Is it / was it worth it?

[Anne Elizabeth]

I know that I really have to figure this out for myself but what I am asking for those of you that are transitioning (somewhere in the middle of transition) So far is it worth it?

For those that have transitioned fully Was it worth it?

[kellycan27]

Just turned 31 last month... 11 years full time, three years post. How much time do you have to listen to how much I am lovin life? :battingeyelashes:

Kel

[arbon]

Worth it or not it seemed like something I had to do, I mean I was going crazy, I was not able to keep living the life I was living. there were some hard years - 2009 the year of my depression from hell, it was dark, it was bad. 2010 starting to take action and so incredibly scared, and things started hitting the fan with family and friends. 2011 and first part of 2012 were really hard - so much was going on. Its like dismantling a life then trying to rebuild it. It was extremely hard at times.

And I had it easy compared to a lot of people i know or that have shared their experience here. And the people that did it 10, 20, 30 years I can't imagine how hard it had to be for them.


Over the last year i have settled into my life better, things are not as intense, people are not freaking out anymore.

I feel good about me, for the most part. I don't feel like I am living a lie anymore. I don't experience the dysphoria that I had before. That all counts counts for a lot. Still have a long way to go, still have a lot of worries and fears, still feel like I am just a baby learning about myself and finding my place in this world. But its a lot better then the way I was.

[thechic]

Its worth it, only 3.5 years full time i have lost most of my old friends,but have have gained lots more true friends ,and i can now be myself a woman,seam to have less problems now,but i now have less money than ever.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Money may buy you freedom it wont buy you life, it can help in haveing surgerys, that are necessary yet that is only a part of it, was it worth it. money wise had nothing to do with it was a matter of haveing a life or not, so . puting a value on life if that is not the most importaint thing then what is,

The next part is liveing it & how we do that becomes the issue,

For myself it can only be as a female part of how i was born then growing & becomeing a woman , haveing surgerys cant make you what your not you are that from before birth, though it helps repear some malfunction you may have,

Over 65 years most was a learning to stand me in good stead for when i would grow as a woman being female from birth with defects does not allways help you grow it slows you down or can close you down & there is a time to wakeup that was at age 10 just not enough till much later on so 20 years ago was when i started to grow,

Was it worth 8 years of pure hell yes very much so mental & Emotionally , that allso made me stronger helped in many ways because now i have become a very strong woman, , though i still have issues flaws & other detail it just make's my resolve to be the best i can with what i have not perfect yet very comfortable in myself just being who i am .with that has come acceptance both of myself & from others around me, so yes more than worth it,

...noeleena...

[Jorja]

For me, yes, it was worth it. I have lived the last 30 years as the person I felt I should have been from the beginning. I have lived, loved, and done things I only ever dreamed of before that. If you sit on the couch and cry because things are not the way you would like them to be, you will never do anything you want to do. If you get up and move forward, you will get to where you want to be.

[emma5410]

I am three months in. I wonder sometimes WTF am I doing. I sometimes forget the enormity of what I am trying to do. I have days when I go home from work and cry my eyes out. I did not expect it to solve all of of life's problems but I thought I would be enjoying life more. That was naive. I still have a lot of self esteem issues. I get depressed because I will never be the same as other women. That is impossible. I worry about passing among strangers although I have not encountered any problems yet. I am not saying that I pass perfectly but I have had no adverse public reaction. People at work have been great but I know they do not see me as a woman and I doubt they ever will. I have moments when I feel masculine that I hate. It only takes a small thing sometimes to make me down and then all the doubts and insecurities flood in and make it worse. A lot of my worries are irrational or are things I have no control over but it is still hard to keep my perspective. My therapist is great and I am slowly learning to deal with things.
Would I go back. If I that was possible I would not have started in the first place. One way or the other I will die a woman.
Despite the above I have days when everything is fine and life does feel good. Transitioning has removed the worst of the GD and I am happier in myself.

[Rianna Humble]

For me, it is well worth it to be able to live my life as the real me without having to constantly put on a facade.

I am able to relate to people in a way that I could never do before partly because I no longer have to ask myself "what would they think if a bloke said/did that?".

