I told my girlfriend!!

[SoCalCD_Tanya]

I can’t believe it! I finally told my girlfriend that I am a cd! It’s actually been a couple of weeks since I’ve told her but I guess I have been in such a shock that I haven’t been able to gather my thoughts for this post. So I apologize in advance if the rest of this is just a cluster of words that don’t make sense, but I’m still on cloud 9 so I don’t care if I make sense or not! Lol WARNING! LONG POST

So, it was the day before Easter and we were coming home from a birthday celebration for a friend. I had been drinking that night (a lot lol) which helped because that liquid courage was definitely what I needed when it was time to finally share this lifelong secret. I wasn’t really planning on telling her that night but once I got the ball rolling there was no turning back.

I started by telling her that I loved her so much, with her replying that she loves me too, and then I followed with asking her if she would love me no matter what. That quickly prompted a response of “Why? What did you do???” I went on to tell her that there wasn’t anything that “I did” but more of something that I needed to tell her. I hesitated and paused for a looong time. (She said she was going to lose control of the car or have a heart attack because of the suspense) But finally the words came out of my mouth. “Honey, I am a crossdresser…” (omg I can’t believe I just said that out loud!) It was then her turn for a long pause and I guess process what I had just told her, while I started to apologize for keeping it from her for so long (we’ve been together for 4 years) and lying to her about it and that I’m still the same person that she knows and loves. Her first question was whether or not I was gay. I quickly reassured her that I wasn’t that I am attracted to women and most definitely to her. Then more questions followed and I tried my hardest to answer them all. I told her about this site which would give her support from other GGs who are in/have been in this situation (She has since joined and I’m sure most of you have met her already :) ). The first thing she wanted when we got back to the house was a great big kiss, which I was more than ecstatic to deliver. She has been so amazing and accepting from the moment I told her. I can’t begin to express how lucky and blessed I am to be with somebody as wonderful as her.

Of course there has been the roller coaster of emotions that I expected from reading all of the ‘coming out’ posts from you all. But I do believe that the ship is settling in and it’s already getting better and better every day. There’s so much more I want to say but I’ll save you all end this lengthy post here. Thank you all for reading and, even more so, thank you all for the advice and support that I’ve read so much of over the past year. I wouldn’t have been able to do this without this great community.

[kimdl93]

I got a crick in my neck looking at that darn avatar! But seriously, congratulations to both of you. Keep working at it and I think...no I Know...that the two of you can build a lasting and supportive relationship.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

After a bitter divorce and even after having my life threatened, I was laying beside an awesome lady in 1987 who is now my wife, my confidant, and my soul sister today. In the flames of passion I disclosed myself. And to this day she totally loves and accepts me for who I am. My ride has only gotten better! I commend you for your honesty! Being CD is nothing like being anyone who has committed crimes like, well, you know what is worse involving victims.

Be grateful that this lady is accepting of you! And above all, do everything you can to make her roller coaster ride something that will make the ride worth having you being a part of that ride!

Cheryl Ann

[PaulaQ]

Congratulations Tanya, you did the right thing. I'm really glad your girlfriend is so supportive and loving. You are very lucky.

I'm so happy for you both - I mean that. It is wonderful when love prevails. :)

Your post wasn't too long at all, by the way - I thought it was nice!

[Bree Wagner]

What wonderful news Tonya! Congratulations on getting the courage to tell and for being so lucky to have an accepting girlfriend.

Best of luck on your continuing journey and exploration of this together!

-Bree

[Greenie]

That's an awesome first step! Congrats! If she wants someone to talk to who also kinda "just found out" send her my way. Its nice for GG's to have each others support, love and compassion right now. I have a lot of free time and I am really nice. :)

[DebbieL]

You probably want to tell her how wonderful it is that you can finally be YOURSELF with her. You also need to share your experiences of why you felt you didn't dare tell anybody. Most Transgenders, including transvestites, cross-dressers, and transsexuals, have had prior experiences where they or a friend were labeled a "Sissy" or "Fag" and attacked verbally, physically, and even violently. You can share your own experiences as well as how other boys and girls had reacted to others.

I've often said it felt like being a Jew in Nazi Europe just before the war. You knew that if people found out what you were, you would be beaten, and possibly even killed. You might even show her some of the surveys taken in the last few years, showing that at least 1/2 of those transsexuals still alive had tried to commit suicide. If you've ever attempted it yourself, you might even tell her about that experience, assuring her that you want to live, and spend your life with her.

