Todays lesson at the man store

[Chickhe]

I just wanted to share this.

So, lately I've been feeling pretty good, not spectacular, but just content. I used to suffer from depression and I'm way over that, but one experience I had today brought back some bad memories and some new perspective. I observed long ago that people are friendlier to me when I appear female than when I'm male. Today I was a regular looking dude.

It was simple really...go to the home improvement store and re-charge my BBQ propane tank. I paid, then waited, waited and waited until the guy who is a few years older shows up to fill the tank. I said hi, tanks right here...the guy takes it without saying anything and fills it. When he's done, I figured I would be nice and take the tank right away and load it up myself. I said a good loud friendly, 'Thanks!'. not a peep out of him. I'm loading it up and he says 'you have a receipt don't you?'...so I say 'yes, of course' and he just starts to walk away and then he turns and says 'I would stand that tank up'... fine by me. Its not what he said, its what he didn't say and its the tone in his voice that kind of upset me. I'm a pretty knowledgeable person, I know what's safe. But, the way he acted made me feel crappy. A simple 'no problem' or 'you are welcome' would have been good.

So, I thought about this a little bit, and I've concluded that in the end, its not me, its him. And I think it has got to do with the gender role he thinks he has to play...so much so the guy can't see past his own ego. I recognise it, I've felt it, insecurity, hard to say anything positive to anyone else. I used to think it was me, looking like an ugly guy...maybe its really me being a regular guy makes it impossible for another guy to interact with me... he's not supposed to in his world.

The world is a complicated place, it influences you and you influence it. Remembering to follow my own advice and feel good about what I did, not how anyone else reacts to it, I feel better. ...I'm sort of wondering how people serving the public can act like that and still have a job in the end?...

...anyone else experience this automatic aggression, male to male? ...maybe I just forgot what the code word was?

[GaleWarning]

There are SAs who know that common courtesy is part of their job description and there are others who are just ingorant. Complain to management, and perhaps more stores will realise that the need to be courteous to all clients is an essential part of all pre-service and in-service training.
One forms an opinion of the store, and makes decisions about where one will spend one's money, when we are ignored or ill-treated by SAs.

[Amanda M]

Never criticize a man un til you have walked a mile in his shoes. Maybe his dog just died, for example. As for complain -too sensitive by half methinks!

[Alexis.j]

Well, maby he has had a bad day? We all have times in our life that we might act like that.


Or maby he is just an @$$hole...

[Barbara Maria]

This sounds like one of those guys who has no life,no foreseeable future and hates his job,so he takes it out on everyone else.I've known alot of them over the years.I doubt if it had anything to do with you at all.

[Jolene Robertson]

Everyone has a bad day now and then, some people just have a bad life. Just saying.

[GaleWarning]

Never criticize a man un til you have walked a mile in his shoes. Maybe his dog just died, for example. As for complain -too sensitive by half methinks!

Not sensitive at all. Just tired of bad service and bad attitudes.

[Wildaboutheels]

Sounds to me like if you accurately relayed the story, he did not DISRESPECT you in any way, shape or form. I also think it's a big mistake AND impossible to be able to read people's minds. Sounds like he did his job but could have been more cordial.

Do you KNOW for a fact that HE is not a closeted CD who right before coming to work told his wife of 15 years that HE'S a CD? Maybe he found out yesterday he has inoperable cancer?

"...anyone else experience this automatic aggression, male to male? ...maybe I just forgot what the code word was?"

I certainly did not see any "aggression" in the scene you described.

One thing is certain. All salespersons are not created equal but even the best ones will have an off day. I always find it best to give folks the benefit of the doubt, at least the first time.

[STACY B]

Just be Happy you were filling your propane tank an going Home ,, He had to WORK all Day ,,lol

signed;;;; Pissed @ the public !!

[Rachel Murphy]

There's been a time or two, for whatever reason, when I've acted just like the guy you've discribed. Every time I've regretted it a short time later.

Who knows, maybe the SA feels worse than you about the whole thing.

[noeleena]

Hi,

How should i answer this, I know some men are uncomfortable around me they dont know how to act even in the same room , some carry on talk & have no issues around me in fact we can stand quite close , so here we have two different people who react towards me in very different ways, . why,

Im normaly the one who says hi first , walking down the street i have friends who allways say hi men or women yet i know some male & female who will ignore me or who dont know me will not even answer my hi or will walk on by with out a word,

Very few if any in builders surplys or any shop dont say hi . i have many friends in those shops i & Jos go to who will talk with me as a friend,

Now do i say am i a male or female <<< ( this is ment for you ), in what we are talking about or just say im accepted as a person most know or dont kinow me yet are in the main friendly,

Is my acceptace because im a woman or as i was perceved as male many of these people im talking about had never seen me 16 years ago, yet had no issues then when i met them or now,

Now i know some have a bad hair day so dont wont to talk about anything or even saying hi , you think about it what are you like when your so under the weather you feel like nothing on earth, been there myself many times, so i would not take it to heart . pass it off & forget it,

...noeleena...

[kimdl93]

I think that individual was exceptional in a bad way. Most people, sales people or otherwise are generally as courteous and friendly as you tried to be. Maybe he was having a bad day.