I do understand that I have been luckier than some because rather than my acquaintances shunning me, I have actually made new friends and those I knew previously all seem to accept me for who I really am.

My 2 favourite quotes from friends who have stayed with me are
You are a much nicer person that Robert was and (talking about men who wear women's clothes)
I don't mean you, Rianna because you never were a man

[Ashley D.]

I'm still a little young in my transition.
But in a word YES.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

be careful what you take from the answers..

the question is reasonable...but its a self selected group...
and "is it worth it" implies costs and benefits..how we all look at this is different

the good news is that successful transition is transcendant

the one thing you can be assured of is that IF you are transsexual, and IF you transition SUCCESSFULLY, your gender dysphoria will go away...

Every thing else is determined by your unique circumstances ($$, family, appearance, location, job to name a few)..and its subject to all kinds of things in and out of your control, and all kinds of internal discussion you will have in your own mind about how those things impact your life..

[groove67]

Under 6 months from srs and yes after the time i have spent full time i love my life and whom i am . I would not trade my life today for anything except having surgery to complete the trans.

[Kathryn Martin]

I think Kaitelyn makes a very important point. In a sense you need to define your goal, your result, to determine if when you get there it was worth it. I am Kathryn, I needed to achieve congruence between my body and my brain, to have communicated back to me who I was and am, to be witnessed and mirrored. I transitioned two years ago. I am congruent, I am witnessed and the world communicates to me. I am no longer a figment of imagination. I am Kathryn and I am beautiful.

[kellycan27]

I guess that my first reply was a little vague... Despite everything that transpired along the way and despite all of the ifs ands and buts of transition.. The simple answer is yes transition was and continues to be very well " worth it".
I took the question to mean.. Was or is transition worth it to "YOU" rather than is transition "worth it" in general. Naturally different people are going to have different results and feelings..... " depending".

[Nicole Erin]

Being one of those "in the middle" (cannot really afford fancy crap) but no it just isn't worth it.
I am giving up.

[arbon]

Nicole Erin what? are you joking or serious?

[Nicole Erin]

Arbon, I have decided I want to grow a mustache, wear a sombrero hat, change my name to Elberto, and join a mariachi band.

[Badtranny]

Nicole Erin what? are you joking or serious?

Bah! Nicole is as tough as they come. She doesn't know the meaning of the phrase "give up".

Limited vocabulary aside, ...her attitude is pitch perfect for successful transition. She's exactly who I had in mind when I wrote about standing on your own against the wind.



Is it / was it worth it?

This question is unsettling to me because it assumes a list of pros/cons, and there is no way to answer it without addressing the particular pros/cons in the mind of the asker. The very idea of a pro/con evaluation is borderline offensive because it reduces the biggest decision I've ever made to the level of taking a new job or buying a car. It is impossible to create a list that favors blowing up your life as you know it. The negative consequences are literally uncountable because some of them aren't even knowable. I mean, it's impossible to know all of the ways your life will change along with your gender because you have only known your birth gender. You have been nothing but a spectator to the other side. An interested observer perhaps, but a spectator nonetheless.

Seriously what would you write on the Pro side of the list? Better wardrobe? Get to wear makeup? The list on the Con side is staggering, or you would have done this a long time ago right? If it was even 50/50 it's worth a shot right?

The fact is that there is really only one Pro, and that's to show the world who you really are. That's it. That is literally all you get from transition.

I wake up early to do my hair and makeup every damn day, and worry about coordinating my clothes every damn day, and I go to work where I get treated increasingly shittier every damn day. They finally figured out how to demote me and thus further marginalize me, and you are high if you don't believe it's because of my transition. Cons? I could go on and on and on.

It doesn't matter though. That one simple Pro outweighs an endless list of Cons. I get to face every single day and every single person as the authentic me. There is really no other reason to grenade your life. Why would you? If being open about who you are is not the most important thing in your life, then do yourself a favor and stay closeted. Or "almost full-time" or whatever.

When you pull the pink pin, it is done. You will never be able to reclaim your masculinity. Is that a Con? If so you're working on the wrong list, and it will most certainly not be "worth it".

