Answers web site

[Lucy_Bella]

I have been doing a lot of searching on the web ( I know there are no real answers out there ) .. My biggest concern is the definition of ME ..Not you or any other members.. I feel that once you find the definition that suits you, it may help better accept yourself ..How do you feel about this article? I think it's a poor and unprofessinal answer ..http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_do_men_wear_womens_clothes

[Barbara Ella]

Really only one person's perspective, and not a well informed perspective of the totality that we are. Fail!

I must just ask you not to try to define yourself, please. I do not need a definition of who I am to know that I am a unique individual who cannot be defined by mere words, as I believe you are also, and all those here. We defy definition. We just are, and will be. So, if you cannot find your words, don't sweat it. Just enjoy who/what you are in the moment.

Hugs,

Barbara

[ninadiva]

The author of that article is not very articulate. I do not think he studied to be a reporter !

[Lucy_Bella]

Good question Barbara,
As you may already know some of us really do not accept the chosen gift for us.. Saying that doesn't mean we look down on those who welcome this gift we'd rather not even have been born with the urge.. We hide it,fight it,and deny our own existence..Yes so in doing so we make our own lives even more miserable..QUESTION God as to why? We even have support members who are confused because of our differences in opinions " I like to dress and enjoy feeling Femme why don't you?" they firmly say ..

I can only speak for myself and I think the only acceptance I have found for my dressing is that the urge will never go away.. No matter how hard I fight ,hide and deny it..So I search for reasons maybe in hopes to explain this condition ( mine not the spectrum as a whole) .. This is me ..I didn't ask for me but this is who I am..I am not a freak of nature or a pervert..I am normal so please don't run away stop trying to erase the person you knew me as before because my appearance is different and society doesn't agree with me..

I just want answers and there isn't any, so how can I explain this condition ? I can not at a reasoning level not even at a proven professional and medical level as to why so this condition haunts me.. How do you tell someone why you are who you are in a way they can understand? I do feel a sense of enjoyment I feel like the weight has been lifted when I can express myself ..I just don't understand why and if people think the easiest answer would be" then just stop "! I wish it was that easy..I'm not crying about this and I am no longer in self denial..I am just looking for the right answers to the questions if I ever decide to stop being so lonely and begin to open the next chapter in my life.

[Beverley Sims]

It may appear to be be poor and unprofessional to readers of this forum.
It may appear shallow in it's explanation as well.
The average person that reads that will get "a" view of X dressers.
They are not likely to take a six months course in self analysis like some here.
There is probably little interest, but that explanation will suffice for now.
It is to the point and I think acceptable to readers who probably have a short attention span towards the subject matter.

Here is my description of a submarine.
A submarine is a marine vessel that can propel itself under water.
It has been used in warfare and it's major weapon is the torpedo which is a cylindrical object with an explosive warhead and a motor to drive it.

Do you want the long description?
That is what the article you read is like.

[GaleWarning]

It's difficult to torture oneself with questions like yours, Lucy.
It's far easier and productive to simply accept that you just ARE.

There is nothing inherently good or bad about crossdressing.
Only our attitude towards it.

Let go and you might just find the peace of mind you seek.

Your friend Clay

[Tracii G]

Here we go again with the need to put a label on ourselves.
Why?

[darla_g]

as they always say... this is just one person's opinion

[Lucy_Bella]

Thanks Clay..You have always been a good friend on here ..Problem Is I feel I've accepted myself and that's not the issues ..I would like other to accept me without question and understanding
..

Traci..I thought I explained my reasons pretty clear on why I want to label myself..I am not trying to label others.. :)

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Lucy, Ask yourself why you even need to label yourself. You are a unique individual. Barbara Ella said it best and that's how I feel about myself. Would a label help you to know just where you stand on the gender spectrum? I think you'll find that gender is very fluid and many of us cross every line in gender expression. I personally don't trust the bland answers in any of the wiki sites. remember that the author of any answer is writing from their own perspective. Write from your own, and you may or may not fully define yourself. You are Lucy. Any other questions?

I am Cheryl Ann (Take me or leave me!)

[Lucy_Bella]

Cheryl..Because you can never judge a book by it's cover..Me personally ...I am not content just falling under the T/G label ..I want to better describe myself as a unique ( not taking from other unique people under the T/G spectrum) and no I am not Lucy..I do not answer to that name I do not feel I need a female name..I am sorry I didn't mean for this to be a labeling post my fault ..I will not go on about labeling anymore and stick with the link we've seen enough labeling post in here ..But please understand there are some who do want a label..

Thank you for your concerns Cheryl..

[May(be)]

Well, at least this author is an activist. I agree with everything he's saying, but I don't personally ascribe to it. We DO need people like that out there, though. He's making my life easier through his actions. I'm especially glad he's writing about it and putting those ideas out into the public forum. I only hope that he would acknowledge the myriad reasons why we all behave the way we do. It's a little reductive of our very complex behaviors.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Lucy, that'll be entirely up to you. I realize there are people who need to know where they fit. And the majority of us also realize that you do not wish to label anyone else. Do the research here and here alone learning from eveyone else's experiences and pay no attention to any one perspective. If a lable is something you need, there is nothing wrong with that. Just find what is comfortable for you and then move on with it. Life is a journey and it's exceptionally harder for those of us here. I wish you the best to define yourself and make the best of it.

