Does anybody know of a good ex-CD forum?

[Leyna]

since this one is obviously not it

[Lorileah]

I don't believe there is such a thing. Don't take that other thread so seriously. You got a lot of support along with the "tough love"

PS to those who may know a forum....don't post he link here..rules ya know

[Beverley Sims]

Leyna, I am going to weigh in here.
Most of the people that replied to your post, including me have seen numerous posts here about purging, giving up and also downright depression and unhappiness.
I hope you are only unhappy.
If you want to give up just quietly cast everything aside and see how you go.
I do not recommend you purge all your clothing but put it away somewhere.
Get other interests, find a girlfriend, this takes the heat away for a while.
For some reason the urge usually returns once life settles down again and it is another roller coaster ride.
You being the umpteenth poster to say they have purged and going to give it up is just another story in the "Naked City" so to speak.
There was a bit of angst from your side and you copped a broadside from everyone.
Think of it all as a friendly jibe and as I suspect along with others you may not give up completely.
If you do well and good.
Even Lorileah, a moderator on the forum joined in the levity of the situation.
Remember leyna, we do like to help and give sound advice.
If you read carefully through that other thread there was a lot of interest and no one really said go away.
If you are successful you can come back in triumph and tell us how you did it.
I can tell you, we WILL be interested.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Leyna, I don't know of any unless you wanted to join some radical religious group like the ones that say they can cure people from being gay. I detect that you've been moving quickly trying to just be done with it. I read your other post and thread. Yes, you got some tough love and you've been advised to simply take all of your girl things, put them in plastic bags for now, and wait awhile. It's only been two days since you first posted your original post. Gain some insight from the purging posts. Most who purge regret it later. My ex wife purged for me and I didn't dress for months and became really miserable. You stated, I believe, that you hated seeing an ugly woman in the mirror. Who says you have to leave the house? Well, I'd never even think of entering a beauty contest even if the best Hollywood artists spent a day making me over. It is what it is. Underneath our skins are many beautiful people who love others but more importantly need to love ourselves, warts and all. Just give yourself time to really get over all of your negative feelings.

Cheryl Ann

[Kelly DeWinter]

Leyna,

Why not take the time and read some of the past posts from some of he members here on some of the topics that concern you. There are councillors, therapists and such that can try to help you with your goals, even some religious organizations. but bottom line is YOU will have to make decisions that affect you.

[whowhatwhen]

That's not going to work, you can try ignoring it but it'll come back eventually.
In fact an ex-cd place is going to be worse since you're still actively thinking about it.

[famousunknown]

That's not going to work, you can try ignoring it but it'll come back eventually.

Yes, it most certainly can work. You can do anything if you want bad enough.

[Tracii G]

The whole clinical depression thing seems like a cop out way of looking at it IMO.
Blame everybody else for what goes on around you seems to be the norm these days.
It may sound harsh I know but if you want things to change for the better its up to you to do it.Don't lay it on others to do the job.
Hell I have been thru things that most people people wouldn't believe and yet I still have a positive out look.Why you ask? Because I won't let myself be drug down by others around me.
I don't pass and its OK and not the end of the world.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Yes, it most certainly can work. You can do anything if you want bad enough.

I agree, anyone can't beat anything. Our feelings of GID and CD are a condition we own. It's harmless! It does less harm to us than other behaviors like drug or alcohol abuse. Those behaviors can be conquered too. But there is a difference. Alcohol and drug abuse are a behavior while our GID is a "being", something that has been part of our lives. When anyone decided to drink or drug it was a choice, but for many of us we were born with the zebra stripes we cannot change.

Cheryl Ann

[PaulaQ]

Yes, it most certainly can work. You can do anything if you want bad enough.

Oh bullshit.

That is a great thing to tell a 10 year old who's starting out. It isn't well connected to reality in this case though.

[whowhatwhen]

I agree, anyone can't beat anything. Our feelings of GID and CD are a condition we own. It's harmless! It does less harm to us than other behaviors like drug or alcohol abuse. Those behaviors can be conquered too. But there is a difference. Alcohol and drug abuse are a behavior while our GID is a "being", something that has been part of our lives. When anyone decided to drink or drug it was a choice, but for many of us we were born with the zebra stripes we cannot change.

Cheryl Ann

It's funny how 99% of examples show otherwise.
Look how many people come here in a DADT scenario because they "thought" they could keep their TG issues tucked away.

