I'm not a girl.

[Lucy_Bella]

Why do I emulate as female ? Is there a feminine side I hold hostage inside of me that I refuse to let lose? I would hope that's not the answer, I mean I am approaching 50 years of age and have always had the urge to dress and feel Feminine...But I have honestly never felt like I am a girl..

Oh.. I have tried to think I was a girl..Ha ha it never worked ..I felt like a fool to be honest.. So I have also done a lot of deep soul searching, do I really want to be a girl? Was I born the wrong sex? To be honest I am very happy to have been born a male.. This was the result I came up with and I would never change that..So why do I continue to dress and have the urge to feel feminine?:devil:

The " denial " as some will call it.. This has nothing to do with up bringing,religion or political beliefs there are no moral reasons that keep me from openly expressing the gender I sometimes express by appearance only..Sure I have dressed femme in front of people and I have even been out dressed as a female ( not halloween ) just to do it because I've had overwhelming feelings to do those things .How did I feel to clear that from the bucket list? Little regrets but very stupid..I am destine to stay in the closet..

Going through a failed marriage due to and because of my urges( so she says) to feel feminine I have found myself seeking a female partner that will accept my desires. I have even posted pics on dating sites that were suppose to have females who accepted folks like me .It was a disaster and all it brought me was a large amount of men who wanted to met me, not women..:brolleyes: I deleted my accounts.

I came here over 5 years ago ( because of the name) ..I thought I would find more people here with similar issues ( sorta did) ...What I did find here is how different we are, sure there will be some people here that can relate to this post ( many may not even reply to it) but the majority that do reply will be those who tell me I shouldn't define myself..I should accept who I am without labeling myself .. I am in a group and I should enjoy life and be satisfied with that..

That's fine go ahead and state your opinion that's what this Forum is all about I take no offense to anybodies opinion I know you are trying to help.. So why am I posting this? It's not to start a pissing match over labels I can assure you of that.. I just want to know am I alone? Am I the only person here who feels that crossdressing( or the act of it) happens to people who do not feel like they are a girl? I want to learn from those who feel the same way as I do because as it stands right now I feel like a total freak dressing to the nines without any desires to be a girl!

It started out as a sexual satisfying experience that has now grown to be a comforting and relaxing experience no sex is required now am I a freak or what? I mean who dresses to emulate a female without wanting to be one?

[Kate Simmons]

I've found, at least for myself, it's mostly about deep feelings that needed to be addressed and satisfied one way or the other. :)

[Beverley Sims]

Lucy,
Iam not a girl either.
We do not need to describe ourselves with labels if we do not want to.
It is a requirement to have a satisfactory descriptor for those outside this community so as we are not labelled as something unsuitable to ourselves.

I claim to be a X dresser to those that I come out to.
This means I am not a gay or transsexual person.
It is a process of elimination really.

[Lucy_Bella]

Transvestites wish they were women.

Most reasons for crossdressing do not involve transsexual desires, i.e., a wish to physically change sex. Although crossdressers uniformly enjoy wearing women's clothes, the majority seldom want to live their lives as women, nor do they want to become women. They simply want to be like women. A very few transvestites have chosen to crossdress all of the time and live totally as women, i.e., a transgenderist. But even these men have no desire to have sex reassignment surgery. It is true that prior to having such surgery, a transsexual must crossdress and live as a woman for a year or more. During this time they often receive female hormones and their secondary sex characteristics will become markedly feminine. These people are known as preoperative transsexuals, and should not be confused with transvestites or transgenderists.

Most transvestites, as opposed to transsexuals, enjoy being men. As spouses, they are content being husbands rather than wives. As parents, they are happy with the role of father and do not wish to become mothers. While they refer to other crossdressers as "sisters," this is an acknowledgment of the special bond which they share. Additionally, the preference expressed by many crossdressers for being referred to with female pronouns and for using feminine names is related to their appearance rather than to their basic gender identity

[SheriM]

Lucy, from your post, I think I feel much the same way as you although sometimes it would be nice to be female. I like who I am. However, if I were to be born again, I'd certainly be OK with being a girl - preferably an attractive one. Part of this (at least for me) is that I think I want to be admired as women are admired - for their beauty, for being female.

