Going From Here To There ~ Eventually

[Dana]

Me? I'm 48. Not a bad thing! Considering the alternative, and considering that many haven't made it this far!

Was married, had two children ~ that turned out blessingly well balanced, well responsible, self supporting ~ not on drugs ~ not emotionally damage ~ with little or nor perceived baggaged from their mother's and my divorce!

I'm in good health ~ Thank God! Like most I need to give up some bad habits such as smoking and drinking too much ~ but Thank God ~ I've avoided the temptation of doing drugs!

Retired from one career, got a check coming in from it, along with all the benefits (Military) {Thank God! I did it! Thank God! Its Over!}

Been through the cheating wife deal! Beat myself up over ~ really bad! {Was it because I was a crossdresser? Was it because I wasn't man enough for her? Masculine enough for her?}

Crawled inside of a whiskey bottle for way too many years!

Re-bounded into another long term relationship! (Just had to have a girl friend! Just had to be in a relationshp!)

Was trying to re-validate myself in heinsight!

Did the sports thing! Did the military thing! Elite military. Voluenteerd for every Fool~hardy thing there was! That was me! Putting my butt out on the line for everything that came along!

All to prove and validate that I was a male! A man! To validate and prove my masculinity ~ anything to kill the feminnie side of me! To deny, to dis-prove the effeminate side of me! Its a wonder that I still have both legs and both arms, or not in a freaking wheelchair with a broken neck or back!

You name it, I've just about done it! The show, "The Fear Factor" makes me laugh! {I really need to get in touch with those folks ~ just for the money}

I've been through Jungle Warfare School, Mountain Warfare School, Desert Warfare School, POW school All that BS! I've repelled off the side of mountains, and out of helicopters, {I'm never jumped out of an airplane with a parachute ~ not jump qualified!}

LOL! Yet, I'm terrified of walking out of my front door dressed as a woman!

I've more than seen, experienced the male side of life ~ yet the feminine side of life scares me?

I'm afraid of that!

Why?

[Michelle Hart]

Dana Honey,

I'm former Socom too. So I really understand where youre comming from. It takes awhile but when your ready you'll get there. I sure did.

[Vivian Best]

Well, it's kinda like all the different schools you went to. They taught you how to do something and get experience by practicing it over and over. I'm sure you didn't repel down the mountain side perfectly the first time you did it. Didn't you experience fear when you looked over the side of the mountain at the elevation drop you were going to have to make. I'm sure you did.

The same thing applies to going out dressed. You may have to make some trips out after dark to get the practice and experience to lessen your fear. I know if you can complete all of those military schools you will be able to conquer going out dressed.


Vivian:rose2:

[Jodi]

Hi Dana, I'm retired army also. I can relate to what you have said. BTW, I'm a "leg" too. My theory is that only fools would jump out of a perfectly good aircraft.

Jodi

[melissacd]

Why you say? I will give my 2 cents worth...

- we fear the unknown, it does not matter what unknown
- we fear being humiliated
- we fear being rejected
- we fear abandonment, by friends, lovers, loved ones, colleages, co-workers
- we fear that we will enjoy it way too much
- we fear that we will fail to do it well
- we also fear that we could actually be quite successful at it
- we fear that if we are good at it we may want to be that way all the time
- we fear losing control
- we fear getting in touch with our feminine persona
- we fear change

I am sure that I have missed some, however, hopefully my thoughts will help you better understand.

Mel

[Darlena]

Dearest Dana, I believe we have both been down a similar path. After my 1st wife took my 2 baby daughters and left me I was very despondent. Was it me expressing my femme yearnings? I thought that my true nature was o.k. with her. After all, she knew long before we got married. I went on a downhill slide for years. You could find me downtown most any night getting into brawls. (I got kicked out of more than one bar) I might have it made now though. The girls are grown now & raising their own kids. (they're cool with CDs) And I don't worry as much about other people's perceptions. Try and get out for a ladylike stroll & you will be thanking yourself. It will be one thing you won't have to regret later in life. Now, you go GIRL! FLY!

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Dana

I know how you feel, I tried my entire life to be a man, but I always failed because that's not who I am. Sounds to me like you're on a pretty good path now.

I can give you a little advice about stepping out. I hid my whole life because of fear, I thought people would throw rocks at me or something. I finally came out this year and starting venturing into the world as the real me. I really haven't had any problems, only an occasional giggle. Well, boo hoo, I've kinda had to deal with a whole lot worse things in life, so it doesn't bother me.

I suggest you try to find a tg support group in your area, they always have get togethers in safe places where you can be dressed and not worry about it. There's plenty of them out there, I belong to a few and have made a lot of new friends. Try doing a google search, you'll find them.

GypsyKaren

[JoAnnDallas]

I too was in the military. USAFSS and also did a tour with the CIA. After I deceided that I really wanted to LIVE, I quit all that and tryed to settle down.

This was back when I knew I liked to dress up as a girl, did dress up on occasion, but I didn't know anyother CD or TG person, didn't know where to look for them, and most of all did not want to be labeled as GAY.

Today, I know better, found this forum, have forged some great relationships now, looking forward to meeting some local TG people and was for a little while able to dress almost all the time either in total or partly en-fem.

Now I'm partly back in the closet, only because we are in a new house and I have to find a new hiding place for my stuff.

Life is too short, so just do it. Go out. Have Fun. But always remember STAY SAFE.

[ginafaye]

us army cira 1971 67v2t mos 68f20 severd korea 2nd inf div