'll be the first TG person he's had as a patient, although I don't know. Guess I'll find out.

[Jamie001]

I mean, is there really any accurate way to know just how many folks have gender issues?

I don't believe that any of us have gender issues. I believe that the problem lies with the general public and the gender binary that is forced upon males in this society. It is society that has issues.

[Geena75]

I, personally, wouldn't offer it up unless it pertained to an issue. If you have a clean bill of health, CD may be your secret formula. If the anxiety is affecting your health, then it is a health issue and should be discussed -- "this is, of course, confidential."

[DaniG]

My dr was very positive. She referred me to a post-op M2F doctor to address a specific issue I was hashing through. Meeting her was an intense experience to say the least.

I'm sure your dr has heard stranger things before, and many TGs in his lifetime. You won't be the first.

[Tiffbear]

Tell your Dr. you'd like a consult with a shrink due to new anxiety issues that have lasted more than two weeks. That should be enough to justify it.

[Elle1946]

I told my doctor and basically he said SO, he didn't care, and I am still seeing him.

[Lacyfem]

I don't think your doctor has anything to do with this.... you are fretting about coming out big time which in this society is huge. To me telling your wife is first and foremost as that can change, and you know this, your whole relationship and most likely not for the better. Figure out the emotional things you're going to have to deal with as that will be family first. If you're truely going through with the whole change then it would be very important then to tell your doctor as you will be changing your body with medications which he needs to know about and will have recommendations. He may even send you to a different doctor and one better equipped to deal with the change. I'd be nervous as all get out in your position and so do see a phychiatrist who may be able to help you and give you some meds to calm you down as you go through this. Good luck!

[MysticLady]

As long as he's been in practice, I can't imagine I'll be the first TG person he's had as a patient, although I don't know. Guess I'll find out.

Wouldn't it be intresting if you decide to tell him and he comes out and tells you that he also enjoys dressing:eek:. What a revelation that would be. Nowadays you don't really know who's living right under our noses:heehee:

[NurseSamGG]

Paula my dear friend. By all means yes, yes, yes tell your medical provider. For a Doctor to truly treat our patients holistic we need to know many things about there personal history its not just all about your medical history for those of us that really want to help our patients. And yes if he's been in practice any length of time he most surely has come across other TG people. On a final note confidentiuality is not only the ethical thing to do but it is also the law. That said you should never have to worry about your information getting leaked to some source you don't want it to be told to.


Best of luck as you step out into the world in all areas!
Xoxo.....Sam

[Karen_K]

Karen K. Everyplace in the civilized world has VERY strict medical confidentiality.

Well, of course I understand that, but those laws do vary from place to place. In the United States, HIPAA laws may allow the doctor to tell the OPs wife, for example, if the appropriate permissions have been given. I don't know where the OP lives, and I don't know the laws of every "civilized" country. My comment was merely out of an abundance of caution, i.e., not wanting to give incorrect legal advice that could get someone else in trouble. That's all.

[PaulaQ]

My comment was merely out of an abundance of caution, i.e., not wanting to give incorrect legal advice that could get someone else in trouble. That's all.

That's how I took your comments Karen. I appreciate your concern, and caution is never a bad thing - we should all be cautious. I appreciated your input. I've appreciated everyone's input in this thread.

[Barbara Ella]

This is a good question that has a lot of answers. Does the Dr. need to know one is transgendered or does he only need to know you have physical/mental ailments bothering you right now? Your therapist definitely needs to know, as they are helping you with that specifically. Not totally sure the Dr. needs to know unless there are other things going on that stem from being TG.

Given that, a question I have relates to the distribution of this information. It must go on your permanent medical file. This file is viewable by all other physicians you use who need your medical info to treat you. If I go in for a knee replacement, will the orthopedical surgeon have open access to that information, and do I want them to have it? If you make an insurance claim, does the insurance Co. have access to all your medical files, and can they use that info in any manner? I don't have an answer on these.

