The Gift of Transsexualism

[DaniG]

I hear from time to time people refer to their transsexualism as a gift. This puzzles me. Being new to this all, I'm still in a daze after being hit by the truck. I'm very familiar with the downsides of transsexualism. So can some of you who feel like you've been given a gift tell us why you feel this way?

Thanks, Dani

[kellycan27]

The way I see it is that the "gift" if you can call it that was in being able to transition and live my life how I should have been able to from the beginning. The rest pretty much sucked.

[StaceyJane]

I think the gift is to see life through both sexes.

[KellyJameson]

It is a gift that comes with a very high price.

In my life as a coping mechanism it forced me to think in non-dualistic terms so I avoided black and white thinking so could not be influenced by others beliefs because they made no sense to me from a non-dualistic view point.

As a "girl child" being told you are a "boy child" you adapt by being both so move into non-dualistic thinking patterns so than question the black and white thinking of others.

Their rules and beliefs seem insane to you and I experienced cisgenders as dangerous all the while thinking I must be the crazy one.

I avoided many of the fear based prejudices made up of the ignorance that comes out of black and white thinking so a transsexual brain offers the opportunity for enlightenment if the experience does not kill you first.

Non-dualistic experiencing is dramatically different than the way much of the western world thinks and experiences reality and adds greatly to intellectual development if you survive it because it is the basis for certain powerful forms of abstract thought.

Instead of having an understanding of the universe from inside the paper bag (dualistic) you step outside the paperbag and see the whole picture (non-dualistic). Your mind is forced by the gender dysphoria to expand to encompass everything while also dissociating from the self.

Gender dysphoria challenges the mind much like how you are forced to work a muscle so you gain intellectual gifts from it but it comes with a very high price and many are destroyed by the unasked for challenge that is forced on them.

It gives meaning to the expression "what does not kill you will only make you stronger" except that it is similar to being forced to play russian roulette with your life.

It is a gift if you survive it and a curse if you do not.

[DaniG]

Thanks everybody for your thoughts. Kelly, I love your insight that society approaches life with a dualistic view. It's so very common. Just human nature? Democrat/Republican, East/West, Rich/Poor, Male/Female, Us/Them.

Somebody posted this great site as well.

http://www.transsexual.org/cherish.html

[Angela Campbell]

It is a curse sometimes but it may also be a gift. I never asked for it, I don't want it, I am scared of dealing with it, but if I was offered a pill that would make me just forget it and be a normal man I would run away.

Although it is only momentary, the times when I look like a girl and am accepted as such it feels so right I would not want to never know that feeling.


Then again you can give a "gift" back.

[melissaK]

A gift? I don't see this as a gift, I see it as something that has complicated my life greatly as my species isn't too jazzed about people with this "gift."' Calling it a gift is an unwarranted romanticization of the condition. We don't have super powers, we don't get high IQs, we don't get anything anybody else doesn't get EXCEPT to find our bodies unbearable because they're the wrong sex!! That's not a gift.

And who's supposedly giving us this gift? I am a person of some faith, and all I can say is my God has a wicked and ironic sense of humor to take a decent male body and tweak it so I find it unbearable! I mean really!? What kind of sick God does this!? :-) I mean I have to go read Old Testament stories of Job just to remind myself God isn't really testing me, Gods just messing with me.

[PretzelGirl]

Sometimes the way you present things impact the way you will deal with them. If you approach being TS as a gift, you will likely have a more optimistic attitude which can affect outcomes. If you view it as a curse, it can be like a dark cloud over your head. Attitudes can affect reality. No one will ever say it is easy. But going at it positively can be better than the reverse.

[Rianna Humble]

So far almost no-one seems to have addressed Dani's original question:
can some of you who feel like you've been given a gift tell us why you feel this way?

Come on people, let's keep this thread on the correct topic

Rianna Humble
Moderator, Transsexual Forums & Safe Haven

[melissakozak]

Indeed, it is a gift. We are very silent, very misunderstood minority, and that alone makes us empathic if we let it.....

[TeresaL]

The gift can only come after we've accepted ourselves, and it starts to be accepted by those who represent the core of our lives. This is the beginning of our actualization process, and the lemon we were dealt, we hope, turns into lemonade.

[Sara Jessica]

On one hand, it's a curse that most of us wouldn't wish upon our worst enemy.

Yet...


If you approach being TS as a gift, you will likely have a more optimistic attitude which can affect outcomes.

