Ellen's quandary

[Angela Campbell]

I am in a bit of a quandry right now.

I went to a therapist and was asked all the questions and she referred me to another one. The one she referred me to helps clients with transitions. This is a licenced therapist who is also a transitioned F to m. I contacted through e mail telling him who I was referred by and got an answer the next day. He gave me the rates and told me to call for an appointment. I did and got voice mail, so I left a message. Two days go by and no response so I e mailed again and was answered that he did get my voice mail but has been busy putting out fires. He told me he sees patients on Mondays and Thursdays so I asked for one next Thursday. That was two days ago and I have not seen a response yet. Is it normal for a therapist to kind of act like it is not real important to see a patient? I am wondering if this is someone I can trust but I do not know how to find another one who specializes in this.

[mikiSJ]

Ellen

That was two days ago and I have not seen a response yet. Is it normal for a therapist to kind of act like it is not real important to see a patient?

No, it is not. I reached out to several therapists using one of the internet websites and did not get one response. I got two local referrals from the owner of a local CD/TG shop and called both. Only one returned my call and I am glad she was the one. We have hit it off nicely.

[Angela Campbell]

I guess I better keep looking. If I already feel like I cannot trust him why go forward.

wow while I was typing this he sent me an e mail and set an appointment for next week.

I wonder if he is on this site?

[Jorja]

I guess I better keep looking. If I already feel like I cannot trust him why go forward.

wow while I was typing this he sent me an e mail and set an appointment for next week.

I wonder if he is on this site?

I know all and see all. Be on time! :)

[Angela Campbell]

LOL I am never on time...I am always early. I will probably be sitting in the parking lot for an hour before the appointment.

[Angela Campbell]

I still have issues with the communications between myself and this therapist, but I am planning to go to one session and see what I think from that. Who knows how it will go in person, maybe it is just an issue with communications. Some people are like that, for instance my boss. He expects you to be available 24/7 and always answer the phone or e mail but try to get a hold of him......he never calls back when you leave a message or an email is never responded to. Anyway I will go talk and see how I feel after that. I wish it was a little easier to find someone.

I plan to go as Ellen, and tell him just what my desire and hope is. I am going to say that my goal is to transition no matter how long it takes and then answer whatever questions he has.

[DanaM64]

Good Luck Ellen, it can be tough to find a therapist to confide in... The main thing is to be honest (which I'm sure you will be!) to yourself and the therapist.
Make a list of expectations to bring with you that include your goals as well as what you will be expecting in return, such as quicker responses to your correspondence.
The only thing left is to bring something to entertain yourself for that hour you'll be waiting in the parking lot! ;)

[Angela Campbell]

I am usually honest in everything I do. Sometimes it may make me seem like I said one thing and then later said something totally different, but that it the truth of how I feel at the time. Trust is another story. I have a hard time trusting anyone and when someone seems like I am not worth the effort it makes me wonder. I do want to move ahead as it seems like when I feel like I am moving toward a goal I feel better.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Im so glad i never had detail like that & i never went to any therapist, it seems from what i read you do things quite differently over there,

Mind you i do have many people put thier trust in myself & have had lots of talks about thier lives & detail. So i understand where your comeing from,
Trust is very importaint & whats said is not given to ...any one ...else,
Hope it goes well for you,

...noeleena...

[Marleena]

Ellen you're going to need to learn to relax a bit. These therapists are busy and it takes time to book appointments and such. This whole process takes time. Get ready for lots of delays going through the proper channels. It's just the way it is. For example I need to book my endo at least 2 months in advance to see him.

It's going to take multiple visits to the therapist too. He'll need to be sure you're thinking clearly and know the ramifications of transition. You'll need to prove yourself.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

marleena i think thats right...

he sounds like he's a bit scattered on call backs...maybe not the greatest businessman..

you are going through anxiety...its a natural feeling... you can't wait for the appointment and its the big elephant in your life... right now you are one new client to a busy thepapist...if hes too busy for you in the end, move on

..but i'd take the opportunity to meet him and see if you have reason to think he can help you....i'd care alot more about whether he can help you...my ffs surgeon is known for making people wait for appts...but its because he is so patient and helpful in meetings that they never end early...its a tradeoff...

and if you go what will happen is you'll set the next appointment in the therapy sessions...there willbe no back and forth except on a limited basis...his callback patterns won't matter

[Marleena]

@ Kaitlyn I agree in giving the guy a chance. Ever notice how the good ones are the busiest? Once the first visit it is out of the way it usually goes smoother because the next visit will be booked. She won't be guessing when her next visit will be and hopefully less anxiety for her.

[Nicole Brown]

Give him a chance, after all, being F to M he is almost family. What Marleena said is so very true, the really good ones are usually the busiest. My therapist, who I just happen to love to death, is not really very good at getting back to you in what I consider a timely fashion. Mind you, he does always return my calls, he just takes a little longer than I would take to return a call.