Hugs and good luck to you Paula,

Barbara

[wilt575]

I haven't come out to my family practice doc, yet, but I haven't exactly hidden it either. I have worn panties to exams for years, discrete but clearly women's, and my legs, chest and arms are shaved of what little hair there is. She's never asked, and I haven't volunteered because I didn't have any physical or emotional problems to address. Still, I have an annual wellness exam coming up and I am seriously considering mentioning this to her. I've been going to my family practice doctor (PCP) underdressed, bra and panties since I started seeing her. Nothing has ever been said in either annual wellness exam or office visit when sick, my feeling if she don't ask I don't tell. But if my dressing was causing me problems I would ask for a refferal to cousnelor btw wife and family know.

[Vickie_CDTV]

You could split the difference, and tell your doctor you are having issues with stress and ask for a referral for a therapist. Then, you could discuss your TG issues with the therapist.

One thing I'd wonder about is the fact it might end up in your medical record, and given what is happening with healthcare today who knows who will be allowed to see it, or how secure those records will be kept. I know my medical records state I am a TV somewhere in there, makes me wonder who could get into those and find out about me... not something I worry about per se, but it makes me wonder.

[arbon]

having a GID diagnosis can impact your ability to get health insurance and the rates you'll pay if you are not on an employer plan.

[Contessa]

I have told almost every one around me. My wife, my doctor, my therapist, it is how I got here. My family immediate and other wise all know. I was better off that way. I am full time and have no other male clothes ro wear. I will probably not have SRS, as it is costly and my former male self is too old. I would love to have FFS that would help me. I attend group therapy and one one where. I am on medications for HBP, Diabetes and more. Anti depression med and Spironolactone. I am going to be fine, if can keep on living a bit longer. I came out at work as well as at home. I don't think I'm gay. I love women enough to be one myself. I'm happy now after 60 years. You don't have to do what I've done but you should work on it.

Lov all of ya
Tess

[Jenniferathome]

....I am considering a much less delicate speech for my physician than what I've prepared for my wife.

If you tell your wife, all that pressure goes away and you won;t need to tell your doctor.

[PaulaQ]

If you tell your wife, all that pressure goes away and you won;t need to tell your doctor.

Jennifer, I hope that's true, but I am afraid I am having fairly real and serious emotional problems, and there are a couple of other possibilities here, at least:
- my wife doesn't respond well, in which case my anxiety level goes up
- regardless of her response, I am suffering from some amount of GD
I've had a couple of other emotional breakdowns in my lifetime, and there is a very real chance I'm heading for another one. Maybe it isn't GD, and I'm suffering from some other mental health problem. But the signs I'm seeing remind me of places I've been before, and I think have the potential to be serious.

My hope is that if she's accepting, this will ratchet down the crisis I'm having, and let me explore whatever this is more gently. But I may well still need medical or psychiatric care.

[giuseppina]

Hello Paula

The CDing is relevant to your mental health, and your GP should know about it. If you are referred to a psychiatrist, s/he should know about it as well. Maybe you should tell your GP about it as practice for your wife. They are bound by privacy laws.

Arbon, a GID diagnosis is unlikely to have an impact in a country like Canada where the taxpayer funds medical care.

[Angela Campbell]

On a final note confidentiuality is not only the ethical thing to do but it is also the law. That said you should never have to worry about your information getting leaked to some source you don't want it to be told to.
Xoxo.....Sam

I don't know about that. Does the practice use a computer to log the patients info? Has that computer been connected to any internet or intranet? If yes to any of these the information is not secure at all. With the changes in the healthcare laws who knows who will have access to this information. I have heard that the government will be asking for certain things from Doctors. Insurance companies too will have access to this info.

One question. I have heard it said that a Dr. would need to see the records of a patient sometimes. How does he or she get these records. Do they have to know the other doctors involved who the patient has seen or is there some kind of network where they can get this info? I have never been asked by any Dr. who I went to before.

[DebbieL]

YES! Absolutely you should tell your doctor. He or she may not know exactly how to deal with your situation, but the doctor can help direct you to professionals who can help you find resources to help you sort out your situation and what's best for you.

