Needing some advice

[Barati]

I need advice from smart people because I have done a very mad thing...

Recently I got into the communication with one guy from the internet. He initiated a whole thing. One word came after another until I sent him some stupid photos. And he got a very high opinion on me. He even told me that I fit into his vision of a perfect girlfriend. At first I didn't took that too serious because everything was just about fun and small talk. Besides, anyone can make themselves look good on a picture. But he kept to insist that I am good looking and smart. He remained enthusiastic even when I revealed that I am in a serious relationship with a girl because I am bisexual.

He badly wanted to meet me. I accepted the challenge although I was very scared....

The hell break loose as soon he saw me and he instantly got obsessed with me. I got many compliments. According to him, I look better in real and I have a very pleasant voice. That shocked me because my self-esteem is very low and I see myself as ugly. Very bizarre.

But the main point is that he believes I am a real female! I never had enough courage to say that I am a transsexual monster. What a poor guy...

I feel stressed and afraid about this path and where it's going! I wish I could just walk away from it all without causing any pain to anyone.

Comments? Suggestions?

[Stephanie-L]

My first and most important advice, get some therapy. You refer to yourself as a "transsexual monster", you seriously need some help learning to accept who and what you are. In the mean time, don't talk to this guy any more. It appears to me that he is in it for only one thing (given the speed he has pushed things), and he will be upset once he learns your "secret". Tell him you are not interested in another relationship right now, and to stop contacting you. He is probably right that you are good looking and smart, but you need to work on the self esteem issues before you start looking for relationships. Take some comfort in the fact that he thinks you look like a genetic female (you are a real female, just not born that way). Good luck to you................Stephanie

[Ceri Anne]

I agree with Stephanie. He seems very superficial. You already have one good relationship, and you don't want to threaten that do you?. Stick with supportive friends, and be honest about who you are. Enjoy the complement that you are looking great, but build your own confidences.

Most importantly, YOU ARE NOT A MONSTER!! Unless you like cookies, then you can be a cookie monster :) You are transsexual, you are expresssing your inner true self. Get some counseling if you have trouble accepting this.

[groove67]

I say you get out of that affair at once. Yes i am into men also and have danced with many but have never let it get to that point. I keep my distance but if before or after srs i will be nothing but truthful to any man that i am a transexual woman. There are men out there that can accept that . I agree with the other ladies here you need council.

[Barati]

Council? But why? I live as a female, taking my hormones etc.

[Stephanie-L]

Because you are not accepting yourself. If you can't do that, then the rest won't work...............Stephanie

[DaniG]

My first and most important advice, get some therapy. You refer to yourself as a "transsexual monster", you seriously need some help learning to accept who and what you are.

I third this. There's nothing wrong or shameful in getting a little help sorting through life as TS. It's a murky and difficult journey. IMHO, every TS should be at the very minimum keeping touch (once a month, say) with a therapist until long after (1 yr plus) transition.

[Rachelakld]

Hi Barati,
Sorry love, I need to agree with the others.
We have had several great TS girls in NZ, in government, very successfully running a large region of the country.
They have helped make New Zealand greater than it was, they took no Bull S and they were not monsters.
Be wise (and use all the help you can get)
Find yourself before you look for others

[Barati]

Because you are not accepting yourself. If you can't do that, then the rest won't work...............Stephanie

I cannot accept myself because I don't know who am I.

Living as a female does not define me. This made my life a lot better but this is not my ultimate target.

This material body is only one piece of the puzzle.

I do not understand this timeline, this dimension and so-called reality.

No one therapist can give me answers to my esoteric pursuit. They are far too indoctrinated and ignorant for that.

And I consider myself as a monster because of my morbid taste, not my transsexuality.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

so then what's the problem?
be a happy monster

if your ideas or your identity don't resonate with this or some group, you find another group...

if your ideas and identity set you apart, then you need to own it and thrive

reading your posts your problem (if its a problem at all) has nothing to do with transsexuality

[Nicole Erin]

If you tell him you are TS, he is likely to leave you alone. If that doesn't work -
This might be extreme but maybe give him what he wants one time. Men usually vanish after that and you will never hear from him again.

For real though - if you look good enough that you are passing on a level that some folks like this guy have studied you in detail and he still doesn't know, you are lucky. OR, maybe he knows but doesn't mind cause he likes TS women.

