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Anne2345
05-03-2013, 01:54 PM
During a recent stay out of town with some TS friends of mine, I had a moment where the enormity of what I am doing really hit me hard. This can be really heavy duty, seriously overwhelming stuff, after all.

So I silently took a break and walked outside into my friend’s backyard for some alone time.

Walking out into the yard, I was instantly struck by how beautiful the world was. It was early in the morning, and the sun cascaded brightly through the trees that stood before me. The world was quiet, except for the chirping of birds singly excitedly and melodically in the springtime morn, and for the occasional bee or two buzzing by.

Although it was warm out, the air was ever so slightly and stubbornly crisp, and the yard was bathed in a thin layer of glistening dew and bold, vibrant springtime colors. A gentle breeze carried various lively fragrances of flowers, plants, and other vegetation through its wafting currents.

Any other time, I should have been bowled over by the beauty I experienced that morning. My senses were stimulated by all that I took in. It was a fantastic, glorious, peaceful morning. It was a breathtakingly beautiful morning. Everything was just perfect.

Except that it wasn’t perfect at all.

Despite the brilliant magnificence and wonder of that otherwise serene and blissful morning, I felt completely disconnected from it all. I could not appreciate it. It held very little meaning for me.

Because even though I recognized it for what it was, I could not join in Mother Nature’s festivities. What I witnessed was pure, unadulterated, brilliant, innocent, beautiful nature.

What I felt, though, was anything but.

Instead, I was assailed by pain, sadness, and an overwhelming sense of wrongness. I felt completely alone and vulnerable. I felt defenseless, I felt hopeless, I felt betrayed, and I felt angry at the unfairness of life.

I also felt that I did not belong within the framework of such beauty and nature as was presented before me. I was an outsider. I was not a part of its scheme. Not in my body and my life as it is, anyways. Rather, in stark contrast to my surroundings, I was an aberration, and an abomination to my own true nature. I was false whereas all else was true.

Dejectedly and with a sense of resignation and defeat, I sat down in a chair and just stared off into space. I gave into and lost myself in feelings of self-pity and a deep sense of worthlessness. I just stared and stared and stared at nothing, unwilling and unable to move as the majesty of Mother Nature mocked my being all around.

I am not sure how long I sat there, but I was joined shortly by one of my TS friends. Hearing the door open, I looked over and saw her. We made eye contact, and just looked at each other for a moment. Without saying a word, she slowly walked over to where I sat, stood beside me, and leaned down.

She gently grasp my hand, and held it up into hers. For the next couple of minutes, she simply held my hand in hers. And as tears began to pile up and stream softly and silently down my face, it became a powerfully profound moment that I will not forget.

As she continued to hold my hand, though, I could not help but notice how her hand was so soft, so warm, so gentle, so compassionate, so real, and so human.

No words were exchanged. None.

For no words were necessary. Words, in fact, would have broken the spell and prematurely ended the moment.

My friend understood this. She got it. She has been there, done that, and she knew what I needed.

The gracious host and friend that she is, she gave me the moment. She was there for me in the moment.

That moment was powerful in the extreme. That moment I was accepted and loved for who and what I am. That moment I was not alone in the world. That moment was a gift.

That moment I knew that I was also real, and that I can be real.

That moment was life.

And that moment is why friendship and family are all sooo important in this game . . . .

mikiSJ
05-03-2013, 01:59 PM
There is no better cure for emotional pain than a good friend. I am glad you had one close by that morning.

Barbara Ella
05-03-2013, 02:14 PM
It is so frustrating to recognize something beautiful, maybe perfect. and not feel that, or to know that, you are not part of it, but maybe working on it.

You are so lucky to have a friend who "knows" and was willing to let the moment be. Too many friends want to discuss things to get to it......But for some things, there just aren't words capable of describing the depth of the feelings of the moment.

You are so blessed to have been in that moment, and to feel yourself lifted out of the depth of the instant, and placed on the pinnacle of the present. A friend indeed, but something more indeed......