There are actually medical and genetic tests now that can be used to help determine if there are physical reasons for your situation.

You don't state your age in your profile, but depending on your age, you could be experiencing a number of emotional issues that come with confronting your transgender identity.
Some transgenders experience a range of secondary issues ranging from acute depression, even becoming suicidal. Others become dare-devils, engaging in high risk behaviors.
Some turn to drugs, alcohol, and promiscuous sex, or even prostitution. Many have trouble adjusting to living two lives, and have trouble being situation appropriate.

For many of us, coming out comes with a flood of regrets, wishing we had done more sooner, angry at ourselves and others for living in secret for so long.

I remember telling several doctors in the 1960s and 1970s, including a psychologist, therapists, and medical doctors, and they just blew me off. They had no clue how to treat the condition, or how dangerous the condition could potentially be if left completely untreated.

Today, the medical profession is far better trained, and transgender issues have been a key focus of the recent APA conventions for psychologists and psychiatrists.

[PaulaQ]

You don't state your age in your profile, but depending on your age, you could be experiencing a number of emotional issues that come with confronting your transgender identity.
Some transgenders experience a range of secondary issues ranging from acute depression, even becoming suicidal. Others become dare-devils, engaging in high risk behaviors.
Some turn to drugs, alcohol, and promiscuous sex, or even prostitution. Many have trouble adjusting to living two lives, and have trouble being situation appropriate.


Since I have been pretty vague in my profile, here's some relevant information.
I'm in the US. I'm 50. I am definitely there on anxiety, paranoia, and depression. The anxiety and paranoia are the biggest issues. Depression is in there too, though, slugging away. These problems are getting worse, I think.
Being situation appropriate is a nightmare sometimes. This is extremely confusing. I feel like I'm at war with myself, internally.

[giuseppina]

Hello PaulaQ

It sounds to me like you may find some benefit from a referral to a psychiatrist. There's quite a bit there to deal with. I had a hard enough time without the paranoia.

[wilt575]

You could split the difference, and tell your doctor you are having issues with stress and ask for a referral for a therapist. Then, you could discuss your TG issues with the therapist.

One thing I'd wonder about is the fact it might end up in your medical record, and given what is happening with healthcare today who knows who will be allowed to see it, or how secure those records will be kept. I know my medical records state I am a TV somewhere in there, makes me wonder who could get into those and find out about me... not something I worry about per se, but it makes me wonder.

How did it get in there did to begin with did you tell or did hebring it up? I know I've gone underdressed in bra and panties like others have in my case she has never asked or mentioned it and either have I. So could or would she mention it in my personal file for no reason. She has slipped her hand in my bra when listening to my heart smiled said every ok nothing more.

[Vickie_CDTV]

wilt, I bought it up. I was experiencing feelings of anxiety over my dressing, and he asked me why. I finally told him I was a TV, and I saw he put a notation to that effect in there.

[PaulaQ]

I've made an appointment with my doctor for Thursday, and I'm going to tell him what's going on. Paula needs medicine for anxiety. Paula probably also needs a recommendation for a psychiatrist. (Anyone know a good one in Dallas, TX for trans issues?)

I'll report back how it goes. I'm not worried anymore. I hate the effin' closet anyway.

[arbon]

Are you sure you want a pychiatrist? expensive - and they tend to like to drug you up a lot to fix everything and really I am not so convinced they are so great at the therapy part of it all. Just my opinion could be totally wrong. Maybe ask you doctor if he knows any therapist / counselors or even psychologist who has experience with gender issues?

I've seen a few psychiatrists in my life that did not help me at all compared to the counselor I have been seeing the last few years -

[Lorileah]

Paula needs medicine for anxiety. Paula probably also needs a recommendation for a psychiatrist.

