Regretting HRT?

[LunaDarling]

Hi friends, so i come on here every now and then when i hit my little genderism speedbumps, and i feel like i could really use some input from other girls right now. so recently i came out to my family as a transexual. most of my friends know about it and ive been going to gender therapy for about 4 months now. so im ready to start taking hormones and im extremely nervous about it. i dont want to make a choice that im going to regret later. i guess what my question is... know many people who regretted hrt? why do they regret it? i realize this is a choice i need to make on my own. i could just use a little reassurance...
Much love!!
Luna

[sandra-leigh]

Somewhere on the order of a year ago, someone mentioned that their husband had stopped HRT because he was getting uncomfortable with his appearance in everyday life (the breasts, I think it was.) He had, if I recall, never been on the path to transition, though -- and I did not get the impression that he had regretted starting it, just that he had let it gone on as long as he did. Unfortunately I have completely forgotten whom it was.

My wife hassles me about my breasts ("Remember how flat you used to be!"), and about my paunch that was quite likely notably worsened by HRT. It gets disheartening at times, dealing with reactions from close people who don't understand. None the less, I do not regret having started HRT: my GID was taking over. (Now if you want to talk about frustration about the fact that breasts sometimes recede instead of at least staying the same...)

[groove67]

I have never looked back my dear as this is whom i am and what i want to be . Yes there are some bumps in the road but i would never ever turn back. Love who and what i am and for me it was the right thing to do and i am very happy for first time in my life. You have to follow your heart and decide what and whom you are. If you are in comfort wth that you will make it. I know there are bumps in the road but in my case totally worth all the fears i had starting hormone treatment. Never been more happy than i am today. Again it is your choice so make sure it is right for you. Best wishes marianne

[Jodi Anne]

So far no regrets, not even for one second. I am much older and was feeling like death was at my door but after starting HRT i now have my health back and emotionally have not felt this good in 20 years. HRT is so personal that it effects us each the same way, but also different. Only you can make the decision to start, choose wisely grasshopper.

[sandra-leigh]

I should probably add that for me it was not without some regret, not without some grieving. I was 49 already when I started, but I still grieve some over no longer being able to have children (I don't have any.) None the less, it was worth it.

[Rianna Humble]

So far nearly all the stories of regret I have read are about people who didn't get proper advice and support before taking hormones. Most self medicated but one or two just bought their way past the checks and balances that the medical professions are supposed to apply.

Just recently there was a member who had been shunned by all of her family and friends and was feeling overwhelmed by the isolation she was experiencing, yet she still did not regret dealing with her Gender Dysphoria in this way (merely in a moment of despair considered giving up).

[Kaitlyn Michele]

RIanna that's a good point

Regret is different than giving up

and regretting that you had to start HRT is different than regretting you started it..


I think Luna if you do the work, you shouldn't worry too much about this...

any big decision in life carries the risk that you wish you made a different decision

[JohnH]

M2F HRT is the best thing I have done in a very long time. I do not regret my decision at all. That testosterone monkey is off my back and I am a lot calmer.

John

[LeaP]

No regret at all. I don't like the effects on my marriage and my wife, but HRT itself has been literally a life-saver. On the one or two angry or reactive occasions on which I considered tossing it all (usually in a fit of self-pity), the prospect of going back to the way I was was so appalling that the thought disappeared in moments.

[Kathryn Martin]

Luna, Darling, have you considered that those that regret taking hormones should not have taken them in the first place? Taking this step like so many others in transition is dictated by your need (not some yearning for boobs or something like that) to bring your body into alignment with who you are as a person.

Hormones are a powerful drug and used for the treatment of transsexuals to transform their bodies. You need to be truly well informed about the effects of hormone treatment, what it does to your body and results of long term intake.

[melissaK]

What Kathryn said - - - IMHO if you possess regrets post HRT you are either still lamenting that it didn't cure you of being TS (a mistake to believe it could), or you weren't TS to begin with.

Luna, I have no regrets.

HRT wasn't and isn't really a choice.

I am TS; there is nothing I can do to change that.

I was miserable; there are not a lot of things I could do about that except transition, and this is part of that. And it helps.