How many families and relationships have broken up because people thought they could hide or ignore a core part of their being?

[PaulaQ]

Look how many people come here in a DADT scenario because they "thought" they could keep their TG issues tucked away.


In fairness to folks like that (me for instance), it's not like society gave us a ton of options other than "suck it up and don't feel that way!" Especially the further back you go. Social conditioning is tough to overcome. I know some very brave folks did it, and did it early. Some of us aren't heroes though, evidently, or it takes us a while for things to get so bad that we can no longer ignore them.

But yes, ignoring this stuff usually leads to a total trainwreck of a life, for you, your SO, your kids, all sorts of collateral damage. :(

[LilSissyStevie]

Asking people here if it's possible to quit crossdressing is like going to a skid row bar and asking if it's possible to quit drinking. You're not likely to find a lot of long time sobriety there. They'll all tell you that they tried to quit a thousand times and sobriety doesn't work. Not everybody needs to quit drinking and not everybody needs to quit crossdressing. But you're not going to find many successful examples of ex-crossdressers here. They've moved on.

[famousunknown]

Oh bullshit.

That is a great thing to tell a 10 year old who's starting out. It isn't well connected to reality in this case though.

No, it's not bullshit. Anyone who says they can't quit cd-ing doesn't want to.

[StarrOfDelite]

Since there is a lot of evidence which suggests that being an alcoholic is much deeper embedded in our body chemistry than merely liking the feeling of intoxication, I'd tend to agree with the people who analogize transgender behavior to alcoholism. And, the biggest Truism about alcoholism is that are no such people as ex-alcoholics, there are only alcoholics who are staying sober one day at a time.

[Lorileah]

and this thread is going south. You all want to see who can urinate higher on the tree, take it to PM.

The OP asked the last thread be closed because she didn't like the infighting. This one is about 30 seconds away from the same fate. You made you point, one says you can do anything you want. several say you can't. OK move on

[Jenniferathome]

Cross dressing is NOT akin to AA. You don't recover from something that is not a disease. You ARE a cross dresser. It is your choice to dress or not. If you are trying to stop dressing, coming here will not help.

You need to get objective about why you want to stop.

[STACY B]

The whole clinical depression thing seems like a cop out way of looking at it IMO.
Blame everybody else for what goes on around you seems to be the norm these days.
It may sound harsh I know but if you want things to change for the better its up to you to do it.Don't lay it on others to do the job.
Hell I have been thru things that most people people wouldn't believe and yet I still have a positive out look.Why you ask? Because I won't let myself be drug down by others around me.
I don't pass and its OK and not the end of the world.



You tell um Shorty ,,, If ya don't want to do it ,, Than just say NO ,,, LOL,,,, Easier said than done ,,lol,,,,

Just like Tracy says ,,, I have Kissed the Devil an Lived to tell ,,lol,,,,

[Karren H]

Bet the support group meetings for that forum would be really exciting!

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Bet the support group meetings for that forum would be really exciting!

Karen, My guess it would be an extremely depressed group of people who won't allow themselves the joys of living life to the max being who they are.

Cheryl Ann

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

So, what's wrong with being a CD, or TS? Is that a punishable crime? Or is it something to be ashamed of? If so, why? Probably all of us here have come to embrace and love ourselves and accept who we are and make the best of it whether we simply crossdress or make a full transition. Live life to the fullest!

Cheryl Ann

[Rachel Murphy]

I guess you could always start one. ;)

[Barbara Ella]

In answer to the OP, I know of no group. I feel however that, like alcoholism, you are an alcoholic, and you are a cross dresser, for life. You can take steps to stop drinking, and stop dressing. You really have to feel the need to do it, and it must be more than mere physical appearance. If you really want to do it, I wish you all the luck.

I know what I look like in the mirror, but i also know what I am in my heart and mind, and I use that more than I use a mirror.

Barbara

[Jamie001]

There is not such thing as an ex-CD. It is something that you are born with and no matter how hard you try, you can never get rid of it because it is part of who you are. If you try to stop, your life and possibly health will suffer in other areas.

[STACY B]

First thing I would do is delete my page an not come round here if I wanted to Stop something ! Hell I ain't stopping !!
Who would be here to take care of all my Ladys when I am gone ? An what a Beautiful Bunch they are ,, All that hard work we all put into this would be a dammed shame not to witness it in person . So if ya don't like it here or don't want to CD anymore my best advice would be too NOT come to a site called CROSSDRESERS.COM maybe the first thing on my list ? But HEY thats just me ??

