How do you create the best conditions to be successful transitioning

[Kathryn Martin]

People often talk about their need to transition, about how they have to transition, about the authentic life they aspire to, the expectation to lose all manner of things in transition (family, friends, jobs, house etc.) and how difficult it is to successfully accomplish.

Those that have transitioned wear it like a hero badge, they bragg about how much they lost (and gained) and then perpetuate the myth that it is the hardest thing they ever did.

Transitioning, with all of those features described above is depicted like a fatalistic life event. I had to do it and I paid the price, it sucked, but it was the best thing I ever did. I lost my family (job, house, spouse, friends etc. you pick) but it was the best thing I did. This is usually with the first 24 months of transitioning.

The hero halo wears off in time. You now have a full wardrobe, your social circle has shrunk, you are no longer married, adult children are uneasy around you, and you have no loving partner or spouse, money is scarce. You have possibly thoughts about de-transitioning because you need a job or it is just too hard.

My question is what did you do to create the best conditions to be successful in your transition? What thought did you put into keeping your spouse by your side? What did you do to ensure your job was secure, or if you are self employed like I, how to keep your clients, customers etc. What did you do to make sure your house was not lost? How did you work with your children to get past the unease and affirm and assure them of your love?

I suggest before all you who think about transition, all of you are not full time, all those that say I am transsexual but have done nothing about it stay back a little and let the ones who have completed full social and professional transition answer first.

Let's get practical for a change (Kelly says I have to, at least sometimes).

[arbon]

Thanks for starting this. With some of the recent discussion I've been thinking a lot about transitioning and why I did and way to much thinking. I wanted to start a thread but could not get it out right, but yours opens the door to a lot of what I have been thinking about.

Do I brag though? I hope not. I don't think I do.
It was the hardest thing I have ever done though, yep. I feel for those that are embarking down that same path.


what did you do to create the best conditions to be successful in your transition?

Nothing. I acted desperately, I was in a place much like where Paula is at now (judging from her threads). I was trying, trying, trying to deal with my life as it was, make it work, find some middle place I could be content and not risk everything.

But one day I went home and looked for my hunting rifle, I was really in a bad place. It was surreal expreience, I was totally playing it out in my head. It was not that I might kill myself, it was going to happen. Lucky for us my wife had the foresight that morning to take it out of the house. Because of that I decided I needed to try to transition.

Two or three months later I went out for the first time seriously(not counting two halloweens when I had tried to dress - which both ended in disaster), a month after that I was starting hormones and hair removal and coming out more and more.

There was no planning, just doing.


What thought did you put into keeping your spouse by your side?

The only thought I had is that I did not expect she would, I don't even think I wanted her to. Not that I did not love her, but I just did not want to put her through anymore. Or my daughter. My wife is pretty amazing though,despite everything she was staying by my side and helping me along, even though she felt it was ending our marriage and the anxiety and pain it caused her.

We are still together, and our relationship is pretty good today. But it was not my doing.


What did you do to ensure your job was secure, or if you are self employed like I, how to keep your clients, customers etc.

I took a chance and was honest about my desire to transition. It was a big risk, with no backup plan, nothing to fall back on. When I first talked to my boss he was supportive, but a couple months later he was talking about firing me, but he didn't, and then the next year and a half he was trying to make me so miserable at work that I would quit on my own. Just got lucky (and maybe some of it had to do with my unwillingness to quit) that I am still employed. It made it hard though for that year and a half because he would not let me transition at work, so I was really living a double life, and trying to figure out what to do. It sucked!!!. It was kind of comical at times to as this is a very small community so people could see on my way to work or at work as male, and then see me again in the evening or weekend presenting as me. It was weird.

Finally when I changed my name in May last year I went I told him this is it, I'm doing this. I fully expected that he would finally just fire me. Instead he gave me a piece of his mind about this whole thing (some of the things he said as soon as I got out to my car I just started bawling) and he gave me some restrictions on what I could wear and not wear (no one wants to see me in a dress or skirt or in make up was his reasoning)

Anyway, but since then it has gotten continually better, things are more normal, I'm part of the company again.


What did you do to make sure your house was not lost?

Well because of the cut income (reduced hours and pay) I did loose my house and went into bankruptcy. I did not even get surgery out of the deal.


