Chardonnay Merlot
05-07-2013, 12:29 AM
I woke up on Monday morning with bounce in my step and a wide smile. Yeah, its Monday. Time to serve our system on the game grid again. We go to work.
It's spring, I'm in a business casual shirt and slacks, just another man off to his place of trade.
I'm feeling good, and looking good. Far from "drab", and definitely not functional underneath the corporate-casual attire.
Inside my inner girl is humming sweetly.
"We had quite a weekend, didn't we?"
"Hell yeah, we did!"
It's was pride weekend were a live. It's epicenter is a fun little town..Northampton, Massachusetts....and I was missing it this year.
It's been more than a year since I "came out". Since a cold wintry morning were I looked in a mirror and staring back was me in a brunette wig, and a maidenform bra ... that reflection said:
"You like dressing up like a girl. You're a crossdresser, honey. What are you gonna do about it."
Back in present I was getting my face on and a special spring-summer outfit..ready to meet some friends at the big pride march in town's center. I needed to move...I had a 45-minute drive ahead.
Gentle makeup in a soft spring palette of blues, greens, pinks and plums. A cute little jersey top and white high wasted shorts. blue-white socks and a pair of sneakers in silver-gray, powder blue and oxford blue. A rather tomboy/girl-next-door look, and that is exactly what I wanted.
I wanted to be brunette on this day...I had just the flowing, flirty hair for the job.
I felt fun and playful...The smile was beaming...I was ready..
I headed toward my car without trepidation. Even with neighbors looking. I pretend not to notice. I'm sure a few have put two-plus-town together and gotten four. But today, it didn't matter.
One of the things I love about being en femme is driving en femme. I tend to giggle a lot because I find I'm "in the moment" more when I am girl mode, and its translated over to the rest of my life. Since I really embraced myself as a CD, it seems I've been more focused in the present more often than my mind wanders back or forward.
I get there, find a place to park the car near the massive fairground where the events take place over the march, and heading into the center of town. going out into the public is rather new for me. Its something I've done more as of late, but in the past I was apprehensive because of fear of who might see or getting "read" or whatever. Those thoughts percolated through my head for an instant. They were drowned out by what I saw in the reflection off the windshield.
I saw a fun, smiling young woman...She could maybe be in her 20s to early 30s. She's just out on a perfect spring day.
I was headed down the street into downtown Northampton and with each step, more confidence..all the way until I settled in along the parade route, and was lost in a sea of colors....
Also noticing, that I was being noticed, too. Noticing heads turning with approving smiles and one young lady asking, "where did you get that outfit? It's cute..I want it!"
"Thank you," I said..My voice coming out in a softness I didn't know I had (That tends to happen to me a lot when I'm en femme. This really feminine voice comes out...Where it comes from? I still can't figure it out)
I finally met up with my friends, most of them along this wide spectrum like me, all of them supportive and wonderful from the moment I met them more than a year ago.
A bonus was meeting up with another group of dear friends I haven't had a chance to see in a long time, and this was the first time they saw me as a female in person...and they were busting on me..;)
"Showing all that leg!"
"It's spring, honey. I have legs to show."
"Whatever, tramp" (giggles all around)
That is what all this means to me. if nothing else, crossdressing make me feel free to embrace and celebrate me, all of me..and it spills over in a lot of my life...even my life as a man.. My inner girl has reinvigorated by outer boy. I've never been "in drab". I'm dynamic, creative fun...but sometimes we forget those things. We lose confidence and it takes a change of focus or scenery for us to really see what positive wonderful things we have to offer. This outlet has been a part of that process and know I truly feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time. That alone makes it worth it.
As I drove home, I thought about the entire day happy and excited. A full day in the sunlight and not in the shadows. My heart racing even as my being was in a place of peace and calm. Even with a spring wind playing havoc with the hair, where else would I rather be? Who else would I rather be?
There's no one else were I would rather be...and no one else I would rather be! :)
The next morning...I'm on a bicycle...riding with others...Cool spring morning, empty road with birds well into their arias.
I'm still thinking of the day before, even in "total boy mode"...but there's really no such thing for me, never has been.
i could hear her in my head, even through pushing myself up hills and through flat areas where I was sprinting forward to keep up with the group.
"You go girl!" she cheered.
