Troubled and Confused.

[Callia]

If this was the wrong forum spot I apoligize in advance.

I like to wear womens clothing around the house and out in public when I can, but i dont want to actually become a woman.

I watch gay/CD porn...but am not sexually attracted to men.

What the heck am I ?

These questions trouble me daily. I almost purged my clothing today because of it :sad: ( but I didnt)

I dont think Im gay, but I like to dress and like "girl stuff", for example "accidently" buying pink sheets for my bed (my excuse was my sunglasses made them look red when I bought them).

I really dont know who or what I am anymore.

[ArleneRaquel]

You are most likely a straigh CD. Most male CD'ers are straight NOT gay. Best Wishes !

[Tracii G]

Sound like a regular straight CDer to me.
No reason to put a label on yourself there are soo many facets to this stuff you will get even more confused if you try.
The main thing to remember the clothes you wear won't change your sexual preference.
Crossdressing doesn't mean you are gay nor will it make you gay.

[Rachelakld]

Callia, why label yourself?
The main question, are you a good and kind person?

Are you hurting anyone by being yourself, if not, then be whatever you want, enjoy it, and if you change your mind, enjoy that also.
Life is a journey, enjoy it.

[Beverley Sims]

Callia, you are like the rest of us here.
We all follow a similar lifestyle and act in similar ways.
Me? I even wear bra and panties under a pink top and white skirt.
I thought that was weird for a guy.

NOT HERE DEARIE!

[TeresaCD]

Hey Callia! One of things I learnt very quickly here, is that you can be a man who loves to be a woman some of the time, and you don't have to be gay. Your second sentence describes me well, for instance.
I hope being here helps you work out what's going on, welcome to the journey!

[Vickie_CDTV]

If you identify as hetero and like "gay/CD porn", by which I assume you mean men with crossdressers, what appeals to you about it?

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Callia, It sounds like you are as normal as any of us here are.

[Jenniferathome]

I watch gay/CD porn...but am not sexually attracted to men.

Huh? How does that go together? You must be watching so as to listen to the witty repartee and clever dialogue then.... Right.

Don't be ashamed of who you are but don't lie to yourself either.

[nhlighthouse]

the problem here is that "You are always looking at life through Rose colored sunglasses!"

[Alexisninsar]

Why worry about labels, they tend to get people in trouble. You are who you are, first and foremost a HUMAN and secondly a crossdresses.

[Kathi Lake]

Don't be ashamed of who you are but don't lie to yourself either.Callia, I have to agree. Kind of mutually-conflicting statements there. Kind of along the lines of "I'm straight - except when dressed." Just as clothes do not have the power of changing your sexual orientation, getting excited over gay porn and claiming to be uninterested in it just doesn't fit.

Admit who you are, and accept it. Have the courage to be who you are. If you do not like who that might be, that's the problem. As for crossdressing, that's another matter entirely. It has no connection to your sexual orientation for most people.

Callia, who you are is not only up to you, it is only for you as well. What I mean by that is, as others have said, that labels should not define you. Only you can define you.

Kathi

[Callia]

Just like I cant explain why I like to crossdress, I cant explain why I can watch CD/Gay porn.
I have attempted to be with a man and found myself not into it.
This is part of why Im so confused.

[vivianann]

You can be a crossdresser and be attracted to GG's

[Alice B]

Simply a straight CD'er, like canyon this site. There is nothing wrong with you, just a problem with how society views us.

[DonnaT]

Purging your cloths won't change who you are, and you are a sum of all your characteristics. Enjoy!

[kimdl93]

I recall an episode of Will & Grace where Will described Gay porn as the ultimate heterosexual aphrodisiac... he may have had a point.

[Annaliese]

Callia, hi from another Utah girl. You are who you are, a man with a fem side, don't let labels side track you. Purging will not help, you will just have to replace everything later and you will be mad at your self for doing it. There is nothing wrong with you don't let the mind games of other lead you to believe there is. PM me if you like. Hugs Callia

[Lynn Marie]

Hi Callia, I'm betting that you're pretty young, afraid of being gay, afraid of not being "man enough", and, of course, "toubled and confused". Ease up on yourself a little and relax. Many of us are just like you and have slowly learned to live with who we are rather than continually question "why" or "who" am I?

In boy mode, I'm a boy. I think like a boy and do boy things.
In girl mode , I'm a girl. I think like a girl and do girl things.
It's actually pretty simple, and great fun! Enjoy.

