Theory on Need of Going Out

[Fifi]

I've been dressing for a while now and I have yet to go out in the public in the female form yet. But everytime I'm done dressing, with all the makeup and effort that went in to looking good I have a strong urge / desire to go out. So I was thinking about why we must go out and came up with a couple of theories. Would love to hear some of your thoughts:

1) We want to go out because the feminine side in us like many GGs likes to be admired for our beauty or our own perceived beauty?
2) Hardwiring. We are hardwired to reflect truth, genuineness and authenticity in our interactions with people. We're also hardwired to want to connect and have relationships which are only really possible with honesty, intimacy / communication. How can we interact with the world in that way if we feel we are not being genuine in our communication (even in the form of our external attire. I.E. we are wearing all male's clothes when we're right in the middle of a pink fog)

So I think it has to do with the fact that we as people crave intimacy and connection which is only possible when we are real and genuine which is only possible if we are dressed and presenting ourselves the current way that we'd want to? Thoughts?

What are some of your reasons for "needing" to go out? Are there other threads that have explored this topic deeply already?

[joanne_mi]

Wow, terrific question. I'm leaning more towards option '1', because that would come with a side of validation. '2' makes sense too though. I'm confused now...

[Jenniferathome]

Not in my case. I think you might be over analyzing.

I go out because it is a validation of "me." It is the ultimate expression of the girl me and the opposite of hiding, which I have done for decades. I think, also, and pragmatically, it is a function of being all dressed up and nowhere to go is boring.

[Jessica Who]

For me, it's just wanting to express my feminine side while doing things that I already like to do (movies, dinner, etc.)

[Michaelasfun]

I like the initial thought you had of going to all the effort to get dressed up, then feeling the urge to "complete" by going out now that you've put that much work into it.

For me, it provides a high similar to standing at the bottom of the biggest roller coaster you ever saw and trying to muster the courage to take the ride. It may be one of the scariest things I ever did, but also delivers the biggest rush I ever had.

[AmyGaleRT]

I think, ultimately, I don't want to be cooped up as Amy; I want to experience life and the world while I'm being her. I think that's part of what will help me grow, both as a woman and as a person entire.

That, and it's a lot of fun, too. ;)

- Amy

[Lucy_Bella]

I always had the urge to go out to, why? So I went out and it really wasn't a big deal because I went to T/G friendly bar with friends who happened to be gay..It didn't cure my urges to stop but it did help slow them down..I think the main reason why I have these urges to go out is to be accepted ..

[Eryn]

Long before I understood what a CDer truly was or knew that I was one I would daydream about being a woman in public and being accepted by the people I encountered while doing everyday activities. I have no idea why such fleeting images was so powerful, but by going out I am able to explore this facet of myself a bit more fully.

Little did I know how much money that "little daydream" would cost me, or that living it out would bring me closer to my spouse and introduce me to many new friends and experiences. I've learned a lot, but I now realize that I've barely scratched the surface.

[Tracii G]

I think like Jessica on this one

[AllieSF]

I wanted to go out because I already knew that it would be a lot more fun going out and interacting with others than staying home and watching television or stayed glued to this site. It has nothing to do with my desire to express my feminine feelings. I am me and I do enjoy interacting with others in any mode. The feminine attire is just my chance to role play while out. It works for me.

[Fifi]

Wow... great answers. Validation, Acceptance, Expression, Being Practical and Pragmatic, just doing what we're already doing and not excluding that part of 'us'.

[TinaMc]

I haven't gone out but I feel a need to do so and no doubt will at some point in the near future. For me it's definitely a validation/self expression thing. I just want to be able to be a version of myself that really does exist, and to be that with no sense of shame or that I'm doing something wrong. Hiding out at home with all the curtains drawn, not answering the door tends to make me feel a bit like I'm doing something really bad, which probably doesn't have a very good impact on my self image...

[Lynn Marie]

What Jennifer said. Besides it's always fun to visit with CD girlfriends.

[Beverley Sims]

I like to express my feminine side, and because we are social animals and meeting others is part of our nature.
So it is a bit of hardwiring and vanity combined.

[Wildaboutheels]

My favorite axiom is "Never judge a book by it's cover." Lots of folks claim to abide by it but few actually do.

Going out dressed in an "unconventional" manner is a way to show people just how true that expression is.

It's not necessary to always color inside the lines and "rules" for what people should or should not wear are outdated.

[Kate Simmons]

I think one of the reasons is to get validation of ourselves and our feelings by interaction with others at various levels.:)

[ArleneRaquel]

Validation is a key, as is the desire of wanting to be accepted as a female. I doubt that I pass even 2% of the time, but I do desire acceptance.

[NicoleScott]

1) We want to go out because the feminine side in us like many GGs likes to be admired for our beauty or our own perceived beauty?
2) Hardwiring. We are hardwired to reflect truth, genuineness and authenticity in our interactions with people.

