approaching another Crossdresser

[nhlighthouse]

On Monday 4/8/2013 while I was doing my shopping in the Salem NH Walmart clearance aisle, I could not help but notice acute looking CDer. Now by checking her hands and viewing her black flats that she was wearing and double checking her hair and minumun amount of make-up(just enough to get by and not overwhelming) I wanted to say hi :battingeyelashes:and comment first on her shoes as a ice breaker to start talking and hopefully share our likes for cding.:heehee:
As it was I didn't and she disappeared off into the sunset...never to be seen again :eek:in the store as I looked for her to assure myself that she was a he!.
Would of I been wrong to approach her and start a conversation?:daydreaming: or any tips on Breaking the Ice" with other CDers? '
Thanks in advance
Mykchelle

[Wildaboutheels]

This will get you a few views/opinions.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?192750-What-would-you-do-if-I-did

[arbon]

How do you know she was really a crossdresser? What is she was transsexual, think she would want to talk about CDing with you?

Sounds kinda cold but if someone wants to start a conversation with me then fine, but if some CD comes up to me and start's talking about CD ing believe me I'm not going to be very friendly about it.

I think it is something you need to be cautious about doing.

[Lynnmorgan451]

I almost did this the other day at a book store!! actually, I think I posted it somewhere, but I saw this guy with a beard and makeup..oh yeah, just remembered where I posted this....hmm....anyway, the point is I felt compelled to talk to him, just to have a local friend. Didn't care what level he was on just needed a friend, so I searched the bookstore and never found him.....I'm kinda glad in a way because I probably would've offended him with my awkwardness...

[Marleena]

I agree with Arbon. I wouldn't want to be approached either while I'm going about my business. It should be an unwritten rule.

If you need to interact with other TG girls look for a social group instead.

[nhlighthouse]

Thanks Lynn exactly my same view of making friends!

[wilt575]

Are you actively seeking other cross dressers why assume a person is CDer. My thought is compliment her on something, clothing, hair etc and make light casual every day chat if she opens up to you fine, if not fine you still her feel good. Do you want people know you crossdress, or just want to be just another girl?

[Megan70]

I agree with Arbon. I wouldn't want to be approached either while I'm going about my business. It should be an unwritten rule.

If you need to interact with other TG girls look for a social group instead.

Here, Here... Agreed. Leave her alone, always

[Jenniferathome]

If this were any other person whom you thought was not a cross dresser, would you strike up a conversation? Also, how would you feel if someone came up to you BECAUSE they noticed you were a guy in a dress? If you talk to anyone and everyone as a normal course of your day, then go ahead and converse.

[Beverley Sims]

I do not think an approach other than a passing remark or smile is polite.
It puts both of you in an invidious situation with a possible unpleasant outcome.
If the passing remark is taken further engage in other meaningful conversation for a while.

[Lynnmorgan451]

If you need to interact with other TG girls look for a social group instead.

there are NO groups in my red-neck town....we are few and FAAAAAR between...Which was my main motivation for chasing after "someone like me" it stinks here and I'm sure he felt the same way

[Karren H]

If we all wore secret pink decoder rings that flashed when we neared eachother it would make meetings a lot easier!

[Cheryl T]

After all the effort to blend in it would seem like I've been outed to have someone approach me and want to discuss the subject if I didn't already know them. I would not appreciate the attention from that person or that which it might bring from others around me. If anything just smile and hope you get a knowing smile in return.

[Marleena]

there are NO groups in my red-neck town....we are few and FAAAAAR between...Which was my main motivation for chasing after "someone like me" it stinks here and I'm sure he felt the same way

Lynn, perhaps a road trip is in order then, if you can? As how he felt... no way of knowing for sure. I know I'm just fine on my own. These threads come up a lot.

[nhlighthouse]

That's what I'm talking about

If we all wore secret pink decoder rings that flashed when we neared eachother it would make meetings a lot easier!

[nhlighthouse]

how about if we wear two different types/color of footwear? Problem solved!~

[Megan Thomas]

Instead of asking them directly, why not approach the same product/s they're looking at and share a comment about it with them? That way they can decide how to handle your approach with zero embarrassment likely.

[Kalista Jameson]

Hi. My thoughts are, that while I am comfortable talking to and sharing stories with people here, because we all have a common bond of sorts, this is not necessarily the reality outside of these forums. If I were en femme and out somewhere like a store, I wouldn't want anyone drawing attention to my crossdressing, be it a male, GG, or another CD. The point is for me to blend in and not have attention drawn, but as normal of an interaction with the world as possible. So I can imagine others might feel the same way.

That's not to say, that I wouldn't appreciate an indirect compliment on my attire or something like that if the situation naturally permitted it, just nothing direct that has to do with my crossdressing. Like others have mentioned in other threads, people don't know why I dress up. Better not to assume I'm a CD, transgender or Valkyrie Warrior Maiden in pantyhose. =) I think most people are like that to some degree, so while I may wonder at what the other's situation is, I'll take the safe road and leave them alone. If I naturally make eye contact with them, en femme or not, I'll smile and may say hi if I pass by them. That for me would mean the world, so that's what I'll try to do for others.