Looking at your picture, I'm guessing that she wasn't totally unsuspecting. You're not exactly "Alpha Male" physically, and I suspect that you were not a "Macho" type with her either. Given that, she might actually be glad that you were able to share your true feelings, and that you don't feel that you have to "protect your man-hood". If she wanted a macho stud, she would have gone for that.

If she finds she can't accept it, you now know that you can share your true nature with others without getting immediately rejected. If you tell 10 people, you will have a new girlfriend within a reasonable period of time, usually within 4-6 months.

[SoCalCD_Tanya]

Thanks for the support everyone!

Quick question. Where do I go from here? lol I have mentally prepared myself for the coming out part a million times. But not once have I thought about what to do next. We've talked about my dressing and set a few boundaries, but I don't know what usually happens next. How did it go/how long did it take until the first time you revealed yourself to your SO (or your SO first revealed themselves to you)?

oh and I hope my new avatar prevents future neck cricks lol

I got a crick in my neck looking at that darn avatar!

[Leslie Langford]

Good for you Tanya, and best of luck to the two of you as you embark together on this new journey!

Now then, once you have gotten over the euphoria of obtaining such an unexpected and wonderful response from your girlfriend and have climbed down from your perch on Cloud #9, remember the mantra of this Forum: "Baby steps, Baby steps..."

If you push too hard or too fast in expecting her to embrace your crossdressing in all of its varied forms, all that current goodwill and acceptance might suddenly evaporate and turn into negativity, if not downright hostility. And remember - treat her especially well from now on to show your appreciation of her acceptance and love for you, and never let her forget that despite this side of you, you are still fundamentally her "man" - just as before, and for always afterwords.

[Jorja]

you are still fundamentally her "man" - just as before, and for always afterwords.

Why do I always have problems with seeing John Wayne and Kate Beckinsale in the same body?:)

Way to go, Tanya. That has to be a huge weight off your shoulders. Go slowly and do not overwhelm her with your crossdressing. Always be sure to show your appreciation and love for her. Be as willing to be her man as your are to be her girlfriend.

[Leslie Langford]

Why do I always have problems with seeing John Wayne and Kate Beckinsale in the same body?:)

I dunno - why not try instead to think happy thoughts of Patrick Swayze and John Leguizamo's knockout portrayals of sexy and stylish women in "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar", Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis in "Some Like it Hot", John Travolta's version of Edna Turnblad in "Hairspray", Cillian Murphy in "Breakfast on Pluto", Adrian Pasdar in "Just Like a Woman", or even Adam Sandler's dual roles in "Jack and "Jill" where he made a rather convincing (albeit bad@$$) twin "sister".

There are even pictures floating around Internet showing Daniel Craig, James Franco, and Jude Law in drag, and they look pretty convincing as well. In other words, never say "Never". It's amazing what the right clothes and the right make up can accomplish...;) :eek: :heehee:

[Tracii G]

Congrats I'm really happy for you two have fun and enjoy the ride but as always she is number one.

[Ciara Brianne]

Congratulations, Tanya. I'm glad your coming out to her went well. I hope it will serve to bring the two of you closer.

[AmyGaleRT]

I dunno - why not try instead to think happy thoughts of Patrick Swayze and John Leguizamo's knockout portrayals of sexy and stylish women in "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar"...

Oh, I could only hope to be as good a woman as Patrick Swayze, rest his soul. ;)

Tanya, this is really great news! I'm happy your girlfriend seems to be accepting and supportive. Make sure you always, always tell her how much you appreciate her. And I hope you both stay happy for a long, long time to come! :)

- Amy

[TeresaCD]

WAy to go Tanya! Glad it went well

[deebra]

You asked, where do I go from here; so here is the answer. Underdress with a bra and panties and when you undress at night she will be able "to see" and you both can see how she handles it. It'll probially take her a minute for the "new" to sink in but then she'll probially say no big deal and I like it. From there start adding a little more and more with her help and it will probially add more spice and fun to your relationship. Don't forget shopping in the womens department together, will that be cool or what.

[boink]

Many congratulations on this big first step, Tanya.