My most recent of anguish, still with me, came Wednesday, standing in a food truck line at 5 in the evening. It was a fund raiser, "Dumplings for Davis." and it was very well attended. Wife and I stood in line for over an hour to be served. I don't like to go out in crowds, for good reason. All I could do during that time was stand there and marvel at all the different women, short, tall, old, young, slim, not so slim......I looked at each and noted the individual beauty that each one had, smile, hands, hair, eyes, shoes.......OK shoes again...... As you found, I was immediately overwhelmed by the feeling that I was not able to participate in this, and what nerve did I have to think I could.......I have been misty eyed since (I blame the pollen, but...). I have no one to hold my hand and know how disconnected i felt, and still feel.

I do take solace in reading these tender words, and know that there are those who understand it.....and get it, and have lived it. Maybe I will too someday.

Barbara

suzy1
05-03-2013, 02:58 PM
I was very moved by your thread Anne.
I don’t know what else to say.

Chin up girl.

KellyJameson
05-03-2013, 05:50 PM
I have found that the physical changes to the body pale in comparison to the psychological changes to our person

It is something you see afterwards when you look backwards at who you were and who you are now so you can see the whole "movement" like a piece of music that has been played.

Transitioning has a mythic quality about it and in my opinion it is helpful to see it as something similar to Joseph Campbells "Hero's Journey" or something from Greek Mythology.

You are embarking on a journey that very few people have ever traveled and it tests you every step of the way.

It often starts with relief when something happens to give that first insight that begins to answer the question " What the F..k is wrong with me" or "what the F..k am I? " or "why do I do this?"

Regardless you are compelled to seek answers or you are compelled to quiet the noise in your head with behavior that at best only buys a temporary reprieve

Even when this question is not at the forefront of our minds it is still there but felt as that uneasy something is wrong quality

This drives the search for understanding which can influence all manner of behavior in ones search for truth.

Crossdressing may be discovered and the euphoria comes not so much from the clothes but because you are temporarily released from the dull ache inside your own head as you experience the sense of normalcy, not consciously but subconsciously where identity lives.

Once you have a taste of this insight into the mystery that has haunted you than more questions and searching comes as our noses pick up the scent of truth but this truth comes with a very heavy price of mythic proportions

Crossdressing is just one more behavior that buys relief giving you one more temporary reprieve and has its own version of the hang over.

The key word is temporary and the experience of temporary relief is shortened the farther into the journey you venture.

Suffering increases the closer you get to your destination as if each moment is a test of your resolve and this can make you frantic in your desire for it to be over leaving you wanting to stop, go back and continue all at the same time yet sprinkled in this are moments when you have hope as you see evidence of your metamorphosis

It feels like it is making you insane yet also releasing you from insanity and everything that is thought to be true or false is blurred and rearranged.

At times you feel like you are swimming in the middle of an ocean with no life preserver and no land in sight spinning around unsure of your direction.

Transitioning hardens and softens you at the same time. It is, in the end a journey both of self discovery, self fulfillment and most importantly release from the obession to "become"

A journey that brings you back home but before that happens the Blacksmith must have his time with you. You will be heated in the blast furnace and than hammered on and than heated some more, over and over and over.

Symbolically and literally you pay in blood to become what you know yourself to be.

It strips you down to nothing and rebuilds you both inside and out.

Be ready, you ain't seen nothin yet sister.

Leanne2
05-03-2013, 08:40 PM
Anne, Your thread was breathtakingly beautiful, just like the beauty of the world that you were seeing that morning. Girl, you have a future as a writer! Your post was like a modern poem. You are a special gifted woman. I wish I lived close to you so we could be friends. Leanne

Cheyenne Skye
05-03-2013, 09:03 PM
Yes quite a beautiful post. It brings to mind the times that I turn off the TV, radio and anything else that might make noise and just sit watching out the window as the trees sway in the breeze. We all need those few quiet moments to let the reality of our situation sink in. Otherwise, it just bounces around in your head driving you nuts.

Torrey
05-03-2013, 09:13 PM
Anne,

Sometimes in our darkest moments we find that one thing that fills our spirit, heart, soul...

That you recognized that moment - felt it deeply - says all you need to hear.

Sometimes the cosmic tumblers click into place...and for a moment you can see what is possible.

Love,
Torrey

Jodi Anne
05-03-2013, 11:13 PM
Anne, thanks for sharing this extremely personal moment with us. i have my fingers crossed for you, but We all know it will take much more that that. I wish your peace would come as easy as your well crafted writing.

