Inadequate Male

[kayla_va]

I think one reason I feel such sensuality when dressed fem is that I'm sexually inadequate as a male. Having sex dressed fem makes me feel free and sexy. The mental state is totally different. Anyone else have feelings similar?

[kimdl93]

Nope. Not even remotely.

[Jenni Yumiko]

Negative ghostrider

[SarahBJackson]

I have to admit, part of the attraction I have to being Sarah and the idea of transition is that I feel inadequate as a male. I feel wonderful when I'm dressed, even when I know I'm not passable, and I love the attention I get.

[NathalieX66]

No, not really.

Some of us, me just sometimes, thinks that our manliness (.... and our male libido) gets in the way of being the woman we want to be.

Hormonally, we may all be different, as our leves of testosterone and estrogen may be at any different place at any different time.....some of us more than others.:D

[I Am Paula]

Inadequate? No. I definitely feel I don't fit the model of Swartzenegger/terminator/Marlboro/macho man, but that femininity suits me better.
Besides, in the sack, my wife says I'm adequate....wait a minute!

[Angela Campbell]

I was never much of a man, nor a boy when growing up. I was smaller, weaker and had no desire for competition. As far as sexy, my dressing or desire to be a woman has nothing to do with sex at all. I have never been much interested in sex unless I was in love with someone.

[Kalista Jameson]

I've certainly felt inadequate as a person over the years for one reason or another as I've felt like I've failed to meet my own expectations, but otherwise I'd have to say no. As a man, I am a lion. As a TGirl, I'm a TLioness. I just invented a new word...TLioness....cool.

Cheers,

Kalista

[Dora]

I agree to being inadequate as a male also and this is my situation througout my whole life, I have a voice like a females and am already feminine type, when I dress in female clothes its totally different mental state and also when I am on the dance floor I dance to both male and female songs and when dancing I feel totally different state of mind, I am looking forward to Halloween when I will be dressing as a woman and be out of the closet and show my true self on the dance floor, also later today I will have some pictures up on my profile:)

[noeleena]

Hi,

What is it about the clothes that makes this difference , is it really the clothes, or is it more you wont it to be the way you wont to see it & feel it,

So take all the clothes away both male & female what would happen then.

Clothes dont change myself im still who i am & that was from when i was born, well long before then .

My clothes will give an idear of who i am or how im percived ,Those who know me will see beyound clothes no matter what i wear, & clothes dont change how i think or see things, you to answer male or female,


...noeleena...

[genevie]

Sexually insecure. That may be a better term or concept. So rejecting the whole role and becoming the passive partner might seem easier in the female role. But that gets into the realm of what is your sexual orientation. And that's a topic that sends people here into a frenzy.

I can say when I'm dressed and tucked specifically, I could see easily the whole HRT transition and change. But relationship commitments mean not doing that.

Then reading the research about stats of heterosexual males transitioning opens another can of worms.

The question that always comes to mind: When you are dressed and highly want to pass and go out in public, would you HRT to make it more possible? What is the real goal?

So we are back to insecurity being the driving force to give up on being male and living female because we see it as easier.

[Lynn Marie]

I've been more than adequate and I've been less than adequate. I now understand that it's the relationship that counts, not the performance. The right woman can do wonders for a man if she cares for him. The opposite is also quite true.

[boink]

I've never been a "typical" male in any sense, but I've never really felt inadequate (sexually or otherwise), just different. Owning my femininity has generally helped me to feel more comfortable and confident in myself, so in some senses it's helped me to feel sexier, but it's not because I see myself as not "succeeding" at maleness.

[Norah_joy]

Inadequate may not be the I'd choose but there is no doubt in my mind that I am more comfortable as Norah. There was a time when I thought I was playing a role when I presented myself as female; now I feel quite the opposite.

[Tracii G]

I have always felt inadequate as a male sexually, every relationship I have had with a woman has ended up with her cheating on me and having sex with another person.
I cannot have sex just for the sake of the act/gratification. I have to be in love with the person.
Not very manly at all most guys would say.
I just had an epiphany thanks for starting this thread I just figured it out .
Funny how one thread makes you think hard about something and realize things about yourself.

