But you are such a boy?

[JamiLee]

Recently a friend I had come out to about all of my gender issues decided to finally be honest with me. She wasn't mean or anything like that, but just that she did not understand what the appeal was. She started with the typical, "But you have never been big into clothes and fashion." Which is partly true, but lots of girls aren't into following the latest styles and fashion tips. Then she threw out her trump card, "You like boy stuff, you like Star Wars, Indiana Jones, and movies like that (My obsession with young Harrison Ford is well known). And all you did was ridicule the Twilight movies! You like boy stuff, why not stay a boy?" I didn't even stop to think before I blurted this out, "It's not about what I like; it's about who I am. I'd rather be a tom boy-ish girl than a feminine boy."
My question is, have you ever had anyone else tell you that you were to much of a boy to want to be a girl? or Vice Versa? The few crossdressers I know, have a very pronounced split in their two personas, one masculine one feminine and those seldom overlap. I don't hate who I am as a person, I'm a big nerd/jock/smart-ass, I don't feel like there are two sides to me. I'm me, just I don't look right in the mirror. Thanks!

[elizabethamy]

JamiLee,

I'm no expert. But these kinds of things have been said to me and they have about as much resonance as does my white blood cell count, which is to say, none. Who are you now? What do you care about now? Do you know women who aren't fashion-fussy? Did you know girls like that growing up? Not all girls are trying out for "Sex and the City." It's a stereotype, pure and simple. When I'm told, "but you are so male," all I can say is that the person telling me that can't see what's in my heart or know what's in my mind. This is really complicated stuff, and it's not about cars and starwars.

e.a.

[mikiSJ]

I have been really, really lucky inasmuch as everyone I have come out to has be really supportive. I don't know how I would react to your friend JamiLee,

This afternoon I cam out to my aesthetician who I have know for over 10 years. She was surprised, ecstatic, inquisitive, friendly...everything you could hope for in a friend when you tell them. "Now I know why you have been growing your hair and having me trim your brows!" But even then, no one would think I was feminine in drab mode.

[Angela Campbell]

We are masters at disguise. For so many years I rejected anything even slightly feminine to preserve the image of a man so I would not be found out. Anyone who thought they knew me (no one really has ever known me) would be convinced I am a man through and through. Not even a hint. I knew, I knew well as far back as I can remember but I had to hide it.

So now that I am considering transition for real how do I explain that I have always been a girl when I was such a good actor for so many years? Does a leopard sometimes change its spots?

[DaniG]

Yes, my wife can't help but to take note of every boy thing I do these days as a point to make that I'm not a girl. Never mind the mountain of evidence to the contrary. And she knows I'm trans. It's not really a point of contention between us. Yet she can't help herself. I just let it pass.

[JamiLee]

@ Elizabeth, that was my feeling exactly! It's not important what I like, it's more about who I am! Lol, also, It's Star Wars! My mom absolutely loves it too! I guess Harrison Ford just does stuff to mothers and daughters.

@ Miki, Abby makes it hard on my sometimes. Very much the pray for God to make you normal type, but she was also my neighbor since I was 4 years old and we ended up being best friends. She ultimately just wants me to be happy, she always has, but she has always known me as the little boy across the street. It will take her time, more so then most, to view me as anything else. I love her to death, and I can't wait for the day this is a non-issue. :) Why don't you send me some non-judgemental friends? I could use some.

@ Almost, all of my problems with forming relationships have been because I was a chameleon myself. Not necessarily just on this issue, but with everything! I was a jock in high school and college, and I ended up forming friendships with some very close minded, although well intentioned, guys. My little brother has never hidden his self from anyone, he is an odd ball like me (well not quite) but as far as personality is concerned. I really wish I would have had the courage to just stand up and let the real me out, like him. Don't tell him I said that, he would rub it in my face forever. A leopard can always change his/her spots! Good luck in changing yours! :)

@ Dani, my gf is the same way. She is one hundred percent supportive of me, I guess that is because I was honest with her from the get go about who I am. However, she still takes little pot shots at me every now and then. I'm guessing your wife and my Amy do it for the same reason, just to tease us out of love.

Thank you all for your responses! It's nice knowing that other trans individuals don't fit the "textbook- I always knew I was in the wrong body" mold.

XOXO
Jamie

[kimdl93]

The sam person has told me that, you're just like one of the girls, and gave me the nickname, "Marta", and on another occasion said 'you're such a guy, when I was cussing at traffic. So yes and yes.