I am an optimist at heart and my POV is all I have EVER known. As much of a pain in the neck this whole thing has been, I cannot fathom being anything but. For this reason I see my POV as a gift and as twisted as it might seem, I feel sorry for the "regular" guys about 95% of the time (5% reserved for when I have that fleeting longing to be "normal").

[I Am Paula]

Maybe in a few years, I'll look back and see this thing as a gift. Right now I'm only seeing that my last 54 years have been a lie, and the struggle with my gender caused me to waste a whole lot of time and energy I could have spent just being me. The right me, not this one.

[mikiSJ]

I think Melissa set up my comment. Some will see TS as a gift in the sense that it may give a definition to a gender confusion they encountered/endured. Some may see it as a curse that like Melissa made clear, can cause tremendous anguish.

Just as many gays embrace their sexuality, I doubt anyone sets out to be gay, just as none of us set out to be CD/TG/TS. I am happy that I now know who Miki is and I can truly embrace all of her; but it was hell, at times, finding out and there are times I wish I had saved the gift receipt.

[Badtranny]

Not a gift and I don't believe anyone who has actually transitioned would call it so.

I deal with what I am and I've even learned to be proud of myself for having the courage to be free but I would prefer to have been a CIS hetero man. I had the complete physical package, I just couldn't accept it. My brain and body were all male, but my heart and spirit were not, so I chose to follow my heart. My life now is harder than it was as a man. There is nothing that transition improved. My only reward is an honest life with no secrets and oddly enough, that is indeed enough.

Being trans has not given me any special perspective or talent. It's forced me to eschew cowardice and ignore those who would tear me down, and I suppose that could be a gift, but surely I didn't need to be trans to learn that particular lesson.

[PaulaQ]

I'm not seeing a bunch o' difference between this and the handicap I was born with. At least not so far. After a lifetime of dealing with a handicap, the only special thing I've learned is "wow, this sucks!"

I'm hoping for a somewhat better outcome with being TS, but if at the end of it, if all I can do is say "well, that sucked, but it's better now", then I guess I'll count that as a win.

I'm thinking "curse" is the correct term...

edit: forgot one big difference between this and being handicapped - my wife can tolerate my handicap. This - no freakin' way.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

the reason nobody is calling it a gift is because its not..

we can stretch and contort the word gift to try to put a positive spin on it, but that's it..

Life itself is a gift...so its a positive thing to try to look at it that way, but lets get real... i spent 45 years wishing i was something else (a cisgendered woman)... thats not a gift i'd give to my worst enemy

[Marleena]

Dani I wish I could return or exchange this "gift". What's the saying about the gift that keeps on giving? This one keeps on taking and I would gladly exchange it to be cisgender male or female at this point. I"m usually upbeat but there are days where I hate this. I was happy thinking I was TG/CD when I first started here and considered it a gift then. There were few pressures and bouncing back and forth between genders was a breeze for me. My new reality bites.

[Kaz]

For me it is a gift in that I never asked for it. I don't know who gave me this gift but I would not pass it on. It is a hard thing to deal with but I do think differently from others who have not been given this gift, so for that I am very grateful. And I enjoy being me... and learning day by day more about who I really am and should have been. Not many of us have this opportunity. So it is a mixed blessing... this gift. But I wouldn't be without it.

[Michelle.M]

That's the way it's been ever since I rejected the idea of Gender Dysphoria as being an affliction and learned to celebrate the unique life God gave me.

Honest question. I occassionally hear people say this, and I wonder how they find it to be a gift. I'm well acquinted with the downsides. Would you would be willing to share your exeriences on the positives? I started a new thread for this topic, "The Gift of Transsexualism".

When I saw this in the thread where I expressed that thought I said to myself "This will be an interesting thread.", and it is - but in a different way than I had imagined.

When I began to read these responses I thought this thread was, to use an apt description recently expressed, "tragic". Of the responses here just under half express dismay, disappointment, disillusionment, struggles, hardship, and an overall unrealistic notion of what life ought to be like for a trans person.

Ladies, it's just life. It is what you make it. You think life is any easier for a cisgender person? In gender issues, yes, but otherwise cisgender folks either see their lives as gifts or as something else, something less than a gift.

It's all about perspective, and that's apparent in the responses of the slightly over half of the posts (so far) from those who think that being transsexual is a gift.


Not a gift and I don't believe anyone who has actually transitioned would call it so.

I have transitioned, and I do.


My life now is harder than it was as a man. There is nothing that transition improved.

