When you first decline the invitation

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

After reading many threads where one of us is offered an invitation to do something girly, I think some of us have made huge mistakes.

I've had offers like the high school girlfriends who have wanted to make up my "pretty blue eyes." My sister wanted to make me up as a girl for Halloween. A girl friend (who didn't really know me, or maybe suspected something) wanted to make me up and have us go out on the town. This was long ago.

Even my own wife suggested we both go dressed to go to dinner and shopping on a Saturday night.

Every time I felt scared and embarassed and said NO.

Okay, kick me in the butt because it's difficult for me to do it!

Do you have similar regrets?

Cheryl

[Barbra P]

I can only wish that my Wife would suggest that we both go out anywhere with me dressed en femme. I’d jump at the chance to go with her shopping or out to dine. While she is OK with me dressing once a week around the house she draws the line at going out. I’d love a girls night out.

[Brynna M]

I've gone shopping to hang out with female friends but no one knew about dressing or asked me to do anything girly. I'm not sure what I would do. I'd probably decline because I'm so used to being only a guy.

I wonder who I would be if I let myself indulge my different but harmless tendencies.

[Karren H]

My only regret is why didn't anyone ever ask me to go to girls thing? sigh....

[STACY B]

Ohhhhh I love this thread ,, I bet any thing that when you say no they want you to do it against your will its like a conquest ,, But ya ever notice as soon as you agree no one wants to play anymore ? I couldn't even count the times I didn't do stuff ,, Like shopping or something with all woman ,, You will never be one of the crowd ,, You will always be an outcast as long as you present male . Maybe if you were presenting female they will let you play SOMETIMES ,,,

[Allison Chaynes]

A couple years ago I got into some poison ivy, oak and sumac REALLY bad, so much so that I was physically ill from it. My legs itched so much I couldn't sleep. The wife suggested wearing pantyhose to bed, which of course I was on board with :). I happened to be on the phone with my mom (who is totally in the dark) and told her "Can you believe what the wife suggested?!" She told me to go to Catherine's, and if I needed help she could meet me there the next day. I was speechless but laughed and said no thanks. I wonder how that would have gone over...

[Samantha45]

I can certainly understand the reluctance to go out. It's a big step and maybe it would be different for you if it had been your idea? Just a thought....
Anyway, depending where you are, I am sure it's not that scary. Once you get past the first few smirks or remarks you realize that you're just living your life. Just as they are.
It's your choice, I guess, but having gone out solo twice recently, having company would be great!

Samantha

[Samantha45]

My only regret is why didn't anyone ever ask me to go to girls thing? sigh.... Someone a few years back offered me that opportunity...regret taking her up on it!

[kimdl93]

So far. Haven't turned down any such requests, but I suppose because so few offers have come in!

[I Am Paula]

I am blessed that my GG friends include me in thier plans. Aside from girls nights out, I've been invited to an all girl ski weekend, a lingerie party ( I got a little embarassed as the girls got giddy, and a little risque), and I get invites to all the wedding, and baby showers. I turn a few down, and I accept a few. We even went to lady's night at a strip club, but I flat out refused to let them buy me a dance.

[DebbieL]

After reading many threads where one of us is offered an invitation to do something girly, I think some of us have made huge mistakes.

Many of us who are transgendered, ESPECIALLY transsexuals, go through some period of life sometimes referred to as "Living in Stealth Mode". This is the period which typically follows being identified as a "Sissy", followed by violent attacks, and often doesn't stop until we successfully "come out" to someone who is accepting, or at least seems to be accepting.


I've had offers like the high school girlfriends who have wanted to make up my "pretty blue eyes." My sister wanted to make me up as a girl for Halloween. A girl friend (who didn't really know me, or maybe suspected something) wanted to make me up and have us go out on the town. This was long ago.

I got a lot of that, but much of it was because they assumed that because I was femme, that I was also gay. Ironically, it was easier to accept being perceived as gay than letting others how much I wanted to be a girl. Partly because I knew I wasn't interested in other boys, but was afraid that if they found out that I wanted to be a girl and liked girls more than boys (MUCH more than boys) that they would reject me for being a lesbian.


