Its been over a year

[jeniinnylons]

Its been over a year so far since I stopped crossdressing. The urge has started to come back but so far I have been able to stop myself from dressing. I think about it all the time and still find my self searching for sexy heels online. I guess it doesn't help that I boxed everything up and put it in the roof of the house instead of getting rid of it. Conflicted on not dressing. It helps my life situation but hurts my mental being.

[Emogene]

One of my favorite sayings is "If you wake up on the right side of the grass, the rest of it is detail!" To me, that means don't get too caught up in the small stuff or you are who you are: so enjoy, relax, and have joy!

There is nothing inherently wrong about being in touch with the softer gentler side of yourself and/or enjoying clothing that is more colorful and with greater variety in shapes and textures. Society has had a rigid convention regarding how men and women act and dress but as time goes forward we, as a race, are coming to realize that things including humans are not one thing or the other but infinite shades of gray.

Personally, cross dressing allows me to be kinder, gentler, a better conversationalist, more accepting, and to feel and express my emotions. I am much healthier for it. As for why, I or any of us started: Who knows and who cares; it simply is! Denying it won't make it go away!

I suggest that as you accept yourself for who you are so that you too can discover those positive aspects of life that you personally gain from cross dressing.

Wearing a wig or female clothing is not really on a par with being an axe murderer or some similar sociopathic hobby. It brings joy and comfort! and great heels :) So get out the box and be yourself! Love yourself!

[Diane Meris]

I too understand the wish to put it out of your life and/or understand why we are this way. I finally reached a point of acceptance of myself with the help of a great wife and a helpful, unbiased therapist. Part of me would still like to understand it but I will not waste anymore mental energy on something which , at this age, probably has no discernable answer. I have gotten on with rebuilding the most important relationship of my life and in order to do that I need to leave the guilt, shame and hiding behind. Ironically it is the hiding and dishonesty, not the crossdressing, that has had the most destructive effect on our relationship.

[LynnR]

I have purged stuff so many times over the years, but the urge always comes back. I've decided to accept this part of me and stop fighting it, and I feel better for it. Jenii, I hope you can resolve your torment.

[xdressed]

It's been a year almost to the day that I finally accepted this side of myself and cast out guilt and shame. My life has gotten much better because of it and I have made so many friends too, hopefully you can too ^_^

[MsJanessa]

Welcome back darling--now dress, relax and enjoy yourself without guilt

[Being Paige]

So I have got to ask, How happy is this making you in the long run?

[suzanne]

There's no doubt that cross dressing complicates my life. My SO would really prefer that I just stay in the "man" pigeonhole, but I'm not put together that way. I'm only a whole, relaxed, loving human being when Suzanne is front and center and feeling beautiful. I think that's the way it is for most of the girls in this forum, as well as for you. The world has tried to teach us to hate femininity in men, but they're wrong, wrong, wrong. I was once as conflicted about this issue as you are now, but since I embraced my femme side, I have never felt better about myself. I'm not necessarily saying you need to go the way I did, but I sincerely hope you find a peaceful, less conflicted resolution to your dilemma, because you don't appear to have found it yet. Best of luck!

[docrobbysherry]

I can understand the---- ah, er, uncomfortable, guilt, and embarrassing parts of dressing, Jenni.

But, to deny yourself something that obviously makes u happy? Why exactly?

[reb.femme]

Not really understanding why you wish to resist the urge to dress save the fact 'it helps your life situation', which I won't delve into. I know the lost urge side of things, but mine was due to a high level of meds.

I came out fully to my wife just over a year ago and now my dressing is done with her full knowledge and life for me is a lot sweeter. But then she is gorgeous in every way too.

Rebecca

[Geena75]

It really comes down to what "helps my life situation" means. You obviously had good reason for giving it up. Are those reasons as valid today as a year ago? Can a compromise be reached -- underdressing or closetted. I know I am doing some dressing now, but know my life would be simpler if I found that enabler idea that would shut it down again. I want to play some more for a while and experiment a little, but I think in the long run I'll need to shut it down.

Geena

[Beverley Sims]

At least you did not purge.
Now you have all that stuff close at hand.

