Formal Apology

[Aly Cat]

I just wanted to take a minute to formally apologize for potentially offering bad advice to a GG. I was just suggesting to try something a little different and spice up a love life. I do not condone SM in any kind of painful way but moreso in just a fun very light way (certainly not forceful). I also do not in any way shape or form condone a lifestyle of "sharing" and all that with multiple people. I believe the sanctity of marriage is precious. I just wanted to offer a little spice, not crazy out there stuff. Anyways, I just thought I would formally apologize since I have obviously offended some people and that was not my intent. So please forgive me. :doh: I wish OP best of luck and would hate to tarnish friendships I have made here with others.

[Sister Rachel]

I'm sure everyone here has made the odd blunder without meaning harm to anyone?

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Eva, I was part of the thread you mention. I also know that you innocently responded meaning nothing malicious. We had a GG searching for answers about her CDing husband and we all did our best to try to make sense of it for her. I suppose we have to look at every angle and the eyes of the moderators who want this to be an exceptional site that helps everyone. We're all un-polished gems. I hesitate to give advice too and instead tell how my life is so maybe someone can learn from it and find their own sense of direction. If you think it was in any way a mistake, remember that on the end of a pencil is an eraser. Luv ya gal for being so honest with your feelings!

Cheryl

[Aly Cat]

Ya, i just feel really bad for muddling things up. As so many people have said on here...to thine own self be true. I wish the best for the GG and hope everything works out for her in a way where both parties can be happy.

[Kate Simmons]

Good for you Eva. I basically removed my comment from that thread when I saw where it was headed. My concern was that the OP either didn't have time to come back to it or lost interest when some of the responses were seen.

[Lorileah]

Eva, it wasn't just you. It was the whole thread going south in a hurry. Bad advice all around.

[Nicole Erin]

Eva, whatever you said, I doubt it would tarnish your reputation. You have 74 posts for goodness sake. I have had at least twice that many edited or deleted cause they would aggravate.
Threads and posts do often get edited or deleted by the mods, don't worry that you are any worse than the rest of us. Why do you think this forum has so many mods? We mess up a lot.

The number one rule here though is - don't urinate in a mod's or admin's cheerios. They hate that.
That and don't go around telling people they are not "truly TS" but other than that, you ain't gonna do nothin that people will dislike you over.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

The OP really needs to seek better advice or counseling than any of us can give. It's a very complex issue. I thought she'd come back and give us more info to help. And besides that, we'd need to hear her husband's side. It's not our place, even though she asked, to advise anyone on something that is this serious.

Cheryl

[Tara D. Rose]

I was reading that thread, and every post therein. I think you did great, you were sincere, you were trying to help her. I read all of your post's there. I think I may now be a fan of yours. You seemed to really care so much that you took such time to make that one lengthy post there.You are a sincere and passionate person. I stay out of those threads,,,except for just for the reading of, but you're okay with me.
Tara D. Rose

[flatlander_48]

Eva, it wasn't just you. It was the whole thread going south in a hurry. Bad advice all around.

Rather than giving advice, perhaps the better thing to do is to share experiences, perspectives, why we did what we did or talk about our concerns as to how our lives are progressing. The thing about advice is that if it doesn't work out, you're the bad guy. It has a way of absolving the person of any ownership or committment. See, if it doesn't work out, I can blame you. It's YOUR fault and not mine. I may have done it half-assed and all wrong, but it's YOUR fault.

For me, I am usually hesitant about offering advice. I will gladly share what I think about crossdresing and the community or what I know about human behavior. I learned something a long time ago with my kids (now 37 and 31). If they were doing something wrong or approaching a problem in a not so good way, I could correct them but it wasn't a learning experience. However, if I asked about what's important about what they were trying to accomplish, they could begin to prioritize and know where to start to solve their problems. If I asked what other solutions might be, then they started to think about alternatives. The next time other problems come up, maybe they can begin to develop these strategies on their own. It's a variation of the Biblical saying about giving a man a fish versus teaching him how to fish.

What we have to remember is that these are some REALLY heavyweight issues for folks. It is very easy to get lost in the forest such that you see just the trees. We get stuck. We lose our perspective. The notions of crossdressing, transexualism and transgenderism are foreign concepts to the population at large. The result is that society, and us also as we are a part of that society, doesn't really know who we are or what we are about. That's where we all start. It's only from counseling or coming to forums like this or going to support groups that we begin to unravel what's going on for us.