Paula needs to see herself as herself not a separate part of the whole. (I have been called on that recently too :))

[PaulaQ]

You have a point Lorileah. I'm trying to figure out still if there's two people in here, in my skull, fighting it out, or if I'm still being a chicken and trying to find some way to deny that I'm a girl. Sometimes I feel like Paula (hopefully when that's the case you can feel the love in my posts <3 <3 <3), sometimes I feel like that other guy. (He whines a lot - he is a sourpuss!)

It is really disorienting sometimes - it's like sometimes I feel a switch in my mind. I still need time to sort this all out. Hey, I've only been able to communicate with the outside world as Paula since February! :)

The really confusing part is that both Paula and the other guy assert that they are the real persona, and the other one is a delusion. Maybe they are both real though?

Other than dealing with my wife, it's a lot easier emotionally being Paula - I'm a lot happier that way. Paula is a pretty optimistic person. I like being her!

Anyway, I'll try. How's this: "Howdy y'all! I'm Paula!"


Are you sure you want a pychiatrist? expensive ... compared to the counselor I have been seeing the last few years

That's good advice Theresa, thanks. I think I will ask - mainly because I worry that the male side of my personality is cruising towards mental illness. I've had one breakdown during my lifetime, and that was one too many. If he won't calm down with whatever my doctor gives him, he may need specialized treatment. We'll go with my doctor first though, you are right about psychiatrists. All the ones I've ever seen have been pretty unhelpful. I'll just have a recommendation in my back pocket, in case things go downhill.

I really like the therapist I'm seeing. She's really nice.

[wilt575]

wilt, I bought it up. I was experiencing feelings of anxiety over my dressing, and he asked me why. I finally told him I was a TV, and I saw he put a notation to that effect in there.

Well that explains it thanks. Because I was wondering if maybe she could have something in my file. As I said I've been going to her underdressed since day one with no mention of anything unusual about appearence or clothing choice. Even after sliping her hand in my bra when checking heart sounds on routine visits.

[Lisa Gerrie]

Psychiatrists have their place. The chances are virtually 100% that your therapist is associated with one (to prescribe meds) so you don't need to seek one out.

I have had problems with anxiety and depression for decades. I take an antidepressant every day and it changed my life for the better. I feel perfectly normal, but I don't experience the multi-month periods of "down" like I used to. YMMV.

My mother took her own life at 50 as a result of depression/anxiety, and it's important to understand that 1) it's a real thing and 2) like many medical conditions it can be treated. A competent psychiatrist doesn't just hand you a 'script for something. Mine interviewed me for a full hour, going over what my therapist had told him, before settling on which medication to try.

Paula, especially considering your experience with alcohol, I think seeing a shrink is a good idea. Alcohol is a depressant, and it affects your thinking and biology long after you quit.

[PaulaQ]

Psychiatrists have their place. The chances are virtually 100% that your therapist is associated with one (to prescribe meds) so you don't need to seek one out.


Sadly, I asked her about this, and she said there wasn't one in the state that her or any of her colleagues thought was worth a darn for trans issues. I can check in Dallas, though.

[Lisa Gerrie]

I'm not talking about trans issues. *IF* you have problems with chronic anxiety/depression, it is a different but related issue. For example my depression didn't go away when I stopped drinking. After being sober for a year I decided (after discussing it with my therapist) to stop taking my antidepressant. I was fine for months, then crashed into darkness. Alcohol did not cause my depression, or vice versa.

[PaulaQ]

I've been sober for 23 years at this point. The anxiety has really picked up in the past 6 months, pretty much coincident with my increase in dressing frequency. Dressing really, really curbs it - it's hard for me to believe that they aren't related. Of course, I guess they could be independent, and the pressure of the anxiety brought on the CD. Perhaps trying to come to terms with my TG issues has thrown my brain chemistry out of whack - it's been pretty stressful so far. I've ony had two really bad incidents of anxiety in the past 20 years, one was a little over 10 years ago, and, well, really bad stuff happened, and I freaked out and couldn't shake it. The other was in '09, as I watched my net worth go from quite a lot to not very much in a very short time.

My current anxiety puts both of those to shame.