[Aly Cat]

For me, it is and has for a very long time been about the clothes. Like you, it started as a sexual thing but very quickly became something not sexually related. I love the fabrics, I love the feeling I get inside when I wear the clothes and that it. I don't act feminine, I don't wear forms or wigs or anything. Apparently I have the fem walk thing down, but that was not intentional lol. I grew up with 3 sisters and had a bit more fem exposure than most, but I like being a guy. The only reason I would even think about being a woman is how much easier it would make dressing in their clothes...though then I would have all the other stuff that goes with it that I don't care about. I think our views are very similar and I too feel somewhat alone thinking...am I the only one who likes this stuff just because I like it and not because I'm feminine or have some suppressed woman inside?

[Brynna M]

I can understand what you mean. The desire to emulate female appearance can only lead me to conclude that there is something feminine in my psyche. With that said I am still 80-90% guy. I can relate to the feminine identification but at the end of the day I am a man. I am happy with my life as a man and I think more like a typical man than I do a woman.
So I'll be a guy who wants to look and act (sort of) like a girl from time to time. I'm happy with that split.

[Sister Rachel]

Hmm .. did you never think, when you were a child, that you were, or should have been, a girl? I know I did .. still do, in fact, although I have no desire to change myself in either direction by hormones. Just accept and enjoy that I am what I am, androgyne, and determined to dress as I please.

[Joann Smith]

Not real sure WTF I am ...quit trying to un tangle that can of worm a long time ago ...But what I am sure of is that I and I alone will decide what and how I dress ...

Joann

[Lucy_Bella]

Hmm .. did you never think, when you were a child, that you were, or should have been, a girl? I know I did .. still do, in fact, although I have no desire to change myself in either direction.

Angela ,Funny you mention that..I think at a young age we are curious of gender differences but some boys at a young age( before puberty) really do think they should be girls..


Transgendered folk tend to be born with a female brain gender, but shortly after eight years of age begin to forsake it for a makeshift male brain type of response. It is like abandoning a four-lane highway and taking a little dirt road beside it -- and making the best of their choice. Why do such a thing? To fit in. Around eight or nine years of age, the differences between male and female behavior become obvious. In order to fit in, the physical male with a female brain begins to mimic and then perfect (as much as they can) a male response, leaving their natural female self unexpressed or underdeveloped.

[Norah_joy]

Debated with myself as to whether I should join in but here goes. If in fact, I truly believed that I am 80 to 90% male, why am I wearing a bra?

Norah

[Jenniferathome]

Lucy, I am not a girl either. As ironic as that would appear to any non-cross dressing human, I have never felt like a girl and when I am dressed, I do not think I am one either. I do not think I am expressing some hidden feminine side but maybe more of a female "me"

[arbon]

If in fact, I truly believed that I am 80 to 90% male, why am I wearing a bra?


Because you are a cross dresser and you do what cross dressers do

[Lucy_Bella]

Norah_Joy I found this and have using this article all day in bits and pieces ..Do you find this statement fitting?
Physically male gender dysphoric individuals have been described, either by themselves or by others, as falling into three distinct groups: crossdressers, transgenderists and transsexuals.

While these categories are the generally accepted classifications both within the gender community and among helping professionals, during my work with gender folk I have come to the belief that there is only one cause, one conflict, one condition — but there are many reactions and adjustments to it. I have gradually come to the conclusion that one's coming to terms with the conflict between one's knowledge of their true gender and one's need to be "normal" fosters the same conflict in all gender folk. Because a child's greatest desire is to be normal (like everybody else), the great majority of transgendered individuals create an artificial self which meets this goal. They are often so successful at this that they not only fool everyone else but themselves as well — at least part of the time, in some way.

Once created, physically male gender folk live in their male role — a 3-D personality with its own goals, likes and dislikes, values, hobbies, etc. Although indistinguishable from the "real thing," it isn't themselves. It is an artificial creation for them to be able to fit in. This is achieved at the expense of denying, locking away, their natural female self. (See Brain Gender and Brain Sex.) Their desire to be "normal" has denied them their natural selves. But, as the nagging reality of the deception becomes harder and harder to suppress, one has to express their true gender somehow, in some way.