[Lorileah]

I just had an epiphany thanks for starting this thread I just figured it out .
Funny how one thread makes you think hard about something and realize things about yourself.

Yeah, now I also feel inadequate as a woman too...Maybe I am just inadequate :strugglin

[Tracii G]

Yeah, now I also feel inadequate as a woman too...Maybe I am just inadequate :strugglin


You and me both sister!! LOL

[Tilly Vega]

I guess the only thing about me thats manly is my genitals lol From being torn apart emotionally by past relationships, I lost all drive,and motivation to maintain close relationships,which in turn puts sex at the very bottom of the give a shit list. This I feel makes me a ”socially inadequate male”. In femme I feel my apathy towards building relationships is more acceptable,”shes focusing on her career,been scorned,extreme feminist,etc”. When ever people ask me why I'm single,or do I date? I either lie,or change the subject cause unfortunately we live in a society where men are ”valued” by their sexual conquests,and any man who declares celibate,not wanting a girlfriend or a wife is deemed weird,weak,religious nut,etc. Personally I feel adequate in both forms,but accept I'm inadequate in the role that man is ”supposed” to play(procreation of the species. Don't know if this reply stuck with the concept of the initial post,but this is how I perceived its intent.

[Kalista Jameson]

I cannot have sex just for the sake of the act/gratification. I have to be in love with the person.
Not very manly at all most guys would say.
.

On the contrary, Tracii. I think it is a very manly thing for you to do. I feel the same way as you do. =)

Cheers,

Kalista

[suchacutie]

My male self continues to work quite well, according to my wife!

[ReineD]

I think one reason I feel such sensuality when dressed fem is that I'm sexually inadequate as a male. Having sex dressed fem makes me feel free and sexy. The mental state is totally different. Anyone else have feelings similar?

What comes first, the chicken or the egg?

The way to test your hypothesis is to ask yourself a question, and answer truthfully. If there was a pill available that would dramatically increase your adequacy as a male, would you take it?

If not, then your need to maintain a feminine mental state is your primary drive, and you do subconsciously suppress your male instincts and drive. Not the reverse, in my opinion.


Oh, and to those who say that the need to be in love in order to have quality sex makes you feel inadequate as males ... just know that the best male sex partners are those who love the woman they're with, vs. the men who are just having sex for the physical release. :)

This is why men who are primarily motivated to have sex by fantasies that do not involve the woman they're with are not fully present in the love-making act with the woman, and the woman feels it. She will then respond less than enthusiastically.

In my opinion. :p

[LilSissyStevie]

Yes, I think I fall a little short of the masculine ideal, but I'm perfectly adequate as a pansy.:D

[Beverley Sims]

Never inadequate, too much encouragement from women.
Waaay back then....
Now? Much the same as then.
Timid and shy sometimes, but it always worked for me, whether I liked it or not.

[PaulaQ]

I cannot have sex just for the sake of the act/gratification. I have to be in love with the person.
I feel the same way. I've only had sex with someone I wasn't in love with a couple of times - and I still am a little ashamed of myself for it, and it's been decades since that happened...

Ironically enough, although I think of myself as pretty "fail" in the guy department overall, sexually, the guy parts of me work just fine. In fact, this is one of only two "guy" attributes I have that consistently get good reviews. (The other being my hairy chest - which needs to go away.) Women I've been with are generally quite suprised about this. I'll feel kind of bad for mr. penis if he eventually gets cut from the team - he's the only player on my team who's really ever consistently delivered.

edit: I didn't answer the second part of the question

The mental state is totally different. Anyone else have feelings similar?
I agree that the mental state is different. In fact, Paula has much more intense orgasms than the male version of me. It is a night and day difference. As a man, sex is nice, I enjoy it, but I'm quiet and kind of reserved about it. As Paula it is mind-blowing. I haven't, unfortunately, had much opportunity to explore this further, nor do I expect to anytime soon, as this was kind of an accidental discovery.

