Attracted to Males and a Crossdresser.....??

[michelle33]

Like most I've been dressing on an off since a kid (11 was my first experience). I fooled around with a guy as my first sexual encounter and it went on a couple of years - we were very young - early teens. I was always the 'girl' in the relationship though never dressed.

Later I was with plenty of girls growing up and had lots of relationships but still fantasized about guys.

Into my twenties, more relationships with girls and more dressing behind closed doors. Still nothing with a guy since the above encounter.

Late twenties, some hook ups with guys - very sporadic and nothing regular. Always wanted to be dressed when with guys but never was.

Early thirties - increasingly hooked ups with guys (occasionally in femme underwear) - went for first makeover and started buying clothes in earnest.

Purge here, purge there. Hetro relationship for a while. More guys.

Post mid thirties now and really wanting to take my dressing further - have had plenty of makeovers, have built a small collection and continue to do so and still attracted to guys.

I know I started this thread with a question in mind - I suppose I'm pretty confused. I think I'm gay but not sure I can admit it. I love to dress and think a lot about being in a relationship with a guy where I can be dressed all the time. So not sure what my question is but it's cathartic to get this down/out.

Thanks for reading my ramble. I'll try to some clarity in a bit.

Comments welcomed.

[Megan Thomas]

Well I'd say you're bisexual at the very least and most likely gay. The question I think you need to address is are you a crossdresser or a transsexual? Something to contemplate on...

[AllieSF]

Well, probably technically you are Bi-sexual, can go either way and enjoy it. Nothing to be ashamed nor worried about in my opinion. You are what you are and you have an advantage that most of us don't. You have more choices for a partner!

I recommend that you do not worry about it, because it really is out of your control. Just live life and enjoy it as best possible. Worry about those things that you can do something about. You will have less worries and more fun. Also, though connected in the pleasure department, I do not think there is a direct link to your crossdressing. Just enjoy both and have fun with your life. There are too many other things that are not so much fun and we still have to do those too, like work.

[Lucy Lou]

Hi, I posted a comment a few weeks ago about being a cross dresser and being gay. Check it out. i would say that with all your gay experiences that you are gay and want to have your encounters whilst dressed. Obviously, you are the only one who really knows. It sounds to me as if you have just found it hard to accept what you are. Take it from me I understand, I love dressing and am not going to purge again and I would love to have a relationship with a man and that is what I am looking for. You have already done that so you know what it is like.

You don't need to beat yourself up about it. Just be happy and if other people can't handle it that is their problem not yours.

Good luck, I hope this has been a little bit useful to you. Lucy Lou. :battingeyelashes::battingeyelashes:

[Julie Gaum]

I don't think you have a question but rather having the Forum members affirm that you are bi-sexual. Once that's settled in your mind then only you, over a period of time, can decide whether you're ready to continue on the road to transsexuality by transitioning. In the meantime
dressing is certainly something that you can enjoy. There is no need at this time to divulge the factors that have to go into your ultimate decision such as family acceptance, employer and job environment and related to that last factor would be your financial ability now and in the future for basic living, medical and counseling costs and so on. This post in no shape or form should be considered as advice but simply sign posts on the path that you alone must travel.
Good luck
Julie

[Rogina B]

It is all good! Enjoy yourself. Some of us are from the same playground!

[AmyGaleRT]

You could very well be bi, Michelle. Nothing wrong with that; my ex-wife was, and my brother was for awhile before he went completely gay. And, as Woody Allen said, it gives you twice as much chance of having a date on Saturday night! ;)

I know it takes awhile to figure out who you are sometimes. But once you accept who you are, things do get easier. Concentrate your efforts on being the best woman you can be, and see if your feelings lean towards making the change permanent. And sometimes, love comes walking in when you least expect it...:)

- Amy

[Taylor Ray]

Hey Michelle, I have had a similar evolution as you describe in your post. For me, I tried not to focus on the labels and just went where I wanted to go. I have found that even though I enjoy being physically intimate with guys, I am still very attracted to females, which is one thing that differentiates me from my gay friends.

[mikiSJ]

Whether you are a crossdresser who is gay/bi-sexual/transsexual, I think the question you need to answer is why you are not in or cannot form a long term relationship.

[Beverley Sims]

I would say bi-sexual, maybe later you may swing towards guys.
You could see a therapist for guidance I feel

[kimdl93]

You sound pretty much bisexual to me. Beat in mind that its ok to be bi, straight or gay, but as time goes on you may find a diminishing association between dressing and sex. Or you may find that you want to be dressed full time but still desire relationships with partners of either gender.

[Badtranny]

Perhaps it's not the attraction to men that confuses you, but the attraction to women?

I suspect that you love men but don't identify as gay. I'll also wager that your relationships with women are easy and frequent, but your interest in sex diminishes as the relationship deepens. Maybe you don't even really want to have sex with them, but if they are aggressive enough, you're good to go.