[Alice Torn]

Lucy Bella. You could have wrote this thread for me, too, except i have not been married. I am part gald i was born a guy. I love to bicycle, fish, play sports, do guy type sometimes. I do know i have almost always been a square peg in a round hole, and a real misfit, and abnormal. I am artistic, but have always had non-artistic jobs, most i hated, but gave it 150% anyway. I feel like i wasted my life, in many ways, wanting a wife, but never being well enough off, and also having to help my toxic family of origin. I wish i could tell you why we do this, but there may be a number of reasons. Deep repressed feelings, unmet needs, lonliness, genetic set up? I would be more productive, without this compulsion. I feel like i am a man, with a strong desire to dress and present as the tall lady i wished i could have married. I saw a lady last night, that looks like Alice, (me). The pain hit me.

[Lucy_Bella]

Alice, That is the reason why I have been doing what I do ..Researching... For you ,me or anyone else, it's not to late to understand why we do what we do..I think it would make our life much easier .. If you want to believe what this article has to offer I will post the link here ..For me, most of it makes perfect sense ..

http://www.transgendercare.com/guidance/what_is_gender.htm#top

[Tracii G]

In most articles you read on TG ism it is one persons opinion keep that in mind.
They may have done research in the field but its still an opinion nothing more.
I went thru the stage of trying to figure it all out and found I was falling into a giant hole of non conclusive information and general opinion.
I accepted that I indeed have a female side and I'm comfy with who I am.Now I don't feel the need to delved into any of the hows and whys I just live the way I choose.
I am a male that likes to dress as a female.I see no need to actually change my sex or take hormones.
I'm more than the occasional crossdresser I do feel and act more like a female than a male its just who I am.

[Stevie]

I do not feel like I'm a woman, but I do feel the desire to dress. I too feel out of place mostly because of my environment. I can relate to what you are saying.

[VAWyman]

Lucy, you are not alone in that issue, so rest your pretty little head.
I have also fought the same battles in my head and have arrived at the opinion that I am a crossdresser and that's final. My wife is aware but not accepting of it at all and I have to hide for her sake, but I do not deny what I am. However, I am not a wanna be a girl, no way, no how. Do I wish I were? Well, yes there are times that I daydream about that, but as I am right now, I'd be a rather ugly one.
So now I dress to find an escape from the world, or to relax, or to [you fill in the blank]. I do it because not doing it causes more frustration than I care to deal with. Plus, I get a kick out of the game of hide (my stuff) and (my wife will) seek.
I guess the bottom line is this, Lucy. Your questions are valid, don't deny them. But don't stress over them either. You will eventually get to the point that you just don't care what others think and just enjoy yourself. When that day arrives, you will be truly satisfied with who you are, a man who appreciates women in a truly unique way. And you will be happy.

[DaniG]

I believe I am a girl. I'll never have any guarantee, but I'm about 95% certain that this is true. I'm taking things slowly as I explore my options.


Alice, That is the reason why I have been doing what I do ..Researching...

I have to wonder about your motivation for starting the thread though. It seems like you're thinking this over quite a bit. You state that you're definitely a man, but it sounds like you have some doubts.

If you aren't suffering from dysphoria, then there's no pressing need to know. But if you feel like you need to, then only you can answer that question. If it's not coming to you, then consider finding a gender therapist. It's been very helpful for me.

Good luck! :-)

[Lucy_Bella]

I have to wonder about your motivation for starting the thread though. It seems like you're thinking this over quite a bit. You state that you're definitely a man, but it sounds like you have some doubts.



No , no doubts..None what so ever...I promise you that.. The real reason for this thread and my searching was learning...I think we fall victims of ourselves more than we do complete strangers most of the time..It's like trying to explore Mars when we know so little about our own planet to learn more about our own planet..Like I've said..In here anyways..I feel like an outcast because I dress but have no desire to become a woman.. That's all..No harm to anyone..

[docrobbysherry]

Don't research it, be it!

I notice u avoided answering the question, Lucy. Instead, inserting some clinical gobbledegook!


Angela ,Funny you mention that..I think at a young age we are curious of gender differences but some boys at a young age( before puberty) really do think they should be girls..