I smiled broadly again. At that moment, who cares what anyone else thinks. I like being called "she". :)
It's spring, I'm in a business casual shirt and slacks, just another man off to his place of trade.
I'm feeling good, and looking good. Far from "drab", and definitely not functional underneath the corporate-casual attire.
Inside my inner girl is humming sweetly.
"We had quite a weekend, didn't we?"
"Hell yeah, we did!"
It's was pride weekend were a live. It's epicenter is a fun little town..Northampton, Massachusetts....and I was missing it this year.
It's been more than a year since I "came out". Since a cold wintry morning were I looked in a mirror and staring back was me in a brunette wig, and a maidenform bra ... that reflection said:
"You like dressing up like a girl. You're a crossdresser, honey. What are you gonna do about it."
Back in present I was getting my face on and a special spring-summer outfit..ready to meet some friends at the big pride march in town's center. I needed to move...I had a 45-minute drive ahead.
Gentle makeup in a soft spring palette of blues, greens, pinks and plums. A cute little jersey top and white high wasted shorts. blue-white socks and a pair of sneakers in silver-gray, powder blue and oxford blue. A rather tomboy/girl-next-door look, and that is exactly what I wanted.
I wanted to be brunette on this day...I had just the flowing, flirty hair for the job.
I felt fun and playful...The smile was beaming...I was ready..
I headed toward my car without trepidation. Even with neighbors looking. I pretend not to notice. I'm sure a few have put two-plus-town together and gotten four. But today, it didn't matter.
One of the things I love about being en femme is driving en femme. I tend to giggle a lot because I find I'm "in the moment" more when I am girl mode, and its translated over to the rest of my life. Since I really embraced myself as a CD, it seems I've been more focused in the present more often than my mind wanders back or forward.
I get there, find a place to park the car near the massive fairground where the events take place over the march, and heading into the center of town. going out into the public is rather new for me. Its something I've done more as of late, but in the past I was apprehensive because of fear of who might see or getting "read" or whatever. Those thoughts percolated through my head for an instant. They were drowned out by what I saw in the reflection off the windshield.
I saw a fun, smiling young woman...She could maybe be in her 20s to early 30s. She's just out on a perfect spring day.
I was headed down the street into downtown Northampton and with each step, more confidence..all the way until I settled in along the parade route, and was lost in a sea of colors....
Also noticing, that I was being noticed, too. Noticing heads turning with approving smiles and one young lady asking, "where did you get that outfit? It's cute..I want it!"
"Thank you," I said..My voice coming out in a softness I didn't know I had (That tends to happen to me a lot when I'm en femme. This really feminine voice comes out...Where it comes from? I still can't figure it out)
I finally met up with my friends, most of them along this wide spectrum like me, all of them supportive and wonderful from the moment I met them more than a year ago.
A bonus was meeting up with another group of dear friends I haven't had a chance to see in a long time, and this was the first time they saw me as a female in person...and they were busting on me..;)
"Showing all that leg!"
"It's spring, honey. I have legs to show."
"Whatever, tramp" (giggles all around)
That is what all this means to me. if nothing else, crossdressing make me feel free to embrace and celebrate me, all of me..and it spills over in a lot of my life...even my life as a man.. My inner girl has reinvigorated by outer boy. I've never been "in drab". I'm dynamic, creative fun...but sometimes we forget those things. We lose confidence and it takes a change of focus or scenery for us to really see what positive wonderful things we have to offer. This outlet has been a part of that process and know I truly feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time. That alone makes it worth it.
As I drove home, I thought about the entire day happy and excited. A full day in the sunlight and not in the shadows. My heart racing even as my being was in a place of peace and calm. Even with a spring wind playing havoc with the hair, where else would I rather be? Who else would I rather be?
There's no one else were I would rather be...and no one else I would rather be! :)
The next morning...I'm on a bicycle...riding with others...Cool spring morning, empty road with birds well into their arias.
I'm still thinking of the day before, even in "total boy mode"...but there's really no such thing for me, never has been.
i could hear her in my head, even through pushing myself up hills and through flat areas where I was sprinting forward to keep up with the group.
"You go girl!" she cheered.
I smiled broadly again. At that moment, who cares what anyone else thinks. I like being called "she". :)