Psychiatrist appointment in 3 hours...

[Amy A]

A month seems to have flown by and I'm sat at home trying to pass time before I go out and see the psychiatrist, who I hope will refer me to the GIC. I'm nervous!

I never thought I'd get to this point. This time last year I was firmly in the closet and lived in fear of people discovering my secret. Now I'm out to my closest friends and hopefully about to start on the path to being who I want to be.

I'll update here how it all goes later on today... fingers crossed!

Rachel :)

[traci_k]

Rachel, Hope all goes well. I've just had my third visit with a gender therapist and we're working in the same direction. I'm so glad for you that you are able to start much younger.

Wishing you the best on your journey!

Hugs,

[Kaitlyn Michele]

good luck rachel...it will feel like a huge burden is lifted ..i hope your doc is helpful !!

[Stevie]

Good luck I hope your appointment goes well

[AnitaH]

Best of luck to you. Kaitlyn is right coming out of the closet and accepting yourself does lift a huge burden. I hope all goes well for you.

AnitaH

[TNRobin]

It sounds like we're in similiar places. I just stared seeing a therapist and anti-androgens this year.

Anyway, I don't want to make this all about me. So far it's an amazing journey, and I wish you all of the best in it.

[Rianna Humble]

By the time you read this, you will be back from your appointment and (hopefully) grinning from ear to ear - just beware of emulating the cheshire cat :heehee:

Definitely hope it went well and that this marks the start of your wait to see the GIC :hugs:

[Nigella]

Hopefully you will have been told by now that the psychiatrist will write a report supporting your referral to the GIC, the journey has started :)

[Amy A]

Hi all,

Yes he said he would write to my GP supporting my referral, so I'm really happy and relieved. It wasn't much fun, it felt a bit like a grilling, and he repeatedly kept asking if I'll ever fancy men, but it's done with now and there's a way forward for me. My friends were all wishing me luck today so it was nice knowing I had their support.

I never expected I'd get ask by a medical professional if I've ever tried to cut off my penis but every day brings something new at the moment!

[Barbara Ella]

Rachel, so glad your visit went well, and you have your letter and are on your way. Crazy the questions, sometimes. Happy for you.

Barbara

[traci_k]

Rachel, So glad to hear all went well and so happy for you!
Hugs,

[emma5410]

I am really pleased it went so well for you and you got the referral. The psychiatrist I saw at that stage was a woman which is maybe why I was spared the totally inappropriate questions about sexuality.
I am sure you will but can I suggest that you follow up with your GP. She wrote a letter to my GP asking him to do the referral. She did not specifically mention doing the referral. Apparently it was 'implied' as he had referred me to her. My GP read the letter and filed it away without doing anything. That and other inefficiencies resulted in several months delay.

[Lady Slipper]

Congratulations Rachel, I'm happy for you! :)

[Sandra]

Glad it all went well for you :)

[Amy A]

Thanks for the support and messages! I've been thinking back through some of the things he said, and some comments were quite harsh in a way, even though I don't think he intended them that way. For instance, he said that my life was essentially built on a lie, and it wasn't fair on other people because they were becoming complicit with that lie. Whilst there's a large amount of truth in that, it did make me feel a bit defensive. Also, even after I'd told him twice that I didn't feel attracted to men, he then asked if I was attracted to women just because society had conditioned me to be heterosexual.

I do actually wonder if he hadn't had much experience dealing with gender issues, as he said to me that he'd done a bit of research on the internet when he found out I was coming. He finished in a much lighter and pleasant way than he started, so perhaps he had just relaxed into it a bit. I was expecting someone who'd done such sessions countless times, so I was a bit surprised by all of this.

Still, I got the result I wanted so not to worry!

[Sandra]

I do actually wonder if he hadn't had much experience dealing with gender issues, as he said to me that he'd done a bit of research on the internet when he found out I was coming.

What you have to remember is that he is not a gender psychiatrist but a general one, and all is there for is to make sure that there is nothing under lying to make you feel this way.

[Angela Campbell]

My sessions have not gone like I thought they would either; but I have not been asked my sexual preference yet.

[traci_k]

My thrapist and I did touch on the subject and I told her I identified primarily as a TS lesbian because I was mainly attracted to women, and she asked if I fully transitioned would I be attracted to men and I said I hoped so because I had read somewhere that vaginal dialation was best accomplished naturally. I told her I had experimented with a few guys and it was fun so I told her I would probably wind up as Bi.
Who knows what answer she was looking for so I gave the most honest answer I could.