[KellyJameson]

To ask whether it is worth it, is to talk about costs. Costs are not only measured in money spent, relationships lost or health risked but quality of life now and into the future.

Life does not stand still but moves toward its inevitable conclusion and the future is very very important concerning gender dysphoria as "suffering"

You stand at a point always looking back over a life lived and a life "to be lived" so the now is not nearly as important as what is to come.

It is like standing on a road that stretches in either direction where you know what lays in the past as that road traveled and try to anticipate what the future road will bring.

If what I have experienced is to be defined as being a transsexual that has experienced gender dypshoria than I was created before I was born.

I have absolutely no doubt about this because I can see the transsexual road I travelled on stretching all the way back to the beginning.

I think there is an intensity to this experience and this intensity splits you off from your body and life to differing degrees from one individual to the next.

When you have met one transsexual that is all you have met and that is one transsexual as a measure of the experience of gender dysphoria.

We all live on a spectrum and transitioning is the extreme experession of this spectrum where you have been split off from your body and because you live in the world through this body you are split off from life.

You are also chemically split off where your brain cannot handle the experience of testosterone and I experienced this as physical trauma to my brain resulting in intense anxiety.

Gender dysphoria is created so it is the result of "THAT" which creates it and it is this that you want to understand in answering the question of whether it is worth it.

Ultimately it is understanding the source of your pain and most importantly the degree that this pain is experienced.

For me it was chemical as the male hormones that I could not tolerate and the dissonance of living as a male as that physical role in society combined with an emotional sensitivity that resulted in the experience of the wrongness of my body as "foreign"

Three distinct forms of pain blended together into one that completely trashes your life when it is intense. It can destroy everything in your life including you.

Think of gender dysphoria as existing on a spectrum of pain that is different from one person to the next and even within the individual there are good days and bad days so even though the gender dysphoria is relentless it still has ebbs and flows.

The pain pushes you toward a resolution so to ask if it is worth it means that the pain has not made the choice for you "YET"

The question will be "If it will" and "When it will"

You are born into gender dysphoria but the experience lives on a spectrum of suffering that changes over the course of ones life.

One of the aspects of it that I found frightening is answering the quesion of what the future will bring because the pain stays with you.

It is like living with a ticking time bomb inside you wondering when it may go off and how well you can control it but the control is illusionary because you really cannot control it without massive amounts of energy being expended so it eventually wears you down.

I do not personally know anyone who did not experience a great deal of mental instability from it at some point in their lives.

Gender dysphoria is "crazy making" but the degree is different from one person to the next.

To what degree are you being harmed or destroyed by it and what will the future bring for you if you continue on your present course ?

Look at your life lived as an expression of gender dyshoria and ask if you can go into the future as a continuation of how you have lived already.

[kellycan27]

Geez! It was pretty simple question. Was it worth it to you? How hard is that? :brolleyes:

[JohnH]

Is it worth ridding my body of a lot of testosterone and having estrogen dominate? ABSOLUTELY. I HATED the feeling that testosterone imparted on me with the chronic depression and suicidal thoughts. Also, good riddance to the body odor and the skin blemishes (pimples and blackheads). I drank to excess which brought on diabetes. Instead now my skin is nice and soft, and I REALLY love the feminine figure I am developing, and I keep my drinking under control. My blood glucose is now normal without medication.

I have to say I have a feminine brain so I do not take well to testosterone.

It is a little frustrating at church to dress only in an androgynous way while the GG's get to wear the pretty dresses. However, as I sing basso profundo in the church band (and also play bass guitar) it would not do for me to wear a dress, although I do have a femme hair cut and wear lipstick and will venture into more makeup in the future.

John

[Marleena]

Well, I'm only a year in. I don't see any of the postop women saying it was wrong for them.

I came into this screaming and fighting and in denial. I had to be told you're TS honey, that's why you feel the way you do. Julia_inPa kept telling me I was a woman and I just kept thinking "yeah right" until the GD got so bad I had to do something. I was a useless POS for awhile. Now I feel better I did something about the GD but I'm still a big chicken but slowly moving on. At least I can function again so yes it's worth it.

