CDs and SOs in Each Other's Shoes?

[LelaK]

I mean figuratively. I was trying to think lately what it's like for SOs of CDs. What if my (potential) SO came out to me as wanting to look like a man? How would I react? I guess I'd accept "him" like a male friend, but I wouldn't find "him" attractive, although it might help to imagine "him" to be a closet CD or TG. I guess sex with "him" would be possible, but I'd probably use imagniation and focus on "his" femaleness. But I think I'd be rather disappointed not to have "her" there as much. I'd certainly prefer to have "her" around more than "him", but I suppose I wouldn't be intolerant, if "he" were rather insistent. It would surely feel much drabber around "him". I suppose it wouldn't change our friendship. It might reduce the affection a little. I don't think I'd be embarrassed or very upset. Around family, I'd probably just say "She's a tomboy". I just realized there is one thing I'd like. The novelty.

How would other CDs feel if their SO came out as an FtM CD?
And do SOs feel similar to me, but in reverse? Or do SOs have less fixation on appearances?


P.S., Kate said: ...If ... we can get past the gender part and instead just focus on the person, it becomes much easier. After all, pure radiant love has no boundaries.
What about physical affection? Like Bev seems to say, I might be a bit hypocritical, if my SO were completely accepting of me. I think it would be harder for me to be physically affectionate with my SO, if she looked very masculine. I guess my aesthetic sense is too inflexible, or does God want me to have my own individualized aesthetic sense, despite commanding love for all? I don't think love implies physical affection though.

[Kate Simmons]

It can boggle a person sometimes to contemplate all of this stuff. If, however, we can get past the gender part and instead just focus on the person, it becomes much easier. After all, pure radiant love has no boundaries.:battingeyelashes::)

[Cheryl T]

Considering who I am and what my background is (CD of course) it would be so hypocritical of me to deny her her expression. I would have no choice but to accept her and her choices.

[bridget thronton]

I love the person - appearance and gender expression does not matter

[Beverley Sims]

And this is why those that are selfish about their dressing should ask these questions.
Hypocrisy reigns supreme on this one and I probably would not want my wife to dress as a man.
I do not mind "others' who present female to male.
I do accept those on this forum but my wife?

I do have to be honest with myself sometimes and my wife does put up with me.
She is my best friend and I aim to keep it that way.

[PaulaQ]

I'm glad you brought this topic up, Lela, I've had EXACTLY this same line of thought myself.

I think, like a lot of things in life, it's impossible to know how you'd really react, at an emotional level, until you are in the situation.
For example - will you enjoy jumping off the high board at the pool, or will you hate it? There is really no way to know, until you do it.

I belive I'd be accepting, and I believe I'd find a way to make it work, but if I'm honest, I don't KNOW those things until I'm actually in the situation. I just don't. But I think I'd be OK with it, and make it work.

[Brynna M]

There are times when I definitely want my SO to be feminine. Most of the time I just want her to be sweet funny etc. If she wanted to be a guy all the time I don't think i could handle that. If she wanted to be a guy 10-20% of the time or wear boxers to bead every night I really wouldn't care.

[Wildaboutheels]

344 views and 7 responses. Looks about right.

Your Q is one of apples to oranges. To MOST women, a man's attractiveness, is rarely at or even near the top of her "desireables" in a mate. Which is WHY men don't spend nearly so much time and effort on their appearance. They don't HAVE to, like females do. Females "have to" IF they want to greatly increase their choices in mate selection. It's been this way for tens of thousands of years and isn't going to change anytime soon. Which likely accounts for the number of responses to this thread.

Luckily for me, I think a woman can be attractive in nothing more than a dirty burlap bag and a pair of ragedy flipflops IF she is "in shape", confident and has that "gleam" in her eyes and that "look" on her face. So, if it were only clothes we are talking about, it wouldn't be a problem at all for me. If we are talking of [and I am only guessing here] binding of breasts and/or stuffing something in her pants? I still see no problem. However, IF she becomes an entirely different person when dressed, than the person I fell in love with? No problem if she wants to be a "different person" on her own time or with any friends.

As long as I still got "enough" quality time with her, I would hang onto her. Good compatible mates are hard to find and we all have to make concessions no matter how perfect a Relationship.

[jsunic_1978]

Well, check this out. Im 35 never been married, let alone never had a long relationship thats because IM HONEST. however, i would not expect a woman to have sex with me while im dressed as Jen, but I do want to be accepted and i wouldnt have sex with a woman dressed as a guy but i would most deafiently do all the guy stuff with her while in guy mode. guys just happen to ACCEPT a womans flaws much more than women accept a mans flaws. sounds stereopypical, but its true! Jen finally came out in full in 2009 amd nobody could stand Jeff because Jeff wasnt a happy person always supressing jen. The more Jen gets out people dont react badly. Jeff is a lot happier when jeff also.

[Shari]

I suppose I'm prejudiced when it comes to this question.
Here we all are, trying our best to look like or even be an attractive female.
Women are so much more attractive than men. Many of us here would commit a crime to be able to be female.
It just doesn't compute.

[Sharon B.]

If I had a spouse or special lady friend that care about me and I had that caring about them it wouldn't be a problem for me. It is about knowing the person inside not about how they are dressed on the outside.

[Kalista Jameson]

Been thinking on this for a bit. Here are my personal thoughts.

For me, I don't see it necessarily being a hypocritical thing for a MtF crossdresser to not want anything other than a feminine woman, or vice versa, if the cards are layed out properly ahead of time. I personally would have no attraction to a female that presented male and accept the fact that many females would be equally as uninterested in me as a crossdresser. I think they are being true to themselves in feeling that way. I instead look for the feminine female who would enjoy my crossdressing and could more than accept it. The road has steepened to be sure, but I can accept that.

I do not think I would be a hypocrite to only want to be with a woman like I described only because of the fact that I can accept a woman's feelings about me and not judge her for them. For myself, I am adamantly approaching future relationships with transparency in these areas to try and minimize heartache and frustration later down the road. At the same time I am opening up to a woman about my life, she has the choice to do the same with me about hers. If we both are honest and keep nothing hidden then things should move properly whether we end up together as mates or not.

If it were to come out later that she hid her FtM crossdressing from me and demanded repicrocation of acceptance from me, that would be as difficult as anything GG's deal with when they find out their husbands or SO's have hidden their secret from them, only because of the lack of openness beforehand.

I have my quirky list of attractions and dislikes that are as true to me as they are to anyone else, so I can empathize with others on this. If a girl is not attracted to me because of anything, I'm cool with that. There is one out there who is, and I just gotta find her. :)

Cheers,

Kalista

[artofbalance]

I'd accept her plain and simple. I think at one time I may have struggled with it, but with the relationship we have now, I wouldn't. As long as she still helps me with my makeup... she does a much better job than I do.