I'll see if my doc has any recommendations.

[Lisa Gerrie]

"The anxiety has really picked up in the past few years, pretty much coincident with my increase in drinking. Drinking really, really curbs it - it's hard for me to believe that they aren't related."

I'm not saying "you need a psychiatrist" I'm saying that an evaluation might be in order. Like going to see a podiatrist if your high heels bother you.

Added: I am also not saying that alcohol is related to your current issues, I was just using that as an example/possibility that you can relate to. Your brain is different after addiction/recovery but your anxiety may have a biological cause, unrelated to gender stuff. Maybe you are (to some extent) dressing to relieve anxiety, as so many of us drank to relieve anxiety.

[joan47]

I told my doctor, he said that as long as I do not do anything to hurt my health. I now where white cotton brief panties when I go for exams and my toenails are painted, I also have man boobs and when he first saw me undressed I thought his eye were going to pop out when he saw my large breasts.. It is now on my medical records that I am "transgenered male"

[Wildaboutheels]

I'm no shrink. But I do know that our bodies are approximately 70% water. Which is why chemicals - DRUGS - can have/might have such wildly unpredictable results. And WHY the drug companies are required to list sometimes 2 or 3 pages in magazines of possible side effects. No wonder that they MIGHT have such an adverse impact on all of the zillions of electrical impulses zinging through our bodies that keep us going and contol all that we think, do and say.

Prescribing drugs is a win-win situation for doctors AND drug comapanies AND hospitals but NOT for the patient.

Just keep in mind that whatever drugs [IF] you choose to take, are going to affect ALL of you regardless of whether you are 50/50 guy/gal or really 90% Paula. You can't "control" one person and not the other.

No sane person [and the statistics back it up] could deny that this country is far and away the most overdrugged one on the planet with no evidence that it helps in the overall quality of life of our Society. Of course we are far and away the fattest country on the planet too... which obviously does not help much.

Little doubt some/many doctors, BIG Pharma and most hospitals are grinning from ear to ear.

"Things" are so bad that where I live, large drug stores with drive thrus often sit across the street from each other. At the rate they are being thrown up, ten years from now [at least where I live] they will probably outnumber gas stations.

[Lisa Gerrie]

WildAboutHeels, I will respond in a new thread, down the road. I share some characteristics with Paula, and I wanted to share some things that have helped me, not debate Big Pharma. Paula knows exactly what I mean.

[PaulaQ]

So I came out to my doctor yesterday. I'm not his first trans patient, it turns out, although he only has a couple, and it's not his area of expertise. He was really sympathetic, and understanding.

Here's what I said:
"Hi Doctor L. I need to talk to you about serious emotional problems I'm having. I'm sober still - I haven't slipped, but I am having terrible problems with anxiety and depression. I'm not suicidal - but if I died, it would be a relief. I am transgendered. I've known this since I was a kid, at some level, but suppressed it. I cross dressed when I was younger, and I've had a couple of really bad emotional problems, starting with a nervous breakdown when I was 18, and culminating in my alcoholism. (He was my doc back then, so he knows my history.)

The anxiety and stress I feel when I'm not cross dressed is horrible. I have never experienced emotional pain this bad. This isn't something I want to do or chose - but I have to deal with this and understand it, or I think it will destroy me. I have tons of body issues - I hate my body. I'd always thought people did this out of some type of narcissism, but I had no idea of the pain involved.

I never addressed this issue in treatment, and while I've been with my wife, I didn't cross dress until the past year. It's only been in the last couple of months that I've realized that my gender identity is just wrong. I've started seeing a counselor for gender therapy. I've told my wife, but I'm not sure if she'll ever accept this. It's very hard for her."

He asked if she knew about the cross dressing, and I told him "no, I have never revealed that, and for most of our marriage, until about the last year, I didn't do it at all, but I think there are probably several other issues we've dealt with that have been related to this, and I just didn't realize it."

He allowed that he felt that was likely to be true. So he asked me where I wanted to go with this - what was my goal?