[Badtranny]

Geez! It was pretty simple question. Was it worth it to you? How hard is that? :brolleyes:

LOL the only easy question for me is "what are you drinking?"

[josee]

I guess I would be one of those "somewhere in the middle of transition" although still really early into transitioning, you referred to in the OP. I have spent a few thousand on hair removal, a couple grand more on a new wardrobe and another few thousand on hormones and therapy. I am preparing to go full time in the next month and a half or so and currently only still presenting as somewhat male at work. Even at my advanced age I have been blessed by the hormone genie and have been getting clocked as female more and more even when I am not necessarily trying to.

The first few months of HRT were kind of a roller coaster ride but it has been almost all positive with the exception of loosing my relationship with my wife. Due to finally being able to be myself, I am enjoying life more than I ever have and anticipate it will only get better when I finally do go full time. I get to be me for the first time in my life, what could be more "worth it" than that?

[kellycan27]

I think that some people are assuming that the OP asked the question in regards to whether or not transition might or might not be worth it to her based on our answers. That may have well been her intent... I am just not making that assumption until I hear it from her.

[Nicole Erin]

Worth it - I thnk anyone who makes it to any level would say it is or was worth it cause as it is a slow process, you keep having to decide if you want to go on. It is not like an overnight thing and you wake up with buyer's remorse.

[TeresaL]

Yes, it is worth it. We who are gender afflicted almost have to commence transition because of GD. The internal torment is just too much without making steps to calm it. Most of us know of Dr. Anne Vitale's Note #15. We have to get rid of the T. It's paramount to our mental health. How much further we go depends on our individual dysphoric angst. If GD continues, the treatment must be advanced also, and that includes full transition if necessary. It is survival at some point, and no doubt, worth it.

As for me, I was able to stop transitioning on HRT only, which has almost eliminated my feminine dressing and the need to present as a woman. I'm one of the few lucky ones. Transitioning that far, is of course, worth it!
------
NICOLE!!! Too funny!

[Anne Elizabeth]

To all of you who have answered my question I feel that after reading some of the responses I need to clarify. I wrote this question after a day with my spouse. A very nice day in fact. However, in some of the discussions we had and some of my feelings as to where I am in my life I came home and started thinking hard about my life. I guess that I first wrote the questions want to know what your individual thoughts were about your personal transition. Yes, I guess I was thinking about the cost/benefit ratio initially. Then I read Badtranny's response. I understand her response and realize now that one can't really put a cost/benefit ratio to transition. Unless the cost is death and the benefit is living.
She also states that "The fact is that there is really only one Pro, and that's to show the world who you really are. That's it. That is literally all you get from transition." When I hit this part it made me instantly think that is not for me. I don't care who the world thinks who I really am. To me it is internal I feel that I have to transition to feel right with me. I feel that I need to be a woman to preserve my sanity. To be who I really think I really am. Then I read further and she said that "I get to face every single day and every single person as the authentic me.". That hit home to me. That is the way I feel. I go about my day transacting with others doing what I have to do to exist and I think many times to myself "If they only knew the real me." How would the act? How would they react?

I am sorry Badtranny, I owe you an apology I did not mean to trivialize your position, struggles and your life. The transition process has to be the most difficult process anyone has ever done in their life. My problem is I have spent my life not taking the risk until I had evaluated all possible outcomes, all the goods and all the bads before jumping in. I am learning that transition is not one of those things in life that we can quantify.

Then as kellycan27 states "I think that some people are assuming that the OP asked the question in regards to whether or not transition might or might not be worth it to her based on our answers. That may have well been her intent..." I think that in the state of my mind at the time that is exactly how I was thinking. I know nobody can answer those questions for me. Those are answer I have to answer for myself. I guess that it helps me to know that even though transition is the toughest thing a person has to do the results appear to be very positive. What I am hearing from all of you is that you are happier, easier to get along with and just better settled in your life.

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION AND REMARKS. THEY ARE VERY COMFORTING!!

[kerrianna]

*snort!* HELL YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[melissaK]

I almost didn't respond to this thread Anne, we're not too far apart in where we are.


