A little update

[Janelle_C]

I've now told another friend and it went very well she was very supportive, and has been a great source of support for me. I'm still going to my support group and the last time I went dressed. It was nerve racking leaving my house a six at night, still very light out and I'm the middle house in a court. But it felt so good walking down the street after I parked the car as my true self.
I told my wife a couple of weeks ago that I need to move forward with my transition and she took a deep breath. We talked an she told me that she was a afraid of me getting heart both emotionally and physically. I asked her what her greatest fear was, I was hoping she would say loosing you and then I would tell her how much I love her and that I would not leave. But that's not what she said, she said her greatest fear was that she would look at me one day and not love me any more.
Thank god for my other friend that I told, because the next day I was a mess. I cried and talked to her for a long time. She told me nothing bad happened last night she didn't say that's it I'm leaving you or anything along those lines, she said that it was her biggest fear. But it is still hard to hear.
I wrote a letter to my adult kids, which I plan on being there when they read it and talking to them after. When I told my wife that I plan moving forward I was so nervous, I felt like I was disappointing her even throw I now she knew it was coming. I think she was in a state of denial and still is a little. But with my kids I want them to know my whole story, my feelings, and my fears.
We have a big thing coming up in a few weeks from now so I told my wife that we can wait until that's over to talk any more about this and so I can't talk to my kids for a least a few weeks. And it's not a wedding or anything like that. I just didn't want to add to her stress. But once I've made up my mind to move forward it's hard to wait.
I see my therapist this Thursday and I'm thinking of asking her to wright my HRT letter which she already said she would. She said it takes about a month once she wrights the letter to go throw the blood work ect.... But my wife knows I'm moving forward but I told her I would wait to talk any more about it for three weeks. So I don't know if I should wait to ask for my letter or not. Waiting sucks but right now my wife is walk a fine line and I don't want to push her to the other side of the line. That's where I am at. Janelle

[Jacqueline Winona]

Best of luck, my friend- you're brave to keep moving forward. I really hope you find what you need and want!

[stefan37]

Best of luck. You have some serious decisions to make. Hormones will change you in many ways. Your skin will soften and your breast will start to bud. Those 2 changes may be enough to push your wife away. Ask your wife how it may affect her if you are no longer able to get an erection and have sexual relations. The mere knowledge of that psychologically was enough for my wife to start to pull away physically. Even though at that time I was able to perform. My skin softening happened relatively quickly, literally weeks and that tactile change in skin texture repulsed her. She has voiced some concerns to you that she may not be able to love you as you experience these changes. You will experience changes you may not think to be a big deal, but will be huge to your wife. Are you prepared to sleep in separate rooms, or move out? I am not saying any of this will happen and it may not. But you should be prepared to address these issues as they arise. You are preparing to go down a path your wife may not be willing to follow. You have to decide what course is best for you and then chart your course. The fallout can most certainly be your wife. Your children may have serious issues initially and pull away. You did not mention if you have started electrolysis or not. If not you should start laser or electro as soon as possible. It is expensive and extremely tedious and takes a tremendous commitment of time and financial resources. Have you discussed with your wife how you will pay for this? Do you have your own funds or will you be using family funds?

I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors and I hope your wife will be supportive and accepting. But I caution you not to be mislead by the love you both share. If she is not wired to love a woman you will have a serious conflict that she will resolve without your input.

[mikiSJ]

There are always two people in the conversation when you come out. Your wife's fear is she won't love you a some point. My wife's fear is that someone will discover Miki is her husband and she will be shamed somehow. Unless you are totally without feelings, you must deal with the other person's issues and that can be very trying on your soul.

I wish you well as you move forward with your journey and with good helmsmanship the passage will be successful!