[Sandra1746]

I consider myself TG and not TS but I do fit pretty well on the Benjamin scale. There are some here who will disagree with this statement but; you are on your path and I'm on mine.

I've been on HRT for 10-months now and have had all the predictable effects. Low testosterone, breast growth and tenderness and erectile dysfunction (the latter is not new) but I wouldn't stop HRT even if I could reverse these effects. The calmness of mood is WAY better than I was before. Also the T-related health issues are gone (painful cysts, BPH, and anger).

HRT is not for everyone but, it is working for me. There is no one-size-fits-all protocol and everyone has to find the one that works for them.

Hugs,
Sandra1746

[Marleena]

Luna, your doctors and therapists should be preparing you for HRT. You should bring up your concerns to them. I can't really add anything other than for a TS person it will be a necessary step. I'm happy finally after decades of struggle and it was the ticket for me. It is perfectly normal to be concerned, it's a big step.

[stefan37]

HRT for me was the best decision I have ever made. My anxiety went from a level 10 to 0 in a very short time. The positive mental and physical effects I have experienced from HRT far outweigh any negative social issues. If you do your research and truly know in your heart what you need to do. Then the decision to start hrt wil be the right one. If you still have doubts whether you want to transition, then I would hold off until you are sure this is what you want.

[josee]

I too was a little concerned about what would happen when I started hormones. I have found for myself it is the best thing I have ever done. I finally feel like myself. HRT will not make your life sunshine and roses. It doesn't cure depression. It eases symptoms of gender dysphoria. It won't make you a woman if you are not. You won't grow D size boobs overnight. It is not a quick fix for anything. Some of those who regret do so because they expect things that HRT can not supply.
I am over 50 and while the first few months were up and down most of that was due to the effects on my marriage. Otherwise however, I am thrilled with the effects. My face has softened some. I have B size boobies. I wish effects were faster in coming but all good things take time.

[TeresaL]

I do not regret being on HRT, and it definitely is calming and just feels right. Now if I was to start cross dressing, it would seem more appropriate. Male clothing is still drab and dull. Yet every morning, I walk right by the makeup and female clothing, grab a pair of jeans and t-shirt, and start my day uneventful. So next year, I'm gonna stuff my 34-24-36 figure with "DD" boobs into my T shirt and squeeze my derriere into a man's jeans even though my hips will be much bigger than my waist? If so, then my girl gender will destined to be kinda butchy.

[JohnH]

So next year, I'm gonna stuff my 34-24-36 figure with "DD" boobs into my T shirt and squeeze my derriere into a man's jeans even though my hips will be much bigger than my waist? If so, then my girl gender will destined to be kinda butchy.

Teresa, you sure are optimistic with your breast development. When I have had my weight under control my hips have always been much bigger than my waist (after puberty).

My wife notices my butt is indeed filling out - but she likes me to be like that. I am trying to lose weight, and I hope to have a 48-36-45 figure when I lose the weight - my bust and hips have those measurements. Now I need to get my waist down from 40 inches. Like you I plan on continuing to wear men's clothes publicly (except for denim skirts instead of shorts).

John

[KellyJameson]

You mention that you are nervous but there are different reasons I can think of for being nervous.

Are you nervous about the health risks?

Unsure about aspects of transitioning or your gender dysphoria?

All things being equal the HRT will act on your brain much faster than your body so external changes will be slow depending on your unique body chemistry, overall health and age.

Do you know the source of your nervousness? What your concerns and fears may be?

If your concern is related to how you will be psychologically affected I would recommend keeping a journal so you can reflect back over it and see if HRT is having a positive or negative affect on you.

Being emotional is not a negative in my opinion and I'm talking about the deeper psychological experience of not feeling like you are being turned into a Pretzel chemically any longer.

I stopped hating the experience of my being trapped inside my own head and so I'm calm but I have always been emotional which I would never want to lose.

I'm emotional but without this weird anxiety that was not like any anxiety others talked about because it came from inside me almost like I was being poisoned by to much caffeine but it had nothing to do with food.

I noticed its absence once the testosterone was knocked down. It was like I could finally think clearly or finally "be" in the moment.