[LilSissyStevie]

If there was a pill available that would dramatically increase your adequacy as a male, would you take it?

Actually, there is such a pill and I do take it. But it's expensive and gives me a headache. The things we do for love...!!!

[melanie206]

In my earlier years, my ineptitude at attracting the women I was attracted to was very distressing. And then, in my thirties, I had my first bi experiences which only added to my distress. Later, I got married and still later it became clear to me and my therapist that I was transgender. Now, as Melanie, I seem to attract all sorts of people, most of whom are only looking for a certain kind of love but the attention is flattering nonetheless. So, Kayla, I know what you are saying. When we are dressed, our inner vibe is correct and we are "free and sexy".

[kayla_va]

Thanks Melanie.

[Tracii G]

Its funny if I am in a club working with the band I get hit on a lot in my semi guy mode presentation.
Some of the ladies I would call attractive and most guys would jump their bones in a heartbeat but to me doing that is just not where my head is at.
One of the wives of a band member( we are close friends) seems to notice how I react when a cute girl comes up to me.
She says that girl was hitting on you wasn't she I said yeah but Mr happy isn't interested in girls like that did you see her ugly shoes LOL.
She just laughs and says you are way too good for her anyway.
I want a female to be a friend more than a sex partner.That leads to all the emotional headaches.
I'm not giving my heart to another woman ever.

[MissTee]

Um, no. Never felt inadequate at anything - especially sex. Might have actually BEEN inadequate at a few things, but never let that stop me :)

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

As a male, I've always felt inadequate. Dressed as a female I've always felt submissive wanting someone, male or female, to make me feel loved however it works out.

Cheryl Ann

[UNDERDRESSER]

Inadequate? No.

I used to think I was less than attractive, as a male, but these days I've got over that. Have I actually become more attractive? Don't think so, but I have become more confident, which is always a big plus with the ladies.

Perversely, being able to talk about wearing crossgender clothing, and actually wear said clothing, with my GF, has definitely been a big boost in the confidence department.

[KateSpade83]

I never had vaginal sex with a woman so I don't know if I'm inadequate. But I think this only applies to guys with a short penis or micropenis.

But unemployment makes a man inadequate to women.

[DaniG]

I think one reason I feel such sensuality when dressed fem is that I'm sexually inadequate as a male. Having sex dressed fem makes me feel free and sexy. The mental state is totally different. Anyone else have feelings similar?

Definately inadequeate. I have a lot to offer. I'm handsome, highly educated, and I earn well. But I'm not a typically agressive male. I've only ever had two partners. And once we hit the bedroom I leave a lot on the table. I just feel like I'm working with the wrong equipment. As long as I can get creative then I do fine, but if she wants the main event, then I may or may not be able to deliver.

But I don't think that I dress to feel sexually adequate, because being in a male body I don't feel very sexually adequate as a female either. It just feels natural and comforting. My wife can even tell when I've been dressing because I'm calmer and more at peace afterwards. However, if I had female equipment, perhaps I'd have all my sexual ducks in a row.



I cannot have sex just for the sake of the act/gratification. I have to be in love with the person.
Not very manly at all most guys would say.

On the contrary, Tracii. I think it is a very manly thing for you to do. I feel the same way as you do. =)

I'm with Traci on this. I feel the same, and I think that (on average) this is more a female pattern than a male one.


If there was a pill available that would dramatically increase your adequacy as a male, would you take it?

I also take it, and it helps, but doesn't solve the problem. (There's a lot to overcome, I've learned.)

If there was a magic problem-solving pill, however, I would still prefer to be female. Being dressed/female is not about sex or arousal for me. It's about feeling authentic and at peace. There's something primal and existential about it. (Can't think of a better way to express this.)

[ReineD]

I want a female to be a friend more than a sex partner.

I think this is the crux of it, Tracii. For lots of people here.

[Lorileah]

I never considered ED as the inadequacy issue here. I was thinking performance and being a good partner...silly me. In taht case I was WHOLLY adequate as a younger person. Physically I worked like a charm.