Even my own wife suggested we both go dressed to go to dinner and shopping on a Saturday night.

I had similar offers from three former lovers who did not know about Debbie. One was serious, and loved that I was her lesbian lover. She also had men who could "fill her up" but those were usually one-night-stands and I was an every night partner. She wanted me to dress up like a girl and I freaked out a bit. I ended up going as a clown and there was another boy who went in full dress, looking beautiful, and I tried several times to meet him and talk with him, but he read me and avoided me.

My freshman year of college, the kids in my dance class realized that I like to dress like a girl, leotard over tights and thin women's tights and leotard instead of the heavier and courser male tights over a course leotard. They gave me two magazines, one about female bondage, the other about cross-dressing. Unfortunately, the guys in the TV magazine printed in 1974, were really ugly. They had hairy arms and legs, pot-bellies, and 5 o-clock shadow. Not exactly a look I wanted to emulate.


Every time I felt scared and embarassed and said NO.

That's a natural reaction if you have ever been attacked for being "sissy" or "queer". One time a woman just blurted it out and said "you'd like to be a girl wouldn't you?" By then I had already come out, so I was willing to explore this. I asked "What gave me away?" She said, "most men stare at my chest, you not only looked my in the eye, but you complimented my on my eye make-up and liner. You even stroked your own smoothed brows as you said it.

Many women actually hunt for men who are effeminate, but they are also looking for men who tend to be more submissive. They enjoy taking control in a relationship, and enjoy being in control of every aspect of the relationship. I was very attractive to such women, and several of them were quite pleased by not only my femininity but also my submissive nature. However, when I balked at their suggestion that I might want to be a girl, something I desperately wanted to admit, but couldn't, they didn't push it. Needless to say, this led to very interesting and unusual relationships with many women, some of whom my current partner expected me to entertain.

Ironically, when I finally did go public, I became more powerful, more effective, more assertive, and more persuasive than ever. I also found my own feminine dominant side, and was able to do things I would never have considered doing prior to coming out.


Okay, kick me in the butt because it's difficult for me to do it!

I know that when I was living in stealth mode, I felt much like a jew living in Nazi controlled Europe. I could do everything, including taking acting and movement lessons, to protect the illusion I was trying to protect, because I was seriously afraid that I would be physically and violently attacked, even killed. If my father found out, would he throw me out of the house? If my mother found out would she have me put into the nut-house? If the college found out, would they throw me out of school? If my employer found out, would I get fired? If my girlfriend found out would she leave me?


Do you have similar regrets?

Yes, but only in 20/20 hindsight. I turned out that I DID end up homeless, got divorced, lost my job, and lost visitation of my kids, even though I did NOT transition.
When I DID come out, I found a job I really love, met a woman I really love, and my kids know me, love me, and respect me.


Cheryl

[Beverley Sims]

After three refusals and much deep regret, I finally accepted.

Whooppee!

It was life changing.

[sometimes_miss]

Although some people have good experiences with this, I have not. Both who I dressed up for kind of seemed horrified when actually facing what they had asked me to do, not to mention my own disappointment.
I guess it's a 'be careful what you wish for' type of thing; not everything turns out the way you want it to.

[Angela Campbell]

I was asked once by a live in girlfriend if she could put makeup on me. She knew I wore panties and even bought them for me. I was scared to let her know my real desires of being a full woman, so I told her I only wanted to dress from the waist down. A mistake I guess, but that was where I was at the time.

And Debbie, I too was beaten when very young for being a sissy. Not for dressing like a girl but because I was smaller and weaker and really had no interest in boy things. I learned to hide it very very well over the years and now I am working really hard to undo all the learned behaviour. It seems that once I let go many feminine characteristics and mannerisms are quite natural for me. Problem is people are beginning to notice when I am in man mode.

