My wife caught me on this forum and I still didn't own up!!!! UGGGG

[GinaM]

I was checking out this forum and my wife caught me. She asked what the hell I was doing on a Cross Dressing forum and I just told her nothing. She was getting frisky after and that was the end of it. I don't know why I didn't just own up. I think the only reason was that our 4 year old son was right there.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Gina, You know what you have to do now.

[Barbara Maria]

Hard to make those split second decisions.For your sons sake I'd say you did the right thing.You can always bring it up to your wife in private later on.

[flatlander_48]

Hi Gina, You know what you have to do now.

Agreed.

The wife now has a data point. Better to Come Out rather than Be Outed...

[Jenniferathome]

I think she has it figured out. Now you are just lying to her face.

[Eryn]

I agree with Flatlander. You also have a good lead-in:

"The other night I really wanted to talk to you about the website I was viewing, but with little [name] there I couldn't. It's been bothering me ever since. Could we talk now?"

[MarinaKirax]

Don't interpret the friskiness as interest in the idea - she might now be worried that she has to rekindle your interest in HER. Maybe she wants to prove to herself you're not gay, whatever. You have an issue that needs sorting, and you both know it now. Just my thoughts, from a girl who was outed in the same way (read my first posts on this forum). Best luck, MK

[TeresaCD]

The longer you leave it, the harder it is.
It is impossible in front of a 4 yo, definitely.
Good to arrange a time when you both have freedom to express what's going on.
I was always afraid (still am a bit) that it would be too much for my wife to take.

[NathalieX66]

Oh boy...here we go.

Your 4 year old will probably know nothing, it's just a computer screen. Your wife might have some set ideas already.

Show your devotion to her, and just say you like womens' clothes.

Smoking kills 5.4 people a year world wide, crossdressing kills zero.

I'm sure I am no help. :strugglin

[heatherdress]

Just tell her. Maybe she will accept. Maybe not. But this is an opportunity to become closer. Bare your sole. Take a risk. Be intimate. Good luck

[giuseppina]

Gina, I agree with your decision not to disclose in front of your son, but your DSW now knows something is going on. Better sooner than later.

[steff13]

I think your wife has a fair idea now ,so go for it have the chat the longer you leave it the more the lies stack up , at least having the chat now there is a chance she will be fine about it .

[Jeanna]

I imagine that she may want to see what you've doing on CD.com.Be ready for it.

[Ameli]

Smoking kills 5.4 people a year world wide, crossdressing kills zero.




I'm no expert, but I would have thought that smoking kills more people than that. ;)

Ameli

[Lisa Gerrie]

And I'll bet that crossdressing kills at least one or two. Heel stuck in train track, corset too tight, etc. :heehee:

[boink]

As others have said, now is the time to own up to this and just tell her. If she didn't know she probably has some questions/doubts now. Better for your whole relationship to clear things up and move forward.

[Launa]

I imagine that she may want to see what you've doing on CD.com.Be ready for it.

I could see this happening too. Its going to be better to come clean about this side of yourself.

[Lynn Marie]

Opportunity missed, hopefully another, better time will present itself. The deception of your wife may be part of the excitement of dressing, but your secret life causes a certain loss of intimacy with your wife, and you'll eventually get caught. To me, that's a high cost and a scary proposition at best. You might want to get prepared.

[Beverley Sims]

I think that was an opportunity lost.

My wife says I should only post one message a day.
Why do you talk to girls that are prettier than you anyway?
Is another question.
My answer is that they all have creative minds,and I learn something new every day.

I would introduce your wife to the jokes section first, and then move her on to more risque topics such as the lounge and software problems.
Do not under any circumstances show her the photo section there are too many attractive girls there.

Nathalie, you are telling me smoking isn't bad for you after all?

[Being Paige]

I agree that it was best not to say anything in front of your 4 year old son, but you need to come clean with your wife, the sooner the better.

[Karren H]

Before that instant you had slight glimmer of a chance to win the argument that not telling her your secret wasn't the same as lying..... but now your toast..... good luck when she finds out......

[Debra Russell]

Deny all, say it was a pop-up that wouldn't close, hide, ect. ect. or just say I like your clothes can I wear 'em too?........................Debra

[Emeraude]

Gina,

I would advise you to carefully think this situation through before you talk to your wife--but talk to her soon. She's probably generating a hundred images in her mind right now.

I made every mistake in the book with my wife, starting with hiding my crossdressing from her, and it has cost me dearly. The honesty issue is certainly important, but you need to realize how scary this is going to be for her. If you put herself in her shoes first (not literally! Another mistake I made!), and then talk with her from that perspective, that will help a lot. I also recommend that you apologize for hiding this from her. Explain why you did it. (In my case, this came over me gradually after we were married. If that's true for you, let her know that.)

IMHO, the worst mistake you can make is to approach this from your point of view--what you want and need. Right now, this is about what she wants and needs. Answer her questions honestly, reassure her. Wives have all sorts of fears (Are you gay? Are you going to transition? Do you think you're prettier than me when your dressed like a woman? What if our son finds out? Our friends?)

She's going to need time to absorb all of this, so go slow!

Best of luck!

[UNDERDRESSER]

Oh come on! Are you trolling us? If not, the secret is out, she's just waiting for you to tell her. If I'm wrong, and she still believes you, I'd say you're trying to get found out to "force" yourself into the confession. Don't do that, pick a time and try and exercise some control of the conversation.

[PaulaQ]

@GinaM - what is it that stops you from telling her? Why do you feel you can't? What is it you are afraid of?

[Alice B]

Me thinks that the hen has escaped from the chicken coop. She will be caught.