So I told him "I don't know. These are really powerful feelings, and I don't understand them well. I know I need to explore them and understand better - I don't know where they'll go. I don't think I want to transition, but I don't know. What I WANT is to make minimal enough changes physically that I can balance a feminine identity with being a man for my wife. I don't know if that can happen - but it's what I want.

Mainly I want, no matter what the answer is for me, to not go crazy. That's the first goal I guess."

He told me to think about this like going to college. He said it would be really hard to graduate if you only got a final grade, diploma or no diploma. Instead to take steps along the way, figure out what works, what doesn't, what I like, what I don't. It could take me a couple of years to work this out, and he felt the key to being happy was to be able to make the right decision for myself, whatever that was, after exploring this.

He also told me that I could tell him anything, and he would not judge.

He wrote me a prescription for an anti-depressant, and some xanax to hold me over

It was really a good visit, and I have to tell you, while it was hard to tell him - I trembled a lot of the time - I feel really good about it. I feel like I can get through this. I don't know how yet, but somehow, seeing my doctor tells me "you are on the road to feeling better - you are going to be OK, you are doing what you need to do to take care of yourself."

It was an enormous relief. I'm really glad I did this. I'll see him again in a month and see how my emotions are doing.

[Jamie001]

Paula,

Be extremely careful with the Xanax as it is highly addictive and is usually never given to a recovering alcoholic because it is a narcotic. A lot of folks wind-up in rehab for Xanax addiction.

[PaulaQ]

Yikes! Thanks Jamie, ok, I will save this for extreme emergencies, when I'm thinking "ok, death seems pretty good right about now." I'll try to do without it altogether though, and if I need one, I'll start with 1/2 of a tab. My doc knows my history, so I just assumed this stuff was all safe. I'll be extra careful - I didn't realize this! Thank you so much for telling me this!

After a couple / three weeks of my antidepressent, when it's finally kicked in, I'll just flush the xanax. My goal for it will be to take as few as possible. 0 seems like a good number then. But if I'm on the brink of emotional breakdown, which I have been a few times this past month, I'll use it. But SPARINGLY. Hopefully not at all though.

Thank you again. I do not want to become addicted to anything, aside from fabulous shoes.

[arbon]

It feels good to finally talk to be able to talk to people about it. Do be careful with the xanax.

[mollycd99]

Paula,

xanax can be addictive, and I agree to use it with caution and under close supervision by your doctor. However, it's not necessarily addictive, and many people use xanax or other benzodiazepines regularly for many years with good effects. If the antidepressants help with the anxiety, that's great and you many not need the xanax. But not all anxiety is treatable with the antidepressants, and you may need the xanax (or another similar drug) and a more or less regular basis. It's too early to say.

What I mean to say is that Jamie001 is correct that you should be aware of the potential harm that xanax carries, but don't be scared away from a potential helpful treatment by someone on the internet. Just take it as prescribed - no more - and keep in close touch with your doctor about its effects. And I often see it prescribed to folks who have had other addiction issues. Used responsibly and with careful supervision, it's a great drug for some people.

[AllyCDTV]

Paula

As with any drug, it is best to address your concerns with your doctor and especially your pharmacist (they know a hell of a lot more about drugs than doctors do) than take the advise of anonymous people on a Web site.

[PaulaQ]

BTW, I have used xanax before, twice I think, over the years, and didn't get in trouble. (I'm super careful about stuff like this.) It is helpful to know that it has more risks than I thought though. (I'm careful about painkillers too. I mean, if you get major dental work, or surgery, you gotta take some, but I always end up with a lot left over.) It's good to know the risks - I definitely wasn't aware of its abuse potential specifically.

[Angela Campbell]

Sounds like you have a good Doctor. It is so hard to find one these days.

[PaulaQ]

Yeah, Ellen, my doctor is great. He's been my physician since I was maybe 20. He's been there for every major issue I've had in my adult life that was health related. I knew I could trust him - he is a fine physician and a good friend. I'm really fortunate.