Dating Sites

[IMkrystal]

I have been on a dating website for a very Long time. Recently I put my Crossdress.com avatar picture up as my main picture. The website removed this picture for the following reason:

“Consider the important points below when uploading an image onto your profile. A picture is worth a thousand words, be sure to upload a profile portrait that represents you in a positive and appealing way.
Crazy Costumes: Dressing up in crazy costumes and silly disguises can be fun and creative, but pictures of you in your very best chicken costume for a POF photo shoot might not be accepted readily by other users. People that know you may be comfortable with your goofy, eccentric side but those pictures should be saved to share with users later on.”

MY response:
“I will not enter a description or photo because of discriminatory practices of this web site. Where people are looking for honesty, this dating site wants dishonesty. I will not lie about who I am. It is unfair to judge someone on their appearances or sexuality.”

Back to the DARK AGES:believeit:

[Ressie]

Sounds like the dating police have arrived. :)

[Michaelasfun]

I like that they're charging you for membership, then turning around and telling you how you should be presenting yourself and censoring you, let alone the point you made about discrimination. Crazy!

[GothicEmily]

Try OKCupid, I had a profile on there for a while as my male self. They're pretty GLBT friendly and I don't think they'd remove a photo of you en femme for such a ridiculous reason.

The worst thing about OKCupid for me was the number of friends who had accounts and who kept turning up in my top matches. Nearly everyone in my top 30 was someone I knew already. :/

[Amanda M]

Care to share with us who these idiots are?

[natalie_cheryl]

that is really dumb i can't believe that

[Megan Thomas]

Care to share with us who these idiots are?


but pictures of you in your very best chicken costume for a POF photo shoot might not be accepted readily by other users.

Pretty sure POF is a site called "Plenty of Fish" - renowned for its transphobic approach to users with many trans people accounts deleted quite quickly after joining.

[Beverley Sims]

I can only say that this part of the warning has a valid point for anywhere on the web.
If you are posting seriously.
" A picture is worth a thousand words, be sure to upload a profile portrait that represents you in a positive and appealing way."
Not just a profile portrait but any photo that does not have a rider, such as those posted in special events.
They are fun photos.

or what you have described though it seems to be way off.

[Annette Todd]

Plenty of fish is the reason. I deleted my account there a long time ago.

[docrobbysherry]

I believe MOST dating sites will not allow u to post a fem pic if you state you're gender is male.

[ArleneRaquel]

Even though I am looking for a mate suitable for marriage I have never joined a dating site. I'm just a scared old gal. I'm afraid I will meet a nut.

[Jenniferathome]

OK, now if you were to give them the benefit of the doubt, maybe they are just trying to help you. Not everyone even understands cross dressers. It COULD be that this site has a simple black and white rule: simple portrait of the genetic person who registered. On a similar note, unless you are a full time cross dresser, it is better to offer that aspect of yourself after meeting someone, not as the first thing a prospective partner sees.

Do you want a partner who wants you because you're a cross dresser? Or, do you want a partner who wants YOU AND can accept that you are a cross dresser?

[sometimes_miss]

Pretty sure POF is a site called "Plenty of Fish" - renowned for its transphobic approach to users with many trans people accounts deleted quite quickly after joining.

POF simply wants your main picture to be of who you are, and something not appearing to be a disguise. This has been the case there for the past 3 or 4 years. If you don't want to post a picture in which you can be easily recognised, then no pic is fine, but it does limit who you can contact. It's one of Marcus's ways of helping people there avoid tons of spam emails. I've been on POF now for about ten years, and I can accept their decisions as to what kind of pictures to be posted. As they got bigger and bigger, it became harder to monitor the pictures (there were some x rated ones popping up occasionally) and they didn't want that, so it became a self monitoring system where one member could tattle on another if they met the person and they didn't look like what they said they did. I think it's actually a good policy, seeing as back in the nineties I was meeting women I'd met on match .com and they looked NOTHING like their pictures.


I believe MOST dating sites will not allow u to post a fem pic if you state you're gender is male.
I'm currently writing to several women on POF tonight, and on the forums there are a few crossdressers with their female pic still up, check it out in the relationships forum; you may have to search for the threads, easier if you look up my screen name over there sometimes-miss with a hyphen instead of an underscore, search for that and you can find my posts on crossdressing threads.

[noeleena]

Hi,

I have been on P O F for quite a while You said about honsty Well i would expect others to be honst with myself if not ill report them as i have done in the past & will do. if you have a picture of your self i would expect it to be of you not dreesed up with makeup & hair done as a woman its not a crossdressers forum like here so the two are very different,

So its deciveing to start with, your id then is not of you,

I have my picture & it was taken by Jos its of myself not made up or trying to be other than what every one see's face to face when they meet me , no matter where i am, or go. The dateing sites have my picture & name of noeleena that you all know here, plus around the world,

What would you do , im a woman & had i been looking for a male id expect him to be one not a male dressed like a woman, discriminatory, one needs to look at what you are doing you are not a woman yet wont others to accept you as one or like one because you are dressing as one, youv said your self you are a male looking for a woman, so whos deciveing who here,

...noeleena...

[IMkrystal]

[
OK, now if you were to give them the benefit of the doubt, maybe they are just trying to help you. Not everyone even understands cross dressers. It COULD be that this site has a simple black and white rule: simple portrait of the genetic person who registered. On a similar note, unless you are a full time cross dresser, it is better to offer that aspect of yourself after meeting someone, not as the first thing a prospective partner sees.

Do you want a partner who wants you because you're a cross dresser? Or, do you want a partner who wants YOU AND can accept that you are a cross dresser?

