See, THIS Is What Happens When We Go Out To Mainstream Places!

[Debglam]

After a well-attended River City Gems (http://www.rivercitygems.org) event last night, most of us went out for a drink. Part of the group really likes to go to the "Lavender Triangle" which is home to several gay bars and is considered "trans friendly" I guess. My personal preference is for regular bars for a number of reasons, primarily so I can hear the other people at the table. :)

Well Melissa Rose, AllieSF, and I decided to go to a bar Melissa and I have been to before called Ink (http://inkeats.com/). It's kind of an "edgy" place with a younger, hip crowd. We start off with a round of drinks and talk while Allie starts working out some sort of "clothing swap" with our adorable pink-haired waitress and that's all I'm gonna say about that! :battingeyelashes:

A little while later, in walk three GGs about our age, take a fancy to us, and next thing we know we are all seated around the table having a nice time while they devour our plate of french fries. Another round of drinks, pleasant conversation, and more french fries follow but then unfortunately they had to leave as one of the three ladies needed some air . . .lets just say she is gonna wake up with a killer hangover! :drink:

Anyway, when they left, unknown to us, these classy women paid the tab for the evening!

See! Just MHO, but when you are out with the "regular folks" your odds of running into the good karma are greatly increased!

What happened? I guess you can say that nothing (bad) happened and thats the point.

Trans friendly is what you make it.

Debby

[Marsha Riley]

Great story!! Sounds like a fun evening.

[kimdl93]

Great real life illustration. The more we get out the more positive experiences will happen!

[Stephanie47]

Sounds like you had a great time. Sounds like you went to a venue that is more accepting than some other places. I know many places the "regular folks" would not be so accepting. Caution.

[Tracii G]

Deb it sounds like you had a fun time.

[Shelly Preston]

I am glad you ladies all had a great time.

I hope you get another chance to meet those lovely ladies who picked up the tab so you can return the compliment :)

[Debglam]

I hope you get another chance to meet those lovely ladies who picked up the tab so you can return the compliment :)

I do too but I have the feeling that the one woman isn't going to remember a whole lot about what she did last night! :heehee: I hope they got her home to bed safely!

[Beverley Sims]

All I can say is the world is still full of nice surprises.
It would be good to meet them again I am sure.

[mikiSJ]

I do too but I have the feeling that the one woman isn't going to remember a whole lot about what she did last night!

Maybe she will when she finds out she was the one that picked up the tab!

Glad you girls had a great time last night and sorry I missed out on the social.

[Jenniferathome]

Deb, I'm with you, mainstream is more fun. There's always a creep out there but if unthreatened, people can surprise.

[stacycoral]

Deb thanks girl for sharing your night with the rest of us, hugs.

[Marleena]

Thanks for sharing this story Deb. It is so refreshing to hear things like this.:)

[AllieSF]

Sounds like you had a great time. Sounds like you went to a venue that is more accepting than some other places. I know many places the "regular folks" would not be so accepting. Caution.

I agree that there may be a some places where 3 lovely, edgy (the male edge) ladies might be biting off more than they can chew. But from my personal experiences and those countless others of our members here who go out, I believe that those "many places" that you know may not be so many and actually just a few. A lot depends on how one carries oneself when in any venue and how the staff and regulars treat everyone. Do they care for all their patrons or do the let "stuff" happen to please the "regulars"? Now, I like dive bars, but I am auto selective based on years of male experiences and would not go into a place that I would not feel safe in in any mode. I.e. If I would feel safe in male mode in a edgy crowd or location then I would probably go into that same place as Allie. Now, I would not go there alone, because I hardly ever do things alone as a male or female. So, I also would have some safety in numbers even if it was just one other person with me.

I only occasionally get the chance or opportunity to go up to Sacramento to visit the gems or go with my friend WindyCissy from this site when she is in town for business. That fortunately happened for me for all day Thursday and Friday. When I do go, I like to experience all that a great city like that has to offer in terms of restaurants, wine bars, golf and just bars in general. Sacramento is not San Francisco, but fortunately we are well protected by our LGBT laws and practices here in California. That is good, because mistreatment of any minority, including us, is dealt with seriously further protecting us while at the same enhancing our rights and, at least, toleration by the general unsuspecting public. Was, this place more friendly than others? I would say that it is just another "place" that respects people's rights while in their establishment. I am guessing, Melissa or Debby can confirm, but maybe both of them are the only, or the first, or the very few TG folks that occasionally frequent it. They go there as customers, act like most other customers (good looking ones!) and are treated accordingly.