Cheers,

Kalista

[Jaymees22]

I think I have replied to a similar thread in the past. With my luck I would probably approach a masculine looking GG and embarrass us both. Best not to say anything. Jaymee

[AllieSF]

That is one of those situations where I would play it by ear and gut feeling. I have seen several while out and when interested I would try to get near them to talk about whatever, which I generally have no problem doing. I never say I am a sister, nor ask them about their dressing. If I am also dressed at that moment, then it is obvious. Today at my local Starbuck's a person came in with a GG who was flat chested, had naturally long hair, was older, 50++, wore a bold reddish colored simple cotton top and a bolder blue long skirt and bright red tennis shoes. I would guess that this person was a "T" something. I did not approach the couple because I was with friends. I did however watch the people around them and it was very interesting that I only saw 1 or 2 quick looks and mostly indifference to that person. The clothes alone, though tasteful to one degree should have been enough to cause people to look, since most people in the suburbs around here tend to avoid the brighter contrasting colors.

[mikiSJ]

I am curious why there is resistance to approaching someone - CD or not. I have approached a lot of people who I found interesting visually and either complimented them or indicated (in whatever manner) I might want a little more conversation.

Sometimes I am ignored (nicely or rudely), sometimes I am told to bug off (nicely or rudely) and sometimes I have actually made a new friend/acquaintance.

I do agree that "Hey, are you a CDer, so am I" is not an appropriate approach, but you shouldn't shy away if you would like to meet the person (see my sentence above!)

[Badtranny]

I don't even know why this question ever comes up. When I see somebody who I want to meet for whatever reason, I do something pretty radical; ...I say "hi".

Then I follow with whatever caught my interest. Love those boots, or your hair is amazing, or I used to have a car just like that, or where did you find that top? or whatever.

How do you people get along in life without rudimentary people skills?

[Angela Campbell]

Does it matter if they are crossdressed? I would treat them as any other lady I saw and if I wanted to strike up a convo I would but it wouldn't be about something as personal as what gender they are.

[StarrOfDelite]

Just a viewpoint, but I think that in today's society we should be very careful about complimenting a person presenting as a female, irrespective of birth gender, on her appearance. Didn't President Obama just get into a storm of controversy because he made a fairly innocuous comment about a member of his cabinet?

[Marleena]

That does it! I'm gonna go out and buy an inspector Clouseau trench coat and magnifying glass and look for imposters. Maybe we can start a trend here?:heehee:

[Badtranny]

Didn't President Obama just get into a storm of controversy because he made a fairly innocuous comment about a member of his cabinet?

No. He was very rightly criticized for calling Kamala Harris the "best looking Attorney General". He's apologized and it's over but he deserved the criticism for essentially reducing Ms Harris to a beauty contestant. I know he was just being complimentary, but it's inappropriate to say such a thing on a national stage.

[Angela Campbell]

Just a viewpoint, but I think that in today's society we should be very careful about complimenting a person presenting as a female, irrespective of birth gender, on her appearance. Didn't President Obama just get into a storm of controversy because he made a fairly innocuous comment about a member of his cabinet?

If he had said it to her and not in public it would have been fine but not in public about an official. What if that was said about a man who was a cabinet official?

[StarrOfDelite]

Re: President Obama. I respectfully disagree that if he had said it to her in private it would have been fine, unless there was some sort of social friendship between them which extended beyond the politcal/professional one. I think such comments are inappropriate in any situation except as between social friends. If I invite a couple whom I know socially over for dinner and say to the female that she is looking lovely, that's appropriate. If I invite a female business person, perhaps someone with whom I'm trying to negotiate a deal, over for a conference it would be a major faux pas tell her that she is looking lovely without some sort of social friendship as a basis. It just seems to me that making comment upon the appearance of a stranger in a store is totally unacceptable.

[Wildaboutheels]

There is risk in giving a compliment to ANY person for ANY reason. Some people will always assume you WANT something from them.

There is also risk every time you put your key in your ignition and leave your driveway.

[Chickhe]

...funny thing, I was out taking pictures of birds. If I go after the birds they fly away, but if I just go about my own business the birds to come to me they get very close. I think the same goes for CDers.... if you try to approach one you might scare them away, but if you just go about your normal routine you might actually end up having a meaningful interaction.

[kimdl93]

is an "acute" cross dresser different from a "chronic" cross dresser? I think you could safely engage in casual conversation - just something like "Hi, those are cute" without letting her know that you read her as CD. And of course, what if you'd been wrong and she was GG... it happens. I try never to presume and hope (perhaps unrealisticaly) that others will do the same.

[RenneB]

I say you need to be comfortable stiking up a conversation with anyone... Then it'll just be a chance meeting between girls... I start conversations with a lot of people, most know in a few words who I am, but that doesn't seem to bother me or them and we just keep chatting... I've had a few women start up a conversation from a few meters away and then when I respond, they'll stop and say "Ohhhh". Either they walk away, or we keep chatting...

One of my best tools that I have to work with is the IDC 'tude. Once you get the 'tude, the rest of the world is wide open.... including meeting some of "us" and GGs...

Renne......

[Deedee Skyblue]

I have never had anyone who didn't respond positively when I say something like "I really like your shoes" or "That's a nice outfit". It doesn't matter what her sex or gender is, I think she would at least smile and say thank you. And, if you read her correctly, and she reads you as well, she can take the next step - if she wants to.

Deedee

[Stephanie Miller]

This same topic came up AGAIN just the other day here on the forum. ( Go figure :rolleyes:)
It just so happened that I notice an older CD in the grocery store last week. A lot of your replies flashed through this little brain. But, being the nonconformist that I am, I didn't go with any of them. I made sure at one point we were with-in an arms length or so away from each other and while holding a box of cake mix made a loud remark to the effect of "Drat you Duncan Hines for the fine print." Then without making eye contact reached over and asked her to read if it was gluten free, since I left my glasses in the car. It was enough to break the conversation ice and we chatted for a minute about calories and preservatives. A short and sweet conversation and off we went. If I ever see her again, I will say hi and see what develops. May not work with everyone... but it worked that time.