[emma5410]

Thanks for the support and messages! I've been thinking back through some of the things he said, and some comments were quite harsh in a way, even though I don't think he intended them that way. For instance, he said that my life was essentially built on a lie, and it wasn't fair on other people because they were becoming complicit with that lie. Whilst there's a large amount of truth in that, it did make me feel a bit defensive. Also, even after I'd told him twice that I didn't feel attracted to men, he then asked if I was attracted to women just because society had conditioned me to be heterosexual.

I do actually wonder if he hadn't had much experience dealing with gender issues, as he said to me that he'd done a bit of research on the internet when he found out I was coming. He finished in a much lighter and pleasant way than he started, so perhaps he had just relaxed into it a bit. I was expecting someone who'd done such sessions countless times, so I was a bit surprised by all of this.

Still, I got the result I wanted so not to worry!

I find this shocking. Not fair on other people?! the sexual questions?!
Here we have an highly paid and qualified medical professional who had to google 'transsexual' when he was seeing one professionally. The comments and questions were inappropriate and completely wrong. Of course, you have to hold your tongue to get your referral. It is a sad reflection on the general level of knowledge in the NHS about transsexuals.

[Angela Campbell]

, he said that my life was essentially built on a lie, and it wasn't fair on other people because they were becoming complicit with that lie. Whilst there's a large amount of truth in that, it did make me feel a bit defensive.

I can see that making you feel defensive. In my case it is perfectly true. I was expected to live as a man by all around me, and I spent 50 years trying to do so even though the whole time I knew it was wrong. I was, and still am to some extent living a lie. Whether it is fair to give others around you what they expect even if it is not really you and they have no idea I am not sure. Are they complicit in the lie...not if they never knew about it. Yes all that are around you are part of the cause of the lie as no one out there really understands what it is like. It doesn't make them complicit.

My therapist told me that is it understandable that I tried so hard to fight it for so long and lived a lie because even doing so I faced the bias and torment given by others all along. What choice do we have?

[Nigella]

Emma

You have got the wrong end of the stick here. The psychiatrist's job is to screen out any underlying issues that may have a bearing on the way a person is feeling. Once he/she is happy that there is nothing else happening, then they will normally support the GP in referring you to a Gender Specialist. The psychiatrist was not "seeing one professionally". he/she was a GENERAL psychiatrist. You are comparing chalk and cheese, would you have the same opinion if you went to a GP and asked them to do a heart by pass?

[Carla Stevens]

Rachel, great to hear you've made the next step & everything has gone well, despite the grilling you got.
It does sound like the Psychiatrist was inexperienced in gender issues. He doesn't seem to realise that gender identity & sexual preference are not the same thing & not necessarily linked.
I really need to pluck up the courage to speak to my GP.
If you want to chat, I'll hopefully be at Dee's party day on 27th April.

Good luck. :)

[Amy A]

What you have to remember is that he is not a gender psychiatrist but a general one, and all is there for is to make sure that there is nothing under lying to make you feel this way.

Very true, perhaps I was expecting too much. I think he was doing his best in unfamilier territory. Every medical professional I have dealt with so far has been fairly uneducated in gender problems, so I guess it just doesn't crop up all that much in my area.


I find this shocking. Not fair on other people?! the sexual questions?!
Here we have an highly paid and qualified medical professional who had to google 'transsexual' when he was seeing one professionally. The comments and questions were inappropriate and completely wrong. Of course, you have to hold your tongue to get your referral. It is a sad reflection on the general level of knowledge in the NHS about transsexuals.

Yes, I do think there is a general lack of knowledge, but I'm more amazed by the way in which I've now had to see three different counsellors/psychiatrists and I still haven't spoken to anyone who understands gender problems or who understands the process that I'll be going through. Still, it is the NHS, and at least I'm not having to bankrupt myself to get access to treatment. We are a lot luckier in that respect than some.

I'm just eager to get on with the next step, although rumours of a physical examination don't fill me with joy!

[Nigella]

Rachel

The only time there is a physical examination is when you get to the point of seeing the consultant surgeon. The NHS path is slow, your next step should be a return to your GP to get funding. The GP will apply to the funding authority, this should take place one she/he gets the results of your psychiatric consultation. The funding authority will then let you know, providing funding is approved, of which Gender Identity Clinic will be available to you, that will depend upon where you live.

[Amy A]

Thanks for the info Nigella.

I'm guessing I'll be referred to Leeds. I am a bit worried about the whole funding thing, considering the state of things at the moment, and I'm not sure what the recent abolishment of PCTs means to all of this. I'll keep my fingers crossed though. I can't even begin to consider the alternative.