"See! Just MHO, but when you are out with the "regular folks" your odds of running into the good karma are greatly increased!

What happened? I guess you can say that nothing (bad) happened and thats the point.

Trans friendly is what you make it.

Debby"

Again, from my experience, Debby's last sentence really does encapsulate my almost 7 years of experience when going out. Being out there and being yourself in a nice and friendly way really does work so well and yields so many new and interesting experiences. Now this nice local bar also had a couple of good looking, friendly ready to be bouncers when needed stationed at the door just in case. That may scare some off as a sign of a place that get rowdy once in awhile. Last night, a standard Saturday party night, the crowd was made up of all kinds of people. When I walked in there was a crowd of about 15 who had just left some type of party with younger kids, mom's and pop's and everything in between standing together outside having a stranger take some group pics. Inside and through the rest of the evening until when I left after midnight there was also a mix of people and from what I saw leaning toward the 20-40 range. That being said, our new lady friends (one gave all of us her business cards, you know how real estate agents are!) and the foursome that occupied the table next to us were definitely in Debby's and Melissa's age group (I like to lie to myself by saying I am the younger member of the group ..... NOT!).

So, going out where you are comfortable in your "other and regular" mode is probably just as comfortable and safe in femme mode. Yes, your results may vary, but on this site and based on all the caution and expressed fears of our wonderful members here, I have read so very few bad experience stories. That tells me something, that maybe it is our fears and not real life that sometimes hold us back.

So, thanks River City Gems for having a fun get together, and thank you Melissa and Debby for introducing me to another cool place that goes on my "Places to Visit Again" list.

PS: I made it home safe early this morning and this is not my auto reply posting here.

[Debglam]

PS: I made it home safe early this morning and this is not my auto reply posting here.

Always fun to see you Allie! Glad you made it home safe!

[Raychel]

Sounds like a great night out, I sure do hope everyone got home safe. Thanks for sharing the night with us.

[windycissy]

Debby, I'm totally with you on the fun of going to mainstream places, and we're so lucky to have so many cool, accepting clubs, winebars and restaurants in midtown...you're right, Allie really makes things go! Sorry I couldn't join you last night, but I had to rest up for another mainstream experience: playing tennis in my skimpy white dress, how I love this crazy life

[rachaelsloane]

Wouldn't you know the one time I chose not attend a Gems event I really missed a great evening. I've been out with Allie and she is really good at interacting with whomever is around.
Glad you had fun and I'll be up in May.

[RenneB]

Love to hear tales for the real world. I too prefer to blend in with the 'non-LBGT labeled' establishments....

Thanks for the share...

Renne.....

[Linda Leigh]

So glad you had a great time and were safe also :)

[Rachel Morley]

See! Just MHO, but when you are out with the "regular folks" your odds of running into the good karma are greatly increased! ........ Trans friendly is what you make it.
Gee Deb, now I'm wishing I hadn't of gone home early after the event and had gone out for a late night drink with you gals. Oh well .. maybe next time.


So, thanks River City Gems for having a fun get together, and thank you Melissa and Debby for introducing me to another cool place that goes on my "Places to Visit Again" list.
Yes Allie, it was a fun event and I enjoyed our conversation in the kitchen! LOL. I don't doubt you have lots of great experiences in the mainstream but then you are a such a likeable person, with so much confidence, who can seems to be able to speak to anyone in mainstream places. Maybe I need to hang out with you gals more often!

Hugs
Rachel

[AllieSF]

Thanks for the nice words Rachel. Yes, you are always more than welcomed to join us when we are up there or you happen to get lost down near the Bay area.

[I Am Paula]

I'm only a fan of the 'real' real world. Please no offence ladies, but years ago, hanging out with other trans got old fast. I found the meetings yet another gab fest about wig care, and the trip to the bar afterwards always involved sitting on a patio and talking in guy voice about leg hair. It's a big, friendly world, we don't have to be so insular.
If being among our own gives you the confidence to get out there, more powerto you, so, just my .02 cents.

[DawnD]

I found the meetings yet another gab fest about wig care, and the trip to the bar afterwards always involved sitting on a patio and talking in guy voice about leg hair.

Sadly GG's do the same thing. I've had more conversations about my leg hair (and other types of hair too) than I ever care to remember!