How did you work with your children to get past the unease and affirm and assure them of your love?

it took her some time to get used to it, but both her mom and I kept trying to reassure her and letting her know she was loved, it was going to be alright. We have also kept her in counseling with a child therapist this whole time which helped I think. She has done well with it all in all. Was telling someone on this forum the other day we are kind of weird in that she is very athletic loves sports - and one of the things we do a lot is going to the park and play catch with baseball and footballs. Its just kinda funny as that is something most fathers and sons do, but we do it.



I did rush into transition, it was not planned out. With a lot of it I just got lucky.


A couple weeks ago I got my new drivers license, my name had already been changed, but now my sex marker says "F". Yesterday one of my co workers, the one who was most resistant to my transitioning referred to me as "her". I thought it must be a fluk, a slip on his part because he had told me he would never do that. But then he did it again today. It was for real. He was the last one at work I had to win over, and I finally did. I could have kissed him. Its small but both of these things were very validating to me, I'm identifying as female, living it, its legal now and even the most resistant like my co-worker have given way for me, and it feels good.

Yet some of the discussions lately on this board have given me some pause - did I really do the right thing? Did I rush into it to fast? Was it really dysphoria or something else?

All I have to judge it by is how it feels now, which it feels right, I feel good, I feel stable. I don't feel much dysphoria, nothing like I used to. I don't feel like I am living a lie, which is the way I used to feel. Its becoming very seldom that I am referred to as male, its good.

But a year from now, two, three, five will it be the same? After GRS? Will I look back and realize I deceived myself some where along the way, don't know. Do I regret it all later on?

I don't know why those questions are coming up for me.

[stefan37]

Did I have to transition or I would have died. I do not know it got to that point. I would never consider taking my life no matter how difficult life is. I did suffer from extreme anxiety and had this internal urge to feminize my appearance and the deprivation of that expression would induce distress. I did check out for a few years and I was able to mitigate my distress with alcohol and other substances.
I finally got tired of fighting with myself and accepted what I believed to be me. My wife wanted nothing to do with it and tried awfully hard for me to get a second opinion before I started HRT. She is still having a hard wrapping her around this whole thing. I have lost her as my wife. We live in the same house in separate bedrooms. She still loves on some level and wants to remain with me, but has a hard time and feels very uncomfortable when we go out. She is doing the hard work on her own to meet others in her predicament to try to understand what I am doing, how she can cope and at some point will decide on her own what type of relationship she can accept and deal with. For me this has been the hardest thing I have had to deal with in my lifetime. We have been together 33+ years and will be married 30 in Sept.

How my wife would react and the thought of losing her was my biggest fears. All other fears I had about transition were gone long before I had my first therapist appt. experiencing some events a couple years ago allowed to see my mortality for the first time in my life. I started to care not what or how people thought of me. Now that my biggest fear has materialized I have no other fears to stop my progression except financially. i am not the type of person that analyzes every possibility without acting. I tend to act first and deal with the fallout later. I did give careful thought to what I might lose before I started. i started slowly with electrolysis, made my appt and was prescribed hormones. Those two events confirmed for me I was doing the right thing.
Literally days after starting estrogen my anxiety went from a level 10-0 and my craving for alcohol and drugs disappeared. I have been alcohol and substance free for 18 months. I swim 3600 yds weekly and I am in the best shape mentally and physically than I have ever been in my entire life.

I have disclosed to close friends, my family and my employees. those discussions have gone favorably and I do not take myself too seriously. We joke around and as long as it is not derisive or derogatory I tolerate it. i have disclosed to a few clients and those I have so far have been supporting. All they are interested in is that they will receive the same prompt service and quality work they have come to expect. I do not anticipate many client losses as a result. Most of my clients tend to think I was a bit eccentric anyway.
Although I have been at this a short time it has been the most rewarding positive experience I have had. i have renewed energy, anxiety free with no impairment. I have been more attentive to my wife's needs and more involved in our family life than I ever was. I am capable of dealing with stressful situations and my business in a way I was incapable of before.

Has it been painful, Hell yes I lost the most precious person in my life. We are still together and forging a new relationship, but it will never be the same as it was. the hurt and pain I have inflicted upon her by my actions will take me a long to recover from(if I ever do). and it is causing in her a tremendous amount of stress she should not have been exposed to.

