Moving on, coming out, and choosing names

[Amy A]

Hi all,

It's been a pretty emotional week. My girlfriend of 10 years and I decided to call it a day; we still live under the same roof and we still love each other, but it wasn't ever going to work out. I really upset about it and we've done a lot of crying together but at least we still have an amazing friendship.

I also came out to my parents, and told them of my hope to transition. They are understandably upset and shocked but hugely supportive. Again, more tears. I feel like I'm making everyone miserable!

Lastly, I've started giving real consideration to my female name. My parents would've called me Rachel or Rebecca if I'd been born female, and I was happy to use Rachel before I made the decision to transition. But now there's the threat of permanancy, I'm not sure. For a start, the letter R in front of my last name has an unfortunate consequence, and secondly, I just don't know if I suit it. I've been asking friends for suggestions, and a female friend said she really likes the name Amy. I have to admit, it's really growing on me, and it seems to 'fit' a bit more. It's a big decision!

So now, looking forward, I'm still scared (will I pass? Will people accept me when I'm a girl? Will I be alone for the rest of my life?) but at least I have supportive friends and family. It's all feeling a bit surreal at the moment!

[Jorja]

Please allow me to try to calm your fears just a little.

I do hope you and your GF can manage to stay friends during your transition. Its always good to have a good girlfriend at your side when things get tuff.

Yes, your parents are bound to be a little upset. After all, they had a son at birth. This is what they know you by. Keep working with them. Don't get too upset with them if they call you him. It might take a little while. It is up to YOU to SHOW them you are a better person as a female. Let them see your light shine brightly.

Will I pass? Will people accept me when I'm a girl? Will I be alone for the rest of my life? This is all up to you. While expensive, there is FFS. If you are going to be the part you might as well look the part. More people will accept you than you think. The more time passes, the more they will never know the difference. You are young and will find that once you move from your current location as a woman, you will always be a woman unless you tell different. Will you be alone? Again that all depends upon you. Unless or until you tell them, you partner isn't going to know the difference. Yes, it is that good.

We say it all the time. You have time. Use it wisely.

[arbon]

Having support from others can make a big difference I think.