Wondering about coping mechanisms or techniques.

[Emma Beth]

In a previous thread someone mentioned to me about fantasizing about what it might be like and such and I responded to her about how my writing helps me out with that issue.

I also realize the my writing helps me deal with this in other ways. It helps me cope with some of the big problems and examine my self as well.

Another thing that seems to help me is feeling like I'm moving forward, even if it's something small like a new nightie added to my limited wardrobe or being able to keep up with my grooming routine.

I was wondering what others do to cope or what others may have suggested you do to help cope with some of the emotional issues.

Love and Hugs,
Jamie

[AllieSF]

You bring up a good point. I work through issues by talking about them to whomever will listen. I am not looking for a reply just a good listening ear on the other person. A friend on mine told me that I talk and think while she listens, thinks and then talks. I agreed with her, because listening to myself explain something that I am troubled with also helps me understand it better as I sometimes hear and then understand the fallacies in my arguments.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

coping is a really interesting concept

are you transsexual?? are you wondering if you are? that can make a big difference in how you cope..

progress is a huge help to people that are transsexual and cant yet see a final positive outcome...its common to feel trapped...like you must transition, like you need to transiton, but you cant... regardless of why, the seeming impossibility of it makes that trapped feeling worse and worse...little bits of progress is a great answer for this...also little bits of "mitigating it" are a good answer..i've mentioned many times that i plucked one eyebrow lash a day...ONE...literally.... i kept one pinky slightly longer and curved and in meetings at work i would look at it... or i'd doodle signatures...Michele...Kaitlyn..Lucy...over and over...sounds weird...but those moments interuppted negative and unproductive straight talk..

that inner dialog tends to have a mind of its own, and its something that can go on and on without you knowing its there right up until you notice how much its causing you pain... getting it out, writing, singing...all of them help alot in my mind...one way they help is that when you put it in writing you can't misremember and distort it...i kept everything i wrote from my worst times and it reminds of how much i've accomplished and it reminds of how i did the right thing...

[LeaP]

Funny, Kaitlyn - I have several pages in the back of my work notebook that I keep for the type of doodling and writing you mention. Names, signatures, poetry, thoughts, etc. Nothing terribly interesting, but shows bits of the inner monologue.



I built a house to hide my soul
Stick by stick constructed role

All buildings fail
Some in centuries
Some in a lifetime

The more I live, the more I die



Independent young years
Naivete in teen years
Then reaction
Turned suppression
Made the front
That brought depression

[Anne2345]

I am sure this will come as a complete surprise and shock to many here, but I like to write about my thoughts, emotions, feelings, and experiences. Writing helps me to better focus on, pinpoint, analyze, and [-]understand[/-] what is going on in my crazy head.

Like Allie, I also receive much benefit from talking about my issues with others, whether it is with friends, family, others like me, or my therapist.

And Kaitlyn makes a great point (no surprise there - she's chock full of 'em) that making some sort of progress, no matter how small, is important. It's value, in fact, cannot be understated.

[LeaP]

I'm shocked. SHOCKED!

... at the statement that you now understand what's going on in your crazy head! :devil:

So now clue me in so I know what's going on in mine ...

[Anne2345]

Alrightee then, Lea!!!

You may have won THAT round, but I'll be back!! I'll be back, I tell you!! And by striking me down, you have made me more powerful than you can possibly imagine!!! BwahahahahHahaha!!!

Before you question the relevancy of my response, though, humor is a very healthy coping technique. Although I lose mine from time to time, I try my best to keep hold of it. I mean, if we can't laugh at ourselves and between friends, hope is lost.

But Lea did call me out properly, so I edited my initial response accordingly. :heehee:

[stefan37]

Really Anne I had no idea you liked to write to your emotions. Glad you cleared that up. :)

[kellycan27]

Nothing wrong with a little fantasy.... If you keep it in perspective. It can actually help with coping.

[Anne2345]

Ok! Now THAT does it!!!! That was the final straw, Steph!!!!

AAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!

<<breathe in deeply, exhale, breathe in deeply, exhale>>

That's not fair ganging up on me like that!!! :p

Before you also question the relevancy of this response, both screaming and simple breathing exercises can be good coping techniques. And really, it is hard to beat a good, long, loud scream!! And then writing about the scream afterwards!! :)

[Angela Campbell]

maybe

"Writing helps me to better focus on, pinpoint, analyze, and (try to)understand what is going on in my crazy head. "

I wish I could but I just don't have the words. At least I understand that I don't understand. I haven't tried screaming but I have tried crying.

[KellyJameson]

There seems to be two forms of coping. The coping before you know what you are coping with and than the other form of coping when you do.

Life goes through stages and so does gender dysphoria.

I had a very long and drawn out "what the F.. is wrong with me stage" from early childhood and well into my twenties before I went through enough pain to have the courage to face the truth and start answering the questions that I really already knew the answers to that were buried in my subconscious.