[JamiLee]

:) Cussing at traffic doesn't count. One of my best friends swears like a sailor during rush hour. I'm pretty sure she has always had a vagina, and despite my repeated begging she won't give it to me.

[Antoinette]

My friends say I have a male mentality and don't act feminine at all. Partially true I'm not a very girly. More so a tom boy which is fine by me. I take no offense to it or anything. My interests and personality remains the same. My appearance is all that's changing

[TeresaL]

Yep, I've been told by my wife that I don't have a feminine bone in my body.

I don't know about you folks, but I've had male mannerisms imposed on me by being raised as a gender opposite to my inner gender. Also, through societal imposed cultural training, and reinforcement of gender specific behaviors. I've had a lot of practice in my non-preferred gender, and that has coupled with an overly long denial period.

This all boils down to having to unlearn more than should've ever been necessary. Kudos to the upcoming generation who just might have an easier time withs being their true inner gender.

[KellyJameson]

I work in a science related field and almost all the the researchers are cisgender females and they drag me to sci fi movies all the time and I doubt if even one of them owns a dress.

I have many "girl" friends who are intense competitors in various sports and two who rock climb with me.

I have met woman working in construction, auto mechanics and many work in law inforcement with guns strapped to their sides.

Interests and work do not make a man or woman

I have had just as many people tell me that I'm not a boy as I have that I'm not a girl but what they think and see has nothing to do with my gender identity which transcends anything culturally defined as gender.

[Natalya]

When I look inside my own soul I see only a woman but there is still a lot of me that is typically male, some of which I hate and would prefer to rid of, some of which I embrace as part of my female self. None of us, I would suggest, transgender or otherwise, is or ever has been absolutely one thing or the other.

Being transgender, in my case being a transgender woman, has very little, if anything, to do with embracing traditional female gender roles. Being transgender is about being who I am; I'm not a trans woman because I want, exclusively and necessarily, to be feminine but because I am female. Just as in society at large there are butch women and feminine men, so there are trans women who are tom boys and trans men who are feminine.

There are transgender people who embrace a stereotypical gender role because that's part of who they are, which is fine, but many do so, I suspect, only because they feel it is expected or even required of them in order to validate their gender identity. For me, being transgender has far more to do with living as the person I am. It's about expressing personal self-identity and, if that doesn't match up to society's or even the trans* community's standards of how a woman or a trans woman should look or behave then, as far as I am concerned, so much the better because that validates my identity as an individual rather than one of the herd.

[DaniG]

There are transgender people who embrace a stereotypical gender role because that's part of who they are, which is fine, but many do so, I suspect, only because they feel it is expected or even required of them in order to validate their gender identity.

I, for one, embrace the female role because I like the female role. I like the clothes, the mannerisms, the company, the etiquette, the accessories, the emotional expression, etc. There are still male things about me, some of which I can change, many of which will never change. I'll never be a true woman, but I do like to think of myself as one.

[Rachel Mari]

I've never had anyone tell me how manly I am, but have been told I'm "such a chick."

My wife tells me I move and sound feminine and maybe that's why we get along with each other so well. I don't know, or aren't sure, what I'm doing to make them say that as I feel I'm just being me. I know I've stopped being so careful about what and how I say things and just go with what comes to mind.

When I told my sister I was TG, she was surprised and stated that I hid it very well, but she was sad that I felt I had to hide who I was for so long.

My wife has talked to a few people, that she trusts, and others know something is up, and she's told me the majority of them think I'm gay, but she's the only one that has ever said that to me. I assume they think that way because I must be acting feminine? Or she's just saying that to me for some reason of her own that I don't know about.

All in all, I'm just trying to be me.

[groove67]

As for myself i have always been a femi guy i guess never in sports ,like doing what would be said girl things, and not very manly looking had many femi features not much facial hair no chest hair and slight build . Even though i was married have two daughters in going toward three years here living as a woman 24/7 everywhere including work have not ever been told i have male actions. Even my x wife said she noticed many femi things about me and when i started crossdressing few years ago she was not suprised when i told her i was going on both hormone treatment , male blocker and female hormones and it has worked very well for me can not believe how my body has changed and my feeling are now just 100% of what was 75% before i started hrt. My height 5 9 so as tall as guys are today wearing heels which i love not big problem for me. For those are told that you do things like a boy well they did not say man, and maybe part of it is they are scared in time you will look better than they. I had a lady friend who is a born woman who has become great girl firend tell me i look better than my x . I told her i will never tell her that lol. Marianne