Cheryl

[busker]

Lucy, I just looked at the article and I can't really see much good in it. Besides being poorly written, it is narrow and I'm certain there are better "explanations" out there. It describes WHAT we do in part, but NOT WHY we do it. As I've mentioned before, this is a world wide phenomena, not limited to guys born in 1950 on East 42nd street. We also need to discover to what extent this occurs in the female population, if at all. Like many traits that we have, it is likely based in our genetic makeup, the same as those of us who have blue eyes rather than brown. Up until about 6-10 thousand years ago, all people had brown eyes. At that time, some guy had a gene only partly turned on, and wound up passing along blue eyes--we are all related to that one person. All males have the surviving genetic material from one male who lived 60000 years ago in Central Africa and all women have the surviving genetic material of a woman who lived about 200000 years ago.
This is where self honesty works when we actually do some soul searching to find out why we do this. I am what I am is true to a large extent but we are responsible for some of it after we are born. Those who are fetish dressers and who admit that do not have to search much. They literally know what turns them on and why they dress. Very young children who insist they are a gender different from what their appearance indicates are very likely to have some genetic mix up. If there were millions of us, and science had an interest in finding out why we are the way we are, it probably wouldn't be difficult at all to find that glitch in our genes. We are biological creatures first, chemical and psychological next. The psychological part is the most difficult to overcome as so much can influence us that we are unaware of. Teens can have gynecomastia which usually goes away. For some it doesn't. Why. Is there a genetic glitch which causes that hormonal action to remain? Likely, but I can't prove it.
we rakes ourselves over the coals only to find that for now the answer is beyond our grasp. I think it is fine to tell people -assuming you are not a fetishist or other variation--that this is in our genetic make up just as much as blue eyes are. It is the problem that society views us as weird--that is mostly society's fault for being ignorant and /or stupid. Ignorance CAN be fixed if they want it to be fixed. Religions have kept us locked in the man /woman duo and nothing is going to break that--because it is in THEIR interests to maintain that idea. Nature doesn't follow religion, and we must do the same.

[Lucy_Bella]

Busker, Thank God i'm not alone.. What a well thought out reply in answering just what I was trying to say..Even if society was more acceptable I would still wish for a cure... Although I would be 100 percent accepting I would never wish to pass this gene on just as we do eye color ..

Society see's this as a controllable habit , we know that it's not yet we do not know why.. So how can we correct society? Especially when we are funneled into such a large spectrum..One being those who do this as a habit..

[Jenniferathome]

It lost credibility in the first sentence, "Supposedly 5 out of 10 males at some stage will have tried women's clothes and masturbated." Im not sure how clothing gets added to this statistic, but unless you are a double amputee, every male masturbates (and even the amputees figure out a way). To quote Jerry Seinfeld in explaining to Elaine, 'We have to do it, it's part of our lifestyle."

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I hate to be the "Debbie Downer" in your search for answers. It is what it is and we are who we are. Long ago I gave up seeking answers for the "how and why" an just let mysief be me and take my being to whatever plateau I wish. So what if you find these answers? Does it change who you are and why you are? Will it make any difference? Just be who you are and embrace every feeling and emotion to express your gender identity. Otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out. Explore your identity and have fun, like any girl would, at the same time!

Cheryl

[AmyGaleRT]

Not too good an answer; I'm sure we could have done a better one.

I tried looking on Quora (http://www.quora.com) for that same question. They don't have that exact question, but a couple of related ones: "Why do some men like wearing women's lingerie?" and "What is it like to be a crossdresser?" I'd link them but they require you sign up if you want to see anything past the first answer.

- Amy

[ninadiva]

I agree with Jenniferathome. Lost credibility in first sentence citing 5 out of 10. I think that may be wishful thinking on the part of the author of the article. To Lucy I can only say that I have also done a lot of soul searching over the years and gone through many phases. I am now of the opinion that I do not know how many years I have left so I am just going to enjoy my condition without feeling any more guilt. I do not give myself a label other than the guy who likes pretty clothes, pretty women and wants to dress as one in private. Full stop, period, I have accepted this about myself and feel better for it and more in control. Thank you to everyone of you and your opinions and thoughts. You and this website have helped me find my own peace of mind at a time when I thought I was the only person who did these things. I AM NOT ALONE IN THE UNIVERSE !

[Kelley]

Hi Lucky

I am a lot like you in that I need to understand things. I have a lot of trouble just accepting things because that's just the way it is. I started to search for answers to why I cross dress about a year ago and it has been a very turbulant journey. As I explored all the definition and different reasons we cross dress I have found that there are many reasons that compell me to do this. There is no way to pin it down to just one thing or one definition.

Everyone is a very unique individual and have different reasons and therefore define themselves differently. Be careful not to shoehorn yourself into anyone else's definition. What drives or motivates you may not be the same fore me. I believe that we must define ourselves and enjoy our individualality.

I have not found all the answers I was looking for and am now comfortable with the idia that I never will, I'm ok with that.

Hugs Kelly