Is this the hardest thing i have done. Well it is hard. I have been using my voice everyday almost constantly, it is not easy and lots of people look at me quizzedly. Electrolysis is tedious, expensive and requires a huge investment of time. I am at her office twice weekly at 6 am for an hour and a half session. Buying a wardrobe to wear casually does not come easy to me. i am getting better.

I would say the hardest thing in my life would be running and building my business. We 9 employees total with my wife, and I. She is a business partner and we get along fine. We make a good team. Procuring profitable jobs, getting paid when they are completed and dealing with 7 salaried employees is a huge task. We just rented an office and shop that we are fitting out now since zoning kicked us out of our home. Thing are mostly positive and I honestly believe my energy and zest is a direct result of my decision ot transition and allow the world ot see who I am and not hide anymore. It took an enormous amount of negative energy to hide and suppress myself.

In conclusion I have tremendous self-confidence, resolve and perseverance to successfully transition and at some point assimilate to the opposite gender. I am also developing patience, another important trait needed to successfully navigate changing genders. I have already suffered in my opinion the greatest loss I could have incurred. In spite of that, I have this feeling of content and I feel normal for the first time in my life. So I guess in that sense actively transitioning has saved my life and given me the energy to pursue life with all the vigor I can muster.

[Stephanie-L]

The one thing I did was to make sure that my work had absolutely no complaint against me or the quality of my work. I knew I would be placing myself in a spotlight, and I didn't want them to have an excuse to fire me. As far as my marriage, I was ready for it to end, but my wife surprised me by wanting to stay, so far it is working. I have been fully out for over a month, and no problems at work or in public in general. I did do my research about what options I had, both to deal with my current employer, and to find a new job if I needed to. I also had a lawyer lined up who specializes in TG employment issues if I needed her. I was open and up front with my bosses, and tried to give them time to adjust, and to get things in place before I came out. As far as my kids, they are all adults, some are more accepting than others, but none of them live at home, so it is easier to deal with. As far as money, I have been lucky, I had an inheritance which I have been able to use for transition related expenses.....................Stephanie

[kellycan27]

I told my parents right before my 18 th birthday that I was ( not wanted) going to transition. After graduation the shipped me out of state to attend college ( and get me out of their hair). They paid my tuition and for housing. I got a part time job working for jack in the box and delivering newspapers. At 19 I got hired by American Airlines as a reservations agent. I was young but I spoke English, French, and Spanish fluently. In the interview I told them my plans and they were ok with it.
I was going to school full time and making 22.00 an hour. I worked as much as I possibly could often being awarded the available overtime because of my language skills. I poured myself into work and school. Work, school and sleep was all I did. No social life what so ever. I went full time at 20. Started HRT and got a B/A at 24.
Graduated college with a degree in accounting and economics, took and passed the test for CPA and became a notary also. Moved back to Nevada and got a job as an accountant and got promoted to controller. Had SRS at 27 met my husband on the job ( he was a client) and the rest is pretty much history.
No relationship, no kids, not much baggage. Just full speed ahead. Every dime that I spent on transition came out of my pocket.

[Kathryn Martin]

I transitioned at age 56. I hit the wall if you will in early spring of that year. I started planning the moment I knew that not a single step further in my life could happen without taking this path.

I told my wife. It was a shock to her but not a surprise. I had never crossdressed except around 38 when I tried on a dress and cried it was so devastating. My plan covered a three year period, first year to position myself professionally in a way that would allow me to protect myself from adverse reactions. A lucky opportunity arose to become a member of council of my professional governing body. I ran and was elected President of my regional professional association and I became very active in my profession. I worked hard to gain recognition and respect of my peers. I intended to stay in the firm I was a partner in.

The plan for my second year was to get hair-removal done, start hormones and build a wardrobe. I also began putting money aside to pay for all of the cost associated with transitioning which I estimated at approximately $50,000.00. I had some savings which we intended to use for this purpose and the rest needed to be socked away by working extra hard, extra hours. The third year would see me transition and eventually have surgery.