I can't blame you for saying this. You, and everyone else who responded either way, are responding from your own unique perspective. And how could you not? It's the only perspective you have to work with!

From my perspective my trans life is definitely a gift, and my quality of life has improved in every way. I could go on, but my details are similar to those of everyone else here who responded on the gift end of the spectrum.


the reason nobody is calling it a gift is because its not..

we can stretch and contort the word gift to try to put a positive spin on it, but that's it..

If there was ever a discussion that illustrated the slogan "If I have to explain, you wouldn't understand.", then this is it.

[Emma Beth]

I'm sorry, but I feel this is a gift. It's never easy to hold onto or get the things in life that are the best.

I see far too many people here saying it is a curse and if you keep telling yourselves that that is what it is, then that is all it will be.

Consider this, most people go through their lives blissfully never knowing just who they are. Sure, some may think they know themselves, but they truly do not. People like us know ourselves better than most people in this world ever do; even monks that dedicate their entire lives to this goal. That is the special knowledge we gain from this. To know thyself is the most difficult thing to do.

Everyone else in the world goes through their lives living within the roles that are expected of them, going with the flow as it were. We do not live our lives according to what others dictate for us. We walk our own path to the point of blazing paths that others may walk, but most fear to even look out of ignorance. That is our strength, to do what others won't or fear to do because that is what society tells them.

We also understand just what transformation means, just as the caterpillar transforms into the beautiful butterfly; so do we transform ourselves into the beings we were meant to be.

Now don't get me wrong, this is not a gift to be envied or desired. It is the gift that cuts very deeply.

[Kathryn Martin]

In the German language the word gift means poison. How is that for a unique perspective.

Isn't the real question what it is about being transsexual that is a gift. I think maybe it's not at all transsexualism but something to has more to do with our fundamental humanity.

[DaniG]

Ladies, it's just life. It is what you make it. ... It's all about perspective, ...

This is key. I'd hoped this thread would give us blessings to share, things that we can rally around being positive about our natures. There's no denying that TS is tough. I understand everyone's frustrations. I relate. But highlighting the positives would improve our outlook. "It's all about perspective."


In my world it is a gift, a wonderful, joyous gift that I cherish dearly. We all have different ways of describing our liestyle. I prefer to call it a gift, just me.

This is great, Arelene, and I'm happy for you. But can you tell us why? Put on your motivational speaker hat. :-)

These are the really great points I've seen so far.


I think the gift is to see life through both sexes.


Instead of having an understanding of the universe from inside the paper bag (dualistic) you step outside the paperbag and see the whole picture (non-dualistic). Your mind is forced by the gender dysphoria to expand to encompass everything while also dissociating from the self.


Everyone else in the world goes through their lives living within the roles that are expected of them, going with the flow as it were. We do not live our lives according to what others dictate for us. We walk our own path to the point of blazing paths that others may walk, but most fear to even look out of ignorance. That is our strength, to do what others won't or fear to do because that is what society tells them.

We also understand just what transformation means, just as the caterpillar transforms into the beautiful butterfly; so do we transform ourselves into the beings we were meant to be.

Thank you, ladies. And to everyone, especially to those who are frustrated (like me), thank you for contributing, but I'd like to challenge you to find some positive aspect to transsexualism.

I'll add one. My wife and I have always had an extremely strong marriage. We've been equal partners and great communicators over our thirteen years together. We've never fought even once. I've always felt like we didn't just have something special together like a once-in-a-lifetime, but a relationship that's far rarer, something that very few people get to experience. I now think a lot of that has to do with my feminine nature and how we've related as two women over the years, unknowingly. As I've met other TSs, I see a similar pattern. We form amazingly deep spousal bonds. This is, of course, a double edged sword, as the very thing that binds us so closely now threatens to tear us apart. The irony. Nevertheless, I'll always feel blessed for the special marriage I've shared with my wife.

[arbon]

I guess I feel like it is a curse and a blessing. All those years of struggling with myself about it, A LONG TIME!!, and then to have to go through the fear and pain of transitioning - sucked! But to finally break through all that and find myself, to go through this process - its empowering, its freeing, its like being able to take a deep breath when before you were always feeling rather suffocated. The real gift is being able to transition and getting to the other side.

And all the awesome trans friends I have made and people I have gotten to know along the way - thats been a gift to :) There are some people I really care about that I would have never known otherwise.