1) Yes
2) No, not for all. There are CDers who identify as males with no internal feminine identity - they just like to dress up. Going out is expressing themselves exactly the opposite of truth, genuineness, and authenticity.

[Kaz]

I guess we all have different reasons and these will change over time. They have for me. Validation is key but more importantly just the feeling I get by being out dressed - it is awesome! But as I get older the need to be out there is changing... It is not as important as it once was?

[ArleneRaquel]

As I age the disire to be a girl 24/7 gets stronger & stronger. I'm 24/7 about 95% of the time, even with a CD hatng next door neighbor.

[Sandra1746]

Part of my motivation to go out dressed is freedom of self-expression. It falls under the "basic civil rights" umbrella. I don't dress in fancy-fem clothing, more like the average "soccer mom (or -grandmom)" but the clothing is fem. Ultimate blending; at age 67 'passing' is a delusion.

I'm not hurting anyone else and not causing a "public spectacle" so it should cause no problems. As it turns out, mostly I am ignored; nobody seems to notice. I will sometimes get a smile and a casual hello from a GG I have never seen before but that's about it. Reactions by store personnel is uniformly friendly and pleasant.

The biggest thing we have to fear is fear itself.
Sandra1746

[Angela Campbell]

Maybe because the closet is a very lonely place.

[suzy1]

You are wrong in your assumption that we all must go out or want too.
I don’t want to go out, I just don’t have the need to but it has been hard to convince some members of this.
Its no problem but sometimes just a little bit Grrrrrr. :eek:


[And my closet [my house] is not a lonely place for me Ellen]:)

[Staci Roberts]

This is a very interesting topic. Years ago, I had no desire to "go outside the closet". I think, as time went on, skills sharpened and things were added to the overall look, the desire (for me) to venture out became more desirable. Recently, as i posted in another thread, I ventured out and about. The rush of emotions was incredible. Was it all good? No. Without having to rewrite what was already written above, I think that the majority of what was posted is accurate!

[Jenniferathome]

2) No, not for all. There are CDers who identify as males with no internal feminine identity - they just like to dress up. Going out is expressing themselves exactly the opposite of truth, genuineness, and authenticity.

are you stating that because I do not identify as female, when I go out presenting as one, I am not genuine or truthful? I am 100% genuine when I present as female. It is "me" I am a cross dresser. That's the truth. I enjoy my time in female mode. That's the truth. I am expressing a part of the real me. That is the truth.

[Ruby John]

VALIDATION is why. That's why we take so many pictures. We need to know it really happened. It's all good. Ruby

[Lorileah]

I go out because I am me. I like how I look and how I feel. I agree with Tracii, I do the same things I always like to do.

Yes I like being admired (and fear when that will stop). And like Eryn said I have spent a fortune on this. I used to hide. I made me ill. Now I am having a great time (usually...there is one speed bump). For some reason when I am out people feel the need to connect, they talk to me about everything like they have known me forever. I am seldom alone very long. I like all that.

[NicoleScott]

are you stating that because I do not identify as female, when I go out presenting as one, I am not genuine or truthful? I am 100% genuine when I present as female. It is "me" I am a cross dresser. That's the truth. I enjoy my time in female mode. That's the truth. I am expressing a part of the real me. That is the truth.

OK, if you want to spin it that way, I'll agree that you are a genuine crossdresser. I think that most people (especially those with male identities) understood what I meant. When we transform, our intent is to look like women, not crossdressers. With a male identity I would not be genuine or true to my identity by presenting as a woman. That's what I meant.

[Debra Russell]

.........at times I long to get out--part of me has always wanted to be a girl, just not all of me --- It just feels right to get out and feel female.............................Debra

[MysticLady]

Going out en femme I believe is the same feelings a GG gets when she's all dolled up and wants to show her beauty to the world. Same feelings only difference is I'm a GM. I like to become beautiful and show my beauty to the world also. The anticipation is also great knowing that my turn is coming up.......YAY

[CynthiaD]

For me it's not that complicated. I get up in the morning and put on my femme clothes. I need something from the store. I don't feel like changing.

I don't generally put a lot of effort into my presentation. Other than lipstick I seldom wear makeup. But for those that do put a lot of effort into it, and still don't go out, doesn't it seem odd that all this effort would make one less acceptable to society rather than more?

I'm not criticizing. It just strikes me as odd, that's all.

[Sam-antha]

Simply put, I go out because it is the normal thing for a person to do. This [particular person is Sam Antha and she loves the out there places. After all, she has a place in current life.
~Samm

[drushin703]

because why waste a nice outfit on the Tonight show....lol dana

[kimdl93]

For me, it's just wanting to express my feminine side while doing things that I already like to do (movies, dinner, etc.)

Sure there may be an element of need for acceptance, but I'd say the major reason I go out is to interact with people and to do something fun. I get bored sitting around alone.