Transgendered folk tend to be born with a female brain gender, but shortly after eight years of age begin to forsake it for a makeshift male brain type of response. It is like abandoning a four-lane highway and taking a little dirt road beside it -- and making the best of their choice. Why do such a thing? To fit in. Around eight or nine years of age, the differences between male and female behavior become obvious. In order to fit in, the physical male with a female brain begins to mimic and then perfect (as much as they can) a male response, leaving their natural female self unexpressed or underdeveloped.

I'm just like u, in that I'm only interested in looking like a female, not becoming one. And, I had no interest in dressing until I was age 50.

U think you feel like a freak? Try going around wearing silicone and a mask! But, that's not the big difference between us. Despite the fact that I spend eons here discussing dressing, I go out and meet T girls. They may think I'm nuts. But, I enjoy their company enuff that I don't care!

Anyone that wonders about why they're dressing should get out there and make some girlfriends! U will learn a lot about yourself AND U may just have the time of your life!

[BillieAnneJean]

I have absolutely NO desire to be a woman. I get to spit, cuss, get dirty, break things, fix things, cut, weld, saw, hammer, fly, ride motorcycle, AND put on a dress, stockings, and heels when ever I want to. No cramps, plus the boobs are adjustable! What a DEAL!

THANK YOU MOM NATURE! I am a GUY with extras!

So there, you are NOT alone. Whaddayathnkofthatnow!?!??? Huh?

[VAWyman]

Lucy, you are not alone in that issue, so rest your pretty head. I am a hetero, born-again Christian CDer, married for 40+ years. I have two daughters, both married, and five grand children.
I have also fought the same battles in my head and have arrived at the opinion that I am a crossdresser and that's final. My wife is aware but not accepting of it at all and I have to hide for her sake, but I do not deny what I am. However, I am not a wanna be a girl, no way, no how. Do I wish I were? Well, yes there are times that I daydream about that, but as I am right now, I'd be a rather ugly one.
So now I dress to find an escape from the world, or to relax, or to [you fill in the blank]. I do it because not doing it causes more frustration than I care to deal with. Plus, I get a kick out of the game of hide (my stuff) and (my wife will) seek.
I guess the bottom line is this, Lucy. Your questions are valid, don't deny them. But don't stress over them either. You will eventually get to the point that you just don't care what others think and just enjoy yourself. When that day arrives, you will be truly satisfied with who you are, a man who appreciates women in a truly unique way. And you will be happy.

[allesha10]

Mnay of us do just that Lucy, get aroused through dressing, relaxed and even calmer when dressed. You are OK, I think you will find there is no one singular type here, except the type that is here to help each other.

[Brynna M]

Debated with myself as to whether I should join in but here goes. If in fact, I truly believed that I am 80 to 90% male, why am I wearing a bra?

Norah

Occasionally the other 10 - 20% needs exercise. :)

[noeleena]

Hi,

Why do men try to emulat women, cant say i know though i know a lot do. is it the clothes for some if not many it is, & other reasons you'v said, I dont understand men i thought i had a little idear , though not really, i see thier actons , what they do, & attitudes & how they have effected us some good some bad,

One of the reasons seems to me to be very sexualy a part of thier makeup thats rageing inside them some 90 % of the time so if thats not met then they get thier pleasure else where,

so dressing seems to be part of that. so to emulate women is there, is it built in or wired in i would say so. this of cause needs to be tempered with who the person is ,

Myself i dont try to emulate or try to be a woman, yes i do wear womens clothes though the difference is in being a woman. so how i see clothes is very different,

To try & emulate another woman. or be like her, is not what im about, i am my own person being female is part of who i am, there are a few reasons why i would not even try to some of us dont have that female facial look so its very hard to look like a woman. even makeup is really out of the ?,

I certinly dont hide myself im very out there with people around myself all the time so am accepted very well.

With that ? of am i a girl , no i am a woman , & remember to be a woman iv grown into being one, its not a tack on because i wear womens clothes its in the being one,

...noeleena...

[Star]

For me I am content being male until the opportunity to dress comes around. It does rarely. When dressed I tuck and tape cleavage and try to make myself as femme as possible. Then I just really want the rest of me to change into what I perceive to now be me, a girl. Unfortunately that is certainly not possible and it becomes difficult to put "her' away. But I do and I go about my male life as though it didn't happen. It has been this way for me for years.

Why do I do it? I don't know. The feelings started at a very early age around 4. They never went away. It does feel like a curse at times, but it feels so good when I get to be her.