[Brynna M]

Jeni,

I have to say i'm impressed. You've made it longer than I ever did. Life is about compromise and sometimes sacrifice. If the distress of not dressing is worth it to you to maintain other parts of your life then I wish you all the strength you need to continue to make whatever decision is best for you. But I also hope your "life situation" cuts you some slack and lets you engage is some harmless fun to relieve your distress.

Don't feel bad that your desire hasn't gone away. Most people here would likely be in a similar situation if they had the strength to make your choice.

[suchacutie]

Welcome back! It's like paper maps: Once open they are very difficult to refold into their original package! You have experienced your feminine side and there is no way to say it never happened. If it wasn't important to you, it would be completely forgotten.

So, is there a life reason that is keeping you from letting your feminine side have a life of her own?

[Jacqueline Winona]

Join the crowd, friend! My desire can go away completely for months, and I mean completely. Then, something happens. :)

[mollycd99]

My advice to you would be: go ahead and dress. Let go of the guilt, and feel good about yourself. Live life as it feels right to you. All the evidence and experience suggests that this will not go away. Hopefully you can find a compromise between your mental well-being, and your life situation. Best of luck.

[linda allen]

Its been over a year so far since I stopped crossdressing. The urge has started to come back but so far I have been able to stop myself from dressing. I think about it all the time and still find my self searching for sexy heels online. I guess it doesn't help that I boxed everything up and put it in the roof of the house instead of getting rid of it. Conflicted on not dressing. It helps my life situation but hurts my mental being.

If you seriously want to stop crossdressing, you can do it, but not by keeping your female clothing and things, and not by visiting crossdressing forums.

Get rid of your stuff and stay away from crossdressing forums and online shopping for women's clothes.

[Laura912]

The truth of the matter is in the statement about helping your life situation but hurting your mental being. One must assume that the CDing endangers something in your daily life such as wife, SO, or family. The need to protect that is understandable. However, if you are trying to protect yourself from yourself, it is not going work. As has been said, move beyond the guilt, dress, and watch how your mental state changes.

[Lynn Marie]

You joined this forum 8 years ago and you really haven't been very active. I have no idea of why you stopped, but I'll venture that it was some outside pressure other than a desire within yourself to quit. Because CDing is an obsession, much like a hobby, might I suggest taking up a hobby to occupy your mind and time. Over the course of 60 years, I've had at least a dozen hobbies and interests many of which became obsessions for years at a time.

[Claire Cook]

Jeni,

Many of us have gone through what you are going through. I don't know how many have actually said "I'm done with it" and never looked back. I tried, then realized that it is part of me. I now fully embrace who I am, and have never felt better in my life. The guilt, the worry ... they just weren't worth the anxiety.

[kimdl93]

well, if this is what you want, keep doing it. Life is about making compromises. But if it starts taking a serious toll on your mental health, consider getting some counseling and be open to the possibility that your life situation might improve.

[DonnaT]

Are you still taking Wellbutrin, Jeni?

[outhiking]

I remember once stopping for three years, but by the end, it was all I could think about. Once I started back dressing, I found I could enjoy my other pursuits without the CD bug always on my mind.

[jeniinnylons]

Are you still taking Wellbutrin, Jeni?


No I'm not taking them anymore.

[jeniinnylons]

The truth of the matter is in the statement about helping your life situation but hurting your mental being. One must assume that the CDing endangers something in your daily life such as wife, SO, or family. The need to protect that is understandable. However, if you are trying to protect yourself from yourself, it is not going work. As has been said, move beyond the guilt, dress, and watch how your mental state changes.
Endangers family and the ability to find a SO. Single parent and not the weekend type if that helps explain better.

I had to move my "things" from where they were to my room and it was literary torture until I could get them back to where they were. (There was some remodeling going on) It helps that they are now "away" and not within a 2 sec reach. The "desire" is so strong and it seems the more I feel depressed the stronger it gets. If I could wish it away forever I would just to not have to deal with the mental hurt its causing me.

I am so TIRED of being lonely! Due to things like home situation it makes it tougher to find someone. Add in this and its no wonder I haven't had a steady GF in 6yrs and haven't dated in 4. :'(