This question is unsettling to me because it assumes a list of pros/cons, and . . . the very idea of a pro/con evaluation is borderline offensive because it reduces the biggest decision I've ever made to the level of taking a new job or buying a car. It is impossible to create a list that favors blowing up your life as you know it. . . . .
The fact is that there is really only one Pro, and that's to show the world who you really are. That's it. That is literally all you get from transition.


I am trying to bring my marriage through a transition and I have had to express "why" to my wife, a brilliant, wonderous woman. And I end up saying what Badtranny said in different words.

I say things like - "I am epically tired of being liked for the wrong reasons, of being liked in the wrong context, of doing the work to be liked for meeting other people's criteria. I want to be me, and be liked and loved for being me." Same thing BT said.

I am tired of the character I portray on the stage of my life, and tired of playing a role written by being what others want to see. So I am re-writing my character.

And while its only been a few months since January when I came out and started this re-write of my character on my life's stage, I realize that is not the real start date. I realize I started the re-write years ago when I started HRT. I realize I started the rewrite of my job character last fall when I stopped getting haircuts and broke uniform dress code.

And Anne, the idea of "worth it" assumes I "could" do something else. The truth is I was "done" playing my character years ago. The "decision" I worried my ass off over all these past few years was already made by me - I didn't have it in me to play that character anymore, and there was no real choice there. It just is how it was, and how it still is.

Today, I am struggling greatly with my "love" for my wife, but that was inevitable Anne. I had no choice but to try to find a new relationship with her.

And so far, I like writing my own character a lot Anne, so much so that I harbor a melancholy wish that I had started long ago. :-)

[Marleena]

Anne I wouldn't and didn't base starting transition on anybodies opinion. Only do it you have to and if it's worth all the BS to you. It will likely be the most difficult thing you've ever done. If I didn't have to I sure as heck wouldn't have.

@ Erin that was hilarious!

[Anne Elizabeth]

MelissK Thanks for your reply. I am very glad that you took the time and appreciate your comments.
Marleena:Your are right I should not base my transition on others opinions. But It helps tho understand what others have gone through or are going through. Quite possible I get a better understanding about myself due to thinking and reflecting what others have gone through.

Thanks

[FurPus63]

Good question! Good post! On Sunday I will celebrate one full year of full-time 24/7 transition! I'm so excited! I can't believe it's been a whole year. I made it! OMG! That's the cool part. On the other hand. I lost my job in February. While working as a mental health therapist for a really cool agency that accepted me and made my transition happen, I was let go! Not for any other reason except for something I caused/created myself. I "f-d" up. It had nothing to do with me being trans. Since then, I was able to find one job that I went through three interviews including a group interview to get, just to be let go again after just two weeks cause I couldn't handle the position. It wasn't for me.

Now I'm living on unemployment and food stamps. I'm only receiving half of my unemployment because they claim I was over paid four years ago while receiving benefits. I can only afford my car payment and half my rent. I'm driving my car w/out insurance, I'm not paying any of my bills cuz I don't have the money. I've never been so poor or in such a financial mess in my whole life! I'm really scared! I have constant doubts, fears, and worries that I might not ever be hired again because I'm trans. Have I done the right thing? Did I jump into this too fast? A million questions.

Yet through it all, and despite these set backs all I keep thinking is, "NO! I did the right thing!" I know I did! I love being/presenting myself as a woman and living my life as a woman. I'm depressed and scared about my life circumstances but no longer am I depressed about who or what I am! I look down at my A+ cup breasts (still growing due to the generosity of a church member who paid for my HRT medication) and think, "no way do I ever want to lose these!" I love them so much! I love my body, how soft the skin is, how softer and more feminine my face looks, even my butt is softer! I love the changes that have happened to me because of this process. I dream every day about being post-op and SRS. I want that so badly!

Therefore; it doesn't matter. I don't know how and I don't know what's going to happen to get myself out of this mess. But whatever it is, I'll do whatever it takes to survive and live my life as a woman! I love being a woman and I'll never go back! Please God help me so I can let go of this fear and enjoy my life as I was so much just a few short months ago! Let me live my life as a woman!

So for me, the answer is "yes!" it is worth it. It really is.

Paulette