[Lisa Jeffreys]

At the root of it all his job is to provide customer service. There is a home improvement store I am very familiar with, having been an employee there as well as a regular customer. Bernie and Arthur expected 110% positive attitude from every employee and that's what they pay their employees to provide.

I understand that we all have bad days but I also learned something called "proper military bearing." Check your issues at the door, make sure they have a yellow tag attached and they will be waiting for you plane-side at the end of your shift. Customers have problems too and don't need to know about yours when you are serving them. In all cases when you are being paid to play the game you play the game properly. I waited tables too in the distant past, talk about having to wear a game face.

As I think about it I have no idea why the guy filling the tank was the way he was. Maybe he was just naturally shy. Maybe he was having a bad day. Maybe his personality is pretty flat and he was trying to be outgoing just mentioning that the tank needs to be upright. No idea. But I know me. I think I have a nice personality but I have been told otherwise more than once. When I get focused I get a rather serious expression and stop talking. People have told me I seem very "Stand-offish." Once conversation with a girl I became good friends with told me she thought I was an asshole until she met me! Yeah, yeah, then she knew, right? No, seriously. She was gorgeous and I was really intimidated by her looks and couldn't just say "hi" walking by.

Anyway, maybe the guy was nervous about filling the tank because he screwed it up once before. Headache? Death in the family? Car in the shop and repair is a fortune? Caught wife cheating on him? Finally ran out of Girl scout cookies at home? Don't take somebody else's attitude personally but always be sure that you project the personality you think you have to others. That really helped me.

Lisa

[MisterEgurl]

That seems like par the course for many in dead-end retail jobs. While it IS a job and they should be grateful, not everyone sees their half-full cups. Some people take the situation they find themselves in and make the best of it; find the fun in the only job they could get after being laid off from their dream job, tough out going to work when their arthritis is flaming up terribly (because they can't take the day off because they need to pay the rent). Others can't find the fun in being friendly and helpful. Not everyone is aware of the destructive potential of emotional transference. Person A irritates them so they go and lash out at Person B. It could just be a bad day or something bigger. I know plenty of people who are minimally functional clinical depressives. They need help but won't seek it and just live their days on the verge of breaking down, lashing out at anyone unfortunate enough to cross their path.

As for complaining to a manager? Well, here in metro NYC, the expectations of pleasantries and small talk from retail people is minimal, so I can't say what other people in less, uhm, unfriendly(?) demographics should expect. As long as they don't use too many cursewords or throw the product at my face, I'm quite fine and calling it a successful transaction. Frankly, I'm more likely to become annoyed at SA's who throw on the schmoozing cheery game-face.

[adrienner99]

For one thing, "Customer service" hardly even exists any more....for another...male aggression takes many forms, from rude or uncaring people at stores to adolescent practical jokes, to teen bullying to power-mad bosses..It's real as hell, and it's not even totally male....I have always wondered if my cding was somehow connected to how much I was pushed around as a child, and how non aggressive, non confrontational I am now...On the other hand, I see plenty of women who REALLY confrontational.....to the originator of the post, I would say, we can't always control what other people say, but we can control how it makes us feel....

[Laura912]

On the few occasions when this has happened, I have asked did I do something to bother you? The responses generally turn the entire situation around. However, of late after retiring, have decided that we raised our kids and we don't need to raise the rest of the world. Maybe go en femme next time.

[carhill2mn]

All that I know is that when I am in a "man store" presenting as a woman I get a lot more, courteous help from the employees!

[Beverley Sims]

When you are a girl that wants to buy a car, try getting sense out if the salesmen.
It's a nice pink color.
Great for going around the block.
No you do not need a power machine, this has all you want.
And so the sexist remarks go on.

[Sharon B.]

Some just think of it as a job, I had work with a bunch of twenty year olds one year unloading trucks at a major grocery/discount store and they complained about the work they had to do all the time. I got tired of hearing it and told them if you don't like it quit, they shut up.

[GaleWarning]

For one thing, "Customer service" hardly even exists any more.....

When we lower our expectations of what we are prepared to accept from an SA, then we deserve lousy service.
And lousy service translates into poor sales figures, which is why their training ought to cover the whole issue of proper public relations. There are no excuses. Only dissatisfied customers such as the OP.

[sometimes_miss]

Well, maby he has had a bad day? We all have times in our life that we might act like that.


Or maby he is just an @$$hole...

I vote for that one. I've come across plenty of people in life where I simply cannot figure out how they stay in business, their attitude to everyone simply stinks. I'm not 'out', so I'm always in standard issue guy clothes, well dressed, and still, there are people out there selling stuff who are complete idiots. There's one vendor down at the flea market who's been there for nearly 20 years, a real jackass, but he's still selling stuff. And my deli man is also an obnoxious idiot, but he makes the best mozzerella around so I still buy it there.

[Annette Todd]

Never criticize a man un til you have walked a mile in his shoes. Maybe his dog just died, for example. As for complain -too sensitive by half methinks!

There is no excuse to be rude to a customer. Personal problems are just that... Personal there is no place in business to allow for issues to be protected on to the customer. That is a sure way to lose business. COMPLAIN!

[Brenda79135]

In the OP it was stated that you had waited and waited. This guy was probably on his break and got a chewing out by his boss for not being at his job. By not saying anything to you, he may have kept the real harsh remarks for leaving his lips. I know from experience that once you have had a chewing out, it is hard to get back into the grove of things.