I agree with Lea, once you know the experience you will never want to go back if you are not meant to have testosterone as the dominant hormone.

In the early part of the century they would do shock treatments using insulin and reading about the psychological experiences the patients had were eerily similar to how testosterone effected me but only on a much smaller scale than what they went through but testosterone clearly has caused me a physical dysphoria and this was married to the gender dysphoria.

The mind and brain are one and the same thing.

It also opened up my mind so I could "see" my gender identity clearly so it removed the gender confusion for me by allowing the identity to emerge from the shadows.

Testosterone suppressed "me" as identity but this identity was always there, I just could not live it or experience it. It is like being released from yourself so you can experience yourself.

There is no way I can explain the experience with words.

Nervousness is natural but practice good self awareness and share with others so they can watch your back for you.

[TeresaL]

Teresa, you sure are optimistic with your breast development.
John

LOL. No chance on earth to get a shape or boobs with those dimensions. The only way I would get that kind of body is to enter a machine-like the one in Avatar. Actually, I wouldn't really want DD boobs. Heheh.


Like you I plan on continuing to wear men's clothes publicly (except for denim skirts instead of shorts).
John

Not my plan, it just happened. My plan was to continue and wear the women's clothing in public, as I had been. I know I'm sounding like a broken record, but I lost that desire to "present as female in public" after the first week or two of being on HRT. The spironolactone did it, I'm sure. It's not bad or good, but just a puzzlement of what is to be expected next.

Several things have run through my mind. I can sit still for a while and enjoy the lack of insidious, addiction-like push to cross dress and go out. If GD never comes back, then I'm positionally cured and can maintain quasi-male status. Or I can continue with getting ready for the next surge of GD by finishing electrolysis. More risky, and possibly too visible of a change if passing as a man becomes important, is lining up a target date for FFS.

Currently, I have no plan. But Luna, getting on HRT can also put you into a position that slows the rate of your transitioning needs or plans. The quandary then is, if it's permanent, then nothing else needs to be done. If it is temporary, then time is wasted while sitting on it.

[Kathryn Martin]

I wonder how many actively think about the fact that hormones chemically castrate you. That they make your breasts develop (the older the lesser) and change your body habitus. That after several months sexual function will be all but gone (with very few exceptions) both from a libido side and the capacity side. That libido will likely not return until after surgery because the anti-androgens will suppress even the small amount of testosterone produced in the adrenal glands and the liver. And, that if your partner is interested in sex you buy yourself serious problems if you can neither be roused nor functions as a husband should. That if you are gay your partner does not want to be with a girl.

Important things to consider, maybe?

[Marleena]

Great advice here. Luna here is an article on hormones that might answer some questions for you.: http://wiki.susans.org/index.php/Hormones:_Dream_Goal_or_Time_Bomb%3F

[JohnH]

I guess I am fortunate to still be able to get an erection. However, the semen has greatly decreased in volume and is clear.

John

[I Am Paula]

I've been on HRT for a whopping 48 hours. But the descision has taken literally years. I tried everything I could come up with to curb my dysphoria, but finally figured out that all the clothes, the living full time as a woman, were just a mask covering a greater problem.
A few weeks back I had to present male for a few hours, and it took me two hours, and two bouts of crying just to put on my guy costume, and face myself. It was only at that point that I realized willpower alone was not going to help, and science HAD to step in.

[LunaDarling]

wow so many great responses. thank you so much everyone for your great input. i cant address everyone directly, but im gonna try to cover as many bases as possible. first off, im terrified of being on E for a while and just being treated horribly. like a misgendered IT. i fear social rejection and the loss of everything ive built as a man, socially and financially and physically. i dont wanna lose the affection i get from woman, i dont wanna be impotent. i also dont wanna live the rest of my life not being able to allow myself to feel my true nature. i fear not being loved as the caring woman i know i am. im anxious about being a victim of violence and never being able to find work. i dont like having a constant weight on my heart and sighing all the time or starring into the mirror and crying... anyways, ive come a long way with this process and gotten over too many hills to turn back. its just a very large decision and i dont wanna make it lightly. plus i may wait till i can get up enough money for a sperm back deposit. i would love to be a mother...