[Leah Lynn]

Only time I heard a derogatory comment was in an LGBT friendly establishment.

Leah

[Jacqueline Winona]

Ink is, like others have said, more a young crowd than many other Sac. establishments, but the younger crowd here (like in most places) is much more open-minded, uncaring, etc. about things than it was 30 years ago. I've never been there while dressed, but it certainly passes Allie's test in male mode. :) I always have way too much going on at home to try getting out with the Gems, but some day maybe. . .

[Jorja]

Glad you girls had a great time. I have been going out to mainstream bars and restaurants for many years. Heck, I've even went into biker bars by myself. I have never had a problem and I have met some really nice people.

[Melissa Rose]

There is nothing of substance I can add to what Debby and Allie have already said about our experience except to say I am not surprised. It was a really fun and memorable night out.

Debby and I have a GNO one or two times a month and we always have a great time. A few weeks back it was a quick stop at the mall, dinner, a theater show in a small venue and drinks at an up scale hotel bar. We joke about how uneventful these nights turn out to be. By uneventful, I mean nothing negative transpires. We have a great time and get to meet great people in wonderful places. I cannot recall a single audible comment, glaring stare or pointing of fingers during any of our many times out. We walk in and act like there is absolutely nothing unusual about us or us being there, thus we get treated that way. Of course, there are some places I avoid for obvious reasons, but they are a tiny minority and not among the many.

Our uneventful outings are not in just a few select places or neighborhoods. I have been to a lot of restaurants (40 plus?), many of the nicer bars, multiple theaters, major and minor shopping malls, various stores and similar places all over the area. As the activities director for the River City Gems, I setup all of the events (1-2 a month) so I deal in-person with banquet and catering managers, venue managers, serving staff, chefs and caterers, office assistants, and others involved associated with the various venues we use or check out as venues for future events. Everyone has treated me like any other client and have never noticed or experienced any unaccepted behaviors or attitudes during the events. They are all happy for our business and welcome us back.

At the beginning of the Gems event on this evening, there was a scheduling snafu and the previous group in the facility ran late and into our scheduled time. It all worked out so no real harm was done. A plus was many of us got to meet and chat with some of the other group, and some hung out for a while after their event was over. While we were waiting, the chef shared some food samples he prepared for the first group. The facility manager gave us some cheese and bottles of wine and some gifts to apologize for being behind schedule and overlapping on our time. We all were treated with respect and kindness without any feeling of being part of a freak show.

I get asked where are the TG friendly places in Sacramento and my response is "every place that I have been in". It is not the most helpful answer for some, but it is truthful. For the most part, the places will be as friendly as you expect and make them.

[Rogina B]

It is my constant experience that many GGs enjoy talking with us.Some view us as a "kinder and gentler version"...lol Seems like I get into a nice conversation wherever I go.I have no reason to "hit on" anyone,female or male,so I am not "competition" for anyone and I think people respect that.

[Ceri Anne]

I for the most part can mirror Debs experiences. While I do frequent gay establisments often for the reasons mention, I have gone to a number of straight clubs with good results. My biggest shock when I first went out dressed was how GGs typically responded. I havn't had them pick up the tab, but I've met so many that were so friendly. Only once have I had a rather redneck guy question me, and after he said what I was doing was dispicable, I responded to each his own and he went back to what he was doing. The good part was, I was singing Karaoke, and he thought I was really hot, it was the voice that gave it away :)

[Suzanne F]

Nice to see all the California girls on here. Allie has been so helpful to me in advice for going out in San Francisco. My second trip out was to mainstream restaurant. I had a delightful time with no hassles. I am going out Friday night with my wife, a GG and a male friend. I am so lucky!

[Paula T]

I have also been to a mainstream eating establishments but not to very many bars. But I am getting more brave so will try places that are in good areas. Never have had any bad experiences either. Isn't it fun:)

[Debglam]

We walk in and act like there is absolutely nothing unusual about us or us being there, thus we get treated that way. Of course, there are some places I avoid for obvious reasons, but they are a tiny minority and not among the many.

And that sums it up completely. I'll add that there are plenty of places I wouldn't go into, period! If you go into nice places that cater to nice people (and nice doesn't necessarily mean expensive) your odds of having an event-free excursion are greatly increased.

To be clear though, I have nothing against our local gay bars but why limit yourself? There are lots of things to do and see and I want to see them in both genders!!!

Deb