Much of gender dysphoria is just exposing what your mind already knows but does not want to "see"

I think writing is critical to understanding and surviving this. You are trying to peer into the deepest parts of your psyche.

I have noticed transsexuals who do not do write are often very self destructive, even though I doubt few avoid some form of self destructive behavior.

Knowledge is power. It will not eliminate the pain of gender dissonance and dysphoria but it will help manage the fear of the unknown caused by not having understanding.

Unresolved gender dysphoria exposed me to PTSD in my teens and twenties from the constant onslaught of anxiety so what you want to cope with is "anxiety" to a large degree.

The experience of anxiety is much more severe when you do not know what is causing it.

Look at the relationship you have with your own genitials. You may not "hate" this aspect of your body but you may act like it does not exist or you may have a "uneasy" relationship with your body changing from moment to moment depending on threats to your identity

You may feel shame related to your genitals so want to hide this from the world as a "defect"

This may make you very private and fearful of others seeing you naked. This is stressful so creates one form of anxiety similar to body dysmorphic disorder.

In my opinion gender dysphoria and body dysmorphic disorder go hand in hand and I think of gender dissonance as the physical experience of body dysmorphic disorder.

Usually shame is created by being shamed by others but this has a different flavor to it because it comes from feeling "wrong" physically that probably started in your early childhood when you noticed girls looked different down there than you do.

Imagine trying to be sexual with a "defect". This adds hugely to your stress levels related to sex in my opinion so you may avoid sex or try to find a "work around" to this problem but I'm not sure if its possible and many transsexuals talk about "sex avoidance" because of how sex negatively impacts them psychologically.

Layers upon layers of problems with no apparent solution adding more and more stress onto you, increasing your anxiety.

Beside forums I have read many books written by transsexuals. You begin to see the same problems they coped with in their own life along with their "state of mind".

Seeing yourself in others really helps to give clarity. We learn about who we are and build our identities by finding ourself in others.

This is another reason gender dysphoria is so painful.

You become locked out of participating in the world because there is no one who is like you, so no one to learn from for identity formation.

It forces you to live without identity which is what all people need for good mental health so you are pushed into mental illness by not being able to do what all human beings must do for psychological survival.

A great deal of mental illness is related to problems with identity formation in the first twenty plus years of life.

Read, write and learn but more than that if you are suffering try to get into gender therapy as soon as possible.

Keep asking questions and be fearless in your desire to understand. Hide nothing from yourself and be as true to who you are as possible.

This will lead you to your identity because identity is that "knowing" as a feeling where you step back and clearly "feel" who you are. Once you have this experience all your doubts will vanish.

You see the "truth" all the way back to the beginning and suddenly everything about your life now makes perfect sense.

You see the consequences of living a life not aligned with your body.

[DaniG]

I've found that literally spending time on this forum is a form of dysphoria relief, and I without realizing it I was doing it compulsively until I found another form of relief and saw how it was consuming my time. That being said, you could spend your time less constructively, I suppose.

[elizabethamy]

I quit writing for 20 years to avoid discovering that I had gender issues. I am wiser now given what I know, but I'm not sure about happier, or even better off. Discovery through words is a coping mechanism, yes, but it can only take you so far. It matters but it's not a panacea...

[Ann Louise]

Writing in my daily journal, and sharing closely and honestly with my wife and my counselor have been enormously helpful. But regularly attending a nearby TS/TG weekly get-together here in western Washington has been the most effective for me. Meeting and talking with other transitioners, pre and post SRS, has been such a complete relief! I love the heart-to-heart contact I gain through these real-person encounters, and I've lost the disorientation and confusion that I had earlier in my transition.

[Cheyenne Skye]

I have two things I do to help cope with all the stresses in my life including dysphoria. One is running. I always feel relaxed at the end of a good long run. Not just from the endorphins, but being alone with my thoughts lets everything just drift away while the miles go by. The other thing is listening to music. I've recently gotten into a style of music that combines classical instruments (violin, cello, piano etc.) with electronic elements. I find it very soothing and uplifting at the same time.

[Emma Beth]

I love that style of music for different reasons, Cheyenne.
I love Bond. Those ladies really do a great job with combining those elements together in a way that really make my feet and body want to move.
Not only that, but those four ladies are really beautiful too.
I have also really enjoyed the music of Apocalyptica and what they do with the music of Metallica as well.
I have also been returning to listening to music to cope with the regular stresses of day to day life lately, like I used to do when I was a teenager.
I remember being a quiet mess back then, didn't share anything in my head back then. It was safer that way for me. Small town Mississippi and my parents just couldn't deal with what was really in my head back then. Not to mention I couldn't put a name to it like I can now due to a lack of available resources.

I also find that sometimes working out can be rather meditative as well, and that also helps a little. I mostly ride my bike to commute to and from work at the moment. Today I plan on beginning a routine that will target my core and lower body.