[josee]

Well it's possible that someone may treat you badly when they realize you are trans or even because you start HRT and this can even come from people you think are closest to you. You may loose everything, your relationship with your SO, your job, your social status. You will spend thousands and thousands of dollars on everything from clothes to hair removal and the list goes on and on. You will almost certainly become impotent within 6 months, possibly irreversibly. Can't promise anyone will ever love you again, it may become hard for you to find employment with the income you are used to and the stories are never ending of the trans girls who have suffered violence or even death just because they wanted to be true to who they were.

I am not trying to scare you at all but the list you made everything in it is possible. They may not happen at all either, some girls have very smooth transitions, but almost everything you listed I know someone who has suffered one or many of those things.

If this is enough to prevent you from beginning hormone therapy then you may want to wait until it does not matter any more.

[stefan37]

Unfortunately you will need to cross many more hills. Transition is serious business and should only be undertaken when all other means of mitigating gid have failed. Fear of the unknown is normal. If you need to transition those fears will need to be overcome. You should be prepared and willing to lose all you have gained as male. Facial hair removal is expensive, tedious and time consuming. It requires an enormous commitment of time and money., It is something that can be started immediately and you may find removing your facial hair may buy you some time where you find yourself comfortable enough to mitigate your gid for a period of time or even forever.

There is a lot of fantasy abound about being a woman. The brutal truth is it the hardest challenge you will undertake in life. There is a serious commitment needed to learn how to socialize and assimilate into a female gender role. You will be ridiculed, laughed at, marginalized, and possibly be the target of violence. You will become sterile and your performance.
will suffer. While I do not doubt those that say they can get an erection at will and perform, that is not my experience. erections are much softer, do not last as long and can be painful. Ejaculate for me is nonexistent.

You may find removing your facial hair, altering your voice and mannerisms to be effective in mitigating your gid to a point it is tolerable and you find a comfort level. Starting hormones or transitioning with your fears and refusal to lose your male attributes and gains probably would prove to be disastrous. Many of the effects of hrt after some months will be irreversible. Not only will hormones affect your physical makeup, they are powerful chemical agents that will over time alter your brain chemistry. This change may actually happen sooner than the physical and for me it has been very subtle, but my thought patterns have changed.

Weigh your options carefully!!

[Kathryn Martin]

im terrified of being on E for a while and just being treated horribly. like a misgendered IT.
i fear social rejection and the loss of everything ive built as a man, socially and financially and physically.
i dont wanna lose the affection i get from woman,
i dont wanna be impotent.
i also dont wanna live the rest of my life not being able to allow myself to feel my true nature.
i fear not being loved as the caring woman i know i am. im anxious about being a victim of violence and never being able to find work.
i dont like having a constant weight on my heart and sighing all the time or starring into the mirror and crying... anyways, ive come a long way with this process and gotten over too many hills to turn back.
i would love to be a mother...

I don't think that taking estrogen will make people treat you horribly. I have never been treated horribly by anyone. If you are a woman why would anyone treat you that way.

Social rejection is something that every person experiences in their life, it has something to do with who you are as a person not necessarily being trans whatever. If you associate every rejection to that you will have a miserable life and will achieve victimhood in no time.

So you are attracted to women, your group of potential partners just shrunk to an average of 7% of the women population, provided you have srs, otherwise you will be an oddity which further restricts your group of potential partners;

You are going to be impotent because sperm production will be killed in the process;

What is your true nature? I am not at all clear what you mean by that;

Honey, women are more often than men the victims of violence and have a more restricted labor market and get paid less on average 19% than men producing equal value; Whether you are loved is not a matter of your sex or gender status but who you are as a human being;

Well, what can I say? How great is your need?

This is the hard one. You will never be a mother, because you will always be barren. This may not be so hard on your mind right now, but believe me that is the most difficult issue you will ever deal with once you transition. You can raise a child adopted or from your own sperm but you will never carry a child and give birth.

I wish you good luck in your decision.

[melissaK]

Luna, what Kathryn said. . .