[mary something]

I believe that it is a gift. I didn't ask for it and it has caused struggle in my life but in no way does that make it not a gift. I am an atheist myself but was immersed in Christianity as a youth and respect the teachings of Jesus and his message of how to find the "Kingdom of Heaven" here on earth, a self-actualized life that allows us to feel peace and contentment. He actually addresses gender variance in Matthew 19:12, of course he uses the language of the day (eunuch) and is careful to make the distinction that there are different paths to gender variance but the important thing to realize is that he urges us to accept what many would not be able to. One of the greatest teachers to walk this earth addressed this very question, and while I'm not espousing any particular religous creed or ideal I thought this was an important addition to this conversation

English Standard Version (©2001)
For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”

http://bible.cc/matthew/19-12.htm

[Nicole Erin]

Being TS may or may not be a gift but there does come a gift should you decide to live full time. That gift is STRENGTH beyond anything that most CIS folks can imagine. In the best cases, we face ridicule at times. Worst case, it could cost our lives. We build a nerve that becomes so iron-clad that we don't even think about it. I know very well there will be times when people judge. And I do not give a (string of explicit words) anymore. I mean it just does not matter.

Remember - they never broke your will cause your heart was strong.

These days, I go thru my life mostly unbothered but once in a while life will dump a few days on me when people want to be pricks about "the tranny". Each time I get to endure such a week, it bothers me less and less. Interestingly though, these also seem to be the times when the admirers come out of the wood work.

Then there is all the other stuff we take for granted like being able to wear chic outfits, taking a heightened pride in our appearance, seeing life from both genders, and knowing our lives will never again be boring.

Ladies, people might see us as women or men in dresses or whatever but do NOT let them see you as "weak". YOU ARE NOT WEAK! NO orchi will ever remove the balls of iron that made you who you are and should be PROUD to be! Can I get a "hell yeah!"

[DaniG]

That gift is STRENGTH beyond anything that most CIS folks can imagine. In the best cases, we face ridicule at times. Worst case, it could cost our lives. We build a nerve that becomes so iron-clad that we don't even think about it.

Remember - they never broke your will cause your heart was strong.

I love this.


Ladies, people might see us as women or men in dresses or whatever but do NOT let them see you as "weak". YOU ARE NOT WEAK! NO orchi will ever remove the balls of iron that made you who you are and should be PROUD to be! Can I get a "hell yeah!"

Hell, yeah!

Great post, Nicole! :)

[arbon]

Ladies, people might see us as women or men in dresses or whatever but do NOT let them see you as "weak". YOU ARE NOT WEAK! NO orchi will ever remove the balls of iron that made you who you are and should be PROUD to be! Can I get a "hell yeah!"



That was good, got me to laugh and cry

damn hormones

[Barbara Ella]

Yes, it is just life and it is what you/I/we have to work with. I will either move forward or not. While i do not like the interpretation that follows from "gift" I do view it as a challenge. As a TS my life has added challenge. Only I can work with what i have to overcome the challenge, it is all within me. I either accept it, or I hate and reject it and fight it and ignore it. If I choose the second approach i will not survive. If I embrace it and always attempt to move forward in the face of the adversity that challenges proffer, there is HOPE. It is not easy, and will be painful, and give me great grief to me and perhaps others. But HOPE will be there, whether I achieve my life or not.

Barbara

[Angela Campbell]

There is a gift for me. When I look in the mirror and see a woman looking back, I feel something beyond description. It makes life worthwhile. Yes it is hard to be like this but I would not want to have it erased from my life.

[Sara Jessica]

While calling transsexualism a gift borders on the extreme, it does make for good conversation about perspective and while I'm sorry that the struggles of many preclude any notion of this being a gift, I'm heartened to see that some are able to see it in at least a somewhat positive light.

[Badtranny]

Some chatter about how positive it is, and some deal with a crappy hand and live positively authentic lives.

I am not happy about my draw in life, but I make the best of it, and I'm much better off than many others. Growing up was not fun for a girl like me and it left me with some scars so I will never see my difference as a gift. It's been a challenge at best.

[TeresaL]

Dang it BT. You are succinctly correct you know. We are survivors, and we are indeed challenged. Gender-challenged, IMO.

I'm reminded of a story told long ago about a boy who was locked into a room full of horse excrement. He found a shovel, and was energetically digging and flinging horse dung while whistling up a storm interrupted only by his own giggles and laughter. His captor returned and caught the boy in great jubilee, so he asked the boy what made him so happy? The boy then told him;

"if there is so much horse manure in here, there must be a pony, and the poor thing must be buried." He was searching for a gift that just had to be found.

[DaniG]

I love that story, Teresa.