what should I tell my therapist on first visit?

[Angela Campbell]

I have an appointment this week to see a therapist who is experienced in trans clients in my area. I have never talked to one before and I am not sure on what to do there or say. Should I tell her right up front I want to transition or start HRT? Should I just describe my life and what is going on with me? Should I just wait for questions and answer them? How does this work?

[kimdl93]

I'd let your therapist ask the questions and see where it goes. You don't want to come in there with an apparent agenda. I'm sure she'll ask why you're there and in response you could tell open up the subject of your feelings, and describe how its affected your life.

[AllieSF]

The most important thing you can do is be totally honest with her and answer all her questions as best that you can. If you don't know something just tell her that you don't know. Otherwise, she is there to help you and you are paying for that service, or at least someone is. Please do not waste your time nor hers. If she doesn't seem to fit for you, which does happen all the time, tell her and then ask for another referral. Good luck and I think that you will enjoy the experience.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

whatever you do, dont tell her you asked people on the internet what to say...

other than that, its your money, its your time...don't waste it...tell the truth, be open to listening and responding to what is discussed...good luck..

one good idea someone gave me prior to my first therapy session was to jot down a few notes to make sure i covered everything..its a tough feeling to walk out and realize you forgot to talk about something..
its easy to say don't feel pressure, but especially at the start it may be hard to concentrate..thats ok...it will get much easier

[Angela Campbell]

I really do not want to ask what to say, but should I touch on certain subjects or wait until asked? Do they ask why you are there first or do they start some other way? There is so much to this and most I really do not know how to describe or put into words, I know once started I will know what to say, but I am kind of wondering what to expect and what not to do.

I am a bit nervous about this. I have already told them it is about TG issues when I inquired about the session and asked for a therapist with experience in the area.

[kristinacd55]

I'm starting with a new therapist Friday, and it's been a year since I went to one. I was just totally honest and told her everything about how I feel, it's just great to be able to be so open with someone. The main thing is to feel comfortable with your therapist, if you don't get that feeling, move on. Good luck with it!

[Sophia_raven]

I'm sort of in the same boat honestly except I'm going for my last visit.

I sort of want to come out to her with my crossdressing to seek advice about coming out to my parents though this forum is probably going to be a better help.

Edit: sorry I didn't realize this was a different section.

[AllieSF]

I really do not want to ask what to say, but should I touch on certain subjects or wait until asked? Do they ask why you are there first or do they start some other way? There is so much to this and most I really do not know how to describe or put into words, I know once started I will know what to say, but I am kind of wondering what to expect and what not to do.

I am a bit nervous about this.

After saying hello and if she does not ask what specifically motivated you to go to therapy, tell her that you are transgendered and are having issues with it and are looking for professional help in learning how to deal with it. That should be enough for her to start her questions so that she can better understand where you are coming from and exactly where you need or she thinks that she can help you. Since she already has trans experience, I think that you will be in good hands. Don't worry about getting emotional or being at a loss for words. She will be very experienced in helping you get through those moments and helping you find those words you lost. It is also OK to cry with her. I would guess that little box of Kleenex will be somewhere near where you sit. Yeah, I don't think they really use those old lounges where the patient lays down while there. Again, just be yourself and the rest will happen almost naturally. Good luck.

[Sharon]

After introducing yourselves to one another, the first thing your new therapist is likely to ask is "Why are you here?" or "So tell me about yourself." Do it. Be honest and don't be afraid of embarrassing yourself or shocking her. It's a waste of both time and money if you are anything but completely open and honest.

Good luck and relax. :)

[melissaK]

@Spohia: telling a therapist in person is better than telling this forum. Big difference. Might give it a try before you leave her care.

@Ellen: Yep. Tell the truth, does not good to be shy gal. Expect it to take more than a session to get your story laid out and for her to know enough about you to get a read on where you are at. And done right, you will be telling her where you are at, and sometimes your answers will surprise you! :-)

[arbon]

whatever you do, dont tell her you asked people on the internet what to say...



lol! That made me laugh.
Yeah, not a good idea.

You'll be alright. When you get there and into the appointment you'll figure out what to say - a lot will depend on how comfortable you are feeling with them, and it will flow where it needs to from there.
My fist visit I am not really sure what all came out of my mouth, but I remember crying a lot.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

it may help you to write things down if you are nervous...sorry i was chippy and teased a little..

you have a chance to step up and i know that's nervewracking.....thats why jotting some notes can help...even if just to calm the nerves..

[stefan37]

It is ok to be nervous. It took me 2 days to make the initial appointment. Be yourself, answer questions honestly and bring up topics that might help you deal with your issues and concerns.
Before you know it your time will fly by and you will be anticipating your next session.

[Ann Louise]

Your thoughts and feelings are the chart to your heart, and likely change some from day to day. I jot down a few of what I think are my most significant thoughts each day in a small notebook, and share that with her each visit. She seems to think it's some time well spent with her, and encourages me to keep it up. Maybe you might consider that yourself. Hugs, Danni

[Kathryn Martin]

Oh dear, why are you going to see a therapist?

[Angela Campbell]

Why? Because I am scared. Because I am a girl inside, Because things are changing too fast, ....because I am isolated and it hurts, and a million other reasons.

[Kathryn Martin]

Dear Ellen,

Maybe you could tell me what you are scared of. But even without that knowledge does that not answer your question. Why are you concerned whether there are things you should not do, as mentioned in one of your comments on this thread. When I read that I immediately wondered if you had an agenda going into this meeting. What is it that if you did it would occasion a different result than the one you wish to achieve?