And, Sweetie, you have a LOT of fear to get over. There's no pill for it. And I suggest that underlying all your fear is that you have not fully accepted that you are TS.

Being TS has BIG drawbacks - TS are not the same as everyone else. We hide among the cisgendered and pretend to be one of them because of those drawbacks.

But if you are TS, eventually the desire to be ourselves is too strong and it overcomes fears of the drawbacks and overcomes fears of the changes we must make when we stop acting cisgendered. Eventually we TS accept ourselves for what we are, eventually we get past feeling sorry for ourselves because of all the drawbacks we face. And then, we can set about trying to have as good a life as possible, and we can begin overcoming all the drawbacks.

And Sweetie, I have been one of the slowest and worst at accepting myself and facing the drawbacks. I'm in the middle of trying to have a new and better life. Women on this Forum like Kathryn have done it, and are kind enough to come help us analyze ourselves and find our way. And, if you aren't really TS, or if you just aren't ready to accept that you are TS, do not be ashamed or pretend.

IMHO (meaning others will have a different POV) it's quite alright to stay here, and move really really slowly. I think its even fine to leave this group for awhile and go live the cisgendered life and don't apologize for it. If you are TS, your feelings will bring you back in due time . . .

[TeresaL]

Kathryn has really, really spelled it out as best as it can be. :thumbsup:

You do not express the complete desire to to give up the man-perks. It is probably best for you to remain as you are until, or even if you reach the point of giving up all aspects of maleness. You will really know, and not have to question it when the time happens. You will then forge forward and nothing will sway you from attaining the gender and hormone balance that your body and mind cry out for. You will run towards it rather than question if it is right for you.

You've listed a few male things that you aren't sure you want to be without. You relate to those aspects as assets. For a transexual, they can be burdens, and reminders that our bodies do not match the picture in our mind's eye of what we really are. The ultimate decision, of course, is your to make. You will know when, without a doubt.

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Luna,

You have given a large number of reasons why you do not need to transition at this time:

Being "correctly" gendered according to your presentation is more important to you than your body being aligned to your gender identity
Being accepted socially is more important to you than your body being congruent to your gender identity
Your current social standing is more important to you than aligning your body to your gender
Your income is more important to you than being congruent
Your physical prowess is more important to you than your identity
Being loved as a man is more important to you than expressing your true nature
Being sexually active is more important to you than aligning your body to your gender

As long as any one of those reasons is more important to you than being whole, then you do not need to transition.

Hopefully your therapist will be able to help you to address some of these concerns.

[TeresaL]

Rianna, great list of things for Luna to reflect on in her journey. It's so good in fact, that I personalized them to compare my journey with as well. I'm seven for seven. This thread is good for me to determine where I fit....
...and finally. I really do know.

It has been a standard code of TS ethics to advise: Do not transition if you don't have to. For myself, I have added, "don't proclaim to be a transexual if you are not absolutely sure, and that there is no lingering doubt in your Btsc brain."

I've been through the mill to be rid of my transgender transgression. In SA, we were expected to stand up and announce ourselves. I never, ever felt correct in saying "hello, my name is T.... and I'm a cross dresser (and keep it in the context of sexual addiction). It always rang false. It is not an addiction, and the SA reinforced for me that it isn't.

Back the topic at hand, the seven steps for me, pinpoint my exact location. My added code a paragraph above, is completed, and with deep breath, I am admitting with great reluctance, that...
...I am indeed transexual.

Luna, I hope you got your answer. I know I got mine, and I'm going to quit rejecting my true self. This discussion has given me a "born again" experience of which will take me a few moments to regain composure.

[StephanieC]

I already have a pair of beautiful kids for which I thank God. So that aspect caused me no regret. I guess I don't really have any regret at all, at least not yet. The process and pacing seemed natural. Depending on how far you go, HRT could drastically impact your relationships and there have been impacts for me. But so far, these are things I can cope with.

However, I have no idea what's really happening with my body: some things good, some things unexpected.

I consider this a journey, and as such, you can never truly predict the actual route, timing, or exact results.