Sound familiar?

[Barbara Dugan]

I think you would benefit from the guidance of a therapist just to ease your doubts...but can I ask you with who you feel more complete and satisfied men or women?
I never been with a woman in my life and sex with a guy is the most full filling experience for myself..I understand the desire to dress and have sex with a guy kind of gives a reason for the dressing

[marlenesexton]

Sexuality and gender can be confusing. There is no right answer and in my opinion, labels make it worse. Personally, I don't try and classify myself and neither should you. Go with what feels good and if that's a guy one day, a woman the next and something in between the day after that, so be it. Life's too short to worry about naming it. If you are really confused, talk about it (looks like you are) but to me, it looks like at least one issues is your need to classify yourself. They are just labels and being gay or transgendered doesn't change who you are. Good luck!

[BlairP]

Bisexuality is fun if that is what you are into. Dont let anybody including yourself force you into one camp or the other. We are all a least a little bisexual.

[calebsmithxd]

I think seeing a therapist would be the best idea. Some things are hard to understand on our own and even with the input of other people, we may still need some guidance to help us figure things out.


Perhaps it's not the attraction to men that confuses you, but the attraction to women?

I suspect that you love men but don't identify as gay. I'll also wager that your relationships with women are easy and frequent, but your interest in sex diminishes as the relationship deepens. Maybe you don't even really want to have sex with them, but if they are aggressive enough, you're good to go.

Sound familiar?

I think this could be worth investigating.

[cdrachael]

Thank god I'm not the only one. I have had a couple of times with guys and enjoyed it but I was dressed as guy mode. Having said that I think about a relationship with a woman who accepts me and my crossdressing. After two failed marriages the second wife very supportive though, I'm still searching. I think everyone is right though why be stuck with labels have fun learning who you are and when you can accept yourself everything will fall into place.....hhhhmmm should take on my own advice, hehe

[michelle33]

Hi Barbara,
Sex with a guy is definitely more fulfilling for me. While I sometimes wish to kiss an attractive girl - beyond that I'm not sexually aroused by them and in the last few years if i'm honest I've found having sex with a female to be chore-like.

[michelle33]

Hi Melissa,

I've never been with an 'aggressive girl' but the rest of your comment is very accurate. My relationships with women aren't that frequent but yes even if I think I've found someone that I'm very attracted to - it's short lived and yes you're spot on that I don't really want to have sex with them. In fact without being graphic, with an ex-girlifriend I was jealous of her performing oral on me as I wanted to be the one crouched down doing what she was doing. I'm very attracted to TS girls though and often vacillate between wanting to be with one or wanting to be one.

[michelle33]

Miki,
Very succinct - I think I know the answer and it's courage related - family, friends, work, etc.
M

[Erica Marie]

Dont overthink it because you are not alone. I too have been in the same frame of mind. When I was young I had a friend and we experimented as kids. Then it was onto girls because I assumed thats what guys are suppose to do. But in my early teens when I started crossdressing I wondered more. Then like all of us purged a few times. Had a few gf's , got married, got divorced and finally came to grips that I am a crossdresser and that will never change. I also realized I am truly bisexual. Never interested in a real same sex relationship but alway wanting to have fun with another cd. My heart is waiting for the right female to come along and accept me for who I am but unsure that will ever happen. So be yourself, follow the path you feel most comfortable with.

[Sabrina133]

Hi Michelle,,,

You and I sounds like sisters -- well almost. I am also bi but currently in an LTR (I hope) with GG who also happens to be Bi. We've been together for a year and frankly, life is great. A few years ago, i was in an LTR with a guy. We were together for 18 months. I was definitely the girl in the relationship and was usually dressed. Thats what eventually led to our seperation. That and he was a complete jerk.

Prior to that i'd been with a number of guys i'd met at clubs, bars etc. Like you, while i enjoyed men sexually, they were with me either as a lark (gay sex masquerading as straight sex with a woman because of the way i dressed and acted) or gay men who were just looking for a fun time. Frainkly, i liked that situation as well because of my profesional situation. Unlike you, i also enjoy being with woman performing either as a woman or a man. The relationship i enjoy with my SO is in that realm.

Anyway, if there is one observation i can offer - and this goes to my point about having multiple male partners - be carefull you don't get your heart broken. Often gay men want masculine, good looking hunks as life long partners/husbands because thats who they are attracted to. If they werent they'd be attracted to women. While they may see a sexual encounter with a feminine man, CD or pre-op TS as something different, we aren't neccesarily what they are looking for.

If you what to discuss more, pls feel free to PM me.

[StarrOfDelite]

Sexuality and gender can be confusing. There is no right answer and in my opinion, labels make it worse. Personally, I don't try and classify myself and neither should you. Go with what feels good and if that's a guy one day, a woman the next and something in between the day after that, so be it. Life's too short to worry about naming it. If you are really confused, talk about it (looks like you are) but to me, it looks like at least one issues is your need to classify yourself. They are just labels and being gay or transgendered doesn't change who you are. Good luck!

