CROSS DRESSING to TRANSITION, FAD or FATE?

[Ashlyn Brooke]

Well, I don't know how long its been inside me. I know I used to dress in my mother's hose and heels and bra when I was young, while looking at dad's playboy and doing what boys do. I always loved the way it felt and the fantasy of having boobs and a vagina has always kinda been there. I played all the sports and did what guys do and never had an issue with girls, girlfriends or sex...until I got married. For 23 years my sex life has been almost non-existant due to her lack of interest for any reason. So after 23 years my marriage ended, her choice, I moved cities and began dressing full-time when not at work or with family. I started hormones on Monday and looking to see what that does. Crazy, yes, maybe? I'm not getting any younger and I love the way being a woman makes me feel. Interested in thoughts and opinions.

[Jenniferathome]

Regarding the title question...

No. Not fate and not a fad. It's right for some and not right for most.

[Marleena]

Ashlyn it's neither. Only a small percentage of MTF's go on to transition. Being TS is not a fantasy it's a reality. Not sure if you've seen a gender therapist but it's a necessary step in doing the right thing.

[Ceri Anne]

Take things slow, enjoy being a CD, and if the urge grows where you "have" to do HRT or full SRS, you will know. I am fully happy dressing, wish I could more, and even fantasize about how it would be to have a vagina and real breasts, but deep down, I also enjoy my male side and don't want to loose that part of me either. So take your time, experiment, see what feels natural to you. Either way, enjoy whatever journey of self discovery your on.

[NathalieX66]

Ashlyn it's neither. Only a small percentage of MTF's go on to transition. Being TS is not a fantasy it's a reality. Not sure if you've seen a gender therapist but it's a necessary step in doing the right thing.

Marleena coudn't have said it better. It is the truth.
Transsexuals don't think about the fineries of clothing. They merely come to the realization that their birth bodies don't match who they are.

[Sandy Michaels]

you should go see some doctors and gender therapist. I started having those thoughts myself. talked to my primary care doc, she has suggested I go see the transsexual specialist. I have been feeling better ever since. don't have time to go to the group meetings, but my doc has other trans patients and is trying to do as much as she can from her clinic. as it's more convenient for me. although i wish I had more time to go to some group meetings. when I find a gender therapist near me, i'll start with that.

[docrobbysherry]

"One person's fantasy is another person's reality".

I expect that saying applies to trans and dressers as much as anyone?

[Rianna Humble]

At the risk of sounding harsh, yes you are completely crazy to take hormones "to see what that does". Fantasizing about having "boobs and a vagina" is nothing like having to live every day of your life knowing that your natal sex does not match your gender.

Transition is not something to do on a whim just to find out what it will be like. Transition is a last resort for those of us who live every day with the effects of Gender Dysphoria and who can no longer stand the sham of pretending to be who we are not. Even then, we would be utterly crazy to just try hormones. This should not be done without proper medical supervision and consultation with people who can also look after your psychological and emotional well-being.

If you enjoy dressing up as a woman, go ahead and spend several weeks playing out your fantasies. At the end of that time, you will probably want to pack everything up and go back to being a man. Don't ruin your health and your life by rushing into experimenting with body and mind altering drugs just to see what that does.

[noeleena]

Hi,

I know of quite a few who went the HRT & surgerys who for some would be very passable & would look like women , yet , they could not carry on because of , =

I just cant live as like a woman ,or its just to hard to toped them selfs, is it a fad for some yes is it fate, well more so how we are born & how we are wired, or programed,

To play around with meds brings with it, comes a down side, death health issues, & life not as one had expections of, its not a game apart from other magor problems, .I know what meds can do both bad & good. & with out tests & so on its not worth it.

When you are a female plus being a woman your body is a part of you in all areas, i dont think about it till i bang myself & then it changes,

...noeleena...

[stefan37]

Well for starters, hormones are powerful chemical agents. They alter your body and brain chemistry. They have very serious side effects that cause severe permanent disability or death. They are not to be played around with as recreational drugs without competent medical supervision. Many of the effects of hrt will be irreversible. Fantasizing about being a woman and growing into one are very different things. To grow into a woman is a very tedious, difficult hard challenge. There are many issues that need to be addressed. There is much pain and anguish as family and friends, not understanding why shun and then are lost. Employment becomes an issue and without adequate financial support transition is near impossible. Electrolysis is very expensive, tedious, and takes an incredible amount of dedication and time. There is a good possibility your life at least in the short term could be a lonely experience.

Can you handle being laughed at, ridiculed and people just being plain mean? I would seriously seek out a gender therapist to sort out your issues and if appropriate obtain hormones with proper medical approval. Transition is serious business and should not be attempted on a fantasy or whim. Transition should only be undertaken when your quality of life has deteriorated and your options to mitigate your GID have failed.