-stephani

[Angela Campbell]

"man perks"

That made me wonder. After 55 years of trying to be a man for everyone else in the world, I would like to know what those perks are. I either cannot see them or they aren't perky enough for me. I don't know. I guess that spending 50 years wanting to be a girl, and hating my body makes the idea of transition seem like something untouchable. Is it really right there? How could I not do it. Regret? I regret that I spent so much time trying to be something I am not for all the wrong reasons.

If not sure, I would wait until you are sure. I know it is scary as hell isn't it.

[whowhatwhen]

I think it's all of the privileges afforded to men by society simply by being men, some of which include a higher pay and greater advancement in the workforce.
It's a hell of a lot to lose, not only would you be giving those up, but you're taking on the disadvantages that women get as well as the discrimination toward transsexuals.

OP:
I've thought about some of those things with careful reflection, mostly about sterility.
The thing is you'd be permanently shutting that door, and it's a good thing that you're looking at the potential consequences of doing so.

I haven't started HRT yet, but I was worried about the sterility aspect.
That was odd since
a) I never wanted to father children
b) I always favoured the idea of adoption anyway

Nonetheless, it's a door that will be shut forever and the decision to start HRT adds a bit of finality to our lives.
After talking about it with my therapist I'm much better on the issue having been able to work it out, and if you're not already I would definitely suggest finding a qualified therapist to discuss these things with.

Side question for girls on HRT:
Do you seriously never get anything from sex at all?
I don't care about getting ED or anything that comes with loss of physical function (it'd be a bonus tbqh), but it would be kind of depressing to never get anything out of it.

I don't feel anything now, but the prospect of never feeling anything ever is kind of a downer.

[JohnH]

One can always bank sperm before undergoing M2F HRT.

On another topic, I had always been socially awkward as if there was a disconnect between my mind and body. After being on HRT my social interactions improved tremendously.

John

[Megan Thomas]

Side question for girls on HRT:
Do you seriously never get anything from sex at all?
I don't care about getting ED or anything that comes with loss of physical function (it'd be a bonus tbqh), but it would be kind of depressing to never get anything out of it.

I don't feel anything now, but the prospect of never feeling anything ever is kind of a downer.

I've been on HRT for around a year now, and T blockers for 4 months prior to HRT. I can't say I get nothing out of sex but I do find it harder to enjoy like I used to. The right sexual partner will help matters greatly. For me, the gender dysphoria was too great to ignore and the overall benefits HRT has given me far outweigh the impact on my sexual pleasure.

[StephanieC]

Do you seriously never get anything from sex at all?


Um...what is sex?

Actually, this is something that usually takes two people. In any case, I think you'll find the urge tapers off. Plus, there may be a certain amount of mental re-wiring. So certain guy perspectives about some things may change. You don't necessarily get to keep what you had and add more. Frankly, this is something I really liked about HRT.

-stephani

[LeaP]

Um...what is sex?

Ditto that. Zip, zero. It fell off the cliff. No urge, desire, drive, etc. And it is a TREMENDOUS relief, even though sex was wonderful in its own way. It's also a master that drives you, and drive you crazy.

[arbon]

Um...what is sex?

i

Only in my dreams

[whowhatwhen]

I understand what you mean, and the desire for me is stressful since it only results in depression.
It just seems so unfair that it could very well never be experienced like a normal person.

[Angela Campbell]

I have had no desire for sex for a long time anyway and have not yet started HRT. For me it requires love and that is very hard to find. Maybe age, low T I don't know but no desire at all.

"never be experienced like a normal person"

Wow, I have never been able to experience what it is like to be a normal person, I wonder what that is like?

[TeresaL]

Ditto that. Zip, zero. It fell off the cliff. No urge, desire, drive, etc. And it is a TREMENDOUS relief, even though sex was wonderful in its own way. It's also a master that drives you, and drive you crazy.
Ditto on the ditto. If my wife "ever" wants to, then I'm going to try some Viagra or something. So far it hasn't come up. Her libido was lost in the complete hysterectomy 30 years ago, so now we are matching bookends.

That being said, if you like to cross dress, it may become a thing of much less desire. You may even find that the need for SRS diminishes also. So what is the benefit, you may ask? You lose the dysphoria and become a person with less angst. That is priceless.

