women' retreat dilemma

[arbon]

Last year I was invited to this women's retreat and I declined.

This year I was invited again and I declined.
Until today when someone convinced me that I should go despite my insecurities.

And I'm not sure its really a good idea :straightface:

The thing is that it is at this hot springs place - with a big heated pool and lots of hot tubing and stuff going on. There's going to be over a hundred women - swimming, soaking, meditation, yoga - lots of fun stuff. But I don't even have a swimming suit. I can get one tomorrow on the way there, okay. But how am I going to look in a women's swimming suit? I still have "that" down bellow (very small but still there) and I have never really learned the art of tucking, or really even tried (the idea kind of it freaks me out). I have a bigger rounder belly my daughter says makes me look pregnant. Teeny tiny boobs. And a great big adams apple. Just trying to envision how I'm going to look in a women's swim suit, and I don't really like the picture.

Not feeling very confident about it. I don't want them all to think I'm some sort of freak. I don't know how to deal with the dressing / locker rooms issue either.

Maybe go and not do any swimming or the hot tubs? Then why go at all - my first decision not to go was probably the best one. Or wear shorts and tee shirt in the tubs? Would that be to weird?

[mikiSJ]

I would be concerned that some of the women there may be concerned with a "guy in a dress" or a "fake woman" trying to butt in on "their" retreat.

IAC, if you go, it will certainly be a character builder.

[Angela Campbell]

Try on different suits. They make them with little skirts to hide the "you know what". You can get some fairly modest ones I am sure. Then again the one little thing is not what would keep me out of a swim suit...it is just too hard to try to be convincing for me in one. And I am pretty modest anyway.

[AnitaH]

I too was going to suggest the skirted swim suits. Perhaps a single piece, that could help hide other things as well. I've not been in that situation but I would suppose that some shorts and tees might be acceptable. At any rate enjoy and let us know how it goes.

AnitaH

[I Am Paula]

Nothing strikes terror into the heart of a woman more than bathing suit shopping. Go to a boutique, where a SA will help you. Good luck.

[Deborah_UK]

I had a couple of those skirted swimming costumes and used them on holidays. (I went out and bought a "proper" one last Sunday :-) ) So that is an option.

The bigger issue is surely the fact it's a women only retreat and sadly, what is still between your legs marks you out to them. I know of a transwoman (pre-op) who went to a similar event in the UK and she had to room with another delegate. What happened later was not good - the roomie realised that the transwoman still had an outie and it got quite ugly.

Perhaps you should consider waiting until you're post-op?

[LeaP]

The question is whether the organizer/inviter knows your status. If she does, have a heart-to-heart with her about attending. If she does not, then I would decline.

[arbon]

The organizers know me, their all friends of mine, and part of the reason I changed my mind to go yesterday is they had left over scholarships and wanted to give me one so I would go. And my wife is going to. So I'll have a dozen or so friends there. Its just the other 90 or so women that I am not going to know that worry me, and the swimming, and trying to find a swim suit this morning has me nervous. But I am going, I'll see how it goes. Even if I don't swim or hot tub I can still have fun. If there are issues, people complain then I wont do it again. No issues, then I am in with the group and that will be pretty cool.

[Robinkay]

Have a great time,wish I had that type of opportunity.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Arbon,
Stop being so critial of yourself! Sometimes we can be our own worse enemy! There are many different styles of bathing attire that you can choose from. Pick one that you feel comfortable wearing. I think you will enjoy the over all experience of going to the event. It's not like it's being hosted at a nudist colony!
Last time I was at a hot springs was in Wyoming! The water smelled like sulfur but it felt soooo good! I was wearing a bikini and the place was filled with people! As for the locker room? I used the men's because I personally didn't think it would be appropriate for me to use the ladies. When the attendant asked me "What are you doing going in there?" I simply flashed him my ID which clearly states "M" for gender. "Is that going to be a problem?" I asked. "Umm...no,Sir." was his reply. I had no intention of stripping to take a shower anyway. I just rinsed myself off. And put my shorts and top back on over my bathing suit. No big deal. Nothing weird about it.
There comes a time when it is more important that you accept yourself rather than worrying so much about what others might think. Let the chips fall where they may! Allow yourself some latitude to explore life to it's fullest. "Acceptance" is an over-rated concept.

[arbon]

I have only used a men's locker room like once in the last 25 years, since high school it will never happen again

On the road going to stop at a TJ Max that's on the way there hopefully find something that will work

[Stephanie47]

With so many knowing friends and family attending I think you can be lost in the crowd. Although there is a pool, there is really no reason to jump in the pool. A lot of women do not go swimming. If you cannot find a suitable bathing suit just attend the festivities in a pretty sun dress.

[kimdl93]

Well, there are women of all shapes and sizes. And maybe you could get a very firm shaper to wear underneath. It will help with the tummy and the bits down below.

[Barbara Ella]

The organizers know, and you are with your wife. Get a nice suit and go relax with your wife. No skinny dipping.....