Marlene: Well stated! Unfortunately, until mainstream hetero society acknowledges and accepts gender ambiguity, sexual duality, and alternate lifestyles, many of us will continue to be afflicted with the need to identify and label the source of our "differentness."

[María José]

Enjoy it!
I like to dress and feel as a girl. I like males as many girls do. What´s the problem?

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

While I am married to a very understanding woman, we both agree that anatomical sex has little to do with the way we feel inside. While dressed I had an awsome experience with a married guy who was questioning his sexuality. I truly felt like I am the woman I was supposed to be. I loved the role and I played it well! My wife knows that my best friend and I once had a nice loving encounter. My friend has since had full SRS. It doesn't necessarily mean you're gay. Even today my wife has encouraged me to have a male lover to fully explore and love being a woman. Nothing really wrong with that! Live by your own standards!

Cheryl Ann

[CONSUELO]

Your experience is not uncommon and reading your account of your sexual journey reminded me a lot of my journey. I started cross dressing at a very young age and my sexual exploration up to the age of about 14 was through cross dressing. Then I became interested in girls and thought I was just a hetero cross dresser. In my thirties I had an encounter with another cross dresser but didn't pursue that path for several years before exploring relationships with men while dressed. Those were the most intense relationships for me. I don't know what label to attach and am not concerned about that. If you feel really uncomfortable or stressed over this I would support the suggestion that you seek help from an experienced counsellor. I do mean experienced, so choose carefully.

[CherylFlint]

When I dress as Cheryl, well, Cheryl likes guys. It's really easy, guys like girls and girls like guys. Being Cheryl is a lot of fun.
I'd like to add that when dressed as a man (drab) I like girls. I don't have any intrest in men what-so-ever.
However, as soon s I start to get dressed as Cheryl, all I can think about is doing a good job in passing as a women and going out to look fo a guy to be with, but it's pretty rare that I find what I'm looking for butI alway have fun being out and about.

[Beth Wilde]

Hi Michelle, that sounds a lot like my life was! It took me a while but after admitting to myself that I was gay, it made it a lot easier to admit to everyone who asked. I felt no need to announce it to the world. Now I have the best of both worlds as I am in a relationship with another gay CD and we love each other however we are presenting!

It may be the answer for you too....

[Darla Jean]

Whew...the thing about this site is that the folks here share so many of the same experiences .... this thread is no doubt one close to me as well. I now think of myself as bisexual...when dressed en femme, I have little interest in other women as I view myself as a woman. As I am not gay, when female, I am attracted to males and consider that to be a bisexual feeling or encounter. Dealing with that on a day to day basis is difficult, but it is a conclusion that I have reached and I am not sure that there is anything wrong with it, despite societal taboo.

[NicoleScott]

I'm not qualified to comment, but that never stops others. haha
It sounds to me like you would like to be with a guy who is attracted to you when you are in girl mode.

[MasterD]

Variety is the spice of life.

People like to put others into "boxes" I'm sure this has been discussed many times here. Sometimes one needs not just to think outside the box but to really be outside the box - and be comfortable with it. That's the hard part.

I've dated CD'rs who professed to be "Straight" as in not interested in having sex with me. I was OK with that and respected their views. I believe part of this view is the "Oh my God, :eek: I'M GAY !" supposition upon the thought of enjoying an evening out on the town with a man, or heaven forbid, actually enjoying an sexual encounter with a man.

More than once when I've gone over to a cute TV/TS to say hello, they either panic, freeze or blurt our "I'm not gay !"

They can't figure out which box they feel they need to be in.

Personally I'm attraced to GG's TS's and most CD'rs but men don't really do anything for me sexually, I have my straight male and female friends and then there's my "other" friends. Yes, I've done a little CDing in my youth and found it really dosen't do anything for me.

I guess if I had to pick a box It'd be "miscellaneous" You're welcome to join me (figuratively speaking), as far as boxes go it's pretty big and everyone I know in it is comfortable with themselves. The question is; Are you comfortable with yourself ?

As an aside: Sometimes the most apprehensive CD'rs find themselves in enjoyable company when the evening ends privatly.:smug:

[CherylFlint]

I agree 100%.
Besides, it makes life a lot easier, I think, to keep the two seperate.

[Norah_joy]

Wanting to be with a guy who is attracted to me and treats me as a woman? Yeah, that sounds like me.

[Frédérique]

I think I'm gay but not sure I can admit it. I love to dress and think a lot about being in a relationship with a guy where I can be dressed all the time. So not sure what my question is but it's cathartic to get this down/out.

Nothing wrong with that. I’m a guy, and the only other guy I would want to spend time with would be a MtF crossdresser – a HAPPY MtF crossdresser, to be precise…
:battingeyelashes: