In public for the first time

[Tiffanyselkoe]

I am interested in going out one night ( girls night out) in girl mode. Where are more acceptable places to go? Has anyone had positive experiences at say a gay bar? Did you feel you were recognized? I am nervous but my desire to get Tiffany out into the real world is getting stronger and stronger. Does anyone have any examples of how you were treated in public? I guess I am hoping to allay my fears and just go for it. Hugs!

[Starr]

Most gay bars are open minded and excepting of tgirls...be perpared to show ID as most gay bars i have been to require Id's. You can sit and enjoy the shows, music, and drinks without any one giving you a problem.. remember most gay guys are looking for guys not tgirls.

[linda allen]

If you're just starting, you don't have to "go" any place. Get in the car and drive around. Go to a mall and get out and put some trash in the trash can or buy a soda from the machine. Stop and put gas in your car. Walk around a public park (in the daytime) or a mall. If you live near a large city, drive downtown, park the car and walk around. Just try to look like you are going someplace, not wandering around. The trick is to have confidence. Make up your mind that you are a woman and have been all your life.

I can't comment on gay bars, I haven't been to one. I will say though that if you are recognized in a gay bar, the person who recognizes you will probably be just as embarassed as you are.

[Cheryl T]

Go to the mall and shop...it's more fun dressed.

[Beverley Sims]

As Cheryl before me has said, an excursion to the mall in the daytime is probably one of the best exercises you can undertake.

[wilt575]

Like most have already said, malls window shopping, grocery store etc, where people are just out and about taking care of business. One of my first outs was the local casino, where people only have there mind on winning. Went well and had fun, just don't win to much in one shot and have to fill out tax report, in my state single win over 600.00 and have to show I.D.

[AllieSF]

It took me a long time to go out dressed during the day time. In general gay bars should be fine if it is a decent place. The best way to find out is to go there in guy mode first around the time you would go there dressed to see what the crowd is like. The best way to enjoy the evening would be to have a side kick like another CD, GG, or guy friend. I go out a lot and always prefer o be with someone versus going solo. Make sure you look people in the eyes when passing or talking with them, smile a lot and watch your back. The rest will come naturally. Good luck, enjoy and do let us know how it goes.

[Tiffanyselkoe]

I hope I am worrying about nothing which I have a tendency to do. Thanks for the suggestions and tips everyone. Hugs!

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Hi Tiffany, as Linda has suggested, it might be best to take a drive at night if you can safely get out without being noticed. At least get a feel for going out. I've done that bringing a bag of male drab clothes just in case I got a flat tire or some stupid reason or thing happened, which is rare. It might also help to find a friend who might go with you. In my experience I've found that the confidence to go out en femme is built one baby step at a time. Take the first cautious step. In time you'll have greater confidence to say, "To hell with what anyone says or thinks!" I'm beginning to wonder if my neighbors are realizing that "Cheryl" lives in the neighborhood.

Cheryl

[slamddoger]

if you live in big city ther may be suport group in your are that can help you out

[ArleneRaquel]

In public I have treated awfully and great, depends on the situation and the type of people that you run into. My neighbor is a homophob and a hater in general, another neighbor who live about a blck south drives me shopping just about everytime that I pass by on my way to the grocery store, he has also driven me to the bank where I have my special accounts. The hater is about 45, the good neighbor just over 50. They are both of the same ethnic/religious heritage, so who know what causes them to be so differnt in the attitudes.

I haven't been to as gay bar in years, way, way back I had no problems.

[Suzanne F]

I have followed Allies advice and everything has been wonderful.
I have enjoyed my three trips out immensely. I would not trade the experience for anything. I have always been out with my wife and another friend. I have looked people in the eye and held my head up. Good luck!
Suzanne

[jetter]

New member here. Not sure if there is a UK forum on this site. I live not too far from the Village in Manchester. I am not a CD myself but admirer. You would not be treated too disrespectfully in some of the bars in the Village. Lots of straight guys drink around the Village too these days. I see any disrespect towards you as a reflection of the problems inside the perpetrator.

[Jana]

I remember my first case of cabin fever. My house had become too small for me, I knew I had to get out. So, I did. I went out for a drive, at night. Just drove around aimlessly for about an hour. Then, I did it during the day. I picked up a GG friend and went to a park. We just sat and chatted for a bit. Some people went by and nobody gave me a second look. Upon the realization that I was able to pass (at least from a distance and with my mouth shut), my wheels started to spin. That's when I started visiting malls and other stores (CherylT is right, it's so much fun to shop enfemme). I don't really care for the club scene, I'd rather go out to mainstream places, where I can blend in and feel normal, even if for a fleeting moment. Anyway, whatever you decide, have fun and above all, be safe.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Ideally, you would go out with someone (safer for a woman to go out with a friend than alone.) But, if you must go out alone, go to a brightly lit public place with security such as a mall during the daytime. In the grand scheme of things, you might be more likely to be laughed at or such at a mall, but you are far less likely to actually be hurt etc. Gay places can vary, some are very upscale and classy... and a some are as rough as any straight dive bar you can imagine (thugs, prostitutes, drugs etc.); gay places also tend to be located (not always but tend to be) in bad areas of town. If you want to go to a gay place, go with a friend, don't go alone.

[Cheryl James]

Based on your location I would suggest that you (if it is possible) go to Kansas City or St. Louis. You won't know anybody and nobody will know you. With that worry out of the equation, go wherever yo want: gay bar. shopping mall, park, whatever. Good luck.

[I Am Paula]

I'm a relative veteran to going out. At last count 7000 times not counting sick days, or days I went out multiple times.
Truly bad experiences=0
Rude comments=5 Rude comments by others=15
Truly wierd comments (Did you know your wearing women's clothes?)=30
Times I've felt in danger=0
Times I've felt empowered, free, at ease, self confident, and accepted= All of them.
Times I've felt not welcome=0