Chickhe
05-04-2013, 12:52 AM
All my life I felt like an outsider...in many ways I was, because I didn't join in all the reindeer games... but, when I stopped thinking about it and just accept myself for who I am and tried joining some activities for the hell of it and not for what anyone else thinks, I felt a lot better. I figured out that there are a lot of other people who felt like me and that makes me not so different, I think the difference is in what you do about it. It doesn't matter what path you take as long as you know in your heart it is the right one for you.

LeaP
05-04-2013, 07:50 AM
Lovely moment, Anne, and beautifully expressed.

MysticLady
05-04-2013, 10:16 AM
Anne

When we are being broken down, shattered , stepped on, spit upon, slapped, humiliated, disowned, hated and finally left for dead is when the true being within us begins to emerge and appreciate some of the most important things in life like the soft touch of a beautiful friends' hand. Your story touched me. Thank You for sharing.

melissaK
05-04-2013, 04:29 PM
It's not a perfect fit . . . Sorry . . . I'm a boomer . . . http://youtu.be/ipADNlW7yBM . . .

Sara Jessica
05-05-2013, 09:02 AM
Very touching tale, Anne. :hugs:

The thought that comes to my mind illustrates the difference in our two pathways. Put me into such a beautiful scene and chances are better than not that I will melt into the moment and become one with the beauty all around me...and feel that all can be right in the world. I felt this on Friday night but the scene was one of urban beauty. The city lights, my sunroof open, the music that was playing...coming off of the event I had just attended where I wasn't trans-anything. I was a friend, I was simply a woman. It was magical and like you, I will never forget the moment or the feeling. It was one of my moments of being that will be ever-present in my memory. My ability to experience these moments, along with the fact that I am able to also experience something similar on the guy side of the fence (typically with family), helps to ground me on my own middle path.

I am very happy that your moment eventually turned beautiful. I am happy that you had a friend nearby to help you to become part of the magic all around you. I am saddened that you have to take drastic measures to be true to yourself. I am happy that you are able to do so and hope that your own moments of being will someday become the new normal for you.

docrobbysherry
05-05-2013, 11:18 AM
Thank u for that very personal and heartfelt post, Anne. However, I didn't read it as a trans's tale. But, rather a life lesson for everyone.

It's so difficult to live in the moment sometimes. Not just for CD's and TS's, but everyone on the planet. And, to be able to tune out all the things going thru our minds and concentrate completely on our surroundings.

I miss so much of life simply because I'm preoccupied by the thots of the past, present, and future that continuously run thru my consciousness!

Being able to turn off all the, "would, shoulda, coulda's", and accept and appreciate the "rite now" is a talent few of us have mastered.

I wish more of that for u, me, and everyone reading this!

Sara Jessica
05-05-2013, 12:22 PM
t's so difficult to live in the moment sometimes. Not just for CD's and TS's, but everyone on the planet. And, to be able to tune out all the things going thru our minds and concentrate completely on our surroundings.

So true Sherry. This is also known as taking time to smell the roses, something all of us should do and cherish more often.

Angela Campbell
05-05-2013, 05:24 PM
Anne, It is a hard life for someone with this affliction. You spend so much time isolating yourself from others. I know, no one really knows me, never has, they know an image I created to make all of them happy. Sometimes worda are not needed. Just someone who understands. You are lucky to have such a friend when you really needed it. We are not alone, we just hide so very well.

Julie Gaum
05-05-2013, 09:13 PM
The post of Anne and all the responses stirred my soul as few have on this Forum. Probably because I've had similar moments of "out of body"
feelings first at 17 and a number of times since. Not being able to understand why, by turning unknowingly to meditation panic turned to tranquility, so I sought answers. There are books covering the whole field that I had never known existed of "Transcendental Meditation
and "Modern Existentialism" by philosphers like Sartre, Nietzche and Maharishi Yogi to name a few. Don't let this scare you away for most of this thinking is written in a manner that even I could understand. How does it relate to emotions during or before transitioning or even the
many internal conflicts encountered by cross dressers in general? Only by searching these topics can you begin to understand --- not for answers but why you look at yourself and the world in the manner you do.
Use your search engines
Julie