Since I understand this about him, and also know how busy his schedule is, I make allowances. He has truly helped me in finding and understanding myself and we were right in sync when the time was right for me to begin hormone treatment. Like I already said, give him a chance, you might just find a diamond in the rough....

[stefan37]

2 months for an initial endo appointment I wish. There are so few in my area, and some are really expensive, took me 4 months to get my initial evaluation. Now I see him every 4 months, he is reasonably priced and somewhat accessible. Initial exam was $395 and followups are $95 each which is a huge cost savings over other programs in my area since it is all out of pocket. Luckily the lab work is covered by insurance.
'
Ellen I am glad to see you have taken the first step to healing yourself. Patience is the most imperative trait we have to develop for this process. Events do not happen overnight. There will many anxious moments while you wait for events to materialize. Hormones take time to work. Socialization takes much time. Overcoming self-consciousness will consume you to no end. We hide and suppress our femininity for so long that to put it out in front of those that have known us as male will take you way out of your comfort zone, but you must leave that zone to grow. I had it easier in that I got my ears pierced, and was wearing colored nail polish, and eye-makeup as a male for quite a few years before I embarked on my transition. Remember it is a marathon, not a race. We all need to go at our own pace to allow us to grow into the person we want to be. Rushing ahead without forethought can only lead to disaster. We all share a common affliction, but our life histories and present vary so greatly, there is no 1 fit for all plan.

Good luck with your journey wherever it leads and we will be here to support you wherever you decide to land.

[Frances]

I don't know how it works in the States, but therapists can take up to a week to answer calls here, and appointments can't take a few months to happen. And this is not in the public system. Therapists have lots of patients/clients.

[Angela Campbell]

I met him today. I have talked to him on the phone but today I met him. I went to the office dressed nicely, in a pants suit. I got there early by about 10 minutes and the door was locked and no one there. I realized I didn't have my phone and had left it in the car - I needed it to check the time - so I decided to go out to the car to get it. A man got off the elevator as I was getting on it and said hello and kept walking. I got my phone and returned and the door was open and that man I passed on the elevator was the therapist. I walked in and he asked if he could help me and was surprised that I was his client for the hour. He said he could not tell I was trans he thought I was a real girl. (yah do you believe that?) He does follow WPATH but said that it is more of a formality and that transition is no problem and he will help me to get through it. We discussed the emotional, legal and medical issues a little and I was assured that it will all be ok. All he does is help people like us through this.

Yeah the communication is a little strange, not his strong point, but in person he is very confident and personable.

Tell the truth, it feels better just knowing I am moving forward and actually doing something.

[Jodi Anne]

Good for you Ellen sounds like things are moving well for you. I told you Jerri Ann thought you were a GG the first time she met you.

[arbon]

Glad you made it to the appointment :)

[stefan37]

Yeah!!

Glad to hear you made it over your first obstacle. It took me 2 days to get the courage to call for my first appointment. Now you have someone to help navigate the initial steps towards curing your GID. I would suggest if you have not done it already. Search out a qualified laser tech or electrologist for facial hair removal. Aside from its cost it takes forever. I have 178 hours completed and still have neck hair.

[Angela Campbell]

Yes I am looking for an electrolygist but due to my work schedule I need one who does after hours or Saturdays. I think I found one and will know if it is right soon.

I may end up on the side of the road with a sign....I will work for electrolysis....yeah like I have time for that. But then again spending my grocery money for hair removal also adds to weight loss. Then maybe a second mortgage for SRS.....

[traci_k]

Ellen, I am so pleased to hear the appointment with the therapist went well, as I had assured you it would. Really, most of these people got into the business to help people. My therapist is a GG, very open minded and seems to care deeply about helping people deal with gender issues and had no problem advising me to take more baby steps in becoming confortable presenting as a female and discussing partial or full transiton early on.
Keep the faith girl - it's happening. It will probably seem slow, but at our age, don't years just seem to go by in a flash?
Hugs and best wishes!
Traci

[stefan37]

I see my electrologist twice a week at 6 am for 1-1/2 hour sessions. Her flexible schedule allows me to have the work done with minimal interruption to my business. It may be an option.

[mary something]

thanks for sharing Ellen, your experience reminds me of when I first started therapy about a year and a half ago. It took a couple visits for me to get really comfortable and in "sync" with my therapist but now I look back and realize that a lot of the little anxieties I felt about her was just jitters on my part.

As far as hair removal you might want to check out groupon for a special in your area, I was able to find a laser facial package at a significant savings at a clinic with flexible hours.

[Angela Campbell]

Yes Traci You did tell me, and yes it has been a case of the jitters to some degree. It is a big step just going at all, and discussing something I have hidden very successfully for 50 years is not easy. I do feel better though just for the fact I am doing something. Is it the right thing? Well I know that doing nothing is never the right thing.

Why do baby steps have to be so small?