[Debra Russell]

Lucy, from your post, I think I feel much the same way as you although sometimes it would be nice to be female. I like who I am. However, if I were to be born again, I'd certainly be OK with being a girl - preferably an attractive one. Part of this (at least for me) is that I think I want to be admired as women are admired - for their beauty, for being female.


Lucy this is exactly how I feel - your post has a lot of similarities as I feel the same way also. I think a lot of are on board here....................Debra

[Frédérique]

I just want to know am I alone? Am I the only person here who feels that crossdressing( or the act of it) happens to people who do not feel like they are a girl? I want to learn from those who feel the same way as I do because as it stands right now I feel like a total freak dressing to the nines without any desires to be a girl!
It started out as a sexual satisfying experience that has now grown to be a comforting and relaxing experience no sex is required now am I a freak or what? I mean who dresses to emulate a female without wanting to be one?

No, you’re not alone. I crossdress because I’m not a girl. I have no desires to be a girl, either. If I thought I was a girl, with all my heart, it wouldn’t be crossdressing, would it? Yeah, I’m a freak. Is there a community for freaks somewhere? Never mind…

When you wake up in the morning, and your male identity is never in question, where does the need for crossdressing come from? The “comforting and relaxing experience” you refer to is only part of the answer. I also dress up to play, change the scenery (along with the feeling), make the ordinary into the extraordinary, be different from others, and, well, be happy…

“Being a girl” was never a goal for me. Not only is it impossible, but I have to say that being on this site has reinforced my male identity is hitherto unforeseen ways. I’ve toned down the femme stuff, preferring a 50% (or less) female presentation. The boy is always in evidence. This helps to distance myself from other, more destructive viewpoints…

There’s a special word for wearing girl’s clothing and not wanting to be a girl – its called crossdressing, and it’s a lot of FUN. I cannot be what I am not, and I am NOT a girl…
:hmph:

[Laura28]

Hi Lucy, i feel very simalier to what you posted, i dont really know why i dress, i dont pass, although when i dress i do want to look as much like a real woman as possible. I do know that i really enjoy the whole proccess of getting dressed, i love shaving, make up, the cloths, heels. It is not sexual anymore, was many many years ago when i was young, but now it is more just a relaxing time for me. I have never been outside dressed, but would like to try it at least once. I have no desire to become a woman, except when i am dressed then it is a fantisze or a curiousosity i am not really sure. There are times i wish i had breast but there are also times that the breast i have i am embrassed by them ( i have a good case of Gynomasticy sp. so i am a almost a full B cup) and have thought about having surgery to reduce them, again i am lucky my wife loves my breast and when i have talked about surgery she always ask me why i would want to risk unneccassy surgery. I guess the bottom line here with me is that, i am who i am, I have been dressing since i was 7 on and off have gone years with no desire to dress and other times i wish i could 24/7? i dont know what causes it, i gave up trying to figure it out. I am lucky my wife knows all about it and is supportive makes it easyier thats for sure.

[Lucy_Bella]

Know that cross-dressing is the act of wearing clothing typically associated with the opposite sex. Cross-dressers are not necessarily transgender, although in the strictest sense a pre-operative transgender person presenting as the opposite sex is technically cross-dressing. Cross-dressers do not necessarily identify as a gender other than their biological gender. To use this term to refer to a transgender person is considered offensive.

How to Understand the Difference Between being Transgender and a Cross-dresser ..Yeah for having no labels it sure does get offensive around here sometimes .. But honestly I really don't mind being called Transgender ..I was fooled into believing I was for so long I got kinda use to it.. But I felt odd cause I didn't feel like a girl..I understand now whats going on hell I even told my Ex I was Transgender, how stupid was I? No need for Lables they say!.. Thank you for all the replies

[RebeccaLynne]

Lucy, you're not a girl, nor am I. Yet we've chosen female names as a form of identification on this website. Why is that? For myself, I will say that I have an obligation to acknowledge that aspect of my being that is decidedly feminine.

Yeah, we're different than the vast majority of guys.. but to tell the truth, aren't we really happy that we have the option of experiencing what it is to be feminine?