Barbara

[Persephone]

Enjoy the event and being with your friends!

(And then come back and tell us all about it! Hopefully with pictures of you smiling!)

You go, girl! Rock that bathing suit!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[TeresaL]

Hope it all works out.

Well, not everything. LOL

[arbon]

At our hotel, this is the suit I found on the way here, found shorts :)

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8262/8664303392_cf0db0f610.jpg

[Rogina B]

Glad you decided to go and you look great so have fun!

[nhlighthouse]

You look great ...now have some fun and relax!

[TeresaL]

You look real nice, and will blend in just fine.

[Jorja]

By now you must be having a ball. The big national news tonight was catching "the second Boston bomber" not "man envades a women's retreat in Utah" so it must be ok. ;)

[Nicole Erin]

You do not look bad. The way you describe yourself is way worse than how you actually look.
Well anyways, I am interested to see how things go. I am imagining you will bring us good news :)

[kerrianna]

Hon, you look awesome! Very pretty and feminine. So just let all that worry stuff go, ok? BE YOURSELF. Enjoy yourself. YOU DESERVE TO BE THERE!! :)

[Emma Beth]

Arbon, you look great.

My wife has a suit in the same colorful pattern.

I love it!

[Jessica Keys]

By now you must be having a ball. The big national news tonight was catching "the second Boston bomber" not "man envades a women's retreat in Utah" so it must be ok. ;)

Now that is a good one Jorja.
Arbon...wow, that is the perfect swim suit. Now go have fun

[girlyj]

You look fabulous! You're going to be fine. Hope you are having a blast!

[arbon]

Last night went well. The retreat is in this small town in se Idaho called lava hot springs, so lots of hot pools There are public outdoor pools and all the motels have them to. The town is real small so everything is within a 5 minute walk. Weather is raining and cold! I have not been here since I was a kid so it is nice to come here again :)

The potluck and opening went good everyone was nice and I got along fine. After that all wrapped up I was with about 15 other women that went to one of the public pools it was night so not much light which was nice for me as there were a lot of people at the pools. No one seemed to notice me. With the cold air and drizzle the hot water was divine, perfect weather for hot pools.There was a pool meditation this morning but I slept in instead.
Today should be good.

So first time out in public in a swim suit went well even though it was at night

Trying to write all this on an iPhone not easy!

[Persephone]

So glad the first swim suit event went well. Keep having a great time! And please continue to keep us informed, with pictures if possible.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[melissaK]

OMG. Lava hot springs ID. Went there on a honeymoon with my first ex wife a gazillion years ago.

Arbon you've done good. Good for the organizer to talk you into it, and you've handled it so well!

And yea, peckin on the ip is tedious - at least 2/3 my posts are done that way. And ALL our typos are autocorrects fault, right Sweetie?! ;^)

[kerrianna]

So first time out in public in a swim suit went well even though it was at night

Trying to write all this on an iPhone not easy!

This made me smile. :)

[Sarah V]

The swim suit you found is very pretty and flatteringon you. Now git 'r going and have a great time!! I wish I were in your shoes and could have the opprotunity you are going to have. Let us know how it went.

[arbon]

Great weekend. Powerful experience, being accepted and felt a part of the group, no issues. It was a lot of woman energy, omg.

The thing with the swimming suit I had been so afraid of it, to cross that bridge. With the swimming suit there's no makeup or cloths to help hide the masculine features, just your body and the little bit of clothing and how you project yourself - and people will either think that it is appropriate for you to be wearing a woman's swim suit, or they are going to think your some gross perverted guy....I mean I was really afraid of which way I would be perceived. As far as I could tell though I did alright. And being in that environment with such a diverse group of women of different ages and all sizes and shapes - I did not feel that bad about the way I looked really.

Other stuff - my wife is a talker, she loves to talk, and has no problem talking about the person she is married to, me, and about me being trans. Someone asks her if she is married or has a boy friend or stuff like that and she'll just tell about me and be really casual about no big deal about it. I'm okay with it though. Yesterday she had a massage with one the locals and of course she told the woman all about me. But what was kind of interesting was the woman told my wife oh she has a trans person boarding in one of her rental rooms and then went and introduced my wife to him/her and they talked for a while. I guess this person identifies as transsexual and says they are a woman inside but chose not to transition. Which was kinda interesting my wife finding another trans person to talk while we where there.

otherwise not much else. I don't have any good pictures, definitely not posting more of me in a swim suit :

But here is the town - picture taken during a break in the rain.

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8256/8666509071_e387513374.jpg



Me and my wife at the saturday night dinner

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8258/8666514159_a1a3856cec.jpg


I got to help and be the raffle girl for a while.


http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8382/8669287989_f424e1ba43.jpg

[Angela Campbell]

That is a darling swim suit, I would pick out something like that myself. You looked very good in it. It must have been nice to be welcomed to that group. Glad you went huh?