[Deedee Skyblue]

There is not such thing as an ex-CD. It is something that you are born with and no matter how hard you try, you can never get rid of it.

How do you know this is true for everyone? Have you followed every person who ever wanted to crossdress and stopped through the rest of their lives and in fact, seen each and every one of them fall off the wagon? Something may be impossible for you - but does that mean it is impossible for everyone? How can you possibly speak for everyone in the world?

It is quite alright to say "I don't believe there is any such thing as an ex-CD." It is not alright to state this as if it is a law of nature. How is this statement any different than saying 'Crossdressing is a choice and anyone who really wants to stop can stop'? Both are absolutes - and there are very few absolutes regarding human behavior and capabilities.

Deedee :cross:

Cheryl Ann, I am pretty sure the OP has received an ultimatum, 'me or crossdressing, but not both'. It doesn't matter if it is a crime, or something to be ashamed of.

Deedee

[MsJanessa]

This is definitly not a forum for people who want to stop crossdressing. Most of the folks here have accepted, even embraced their "gender duality" and are at peace with who and what they are. If you want to truly stop, then you have to control the desire, which you will always have--it never goes away (trust me on this). Coming to this forum and trying to "quit" dressing is like being an alcoholic and hanging around in bars---not a good way to stop. I have two pieces of advice for you---either accept who and what you are and learn to enjoy it, or don't put temptation in your way, if you truly want to stop---the former is what most mental health professionals would advise. The latter course of action will make you unhappy and frustrated.

CDing is not destructive like drug addiction or alcoholism, nor is it anti-social and harmful to others, like some types of sexual predators are. It is, in the final analysis, a trifle odd and a little out of the main stream, but not harmful to either us crossdressers ourselves or people who come in contact with us.

BTW, I know of no 12 step groups for "ex CDers"--you should consult a mental health professional if you want to follow this route. If, as has been suggested above, you have been told that it's "me or the crossdressing" a professional will help you work through that also.

[Kate Simmons]

A good number of us here are here for the support of our friends Leyna. Nothing more and nothing less. The degree of dressing or not dressing does not determine who my friends are Hon and my friendship is unconditional.:)

[MissTee]

I think that even if I wanted to stop dressing it would be very difficult, Leyna. I love the male and the female me and give both their space. Who cares if it makes sense. It just is.

I can understand your dilemma, though, and it sounds like you're reaching out in hopes of finding a group who have been successful giving up dressing. I can honestly say I've never heard of such. They may exist somewhere and we just don't know about it. Something in me says you might have a better chance of finding a herd of unicorns.

Good luck, sweetie!

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Cheryl Ann, I am pretty sure the OP has received an ultimatum, 'me or crossdressing, but not both'. It doesn't matter if it is a crime, or something to be ashamed of.

Deedee

I tried to stop back in the 1980's, but with my core being, it was impossible. While I was single after the divorce I discreetly bought a nightgown, panties, and pantyhose and woke up in the middle of the night feeling wonderful like I went to heaven that I decided that this is who I am. Then I went back into therapy (some wasted money) to just accept, embrace, and love myself as I am. Then I met my wife who has been nothing short of awesome. Plus I've met others just like me who remain great friends. We all scream like girls on the dip of the roller coaster!!! And then we discuss things like makeup. LOL!!!!l

I have no regrets. I'm making the best of me!

Cheryl Ann

[RenneB]

Sure I can be an X CDr... just go back in time to a point 'pre-natal' preferred and rescramble my genes so that I come out all female (preferrable) or all male. Not half of one and part of another...

I did hear once of an ultrachristian site for CDrs. It was a trap to bring us in and 'cure' us. So since I know I can't be 'cured' because it would be like curing me of eating. Just won't work with the current carbon based unit I'm in.

Renne.....

[KateSpade83]

In Spring 2009 I had a full blown paranoid attack and I thought I would quit cding. I thought about doing something bad to get me banned here, but I changed my mind. I retitled the Bookmark to this website's pages as "Modded Anticrossdressers," and I thought about being an anticrossdresser preacher here, saying crossdressing is cursed by demons. But although I quit crossdressing temproraily then GOD did not bless me with a job, so instead of turning to women I went back to crossdressing. Yeah, my sad life...