[Michelle (Oz)]

Lucy, I am not a girl either. As ironic as that would appear to any non-cross dressing human, I have never felt like a girl and when I am dressed, I do not think I am one either. I do not think I am expressing some hidden feminine side but maybe more of a female "me"

I've been giving some thought recently to the same issue. I've never felt I was a girl even as a pre-teen dressing in my sister and mother's clothes. Just loved wearing female clothes. Any pampering I do is more about practicality in presentation, e.g. removing hair, than being female.

Jennifer has said it for me too. For me it is presenting totally female and looking as female as possible. Deep down, I'm sure I'm fulfilling some inner need which doesn't fit well into categories. So I just think of my self as a crossdresser - seems pretty accurate.

[Taylor Ray]

Seems like a box around me, being either or, a binary demarcation. I manifest in ways bewildering to those around me and the more I cross barriers the less the labels mean to me. Androgyny called but forgot to leave a message.

[kimdl93]

There is not set standard here. You're welcome to find your own level of comfort and your own identity. As long as you can put self doubt aside and accept yourself, then life will be better for you.

[Susan4]

Hi Lucy ... we're all different. And, as this thread shows ... there are many answers to your question (and, maybe, none).

My learning after thirty years of therapy ... a) I was born like this, b) I'm not male or female, I'm just me and c) I've always thought of myself as mostly female and I've pretended to be a guy most of my life 'cause I felt I had to.

As I got older ... the world changed, I changed ... and now I don't pretend as much. I've told a few friends, I started going out more en femme and the rest of the time I try to live a more androgynous life (it's fun to confuse people). But, I don't want to be a gender outlaw ... I'm not trying to shock anyone. I just want to live a pleasant life ... as me. Someday, I'd like to be open with everyone and have them understand that I am transgendered ... but, for now, that decision unfortunately impacts my career and income.

Susan will, however, win out in the end.

In short, Lucy, I crossdress because sometimes you just need to stop pretending.

Hugs,
Susan

[QZ2]

Theory number 47

I am a guy and I like it. But I admire women, I think they are sexy. From their sexy toes all the way to their sexy noses. The shape of their legs, especially in high heels and nylons. The curve of their hips and waist. Their breasts, everything. Women are sexy and when I dress I try to have those same features. Yes, it is nearly impossible but I try with forms and padding and all the aids to make me look feminine.

Then I look in the mirror and I see the results. At least parts of me are looking sexy and I like that. Often I get sexually excited. Is this a form of self admiration? I am trying to emulate a women but when I am back to my male self I am quite happy to be a guy. I don't want to transition. I don't want to have sex with a guy. I just want to admire my sexualness when dressed. I don't think it is because of sexual frustration that I try to become female looking, my wife and I have a wonderful relationship on all levels, including sexual.

We ask ourselves why we dress. For me, the above almost answers it. The 'almost' leaves out the part I don't understand but I'm trying.

Hugs

[SarahVA]

Wow, so much of this mirrors my thinking....hard to put labels, but for me dressing s much more then simply expressing my "feminine side" or to relax or get aroused....when I dress I get tremendous enjoyment out of presenting on the outside as I feel n the inside, to be looked at and treated as what I want my gender to be, not just as a male presenting as a pretty girl...that make me tg? who knows....just seems right when I do it.

[Courtney . J]

one day when i was very very young i remember seeing a girl my age somewhere and she was dressed up looking really pretty ,. i remember thinking to myself "damn they are so lucky to get to do that at this age :eek:, why cant i be like that.." :daydreaming:

it was all downhill (or uphill imo) from there ,until recently ive always felt like 1/2 of me was missing ,. but i could never put my finger on it ,. untill i put some polish on that finger nail then it showed me exactly who and where i am in life :heehee:, if i could go back to birth i would not change a thing about me ,. well i maybe would have grown my hair longer and kept my figure in shape better .. lol :devil:



CJ

[Alice B]

Your last paragraph fits me to a tee. So, in answer to your question...I do, all the time.