[sometimes_miss]

I think the desire to go out en femme is simply the desire to be accepted and wanted for who we really are. I know for my own feelings, it really hurts a little every time I hear someone say all the horrible things about CD/TS/TG etc.; I try to be careful, and let them know it's really nothing bad, that there are all types of people in the world and we should all just live and let live. yet I often hear rebukes against that, some people simply will never accept us.

[linda allen]

I'm going to suggest another reason for wanting to "go out", perhaps a much simpler reason:

We've gone to all the trouble to buy the clothes, wigs, forms, padding, makeup, jewelry, etc. and we've gone to all the trouble to learn how to look and act like a female. Going out (and attempting to pass as a female) is just a test of our skills and a reward for all the effort.

Pretty simple, but that does it for me.

[Nikki Rich]

I have not been out yet. There are a few reasons, I'm not sure if I'm ready yet ( not confident enough ), where I live is not the safest place to be caught in a dress. I do have the desire to go out tho. I'm really not sure why I want to. I just know its something I would like to experience. Maybe once I finally do I'll be able to understand it better.

[AllyCDTV]

Ally is a bad girl and is not allowed to go outside. If she did, the things that she likes to do when dressed would get her arrested. Fortunately with the Internet, she can do all those things that would be inappropriate in public to an appreciative audience.:D

[Lainie]

I struggle with authenticity. It's very important to me, but I can't pass, & won't shave the handlebar. I'd like to blend in, just be a regular girl--well, old lady--browsing in shops & chatting. I do all that, sometimes with a wig, sometimes without, lately with DD breast forms & a mask over my nose & mustache. Authenticity? I'm authentically in disguise, fooling only myself. I've often gone out fully en femme, with never more make up than nail polish, often had pleasant encounters. It's fun!

I do have nice clothes, & a sense of style. I love to shop & like to show off what I've assembled in attractive outfits, not just buy things that sit in the closet until they get donated to make space for more. Isn't that the same reason GGs shop & dress up?

[kellyanne]

There is no " need" to go out beyond the " need" for the same social activity everyone else takes for granted as normal.



Crossdressers and all transgendered people only want the same social rights and liberty all other individuals take for granted and enjoy without restriction or question.

Equal rights for all without fear of persecution...or prejudice. Here is a very recent and topical story in Canada:

Recently an engaged T Gurl was flatly refused service at a Saskatchewan Bridal Boutique - because she was a transgendered.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/saskatchewan/story/2013/05/02/sk-bridal-shop-transgender-130502.html

This is not justice.

Thus we " need' to live normal lives like everyone else, free of fear and prejudice.

Amen Sisters

[Jenny CD]

Me too, girl. Me too.

[Jenniferathome]

There is no " need" to go out beyond the " need" for the same social activity everyone else takes for granted as normal.

Crossdressers and all transgendered people only want the same social rights and liberty all other individuals take for granted and enjoy without restriction or question.

I disagree. I am not making a political statement when I go out. I am not worried about my rights. It's self validation.

[MysticLady]

I think the desire to go out en femme is simply the desire to be accepted and wanted for who we really are. I know for my own feelings, it really hurts a little every time I hear someone say all the horrible things about CD/TS/TG etc..

Forgive them, for they know not what they mock.....Too Bad for them I'd say

[TeresaCD]

Forgive them, for they know not what they mock.....Too Bad for them I'd say
Good way to put it..

[Ashlyn Brooke]

Very well put Linda. Very well put!

The first time I thought of dressing as an adult male I wanted to go out on Halloween to an adult costume party. So inside, there was obviously a desire to be seen in public. But I missed the event for family events. As I dressed in private I, myself, yearned to go out. But I lived in a small conservative city with no place to go. When I moved 5 months ago, a new situation presented itself as I was now single. I eagerly look forward to days off, I wear about 50% of women's clothes at all times. One day I dressed as any normal classy woman would and went to the mall...ALONE! Scarey, YES. Thrilling, YES. Confidence inspiring, PRICELESS! Everyone in every store addressed me as Ma'am. But for nighttime entertainment, you can't beat the gay clubs. I had never ever been to one as a straight male but going as Ashlyn was exhilarating to say the least. Especially if you go to one with drag shows. I went alone and I've never gone to any club alone in my life. I was complimented, and visited with, and introduced to others, but most importantly, I was openly accepted. I love it!!!! So if you haven't been out yet and there is even the slightest tickle in you, muster up the courage and just do it, like Nike.

Mmmuah,
Ashlyn

[DaniG]

I want to explore / experience a greater depth of the authentic me, and that just isn't possible dressing in the closet. I need to interact to discover who Dani really is, and if I what it would mean to become Dani full time.

[Claire Cook]

Just like others have said, when I started going out it was for the thrill, to see if I could do it and so on. Now it find my reasons are changing. I've always felt more "me" when dressed, more relaxed and complete, and now I go out to be me. I think people, especially women, sense this and I simply enjoy being myself. I don't know how others see this, but when I am dressed I am more aware of the world around me and of other people -- and much more likely to interact with others. Yesterday my wife made that very observation.