In a sense going to see your therapist gives you an opportunity to lay bare all that troubles you. If you do that the chips will fall where they may but it will give you greater certainty about yourself and your plight. Is that not what you need to know?

[Angela Campbell]

In truth, I want HRT. I know that is something that they are supposed to determine and I don't know if I should tell her my desire for this or not. I want to transition, (and I don't want to) and it scares the hell out of me, I think I am heading that way and it is too much to fight it anymore. It used to be easy. I want to be me, but I never have been me, and I am not sure who me is.

If I was brutally honest what I really want is to run. Run like hell and keep going.

[Kathryn Martin]

Ellen, there you go. It is a perfectly legitimate reason to seek the help of a therapist. All I am trying to say to you is that because hormones are very powerful drugs a diagnosis has to be made to justify the recommendation for cross sex hormones. If you go in trying to say the "right" things to achieve the goal you may very well create a truly dangerous situation. Mis-applied drugs can cause serious havoc with your body. So you need to be brutally honest with your counselor and the chips fall where they may.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

The conversation you are having with Kathyrn is exactly the conversation you should have with your therapist

Hopefully it will make you much less nervous to know that..

if you get along with a knowledgeable therapist, you will quickly get help for the "Fear" part of your situation, and it will put you in a good position to make better decisions for yourself....

[Angela Campbell]

Ok I went and we talked. Not what I expected but was very interesting. Not sure what to say right now though. I can tell you that she was able to manipulate time. I was not in there 10 minutes max but when I walked out the clocks had moved a whole hour.

She told me it was ok for me to be a girl. No one ever told me that before.

[DaniG]

I can tell you that she was able to manipulate time.

Well, therapists usually work in hour chunks, and you probably have a lot more to cover than an hour deserves. When I had my epiphany in December I started weekly visits, and I've never regretted it. I think everyone, not just trans, can benefit from therapy just to work through life's little adventures. Don't regard it as a chore or mark of shame. Enjoy the exploration. Embrace the chance to heal and prepare yourself for the next chapter of your life.


She told me it was ok for me to be a girl. No one ever told me that before.

Great!

As to your OP, just be honest and up front. Let the rest go where it needs to.

[pickles]

Go in dressed up, should break the ice.

[Angela Campbell]

I didn't push it that far, but I was wearing womens jeans as I don't have any mens. I don't think it would have mattered to her at all how I was dressed.

[pickles]

I'm just saying it worked for me. Good luck.

[Jorja]

I'm just saying it worked for me. Good luck.

If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, it must be a duck. ;)

[Angela Campbell]

She just came right out and asked me what I am and I told her I am a woman, She said then I am. (I am glad I am not a duck.) She said there is no one else who could know that and my answer was so quick. She said there is no reason to hide it or be ashamed of it. I am what I am.

[pickles]

My therapist and I have figured out that the word for what I am doesn't exist in English yet. So I just tell people I am a Pickle if they ask.

[stefan37]

I am glad to see you are moving in a direction that feels comfortable to you. I remember reading some of your replies, how you will never transition because of the losses you may incur, and now a very short time later, you are wanting hrt and admitting to yourself your true nature. That in itself shows how fluid our thought process can be as we explore and hold open the possibly of different outcomes. It is not easy to admit to ourselves what we truly are and to take the first steps toward our authentic selves. I wish you the best as you explore and move to wherever it is that you feel comfortable at. This is a sucky condition we suffer from and cure for it is extremely difficult to embark on. In my case as I move forward it is becoming easier to progress and any fears I had have long left. There is still uncertainty about the future, and the way to deal with that is to live in the present. I know where I am now, and I am taking it step by step. So will you. This is not a race, but a marathon. Take your time and enjoy the ride, it will be much more pleasurable. If you do start hrt, formulate a plan how you will handle the physical changes before they manifest.

[LeaP]

If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, it must be a duck. ;)

You think physical changes are interesting now, you should see what you get with duck hormones!

Ellen, I'm glad the therapist is working out so far.

[Angela Campbell]

I know I have said before I was not going to transition and I had plenty of reasons. I still do not want to. Everything is changing so fast. Logically I would still say I will not, but I know that it is going to happen and I cannot hide from it. It is strange but the closer I get to what I want the more intense it gets. Every step I take makes me have to take two more...It was pretty obvious to some around me all along, I am the one who could not see it. I still do not want to see it. I am thinking of ways to make it happen though. I just need some help getting there and I have a good resource to do that now. I have talked to two therapists now. One is actually someone who has gone through a transition himself, from female to male. This is not over yet. I may find out this is the wrong path, I am no expert but I will listen to the experts.


Duck hormones....hmmmmm, can they at least be female duck hormones? (I already have the feet..)

[stefan37]

you can get guidance from the "experts" but you really have to listen to yourself. There is nothing wrong with exploring options and backing off if it is not what you need. One thing you can start immediately and it will have relatively little to no impact on those around you is to start facial hair removal. I am sure at your age your hair is mostly gray or white. Electrolysis is expensive and extremely time consuming. The sooner you start the better. Just removing your facial hair may provide enough relief to push off transition till a later date. Either way it can only help and you may find losing your beard is too much to bear or even that you welcome it.

[Angela Campbell]

I have plans for electrolysis. I have talked to several and want to find the right one. That is going to happen no matter what.

[Rianna Humble]

Every step I take makes me have to take two more...

To misquote Einstein "Every step appears to be the unavoidable consequence of the preceding one, till in the end there beckons, more and more clearly, total" transition!


Duck hormones....hmmmmm, can they at least be female duck hormones?

You'd have to be quackers to take drake hormones :heehee:

[Jennifer Marie P.]

See what your terapist asks you first and then take it from there.