For the therapy - unless you can get that for free or cheap, no need to waste money and time on all that. They are not going to figure it out for you. We have TS here who know what they are but some therapist disagrees. CIS folks don't really understand transgenderism anyways.

[CharleneT]

I am sorry to be negative, but chances are really good that you have happened upon what we call a "tranny chaser" or "admirer". Probably he has read you but is still interested. Do not assume that that means a good future. It is more likely a pretty weird one, if not problematic. Be careful, VERY careful. Meet at first only in public places and do not DO NOT give him your real name or private info. Be careful.

[Barati]

I am sorry to be negative, but chances are really good that you have happened upon what we call a "tranny chaser" or "admirer". Probably he has read you but is still interested. Do not assume that that means a good future. It is more likely a pretty weird one, if not problematic. Be careful, VERY careful. Meet at first only in public places and do not DO NOT give him your real name or private info. Be careful.


Not true. He really believe I am a genetic girl. And this is always the case no matter where I go. Everyone thinks the same about me and I never got a stupid questions or strange looks...

But I am already in a relationship and he knows and respect that.

I am just feeling awful because of my secret.

[Julie Hall]

Well here goes nothing. My opinion kind of parrots the others. I strongly suggest some kind of counseling - but perhaps I'm wrong. Maybe not TG counseling but something to help make you happy...or happier. Tell him the truth. There is nothing good to come out of maintaining a facade. Perhaps he is a tranny chaser and will not be dissuaded, at least you will know then. If you are in a relationship... a good one - then stop this and tend to that relationship.

But what do I know, Julie

[Barati]

Nothing can make me happier.

[mary something]

Nothing can make me happier.

honey that sounds like depression talking. It's hard to see it when you're in the middle of the vortex. It's really important to take steps to help yourself feel better right now. I understand how good his attention and admiration feels, please take some of the other girls advice and keep yourself safe if you take this further.

[Barati]

yeah, I never recovered from depression.

I will most likely end up committing a suicide.

[Xrys]

you want to know what to do? here it is. you tell this creepy stalker you are taken, and if he wants to F he can go F himself, then you go home and make love with your lesbian gf. problem solved, crisis averted, relationship intact, AKA: you win. as for seeing a therapist, you are admitantly depressed, thinking of suicide, & have a terrable self image. quit making excuses to wallow in your own self pitty, and get your shit in order. if you wont talk to a therapist, atleast talk to someone. your gf, your bff, someone who will listen and not judge. it is only a secret if you dont tell anybody. no argument, no excuses, for the bitch hath spoken.

[mary something]

yeah, I never recovered from depression.

I will most likely end up committing a suicide.


listen sweety, we all get to choose whether we want to live or die. Everyone of us is gonna be dust at some point, why don't you do a little living first? I've been there, it sucks, but you can get to a better place if you choose to. You need to put your big girl panties on and ask for some help. Find a Dr today and schedule an apt to ask for an antidepressant. Start a daily exercise routine to force your body to produce chemicals that will help you feel better. Join a depression support group online. Try to avoid making choices that will make your life more complicated and make you more miserable (hint, the guy you're talking about).

Sorry if this is harsh but you are the only person in this world who is capable of doing what needs to be done for yourself. You need to ask for help and try to make at least 2 or 3 choices daily (out of the hundreds you make everyday) that will lead you to a better place.

Good luck and best wishes honey

[dawnmarrie1961]

When you give a gift to somebody that is wrapped like an item that person really wants they can become quite dissappointed when they take the time to unwrap it and find it doesn't measure up to their expectations. Hormones aside, you are a genetic male and will always be a genetic male. That is reality. Learn to live with it. What we choose to believe is one thing. What is is another.
Deception is a double edged sword. It cuts both ways. Often both parties get hurt.

[Barati]

Hormones aside, you are a genetic male and will always be a genetic male. That is reality. Learn to live with it.


my endocrinologist says I have a female body chemistry so that is my reality and I don't care about your opinion.

besides, I will also have a vagina in the future so the days of my sorrow will be over.

[Barati]

So you wouldn't mind if the woman you're "in a serious relationship" with sent a man sexy pics of herself & then went & met him? Does she know you did all of this? I'm unsure what the focus of this post is about..


I already discussed that with her and everything seems to be sorted out. what a relief.