I guess there are crossdressers here who feel guilty and want to quit too. If you want to talk stuff like that just post.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Leyna, this is like the Mafia you just can't quit

[Emogene]

You can do anything if you want bad enough! Gee, nice to know that the prisons all were just emptied of inmates because everyone who use to use alcohol (illegal drugs) just stopped cold and started making good informed rational decisions! No murders, no DUI's, heaven on earth!

Personally, I've not met or heard of a CD who could permanently stop; lot of sad, stressed people who are trying but not one who was truely successful. Oh yeah, there was Charlie, he died!

If any of you have met the said alleged ex-CD, please let me know! I want the secret!

[Leyna]

I'm bothered by the alcoholism/CD comparison that keeps coming up. Not just because it treats CDing like an illness, but b/c it assumes that everyone who has ever gotten sh*tfaced as an alcoholic. I'm sure there a lots of people who have dabbled in CDing who are not "CDers", just as there are lots of folks who drink too much who aren't alcoholics.

For some people, yes, this is something you ARE. But for some people, maybe, it's just something you DO. And I desperately want to be in that second group. I don't mean that there is anything wrong with being in the first group (which is why the alcoholism analogy breaks down), but that's not who I want to be. Now, maybe I am, and I'm just in denial. But I wanna give it my best shot. As I said in the last thread, I love my wife more than I love dressing.

And as for posting here...where else can I go? As pretty much everybody has said, there are no legit ex-cd sites. And to most of the world, crossdressing is a joke. The only people who understand and can empathize are the people here.

Anyway, thanks for all the response. Even the "tough love" ones. It has been helpful. (Though, frankly, some of you might want to focus more on the 'love' part than the 'tough' part. Sorry if that offends! I'm just giving you some tough love!)

[Kathi Lake]

Leyna, whether it is something you do or something you are is immaterial. You have the power to be who you want to be. Use it.

As others have said, support groups or forums for people that used to crossdress are, as you might expect, few and far between. Why? Good question. I can't answer that. I imagine it is due to what some have said - if you want to stop thinking about a blue dress, don't think about a blue dress (not the best analogy, . . .). In other words, coming to a forum where crossdressing is discussed, obsessed over, and basically glorified may not be the forum for one trying their darndest to keep the feelings at bay. However, as Kate said, we're here to support you whichever way you choose.

If you have been battling clinical depression, I sure hope you've been battling it with the help of a licensed professional, the proper medication, and the help of those you love. I've not had personal experience with depression, but it does sound like it majorly sucks. Getting that managed should be priority one.

Finally, even though I am still here, I guess I am proof that it can be done. I'm coming up on 18 months without dressing. Why? Well, simply to show my wife that this is not an addiction, that I am in control of it, and that she is the most important thing in my life. I don't know if she'll ever be able to wrap her head around this thing we do. I do hope that it happens, though.

Good luck in whatever path you choose. Always remember that it is your choice!

Kathi

[Lady Slipper]

And to most of the world, crossdressing is a joke. The only people who understand and can empathize are the people here.

This quote makes me sad, and I fear that it accurately reflects societal views about us. :(

[PaulaQ]

I'm bothered by the alcoholism/CD comparison that keeps coming up.

There is one apt comparison between alcoholism and the compulsion to CD. Most people miss it - but most of the people who make the comparison aren't alcoholics, and don't understand this one simple, but powerful fact.

"An alcoholic is powerless over alcohol."
I feel that I am powerless over my cross dressing.
The way I deal with that powerlessness is different between the two situations. For alcohol, abstention from drinking, and a spiritual program, allow me to remain free of it. But I am unable to drink - if I do, all the good I've done reverts.

In the case of cross dressing, it is precisely the opposite - when I quit and suppress these feelings, I get really screwed up emotionally. I am powerless to stop this. So in fact what I have to do is accept it as a part of myself, and do it as I can to find relief.

Understanding powerlessness is extremely difficult. A lot of alcoholics never are able to really "get" this. It is a simple, but profound self-realization. But it is not easy. It is not easy to admit you are not in control. I know that *I* am not in control of my feelings over my gender. I'm not.

Obviously, if you manage to stop, and be happy, then you were never transgendered in any way, shape, or form, and so you should be perfectly happy and have a much simpler life. I do wish you luck - I really mean that.

[Eryn]

I think that the OPs question has been as well answered as well as is possible. None of the recent posts have addressed the question so I'll be closing the thread. I invite those who are interested in discussing the peripheral issues to start new threads with appropriate titles.