I guess in the "Loved Ones" section on here, most of the GGs are wrong when they "wish they knew up front" or “how can I trust my partner now?" If you had read my profile, I assume women read profiles on dating sites, the picture was self-explanatory. It is unfortunate that most Cds respond with "hide it from her until....." or "don't tell her" I am a CD and I know my Shame and how I feel doing this! Until more of use stop hiding in the corner. "transphobic" discrimination, will continue to treat us as deviants. We will continue to go only where "they" allow us.


I have been on P O F for quite a while You said about honsty Well i would expect others to be honst with myself if not ill report them as i have done in the past & will do. if you have a picture of your self i would expect it to be of you not dreesed up with makeup & hair done as a woman its not a crossdressers forum like here so the two are very different


People that know you may be comfortable with your goofy, eccentric side but those pictures should be saved to share with users later on.

If that is what crossdressing means to you we will remain in the "Dark Ages"

[Jenniferathome]

I guess in the "Loved Ones" section on here, most of the GGs are wrong when they "wish they knew up front" or “how can I trust my partner now?" ...

Hold on Krystal. "know up front" does NOT mean "know it first thing." I am 100% certain that every GG here would agree that admission of being a cross dresser is not expected on a first date. All would expect it by the time it got "serious." So somewhere between first date and serious would be reasonable to tell AND that would count as "knowing up front."

[flogo920]

Have looked for a friend with this predilection (and preferably someone who has a better handle on it than I)-for going on 40 years

Have used personal ads and anonymous mailboxes before age of internet,

Have found following:

The romantic find your mate sites have no use for us

The sites directed at meeting TGs are something like 100:1 male: tg looking for quick no strings attached anonymous sex

Mentioning anything TG on any of the sites pertaining to my interests such as scuba and photography
would be a killer to be followed by expulsion from the group.

So- how does one transition from web based virtual reality to reality ????

None of my friends are people whose friendship I would risk.

Suggestions ????

Hugs, Flo

[Alicia_lynn419]

I had a similar experience with POF... had both a make and female profile up (the female profile clearly stating I was a CD). Within 2 days both profiles were deleted and I was unable to get back on for about 3 years. When I did I only posted a male profile, and now dating a wonderful lady who adores me as both parts, and will probably be my future.

There is NO easy way to approach being CD on dating sites... my experience, wait to say anything, don't advertise it up front.... yes.. the dark ages are still with us.

[JaneWilliams]

I would recommend ClubCrossDressing.com The support people are fast and very friendly. I personally have never had any problems with them. I have with POF had problems myself, I must admit.

Althought ClubCrossDressing is a pay site, the members are genuine. I found on POF a lot of time wasters and POF is free. Does that make sense? lol

Just one more thing.. Their testmonials are genuine as I have spoken to loads of the members who wrote them. I am quite happy just using forums like this and dating sites for crossdfressers like ClubCrossDressing.com

I hope this helped.

[MsJanessa]

I'm assuming you want to meet a person who is interested in dating a crossdresser--that makes sense since that is what you are. The only way to find out if they are interested is to let the rest of the site know you are a cd and what you look like---you can't tell if it will lead to a deeper relationship until the two of you meet and you actually get to know each other---I'm in favor of letting the other person know up front, particularly if this is a very important part of your life. Good for you

[whowhatwhen]

Sounds like POF is more Puritan than canned stew.
I'd stop giving them $$$ and let them know exactly why.

[MsJanessa]

Hold on Krystal. "know up front" does NOT mean "know it first thing." I am 100% certain that every GG here would agree that admission of being a cross dresser is not expected on a first date. All would expect it by the time it got "serious." So somewhere between first date and serious would be reasonable to tell AND that would count as "knowing up front."

Well if the OP is a crossdresser and wanted to date people who were interested in dating crossdressers, wouldn't it make sense to tell them about it on the dating site--that way both parties know what they are getting into from the start.

[Unrequited]

As a GG who uses these dating sites I have come across men from many, many different walks of life with a vast variety of interests. I find when I am presented with an ‘out of the norm’ lifestyle as the primary ‘this is who I am statement’ it sets up a red flag. Why? Well, we are all more complex than just ‘one thing’. While that one thing may be important to us as individuals, if it’s waved at someone who is just getting to know you like a giant flag in a parade it can be rather off putting.

I try to find commonalities with someone to build rapport, then introduce things that may be ‘deal-breakers’ for someone else. For example, I have a small child. If I were to post nothing but pictures of myself with my kid and talk non-stop about him; a new man in my life may wonder if there is any room for him in my little world.

[CD_blue]

I met my fiance on Eharmony and it worked out great for us. Know a few other couples it worked out for. I looked into joining POF before hand and quite honestly just found it to be a really bad dating service for anything serious. At least in my opinion.

I don't understand why this wouldn't fall under discrimination. If a male is straight, wears female clothing 24/7 (or once a year, whatever time period), and is looking for a relationship with a straight female why should they be rejected upon this premise alone? I find the term "costume" they used rather offensive. It might be against our current social norms but the reality is there is many subcultures. I think that cross dressing is in itself a subculture perhaps even to go as far as a counter culture. If they are going to turn away cross dressers because of this subculture why are they not turning away hippies, punks, goths, etc etc. There is no difference.

Also it was said it might not be something GG would want to know before the first date and that maybe true. Yet as we can see on these boards with recent discussion actually there are GGs out there who would find this appealing. The cross dressing itself maybe a selling point to certain group of women out there.

If I was to do dating website again I would be completely upfront about it. Dealing with the having to tell someone during our first dinner, third dinner, 5th time we have had sex, or whatever is just too much of a hassle and god only knows what one is going to get. Rather just be up front and honest. What you see is what you get.

I just find it pure discrimination whatever reason they are doing it for