[Lucy_Bella]

What is bad advise? Could it be thinking others should think like us? Or could it be telling someone how you would handle a situation ? If that's the case this whole forum is full of bad advise.. Lets just let it all hang out and be who we want to be.. Never mind seeking professional help before you make any life changing decisions .. Go out in public dressed as a female or blurt out to your wife of 20 years or family members you're a crossdresser with no care on how they will react ..No means of educating them so they would better understand you and why .. Better yet lets invite them here so they could get a better understanding from other members.. Lets make it clear that we all fall under the same umbrella and wonder why they go away even more confused..

Yeah people should think before they say things on here and that's not directed at any one individual sometimes we the victims can become the victimizers.. We are not only a small close netted group here ,we have lurkers, new members who are in search of understanding ,family members and spouses ..They are here to learn and they are here to try to understand us..

So this may get everyones panties in a twist , so be it try stepping outside of the box sometime it isn't always about us..

[Beverley Sims]

If I were you I would either PM her or put the apology in the correct thread.

I have just read the post again and realised it is a closed thread.
I can only agree with everyone here you do not need to be upset.
Threads go like this often and harsh things are said.
Mostly without malice and usually quite offhand comments.
I suggest don't lose any sleep over it.
The post to me now, looks like a bit of trolling anyway.

[NicoleScott]

There's nothing wrong with giving advice, and it's not necessary to preface it with "in my opinion"; that's understood. I hope we're smart enough to take in all the advice and make our own decisions, rather than blindly following advice from a stranger who only knows a tidbit from a post.

[Marleena]

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Everybody thought I was siding with the Cder and chastizing the wife at first. I had to reply numerous times so people had a better understanding of what I was trying to say. Stuff happens and it will be forgotten.

[Tamara Croft]

Not quite sure why thought you needed to apologise, I wouldn't have, you gave sound advice :)

[Aly Cat]

The apology was for offenses and misunderstandings that could potentially have been there. I made assumptions I shouldnt have and we all know what happens when we assume...makes an ass out of u and me...mostly me in this case ;)

[Marleena]

Umm... if Tamara says it's okay, it is okay.:) If we all get afraid of replying nothing will be accomplished.

[Aly Cat]

Haha wow...admin... :eek: :D Well alrighty then! lol

[flatlander_48]

There's nothing wrong with giving advice, and it's not necessary to preface it with "in my opinion"; that's understood. I hope we're smart enough to take in all the advice and make our own decisions, rather than blindly following advice from a stranger who only knows a tidbit from a post.

Maybe, maybe not. If it were someone we knew and knew what state of mind they were currently in, I'd probably say Yes. However, usually we know only what is presented in a few postings. There may be many other things going on in that person's life. When folks are distraut and under a lot of pressure, who knows how they will react. How you respond when things are not going well can be a big question mark.

[Presh GG]

I read that thread, but it was too late to respond 1 gg to another. It was "difficulttimes FIRST Post. She asked an honest question and I for one thought the people who responded SHOULDN'T HAVE.
She [ a GG] asked if it was normal to be a cd and be celibate ? But people raked her over the coals for loveing her husband enough to remain celibate too for 10 years before seeking "sex on the side", while loveing her husband who she would never leave JUST because he was TG and celibate . There are wives who would leave on the celibacy issue alone... come on , we all know that !

Just goes to show " If you can't say something nice , say something anyhow "

Marleena, it won't be forgotten by the op... si ?

Tamara with all due respect I'm shocked. You can't be serious.

Presh GG


I just hope the thread didn't drive her to some God-awful site [ like crossdresserswives ] to have her question answered.

[flatlander_48]

She asked an honest question and I for one thought the people who responded SHOULDN'T HAVE.

Perhaps your brush shouldn't be quite so broad...

[Presh GG]

flatlander,
Find 1 kind , helpful reply for me...
I have an opinion and I stated it and stand by it.

[flatlander_48]

flatlander,
Find 1 kind , helpful reply for me...
I have an opinion and I stated it and stand by it.

Read my posting.

[Marleena]

@ Presh, perhaps ask an admin to reopen the thread and remove the posts and start over? I'm not sure how that will go over though, or if it's even possible. I'll stay the heck out of the thread though.:)

[Tara D. Rose]

That's what I did Marleena.

[Tamara Croft]

No it won't be re-opened, she hasn't even been back online after posting it. Infact said member was online for all of 2 minutes after posting that thread. If that doesn't scream 'troll' I don't know what does. Seems to me like it was posted to rile up members, posting what seemed like a heart felt post, only to throw in 'oh btw I'm getting sex elsewhere'... so what exactly was the point?

And yes Presh, I am serious, just because she's a GG (allegedly), you think we should all be nice?? uhuh...

[Kate Simmons]

It can be a crap shoot sometimes. We are eager to help with our sincere answers but some folks just want cheap entertainment at our expense or want us to solve a personal problem. Even so, we do our part on behalf of others regardless of outcome.:)