[Kate Simmons]

No regrets here Hon. Sometimes those who are close to us are closer to our female self than we are and sense it. Sometimes we have to convince ourselves of that but in the end we are just people after all.:)

[Sabrina133]

While out shopping one day (in drab), a person behind me told me she thought i'd look really cute in the dress. I turned, mortified thinking i'd been busted, but saw a beautiful woman. Turned out she was a CD who performed at a club. She invited me to come to her place and she'd help me dress and then we'd go to out. Fearing i was looking at a serial killer, i said no. She invited me for coffee to which i answered yes as it was in public. After we talked some, she again offered. Again, i said no but i did agree to go see her perform. She did give me her number and said if i was ever interested, give her a call. It took about three weeks before i made the decision to go for it. It was the best decision i've ever made. I think it changed my life.

[linda allen]

I can only wish that my Wife would suggest that we both go out anywhere with me dressed en femme. I’d jump at the chance to go with her shopping or out to dine. While she is OK with me dressing once a week around the house she draws the line at going out. I’d love a girls night out.

Same here, I would love a trip outside with my wife and me dressed as her friend. Even if we didn't go anywhere, just drove around or went though the drive in for ice cream and sat and ate it in the car.

I had this lined up a couple months ago but I could tell that my wife was not in favor of it so I backed off.

As far as the OP's question, I suppose there have been some opportunities that I passed on but nothing that I really regret.

[Cheryl T]

My only regret in this vein is from when I was about 12 and my aunt caught me in her clothes at her house.
She offered to dress me up any time I wanted to, but of course at that age I was too scared to accept. Now I really wish I had done it.

[Elaine Lynn]

My wife and I went out a few times dressed when we were YOUNGER. Now she tells me no way we will meet up with someone we know and I am to plump and older looking to pass anymore. Wish I was 20 again.

[Jennifer529]

My only regret in this vein is from when I was about 12 and my aunt caught me in her clothes at her house.
She offered to dress me up any time I wanted to, but of course at that age I was too scared to accept. Now I really wish I had done it.
I had a similar incident around that age.My Aunt who was not a lot older than me was doing her nails and make-up.
I was curious and wishing I could do it too.She asked me if I wanted to have my nails painted,I was a little nervous buy said yes,that being done she said i'd look pretty with some make-up,so again I agreed.It was very exciting,I was amazed at how I looked!
She mentioned that I would look nice dressed up.She showed me some of her older clothes some very pretty skirts,blouses and dresses.I was busting with anticipation,but shied away from going that far.I really wish I had done it.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Since I posed the original question, the entire thread has shown that for some reason we all refused, or maybe we were too scared to have our real feelings show? Why? I have SO many regrets for missed opportunities! But I think if I was a girl for Haloween back in the 1960's someone would have a difficult time telling me I couldn't continue to be a girl. Sigh...........

Cheryl

[Maria S]

My only regret is that I don't get the invitations.

Maria

[Jean 103]

Lot of years ago I was offered the opportunity to dress up. I declined and now regret it. I was in the service and was afraid someone would find out. This is kind of funny because my friend was gay and I was going to a gay club and enjoying the show with him. I am not gay, at least I do not think so . What I never told anyone is I wanted to be in the show.

[Aly Cat]

I remember the one and only time it happened and I accepted....made a big fuss about it the whole time but inside i was leaping with joy!
When I was 17, I lived with my girlfriend and her parents and we were all going out trick or treating with a group of friends. Everyone was saying "OOHHH!!! YOU NEED TO GO AS A WOMAN!!" I refused, refused again, and then finally said ok....oh darn..they twisted my arm :devil: So my girlfriends sister gave me a miniskirt and pantyhose and a nice blouse and my girlfriend gave me some smokin hot high heeled boots. I swear they worked on my hair and makeup for like 2 hours. I was having a blast! Afterwards, they all cheered me and we went out trick or treating with about 10 other friends in a neighborhood close by.
It was the one and only time I have ever dressed in public and everyone (the houses that we trick or treated) all told me I looked great as a woman.
That was probably the biggest femme ego booster I could imagine. It was also one of the major tipping points that confirmed that I absolutely loved crossdressing. My girlfriend and I broke up though (not CD related) and I moved to another state. She was all for that side of me. Good times, good times....