All the bullying

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

To start with, I'm 60, and I feel I grew up in the dark ages. I'd love to be 12 again and taking male hormone blockers to become my real me. Back "then" I was called a sissy, loved playing with dolls with my sisters, and went through school envying the girls. It was painful. I did manage to do some dressing and it was awesome!

Fast forward. I met my future wife who was able to help me with dressing but looking back I know she wasn't all that comfortable with it. We finally divorced in the mid 1980's. But then the word got out as to the "why" we got divorced. I'm sure the word spread into my workplace but no one really made a big deal of it. Except one person.

While he didn't come right out to say anything he made my life miserable until he quit in the late '90's. He was relentless and I had to keep my job to support children. Back then bullying was shuffled under the rug and bosses looked the other way. Still, I always felt the paranoia because word does get around. Luckily that job provided me a lot of financial security I'm enjoying today. The downside is that today I suffer from depression and a lot of leftover anxiety that takes the joy out of life.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

Cheryl Ann

[Beverley Sims]

If you can talk about and have someone listen it is good therapy Cheryl.
These days workplace laws have recognized bullying in the workplace but it is a bit late for you now.
Still depression and anxiety can be overcome with a positive attitude and a little help from others.
Keep telling us more and get it off your chest.

[lingerieLiz]

I understand where you are coming from. I'm a little older than you and started young also. Unlike you the people who found out were kind and didn't harass me about it. I developed boobs that never went away and had countless comments and grabbing though. People would tell me, You would make a pretty girl. But, most never suspected that I was a CD.

Back then if you were a CD people thought you were gay. I figured out that I wasn't and am happy today that I'm a guy who can live a full life and wear women's clothes. I don't try to pass as a woman except on rare occasions. As I've gotten older age has not been kind to my fem looks side, but that is ok. I passed in my teens and twenties.

As for depression, you may feel that you missed out on some things. We all do and the truth is that there are always choices we make. I was able to have a great job and like you I now have financial security and have neighbors and friends who don't care what I wear. You can now make choices as to who you associate with and accept your life style. We are the lucky ones in that we still have our health and can enjoy retirement.

If you want to get even make a donation to a LBGT group in his name and with his address. But he might suspect it was you unless he did harassment to others so be careful. Or send him a subscription to a magazine.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Thanks ladies! After I wrote this I got on the phone with my GG friend Sue and we had a nice chat. She's going to take a day off sometime so both of us gals can sit and chat in the privacy of my yard and have lunch and maybe a swim. The neighbors are far enough away and if someone sees me I'll just come out. I don't care anymore! My sister-in-law told me last night that she learned a good lesson, "It's none of my business what people think of me." She also told me that if I lose any friends should I come out, it's no great loss and then I'll probably gain some new TRUE friends. I know I have you gals here!

I could give a rat's *** losing and disconnecting with some people from the past.

It's just that I feel scarred in a way, and it's taking a lot of effort by new friends to help me get over it. Each step feels liberating!

I'm having some memories come back about how my mom and sisters probably had fun putting nail polish on me when I was about 5 and then ridiculing me. Since I was 4 I always felt different. Who knows? Today is a wonderful day! I also remember my first grade teacher telling me I had pretty blues eyes and lashes that any girl would love to have.

Cheryl Ann

[MsJanessa]

He quit--and youre still there--that says it all---I suspect that you are much tougher than he ever thought of being

[Jodi Anne]

Times are slowly changing, glad your attitudes has that "don't care what they think" it goes a long way.

[Tracii G]

The I don't care what you think attitude and thick skin are needed if you are like us.

[Angela Campbell]

Yes I had to learn that kind of thinking when I was very young. People who are different in any kind of way are often targets.

But Tracii, I don't want thick skin...I want soft skin!

The best revenge is living well.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I was glad to be away from the abuse, but it lingered in the way people treated me. I had some awesome people go above and beyond to make me feel okay. It was good, but deep scars for me anyway, have never gone away. At least today I can be who I am!

Cheryl Ann

[adrienner99]

I think a lot of us have been affected by bullying in one form or another...It can influence you for a lifetime...or you can realize that, you can't always control what mean people do or say, but only you can control how it affects you....easy to say, I know....I think all bullies should be jailed....

[Marcella Camira]

I agree with LingerieLiz. Send donation with his name to LGBT group. Don't get mad, Get ahead. Nothing like stealth retaliation to make you feel better. Especially if he is married. $20.00 worth of good feeling therapy. Know his address . Perfume on a letter thanking him for the good time last week works wonders too. I use to spray my perfume on guys collars of their coats. Let them go home wearing that. They knew I did it. But cant prove it. They wont mess with you after that one. Their sleepless nights arguing with s/0 takes the wind out their sails. But, I also have an aggressive attitude always the small guy. If they come at me , I go at them harder. Getting even really all that makes me feel better.

[PaulaQ]

Hi Cheryl. You might benefit from talking to a therapist, particularly one with gender issue experience. You may also need an anti-depressant for a while (not forever), chronic depression is a physical disorder, and it can be triggered by abuse such as what you suffered, and, well, the difficulties of this life. (You can safely talk to your doctor about feeling depression. You don't have to tell him why, although that can be useful too - I did it.)

As for revenge on the person who abused you in the workplace - I wouldn't bother. If he's no longer in your life, there's really not much to be gained by revenge, satisfying though that might seem. (I know you haven't suggested this.)

I guess all I'm suggesting is to take care of yourself.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Im not so sure concerning abuse, , yes i was at school in the 50's , being different well you could fight back or do as i did , let them yes i knew i could take them down i allso knew how to had been taught what to do & i allso knew i could not retaliate because if i had the temper i knew in my self would not stop till they could not get up again. my father though short lived as a father, was violent & his temper could take a life, had he Mom & i would be dead, he did try & was allmost sucsesfull

so i did not fight back. what i will say it did teach me how to be strong mentaly & physically as well. something that has helped me through my life of over 65 years,

Many of us go through different details in our life, how we work through them will depend on what we have in our selfs that will help us, & our issues will be different, i know mine are,

It does not mean they will be all dealt with & not cause us problems later in life, they do. something i know,

For those of us who need help get it, at least talking about those issues will open a can or two of worms , what it can do is allow us to see them for what they are, do they need to distroy us or make us stronger,

I have a few that wont let go so do i allow them to take over my life or work through them to the point of they ...WILL...not take control. its not allways so easy to do,

Im where i am now because i had help though not the help youd think of yet it really helped myself as a person 10 y 4 m ago our daughter gave birth to Dejarn, i lived for her i was a part of her & her life, she keeped me alive with out her, as iv said before. ......i dont wont to go that road. its a,,,, dead ,,,,end, so all up had i not become strong mentaly it would be very different for myself as a person.....

...noeleena...