[Kate Simmons]

The basic idea behind HRT and RLT is to determine whether a person is really comfortable living life as the other gender before an irreversible physical transition is accomplished. The "glitz" and "glitter" of dressing may initiate the feelings but the longevity of the desire during day to day life needs to be established.:)

[deebra]

FORGET IT, all of the above advise is excellent. One can get caught up in thoughts like you have and your mind can run wild, I will not be denied, this is America, it's my right. Hormones work when your body is growing and changing, like in your teens, it won't change much at your age. To qualify for SRS in the USA you must have been in therapy and lived full time as a woman for a year. Start now, try living full time, it just might start to get old. When you are up close talking to a person they will pick up facial abnormalities that will make them think you were/are male; then they will look for other physical signs to confirm this. Even the best can't discuise those little tell-tale facial give-aways. Go to the ******* and crossdresser web sites and look at their faces, most you can tell, only Orientals and South Americans can pull it off and they start at age 12. Stay a CD, several years from now you won't regret it.

[Ashlyn Brooke]

Thank you all for the comments and opinions, I find them all to have valid points. I'm sure I need to talk to someone, I just haven't taken that step nor do I have insurance or the financial means to cover those costs. But I probably have more messed up upstairs than most people. I am an only child, my dad passed away a year ago, my mom is in a nursing home 8 hours away, my wife of 23 years left me last year after being in a 2-1/2 year affair and the ensuing fight between us has both of our children against me now. Everyone says the kids will come around in time but that doesn't help, what I miss in their lives cannot ever be relived. I work in healthcare and see the old and lonely existing and dependent on the system for their every need. I refuse to die that way. Trauma, sudden death, anything but placement in a nursing home where you have no one but the dieing person next to you! I'm 48 and my life is at ground zero, no money, no real career, not sure what or who I'm living for at this point. Growing old is not something I aspire to do right now. Anyone know a good psychiatrist for low fees?

[Beverley Sims]

You have probably been transexual all your life and not realised it.
What does your therapist think.
Now a change in lifestyle and more freedom has allowed the genie out of the bottle.

[rachael.davis]

I put up a post a while ago about waking up, rolling over, feeling my chest move, and suddenly having a WTF!!!! moment - I got some very good answers.
As the old saying goes "Be carefull what you pray for, God(dess) has a funny sense of humor"

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?159303-Doubt&highlight=

[Kaitlyn Michele]

OMG probably TS?? I would not make that conclusion..especially now..thats just not knowable..

what you are descibing Ashlyn is a tough situation made more complicated by your gender confusion...its important to seperate out that there are real life issues you are dealing with outside of gender
..its possible you have been denying your ts nature, or that you are hiding in a pink fog from your real life...for what its worth, taking HRT and hiding will only pass the time to you are 49 ..it wont solve anything...

you simply must face your life issues as best you can.
...48 is right in the middle of that age when we all shift from looking at the future as forever to facing thats its not...

i recently suffered some losses and i know how hard it is.. the good news is 48 is the new 35...get healthy, and get serious about your quality of life

...taking some HRT is not likely to improve your quality of life unless you have established ground rules in at least your own head...especially if you are doing it off the grid because you really take the risk that you don't know what you are taking and you have no real backup plan if there are side effects or you don't like the effects, or you dont really get any effects at all...

you are best served getting serious about the issues you can control now...your relationships, your job, your finances and your mental health.....and postponing HRT until you are on good footing

[dawnmarrie1961]

Why do some people decide to go from just crossdressing and begin the transition process? That's like asking "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?" Answer: The world may never know. Sure. Some people may have their thoughts about why these things happen. But nobody can really know for sure. Just as there are misconceptions about a crossdresser's sexual preference there are always going to be misconceptions about everything else. Infact even the transitional process is filled with errors in expectations. The truth is not everyone who begins the journey decides to end up in the same place. Some find contentment and inner-peace somewhere along the way and never proceed to the end. The highway to enlightenment and truth has a lot of exit ramps because the destination isn't always clear. It's like going to disney land. We all have an idea in our minds about what it's going to be when we get there. Expectations of fun. But the reality may be differnet when we arrive there. Long lines of grumpy people. And the rides just aren't as exciting as we thought they were gonna be. But we decided to go the whole way so we try to make the best of it. Then there are those people that decide to exit the road to disney and stop at a carnival in some small town. They have soo much fun that they decide to forget about the big theme park. This desination was good enough for them and their needs. Why do people do this? Because they are human beings. And "Human Beings" are weird.

[SarahVA]

Struggled with the "fate vs fad" thing (interesting way to put it)....am I a crossdresser? tg? woman in man's body? something else? Decided I probably will never totally know. I know I feel "right" when dressed and acting as a woman, I know I have not been successful in pushing the feelings away, they just get submerged then reappear, I know I would make different decisions if age and circumstances allowed...I know I want more as Sarah and less as my male self.....so who knows what label, probably not that important.

Sarah

[giuseppina]

Hello Ashlyn,

You have had a lot of change in your life in the last year or two, and from the sound of it, your marriage was far from healthy.

I'm not an expert in this field, but from my life experiences (acrimonious family relationships and supervision to make sure professional advice has no practical value), your best bet is grieving your losses for now. It isn't a good time to make a big decision like gender transition at this time in your life, IMHO. I may be wrong on this one, but I somehow doubt a qualified gender therapist would approve starting hormones right now.

If you need to see a licensed counsellor, your family doctor is a good place to start. If you have any thoughts of harming yourself, please make this appointment sooner rather than later.

At the risk of analysing you, perhaps thoughts of transition are an escapist fantasy to avoid thinking about the turmoil in your life. This fits me, but I think gender transition is asking for more trouble in my life even if I wanted to (I don't).