[Brittany CD]

You could just have an affinity for female clothing or you could just enjoy dressing up as a woman for fun as an interest that is uncommon for men

[Annaliese2010]

Why do I emulate as female ? Is there a feminine side I hold hostage inside of me that I refuse to let lose? Unto thine own self be true. (Hamlet: Act 1 Scene 3)

[Lucy_Bella]

You Know Annaliese, I never really got into Hamlet ( it bored the hell out of me) perhaps I should have tried to have been more artistic :)

[Jennifer Kelly]

Mnay of us do just that Lucy, get aroused through dressing, relaxed and even calmer when dressed. You are OK, I think you will find there is no one singular type here, except the type that is here to help each other.

This is kind of where I'm at. I had kind of a stressful day at work today, so when I got home I threw on a skirt, hose, and heels and a cute new top I got off eBay. I'm more calm now. Not sure why that is but I'm not questioning it. However, I don't want to be a girl. Maybe if I could for like a week that would be cool, but that's about it. But I'm a guy and I'm OK with that. I like lots of stereotypical guy things like beer and American football. I find it very difficult to act femme even when I'm dressed because it doesn't come naturally like it does to some. I'm learning to walk in heels but that's a work in progress and I haven't gone higher than 3" yet. I don't go out dressed (although I would like to on Halloween this year). I most definitely like girls and have no desire to be with another man (not that that desire is wrong, I just don't have it). I currently only dress from the neck down and I don't have any forms yet but I just started dressing again 2 or 3 months ago after a 20 year hiatus. So soon I will at least have a wig and a makeup kit. But I don't think all this means I want to be a girl. Some do and that's OK. But I'm more toward the CD end of the spectrum than the TG end. I would like to maybe go out dressed sometime in the future (that isn't Halloween), but right now I'm 5'11" 260 pounds, and wear a size 12. I'm not fooling anyone (I know we have some bigger ladies on this site and I give you props for you well you pull it off, but my presentation besides the clothes is not femme at all).

Yes, I use a female name on this site, like many others, but that's mostly for convenience, so that the name matches the presentation. My male name is not gender neutral and I would feel funny using it in female mode. It's not like I feel I become Jennifer when I put the clothes on and that she is a separate person or aspect of my personality that only gets to come out every now and then. It's still me. I'm just wearing a skirt and heels instead of jeans and a t-shirt.

The point of all this rambling is that we all have our own reasons for dressing. I don't think of us need to justify who we are or why we dress. I'm just glad to have a community of supportive folks online.

[ShelbyDawn]

BillieAnn...
You elloquence is beyond response... :)
Wanna go get a beer at Hooters enfemme? LOL

Shelby

[Pixiesmate]

I'm going to go with Eddie Izzard on this one - I'm all male and half female. He explains it like this: "Women get to wear what they want, and so do I". I am not female, I don't have a female locked inside me begging to be released. What I do have is a desire to experience life dressed in the finer things, softer fabrics, better color choices, the killer shoes, and a whole different mindset than the traditional male side. I dress to emulate women because I admire them, would like to be more like them in terms of my thought processes sometimes, and not having to play some macho head game with every other male in the place is appealing to me. I've done the games, usually won them, and found that in the end I didn't win anything. The wig, the forms (and yes the requisite bra) that I am now seriously thinking about are a progression from under-dressing to actually buying my own clothes and shoes, to shaving my legs and painting my toenails and beginning to venture out in to public wearing women's clothing are all part of my cross dressing. My dressing does not, however, define me as a man, woman, tg, ts or anything other than the human that I am trying to be - a mix of the traits of both sexes, but still wrapped in a man. The clothes and presentation may throw some for the proverbial loop, but that is their problem, not mine. I'm still trying to refine my definition of myself in a way that I find to be true to me.

[sometimes_miss]

Lucy, you're really going to have to find out why you want to dress and/or behave as a female. It's not easy; it took me several decades on my own to figure it out. Having a therapist may help, or may not, it's kind of just going along until the 'A-HA!' moment hits you. I can offer some ideas if you want, message me here, I'll tell you what I learned along my own gender discoveries. It's too much to post on a thread.

[Linda7]

Me a girl? No, definitely not. I love to wear a dress, makeup and jeweler just like a woman - but that does not mean I am one. I did come across something that seemed to explain a lot: there is evidence to suggest that there are three types of brain. There is a male brain, a female brain and a brain that is a combination of male and female. This can explain why some males and females can be attracted to both the masculine and to the feminine. My wife (and other family members) can have a problem with me dressed as a woman, so I respect that and dress when I can. Christian, yep - but does cross-dressing conflict with Christian belief and teaching? No. For the present I'm able to adapt, but for how long? For as long as it is necessary I suppose.