[Maria in heels]

Callia...I agree with Rachel...just be yourself and don't worry about a title or a category

[LelaK]

When I was in my 20s I was a little afraid that I might be gay, but on thinking about it I realized I wasn't really attracted to men. Nonetheless, being an idealist then, I thought bisexuality might be best for everyone, because for a while I kind of equated sexual attraction with love and I thought it'd be good if everyone loved each other. These days it might be called polyamory. But now I see love as simply caring about others, not having a feeling of attraction, like infatuation, for everyone.

To me gay porn or even porn with men in it at all is generally rather gross to me. Lesbian porn is about all that appeals to me. However, I do find porn that involves women with penises okay. I've seen hermaphrodite women in porn that was appealing a little. For me, TGs doing it with women is much better than men with women.

[Callia]

I wish i could find a gg who is accepting, but Ive been too afraid to tell anyone ive dated about it. I think thats the root of my issue....Im afraid to be with anyone, I dont want to be with men, and I dont want to be with a woman who who not be accepting forcing me to lie to myself :( But Ill never find one who is accepting because Im too afraid to tell them.

[TeresaCD]

Never say never, Callia. There is a GG out there who will accept you as you are,I am sure.

[flatlander_48]

There is no rush to any of this. Let things evolve and do what it feels like you should do.

[Loni]

just be yourself no label needed.

if you feel the need be the woman of your dreams, put on a dress spend time dressed, and time to go to bed put on your nightgown or short nighty.

if porn interests you have at it. i have no need for it. but i love looking at the ladies...and wishing i could wear that dress/swimsuit, etc.


Loni


.

[darylinb]

I think I understand, and it is very confusing. When I am dressed, sometimes it is just that- dressed. Relaxing, escapism, whatever, happy to be with my wife. But over the last few years i have been wanting to "be" more of a female in my relationships with others (online) and once, even meeting up with a man when I was dressed. Is there a better place on this site to post these questions?

[Chickhe]

I don't understand the porn part, but anyway for CDing I would say its really important to accept yourself. You will never answer the 'why'. If you want to get over any compulsion to dress you must allow yourself to explore it and learn.

[StephanieH]

Congratulations, you're normal M'dear. I don't think any of us here, if we were honest about it, haven't at least wondered or had fantasies about sex with other guys - I think it's part of CD'ing. If we like to dress like girls and act like girls, I think we wonder what it's like to have sex like a girl. Whether or not we'd ever do anything about it another matter entirely, but I'd bet most of us here have thought about it more than once.

As others have said, I wouldn't worry about it. Just accept the fact that there are thousands of us out here who like to run around in frilly undies and still like to watch football too - geez, if anybody could ever fully explain crossdressing I think they'd be a miracle worker! Take care, don't stress about it, and just try to enjoy.

[Kathi Lake]

I don't think any of us here, if we were honest about it, haven't at least wondered or had fantasies about sex with other guys


<------------ Here's one that has never wondered (honestly)!

:)

Kathi

[Eryn]

I like to wear womens clothing around the house and out in public when I can, but i dont want to actually become a woman.

A lot of CDers are satisfied being men but want to express themselves more fully. It's probably a good description of most of us.


I watch gay/CD porn...but am not sexually attracted to men.

I just watched Star Wars, but I don't want to be Darth Vader. Just because we find something entertaining doesn't mean that we should want to emulate it.


What the heck am I ?

It sounds like you are a reasonably normal person. Since you are obviously actively looking for answers you will probably become more secure with the person you are. It's actually quite liberating to buy those pink sheets for your bed because you want them! Why should only 50% of the population have that privilege?

[Jenniferathome]

I don't think any of us here, if we were honest about it, haven't at least wondered or had fantasies about sex with other guys

nope. Not even remotely

[Jenniferathome]

I just watched Star Wars, but I don't want to be Darth Vader.

Not really an analogy that works. Gay porn (any porn) is in a class by itself and it DOES mean something more than just "watching."

[Wildaboutheels]

If you are physically aroused ONLY by women's bodies/body parts you are straight. If you are ONLY aroused by men or their body parts you are gay. If you are aroused by BOTH, you are BIsexual.

But here is the thing. What IF you decide on a label for yourself?

Will your life change any? Get any easier or better? Or worse?

Do you know if you are a pessimist?

Or an optimist?

People seem to forget that there are no laws that require us to fit in certain size boxes.

Are there?

[linda allen]

There's no need to put a label on yourself (although if you wear women's clothes, I suppose you are a crossdresser by definition) and there's no need to worry about it. If you're not sexually attracted to males, you are not "gay", but then again, why worry about it.

Just be your self (within the bounds of acceptable behavior) and enjoy life.

[Shadowgirl89]

I feel the exact same way, if I see a man I have no sexual desire toward him but I do toward women, but I will occasionally watch cd and tg porn