In the meantime, my girlfriend and I have decided to sit down tomorrow morning and discuss everything. I'm 80% certain that this will be the beginning of the end for us, simply due to the fact that she isn't attracted to women. So as one door opens, another one closes and traps my heart in it repeatedly. I never wanted this, but I can't hide from the truth anymore.

The psychiatrist has also recommended that I come off the antidepressants, and I'm pretty relieved about that. I didn't want to be taking them forever.

[Sandra]

The psychiatrist has also recommended that I come off the antidepressants, and I'm pretty relieved about that. I didn't want to be taking them forever.


Rachel please please discuss this with your GP first, as to me that is plain stupid advice....you are going to be going through a trying time and may need that little bit more extra help. Nigella has got down to one tablet every other day and wanted to come off them all together. Mr Beanie ( gender psychiatrist think that 's his title) who she saw at Leeds suggested to her that she stay on them basically for the reason I've said above. Our own GP has agreed with this as well.

[Angela Campbell]

I don't know but wouldn't a psychiatrist have more training and knowledge of proper use and techniques for anti depressants than a GP? Did he want to just stop suddenly or was he talking about slowly getting off of them? I might want to discuss with the GP and maybe even have him consult the psychiatrist.

[Nigella]

From MY EXPERIENCE, yes you should come off anti depressants, however, the advice I have been given is to reduce, reduce, reduce, not remove. The road that we travel is full of pitfalls and anti depressants, even in the lowest dose possible help to keep you balanced. The last consult with my GP came to the conclusion that as I am feeling much happier in myself, because of the forthcoming surgery, it would be to my benefit to stay on them, even though we both agree, that if surgery was not on the cards, I would be stopping them altogether.

Never, ever, come off a prescription drug without consulting your GP.

[DanaM64]

It is amazingly lucky for us on this side of the ocean with the availability of public health, but as stated we are subjected to a much longer drawn out evaluation period than a lot of our western counterparts. I've been in the system now for almost 2yrs and just now I'm in the final evaluation part to be approved to begin treatment or if they will require more investigative sessions. When I started they did mention it would take almost this long of time to get things rolling, I didn't believe them! The way I looked at it, it was a giant step to take just to step forward in this direction which should have been enough hard evidence as Popeye would say I am what I am! So lets get the ball rolling... didn't happen, the upside is the more I went to the sessions the more I came to realize just how important each step is, though 2 mos would still have been preferred to begin the HRT and Laser treatment than 2yrs! I did start the laser out of my pocket before I found out it would be covered under the whole treatment and at the time I was going to be spending an extended time in the Middle East so I opted to pause the treatments till I get my approval. (Wish I hadn't, but can't change time)

I think I got side tracked... all in all what Nigella an Sandra said is very true though we feel like pulling all the stops and going as fast as we can, the system is there to help us make the right decisions and hopefully hold our hand whilst taking baby steps to our future self.

As far as the anti-d's definitely get your GP's or other qualified person to help make that decision! Not long ago there was a post by someone who did it on their own only to realize she wasn't fully ready for that step!

Good Luck with your path!

[Deborah_UK]

I agree with Nigella, my ex used to be on a pretty high level anti depressant, she wanted to come off them, didn't see her GP first and tried to go "cold turkey". The results were not good and on return to her GP he prescribed a gradual withdrawal.

Rachel, If the underlying cause for your depression are your gender issues then a slow withdrawal should be good but as Nigella says - make sure you discuss with your GP first.

Glad your appointment went well.

And again, as Nigella said, the only physical examination will be with your surgeon - and sadly (unless you win the lottery and go private!) that will be quite some way down the line.

I hope you can, at least, stay good friends with your girlfriend - my g/f, of 9 years at the time, was totally against my transition, now she's my best friend and we've just booked a shopping trip to New York for November :)

[Amy A]

Thanks for the advice everyone, I will wait until I have spoken to my GP before stopping taking the anti depressants.

My girlfriend and I did break up this morning. I'm pretty heartbroken, but we'll always love each other and be best of friends. I guess it's for the best.

Rachel :(

[TNRobin]

Rachel, I'm sorry to hear about you and your girlfriend, but it's a pretty common thing. At least it seems that it was a friendly break up and not an explosion of negative emotions.

I was a bit confused about your path until I realized that you're in the UK. I forget sometimes that this is an international forum! Being a ham radio operator and constantly talking to people in other countries you would think that I would remember that. :)

Anyway, I wish you all of the best on your journey. I'm lucky enough to have a therapist who is a specialist in transgender issues and the way that she put it to me on our first session is that "it's my journey and she's merely a guide to help me find my direction as I travel through it."