[franny lin]

Luuy Bella Thank you and all ther girls here . I know this will realy help me feel better about my self. Thanks .

[Trishpdxcd2]

Interesting thread and interesting responses. As you can see, crossdressers have different motivations and it is always interesting hearing others express that. Isn't that why we are here, to help understand ourselves and share with others. I think that is one of the things that fuels my fear of being out, that others would define me a crossdresser. Yes, I do crossdress and love it, but that is just a part of me.

For me I don't want to be a woman, I like my man side. Having said that I love emulating a woman at times. It both arouses me and makes me feel calm at the same time. I love to bring Trish out and all the femininity that she expresses. But I also like my other side and the things I enjoy in boy mode.

[CherylFlint]

Look, everyone has X and Y chromosones, and it always doesn't come out perfectly perfect.
Me, I'm a guy but when I get the urge to be Cheryl, can't fight it, wouldn't do any good if I could.
Just relax, have some fun.
You'd be absolutely surprised how many women would want a guy who is a crossdresser. I'd say close to 25% of the women would enjoy having a man freind and a girl friend all in one.
The trick is to be up front about it from the very start, no surprises after a week or more. Be honest, it pays.
But never wear any of her stuff, don't even ask, but if she wants to try something of yours, be friendly and let her have her way.
A lot of women think crossdresses are your "sissy" types, but just beyourself, whether in drab or drag.
Also, the women who accept crossdressers are usally turned-on by the whole drama.
The trick is to pass, and once you can go comfortably to the mall and pass, try takng her somewhere to buy a new bra or stockings, just do it as if you do it everyday and she'll have a good time at the mall with a girlfriend. Works every time.
Go to the mall on weekday mornings, if possible. Maybe have lunch, pretend sore throat an let her order.

[CherylFlint]

Me too, the calm part. It's amazing but how much more relaxed I am when dressed. I just love it.

[MysticLady]

It started out as a sexual satisfying experience that has now grown to be a comforting and relaxing experience no sex is required now am I a freak or what? I mean who dresses to emulate a female without wanting to be one?

I do.....................:D

[Dena]

I mean who dresses to emulate a female without wanting to be one? Me.

I agree with your post. Maybe it's from all the time I've spent fantasizing about it. And I LOVE the clothes!

Once I got my "look" together (what colors, styles etc. looked best for me). I tried to pass, but found I enjoyed being recognized as a male.

[luca]

There is a lot in your first post I feel I can relate to, heck I didn't even want a fem name. I am really bad at expressing myself so reading what you had to say helped me. I am really just starting the process of figuring out what I want out of this (never mind what it even is), and how to make it work well with my SO. It also makes me feel less alone having a few of you say that it started out sexual because it did for me too. It still is, but at the same time it also just makes me feel good. Not because I feel girly or anything. I just like pretty things and it makes me happy, even if I'm still pretty confused by it all.

[SnowPrincess]

What a great thread. I too am still a bit confused but do not want to be a woman. It is nice to see that there are others with the same feelings.

[Lucy Long Legs]

Like most people on this thread, I don't want to be a girl. I think we are all trying to find a rationale for our harmless hobby and this is what I have come up with:

I am a man and happy being one but I'm not very good at it. I don't conform to the way men are supposed to look and behave in the bedroom and it used to bother me. When I dress, I look good, my wife desires me, my bedroom antics are satisfying to all concerned and I feel sexy. I would hate any of my friends to see me but they're not going to.

Thank goodness for this site!

[jjjjohanne]

I did not take the time to read others posts... So I might be the 100th to say this, but it is OK to like dressing and not feel like a woman. You can like the fabric and shoes and smells and all of that and still be quite comfortable in your male persona.

[Diversity]

Hi Lucy,
In answer to your question, "who dresses to emulate a female without wanting to be one?" - Quite simply, I am one who does. I don't know why I do it, but I do find that I enjoy this aspect of my life very much! It's fun and as you so rightly put it, it is no longer a sexual experience as it was many years ago for me, but rather it has evolved into a comforting and relaxing (and indulging) experience for me now. Just something soooo good about it!
Di