isolated

[Stevie]

I want to be able to communicate in both male and female form but I have a hard time being around people as my natural self. People just steer clear of me. Is part of me wanting to dress because of this isolated feeling. If I'm not accepted as a guy then why do I care what people think of me as a woman. I do care though.

[Jenny Gurl]

The desire to dress was created at birth, before we knew what relationships were. We all want to be accepted as ourselves, unfortunately the current world we live in has a lot of superstitions that have yet to be removed from our society. In America we don't burn or hang witches any more, so we have progressed. Unfortunately there is a deep rooted religious belief that dressing outside whatever todays society chosen norms are considered a wrong to many people. It is a slow process to educate the masses, in the 50's a genetic male would not be accepted wearing earrings yet today it is not even blinked at. We can't make the world evolve faster, the best we can do is educate those around us that we care about, and seek out those friends who are already evolved enough to not need educating. These kindred spirits will share our understanding, and not condemn us for being what our creator made us. As a fellow kindred spirit, I think nothing of a girl who wants to dress down in a pair of jeans and an old shirt, or a guy who wants to dress up for the day in a nice dress or skirt. In short, it may not be your method of communication but the people you are trying to communicate with have a stereotypical mindset that makes them not listen.

[Kate Simmons]

Much of it is caused by being unsure of ourselves. I know, I've been there. It took a concerted effort on my part to get in touch with all of my feelings and make them my own. Now they work for me and I hold the reins regardless of which mode I'm in. It doesn't happen overnight, however, and takes time and honesty to accomplish.:)

[noeleena]

Hi,

This is really about haveing real friends who are interested in you as a person lets put aside this male / female for now. lets look at how you as a person interacts with poeple , how do you get on at work do you have any hobbies that others are interested in what about joining a club or soc = a car club or spoirts maybe a History background say a Scottish soc, . okay,

There are groups that have both male & female in them , okay you like dresseing maybe this is not your thing The SCA a Renaissance group its world wide,

How do you show your self not clothes this is about you. are you interested in others how do you come across wont to take over the converstion or just enter in , not over the top. let others get to know you & talk about your interests,

some times one can give the imprestion of i dont wont to be part of any thing or group, so have a look at your self & see if there maybe a detail that gives off this vibe .

Of cause you could say what the hell am i on about what would i know im not where you are or where you live, Hmmm okay lets just say for now any way i do know what its like being a loner try a few years say 55 struggled with words let alone putting them together & makeing a sentance long enough to say something of worth, dyslexca majer, oh yes i know what its damm well like,

you never fitted in tell me about it, Ill tell you how to change that, just dont expect it over night or with in a year it takes time a lot,

Tell us a bit about what your likes are, or interests, ....okay ...

...noeleena...

[Beverley Sims]

Stevie,
Don't feel low, some people are rejected by their peers because of their physique or mannerisms.
Maybe you don't appear to fit in with your peer group because of what I just said.
Are you trying too hard to make friends.
Dressing and guy mode are two different worlds and usually encompass different friends.
Do you have any close friends?
I could ask questions like this all day, but just go out there and join a like minded group of people.

[Stevie]

Bev I do feel low and rejected but its me. I just simply rub people the wrong way. I want to change but every time I do it just gets worst. Even doing what I enjoy makes me unhappy. I feel so isolated. I wish I can just fit in.

[Brynna M]

Stevie,

For what its worth, I know the isolated thing and I know it sucks. Finding a place and people where you "fit" is not easy. Is it something particular you do that rubs people the wrong way. If its not one simple thing ( like a mullet) then you might be trying to fit into the wrong group. You cant fit a square peg into a round hole. I really hope you feel better.

[kimdl93]

I would look to other problems first...besides dressing. You say people steer clear of you. Do you know this to be true, and if so, under what circumstances. If its true, you need to start asking why...and perhaps seek professional help to learn how to be more comfortable around people, and learn how to make people more comfortable around you.

The feeling of isolation won't go away because of how you dress. You need to develop the interpersonal skills required to interact with people effectively. Then worry about your clothes.

[Barbara Ella]

Finding a place where you feel the fit can be frustrating. I have had plenty of work associates, etc. but never really felt a fit in my chosen profession. Cannot speak directly to you, but most of this was my own insecurity. I am now coming to think that it also was my feeling of being "different" even though at the time I did not realize my transgendered nature. I now know it was there, and fueling my feeling of being different and not fitting in. it led me to lead a life where I did not develop close friendships, and I really regret it.

Just do not stop giving people a chance. Do not get too down on yourself. It may be that you are not rubbing them the wrong way, but you cannot make the appropriate connection because of these differences. There are people out there who can fit with you if you just have the perseverance to keep yourself out there. That is difficult and it wears the psyche down. If you haven't already, a therapist is a good helper to deal with these feelings

Barbara

[Angela Campbell]

I am pretty isolated too, but I think it is my own choice. For a long time i kind of pulled away from the world. I do ok one on one but I really do not like being around people very much. I am getting a little better lately.

[PaulaQ]

If it makes you feel any better, Stevie, I think there is a good chance some of your feelings of isolation are based on your CD / TG feelings. I have always felt isolated - I keep part of myself hidden and always have. I never totally let anyone in. The thing is - people really like me. I get along with literally everyone. But I have always felt alone. Are you sure they are avoiding you, and not taking a cue from your avoidance of them?

[Alice Torn]

I can sure relate to what you wrote. I am a loner, too, and isolated. I don't have one sound minded, normal human being friend! I have toxic family of origin, and a crazy neighbor lady. I used to live in the Seattle Tacoma area, and had some friends there, and customers of my business. Here, in northern Illinois, in a smaller town, is a lonesome life. I , like you, think that part of my dressing as a woman, is my social pain, and rejection. The 12 step group near here, for Adult Children of Dysfunction, shrunk, and disbanded. I believe in God, and the true church, but a crossdresser would never be allowed. Like Kate said, we have to reign in our emotions, know ourselves, accept the crap , change what we can, and be ourselves, a work always in progress.

[Alice Torn]

PaulaQ , I relate to that, what you said, about, being friendly with others, often doing ok with others, but still lonely, . I always have a mate shaped void in me, even if i feel right with God, and myself. I think MY dressing is partly wanting to experience a lady, that i have not had.

[Stevie]

Not being able to talk about any of my issues does isolate me from everything else. But I also feel nobody cares about my issues. I need to be more open about my feelings. Maybe then people can relate to me.

[Brynna M]

Stevie,

I'm sorry to be a nay sayer but unless you already have people you know respect and trust being more open with your feelings, particularly negative feelings, may make newer friends uncomfortable. We all need people to open up to but I just don't want you to get shot down reaching out to someone who isn't ready for that. Is there some one you are somewhat close to you could be more open with?