Where to go from here? That's up to the both of you to work out. Talking and setting boundaries that are comfortable for both of you is great, definitely. Think about what else is going to be helpful for both of you to feel good about this. Maybe see if your girlfriend is comfortable spending some time with Tanya, in or out of the house. You could come out to some friends/family and expand your world a little more, or maybe just keep things quiet for a little while, keep talking it out and see where you both land in terms of your wants/needs. Coming out to your partner is a big step, but I know for me there's always still a little more to figure out :) And that's not a bad thing.

[SoCalCD_Tanya]

Thanks again everyone for the great support and advice! Trust me I do know how lucky I am to have her and I'll definitely show her my love and appreciation every chance I get.

Its been more or less 2 weeks since I've told her and its been great. There has been everything from tears, to joy, to confusion, to pure excitement. We talk about my dressing occasionally which is perfect because it hasn't taken over our lives. The last thing I want to do is to let this consume our lives 24/7, because Tanya is only part of who I am not all of who I am. And when we do talk is always productive and helping to clear up any questions or boundaries she wants to set. I couldn't be happier.

I asked her how she felt about me underdressing and she has no problem with it at all. I think that may be how I ease her and myself into this. Because even though it's been about 15 years since I've been dressing. The amount of time I've actually spent dressed would probably be less than a few months total. So I'm still growing and learning about this side of me, but I'm so glad that we can now grow and learn together as a couple!

Thanks again everyone for your kind words and support I really really appreciate it!

[Beverley Sims]

It is always good to hear another gratifying story of success.

[SoCalCD_Tanya]

I want to add that although this post was sort of a way for me to gloat and show my excitement about what happened. I hope that it shows no matter how scared you are to tell that special someone or to step outside of your comfort zone, know that you can and should be accepted for who you are! You'll be surprised by how great things could turn out if you just take that leap of faith

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Thats great news Tanya now you have great support and someone to go shopping with.

[Jenny Doolittle]

Tanya,

I hate to ask, but isn't that something that Now the TWO of you will discover together?


Thanks for the support everyone!

Quick question. Where do I go from here? lol I have mentally prepared myself for the coming out part a million times. But not once have I thought about what to do next. We've talked about my dressing and set a few boundaries, but I don't know what usually happens next. How did it go/how long did it take until the first time you revealed yourself to your SO (or your SO first revealed themselves to you)?

oh and I hope my new avatar prevents future neck cricks lol

[Lulu Pei]

That is a such a wonderful thing. I have also recently started coming clean with my mom but she still isn't too comfortable with it. I am also planning on telling my father sometime in the future but I am very scared of what he would think of me. But as you said, take a leap of faith, I may just do it. Not now, but once I get the courage, I hope he would accept me for who I am.

Lulu

[SoCalCD_Tanya]

That's great to hear, Lulu! There's nothing like getting the support from the people you love most! Good luck with everything with your mom (and eventually your dad).


That is a such a wonderful thing. I have also recently started coming clean with my mom but she still isn't too comfortable with it. I am also planning on telling my father sometime in the future but I am very scared of what he would think of me. But as you said, take a leap of faith, I may just do it. Not now, but once I get the courage, I hope he would accept me for who I am.

Lulu

[Tracii G]

She is such a great lady and must love you very much. News like this always makes me mushy LOL.
Good luck you two !!

[Blossym]

My fiancé and I have been learning together about "where to go from here" as well, being that my CDing has become part of our lives together. I think the important thing most of all is to continue with honest communication, especially if boundaries are unknown. Isn't it a wonder out feeling though, to have someone who is willing to come along on the journey?! Very happy for you!!

[Tiffanyselkoe]

Amanda, I agree with you 100 percent. I told my wife after 21 years of marriage and our marriage is better than ever. I do have to keep in mind that, even when she supports me expressing a feminine side, she needs some husband time too. I feel so blessed to have her in my life.

[Sandra]

Just take it easy with her, don't try and rush or push things to quick, keep the lines of communication open and be honest with each other.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Tanya, I posted earlier in the thread. Be ever SO happy that she loves this part of you. I overcompensate with my wife just to show her my grattitude and make her life the best it can be. She has allowed me many liberties and the karma in return is for me to do all I possibly can to make her life better than she ever expected. We've got to remember that there are possibly many typical guys out there who are too selfish to treat the lady in their life to feel like a spoiled princess.

Cheryl Ann