[Badtranny]

Well it's very simple, transition is something you do because you want to feel what it's like to be part of the world. My biggest fear was wasting my life as a pretend man. We've all been scared of losing stuff, but every single one of us decided losing everything would be 'worth it'. Nobody wants to lose jobs and relationships but it happens. I made a big deal about planning everything very carefully, but let me tell ya something, my plans were a joke. I had no idea what to expect or what I was getting into. The only thing I knew for sure was that I was going to be free. When I made the decision to pull the pin and throw the tranny grenade at my life, nothing mattered anymore but being free. Regret? Hells no. Regret is for people who don't have conviction. You want a recipe for a happy life? No regrets and no secrets. Look forward and push forward.

Are you not sure? I can't even imagine going through the last couple of years if I wasn't sure. Sometimes being sure is the only thing I was sure of.

[kellycan27]

Side question for girls on HRT:
Do you seriously never get anything from sex at all?
I don't care about getting ED or anything that comes with loss of physical function (it'd be a bonus tbqh), but it would be kind of depressing to never get anything out of it.I don't feel anything now, but the prospect of never feeling anything ever is kind of a downer.

I've been on HRT going on six years.. My sex drive came and went at times, but I still enjoyed sex. My experience previous had been rather limited. I'd only had 2 partners when I began HRT and one of them had been a total flop. Enjoying sex pre HRT gave me the incentive to keep trying. Not being able to get an erection wasn't really of any consequence to me as I was still able to enjoy what my partner had to offer. There was a long period of time when I didn't get any real physical pleasure but I did start to get emotional pleasure.. If I could please my partner... I felt satisfied.
After SRS my sex drive came back with a vengeance! I now had the proper equipment and it became possible to enjoy the physical ( orgasms) and the emotional.. (Being pleased at pleasing my partner).
If I did have any regrets regarding ( I don't ) HRT it would have been that I didn't start them before age 24, but it's a moot point now.

[Barbara Ella]

Luna, I truly hope you take the advice to heart, and have read the links. Please honestly go through the steps Kathryn has. Educate yourself as to what HRT will mean, both emotionally and physically. If you still can't answer the situations appropriately, please don't start. Cause it is all gonna happen just like everyone here has said.

Having said that, I am so thankful that it happens just like everyone here has said. Only been on HRT since October of last year, 6 months, but the mental change within my mind has been so reassuring. My age has made many of the decisions for me. Wife's libido destroyed by AD and migraine meds over 12 years ago. My ED starting several years ago. Family all grown. i already look much like an old (66) woman, so not much for wife to notice there. While not expecting much, I have developed noticeable breasts, and no longer wish to wear forms, and just wear loose shirts in public. A significantly improved mental attitude, which is the single most important aspect.

Because of the improved mental aspect, a total lack of dysphoria concerns, a mental oneness finally, I would never go back. I may never go forward, given life situation balances, but I refuse to go back. I am transexual. I just may move forward at a very slow measured pace. Some of which is necessary to attempt to change so slowly as to not alarm the wife, and help her better accept all of me, the real me, who really has always been there, and only the package is changing, a package that is really not something she cares about anymore, if she just really thought about it.

Luna, just please make sure you are honest with yourself.

Barbara

[sandra-leigh]

Um...what is sex?


:yt:

Something in me still gets aroused, and still hopes for more sex someday.

It used to take me a quite small number of seconds "to go from 0 to 60"; these days I get "from 0 to 10" at best, and that takes a number of minutes, if anything happens at all.

2 weeks ago my T levels were below female normal, so that kind of libido was gone gone gone; and yet at the same time I was needing some psycho-sexual relief. I guess my body knows it is spring...

[Angela Campbell]

"pretend man" and "tranny grenade"

I love those terms, you certainly have a way with words Melissa.

[JamiLee]

Headed to First Therapy session in 6 years this week. I don't doubt that HRT will come up and GRS/SRS for that matter. My thought is pretty simple. I hate my penis, I don't want it, and I'm sick of crying over it. If I didn't feel like that then I may regret HRT or any of the other steps toward the real me. I guess you need to really think about how it ends before you can ever be 100% ready to start.