[GinaM]

@GinaM - what is it that stops you from telling her? Why do you feel you can't? What is it you are afraid of?

She obviously knows and has put 2 and 2 together without a doubt in my mind. I know she will understand but it's difficult because I'm kind of that rugged mans/man and knowing she won't see me in that light anymore is a weird thing. She's pretty open minded and I'm confident she will accept it and possibly even embrace it which could be a ton of fun. I just don't know what to think about the entire situation.

[PaulaQ]

May I suggest a possibility? Could it be that you are struggling with acceptance from yourself? That you may feel that if you express this to someone aloud, suddenly it goes from the realm of fantasy into reality? That you must now acknowledge this side of yourself?

Saying that you cross dress / have a feminine side aloud is very hard to do.

I think you should do it if only to begin the process of accepting yourself. Judging from your wife's reaction, she isn't the problem here, you are.

Hope you can get through, hon, it'll most likely be OK...

[kimdl93]

yeah, i think the handwriting is on the wall. so, now you have a conversation starter..."honey, remember when you asked me why I was on a cross dresser forum...."

[ArleneRaquel]

I'm usually bare armed, meaing no hair, otherwise long sleeve tops.

[docrobbysherry]

Change is always scary, Gina. But, it's also inevitable!

U can talk it over with her, or not, and let her come to her own conclusions.

[RenneB]

You will normally get two viewpoints from this group, the first is to be open and honest and let the chips fall where they may. I tend to side on the other, keep it out of the conversation and don't admit to anything. Yea, I know, it's like I'm in that river in Egypt... ya know... da Nile.

However, I tend to accept the fact that it's not IF we get caught it's really a matter of WHEN. I tried to bring up the subject a long time ago and she was deadset against it. The D word was floating around and I wasn't ready to give up the big house and everything and go live in an apartment.

Not sure this is much help, but there are those of us that don't come clean until the compartment walls come tumbling down... I'm still holding those walls up...

Renne.....

[GinaM]

May I suggest a possibility? Could it be that you are struggling with acceptance from yourself? That you may feel that if you express this to someone aloud, suddenly it goes from the realm of fantasy into reality? That you must now acknowledge this side of yourself?

Saying that you cross dress / have a feminine side aloud is very hard to do.

I think you should do it if only to begin the process of accepting yourself. Judging from your wife's reaction, she isn't the problem here, you are.

Hope you can get through, hon, it'll most likely be OK...

Honestly, you hit the nail right on the head. Keep in mind I'm turning 37 and have been doing this off and on but more on for the past 30+ years. Nobody ever knew about it (except when I was caught several times as a young child) and it's been a secret part of my life. I'm actually getting proud of this side of me and going out and doing things I NEVER would have done in a million years. I even went to a club this past weekend dressed which was crazy. This is something I've always done in private and that I know people will hold opinions of me about. I don't want people I'm close to thinking I'm a sissy because I'm not. I'm not saying that's a bad thing at all but it's not me. I'm the furthest thing from being gay and I don't want to transition. I just REALLY FRIGEN enjoy dressing up.

Some of it has to do with her though. I often wish she would dress sexier and be more open about things sexually and be more daring. I use to always buy her lingerie and makeup but she would typically either get mad or say I have bad taste. Now, I just buy what I wish she would wear for myself. She has prob. 25 pairs of High heels that I bought for her and whenever we go out if I ask her to wear one she gets all pissed off. Now, I don't bother and I just wear them myself.

[Alice B]

Now I am a bit confused. From your original post I got the impression that she did not know. But, if you are dressing, going out and using items that you bought for her,then how do you keep it a total secret?

[MissTee]

Hmm . . . I'm with Alice B. Sounds like you're saying to heck with her and what she thinks. That smells of an unhealthy relationship and thus your dressing (or not) might be the least of your concerns. I've said this many times in this forum, but developing an understanding of your CD-ing with a loving spouse is an experience to cherish for all time and can be so fulfilling. It does take work, mutual respect, and a strong does of patience.

[GinaM]

You are misunderstanding. I'm not buying her clothes and then wearing them out. Instead of buying clothes for her I'm buying them for me. I've gone out a few times en femme as all I'm saying.

[Leslie Langford]

Oh boy...here we go.

Your 4 year old will probably know nothing, it's just a computer screen. Your wife might have some set ideas already.

Show your devotion to her, and just say you like womens' clothes.

Smoking kills 5.4 people a year world wide, crossdressing kills zero.

I'm sure I am no help. :strugglin

Does the 0.4 part of your stats reflect those smokers whose growth was stunted, which is what we older types were always being told by our parents would happen if we started smoking too young...;)

All kidding aside, I think your number is missing a few zeros...

[PaulaQ]

Honestly, you hit the nail right on the head. Keep in mind I'm turning 37 and have been doing this off and on but more on for the past 30+ years. Nobody ever knew about it (except when I was caught several times as a young child) and it's been a secret part of my life. I'm actually getting proud of this side of me and going out and doing things I NEVER would have done in a million years.

I think you should probably give her the benefit of the doubt, and yourself the benefit of acceptance, and tell her. Unless she is the least observant woman in the world, I think she probably already has to know. And I think, if you are as sneaky as you say, then you are probably sabotaging yourself on purpose, and want to be found out.

Either way, you ought to go ahead and tell her. This really seems to be on your mind - I think you need to accept this about yourself.

The only way I wouldn't tell her, is if you know that your wife is the type of person who will blithely overlook something she doesn't like, as long as it's not too much in her face. There are some marriages that are based around this.

It also sounds like this is not the only issue in your marriage where you need some better communication.

I know trust about this is pretty hard. I got the memo from society too that told me that having a feminine side is wrong for a male.