Any advice please???

[Jessica_NZ]

Ok, so I have a birthday coming up, and have organised a bit of a gathering of close friends. i am also going to have a dress fitting on friday - getting something custom made (6'4" without heels is hard to shop for) which I must say i'm packing myself about - anyway the new dress I'm planning to wear to my party.
Now, pretty much all my close friends know and have seen Jessica, and all are fully accepting. Apart from my brother and another couple which I cannot exclude from the event.
My question is, do I tell them before hand, or just let them rock up and deal with it at the time? My wife seems to think they will get a kick out of it being a surprise but i'm not sure. I've never really found a good way to tell people.
My brother, who is a few years younger, I'm a little unsure about. I did tel my mum a year or so ago, which didnt go down well much to my surprise, and i'm worried he might freak out a little, but then again he is pretty open minded but maybe not so much of his older brother wearing a dress...
The couple, I know for a fact the GG will be fine, the guy on the other hand is very much a mans man and is fascinated by gay people - doesnt understand them and almost comes accross derogatory towards them but I know hes just confused by it all.
I've already made my mind up that I will be dressed up, so its just a question of do I tell them before hand or surprise them on the night? I've been meaning to tell them for a while now, as it seems my secret is out anyway from what ive been hearing of late, so better they find out from me than through the rumor mill.

Any advice much appreciated!

J

[Andy66]

Just my opinion, if they happen to have a bad first reaction, its better they have it over the phone than in the middle of your party. Letting them know a few days ahead of time will give them a chance to think about it a bit and decide its not so bad. :hugs:

[Stephanie47]

Telling them before hand will give them the opportunity to gracefully decline, if cross dressing were to bother them. It may also give enough time to get over any shock and become inquisitive about the evening and attend without feeling blindsided.

[Eryn]

Andy has it right. The party is not the time to spring your TGness on unsuspecting friends or relatives. Talk to them ahead of time, tell them how much you are looking forward to having them at the party but in order to preserve harmony you wanted to tell them about something first...

With this approach there is an excellent chance that they will come to the party eager to see how you look. If they decide they can't handle it they will opt themselves out.

Springing yourself on them brings with it the risk that they will think that you are dressing as a lark and also the risk of a bad reaction.

[4mymichelle]

Jessica,
Being your birthday celebration I don't think it should be a surprise party for your brother and the couple. As everyone else attending knows of your dressing it is best to let them know in advance. This is to avoid anyone being uncomfortable and allows you to have a very happy birthday!

[Jessica_NZ]

Thanks for the advice, I hadn't really thought of it that way. So my bro has said he's coming for definiate so I guess I need to have a chat with him. This could be interesting...first dress fitting and coming out to my bro - who looks up and admires his older bro as an immature delinquint haha awesome :tongueout

[Alexis.j]

Yeah, I tend to agree with the rest. It could possibly ruin a lovely birthday if you surprise them like that. You don't need bad vibes or comments on your special day, I would lit them know in advance, and if they don't like the idea, they can simply stay away.
Good luck, and hava great birthday.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Lets turn this around how would you ...react ... to say your best friend who youv known for years just turns up dressed as in so different you cant reconise your friend & theres others around just to compound the meeting , apart from shock how would you feel then.

Remember this as a normal person who knows nothing of dresser's or trans,,,,

If it was a fancy party no issue or a gig its just a bit of fun , what you wont to do is from how i see it a lot different,

Yes no dought they may get over this yet you are putting them in a situistion that does not need to be done this way,

Im a woman = female. yet i told all of those i know friends work mates shop people some 100 people plus others i could not get to in time though they knew when it went to air, they where told what to expect, when they saw me the next time, so was not a what the hell or shocked, they all with out exception have remained as friends,

Give those close to you the benifit of at least being told before you meet them on the day.

I value my friends thats why i have so many, because i invited them into my life,,,,are you doing that,

...noeleena...

[monalisa]

You might want to put on the invitation that all men are required to wear a dress to your theme birthday party. That way no one can criticize or be shocked.

[~Joanne~]

Add another vote for "before the party". I can't think of a worse time to spring something like this on someone than in a crowd of people.

[wilt575]

You could put a different spin to it, for the brother and other couple. Your invited to my #'s birthday party also, a chance to meet Jessica, my alter-ego, she will be theresharing her #'s b-day ( or simliar term) also etc, looking forward to seeing you. That way your giving them the picture in advance, without a lot of explaining face to face. Chances brother knows through mother and couple knows through friends.

[Beverley Sims]

Jessica,
Ijust think go with the flow.
You could forewarn them that there will be a few fun surprises on the night.
Good luck.

[ossian]

I'm thinking no surprises might be the best route. That way if they are uncomfortable they can bow out. If there was a surprise and there was a negative outcome the party could be blown for the night for everybody that is ok with being dressed up.

[Jessica_NZ]

I read a post a few weeks back about people not coming back to threads, so i figured I should update this one.

I had a chat with my Bro, he just laughed and is excited about coming on sat as he wants to meet Jessica - Awesome! Also had a phone chat tonight with the other couple I needed to tell, and again they are fine with it! So that is pretty much ALL my close friends now that know - and has kinda turned a birthday celebration to a coming-out party so to speak haha.
I have also had the final fitting for my new dress, pick it up tomorrow :)
I had an appointment at 3pm on friday, and about lunch time the lady rang me and asked if i could make it a little earlier, as she had some teenage girls coming in at 3.30pm and didnt want for me to be embarrised for put in a akward situation - how awesome is that! I've already decided I'm going to get her to make me another dress but that will have to wait for the finanses to recover first.

Anyway, just wanted to say that everything went brillantly and thank you all for your comments and advice! It is very much appreciated.

J