The reality was quite different. That same first year, had my wife took me by the hand and took me shopping to make sure I started seeing myself in well fitting clothes, show me that I was beautiful woman. I began losing weight peaking at 35lb below my pre-transition weight . That was in July of that year. In October I began electrolysis (I am still at it having white hair) and one month later hormones. I had not told anyone except my wife up to this point. That month I also came out to my now professional partner. At Christmas time I told my then professional partners about my transition. It became immediately apparent that their fear of public backlash was such, that I would not want to continue with them. At the same time I came out to the Executive Director of my professional governing body and asked for their help to control the message. I began working on opening my own firm (I had started the other firm 14 years earlier). In the meantime I continued with electrolysis and hormones and by February I began to show in a way that could not be hidden anymore. In October I also came out to my family.

We set the start date for our firm for April 1st that second year and with my wife and my new professional partner we decided that I needed to transition on the same day that we opened our new firm. On March 28th, I sent emails to over 400 recipients, clients, courts, colleagues in which I explained in a one page letter what was about to take place. (One months before going full time I went through a seven trial as Plaintiffs Counsel, probably the most harrowing experience of my life. My hair was grown out and fully styled in the same way I have it today). On April 1st we opened the doors to our new firm and four days later I appeared in Court Chambers for the first time as Kathryn. On March 31st I threw out every stitch of male clothing I owned, but by that time my wardrobe was complete and tweaked if you will to suit my style. It was put together to ensure that my appearance was beyond reproach, was stylish, modern with a hint of sexy. I am among the three best dressed female lawyers in my County.

All of my clients came with. I continued to be the President of my association and continue to work in the governing body of profession. I have gained more clients, especially those that seek female counsel. I am an experienced civil litigator.

By November of the second year I anticipated surgery as soon as possible which meant as close as possible to my one year RLE date. I obtained May 8th of the third year for my surgery date. By November of the second year I had my first surgery clearance letter and by March of the third year my second letter. One year ago yesterday I was healed.

Plan, create conditions that are favorably to you, pay attention to your allies and adjust your timetable so you bring them with you. Make sure you save up the money to have everything done you feel you absolutely must and if it takes five years well then it will. Don't tell anyone until you are ready. Control your message in every respect. Pay attention to your allies in controlling your message. Be sure who you can trust with your confidences. And let others come with you, slow down if you have to to accomplish that. You will see that often things speed up after your allies are truly on board. My transition was as much mine as it was my wife's my childrens' my professional partner's as it was mine.

Anti-climactic is a good word, fortunate is what my wife calls it, I call it success. Normalcy is what I wanted and it is what I got. I love my life

[Inna]

perhaps I have NOT transitioned as much as I have died and was born once again. To most this is going to sound ridiculous, to some who have experienced the same, it will just be The way things happen. Was it hurtful? you bet ya, was it bordering on delusional, surrounded by relentless fortitude, strive for the truth within, I think so. Have I known what it will take, I would have never set out to be in this world, as I have met deaths presence and took away quite peaceful impression of her warm embrace.

I am a woman, as I struggled and overcome the temptation to remain in a transgender flux, I did not give in to the status quo, but the price to pay was immense.

I am sure, a lot of you had fun transitioning, perhaps it was so much easier, Great!

I only wish it was so, however, my reality knocked me down too many times, yet every time I found my nose in the dirt, I somehow picked up, and got back up.

I work, I have a very loving family, I have also been granted the privilege to be involved in the one of the most desired experiences woman can, I shoot as a fashion model.

I say, not bad, but all of it did not come remotely comfortably, not by a long shot!

[MysticLady]

Anti-climactic is a good word, fortunate is what my wife calls it, I call it success. Normalcy is what I wanted and it is what I got. I love my life

Kathryn, you're an inspiration to us. Kudos to you.:hugs:

[Nicole Erin]

Despite going to college (twice), I have never had a decent job. So no "career" to worry about losing.
My marriage probably would have fallen apart either way, so no special loss there.
As I have lived here and there, I don't really have any friends from way back when.
When you are over a certain age, a "transition" will be half-ass at best. FFS and SRS will do nothing for your body type. Not sure what age that is but being close to 40, I know I have passed it. Let's be realistic - the man body is not going away.
I wasn't even working when I went full time. At my present excuse for a job, I work as a woman.

For me, I realized at age 36 (when I had my name legally changed) that i really don't have anything and probably never will. When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose. SOOOO.... I moved forward and live now as a woman.
I thought about how I could dive full-on into developing some "career" and get a bunch of surgeries but by the time I could even hope to afford all that I would be too old to enjoy it. At this point I have no desire to try becoming a "career woman".

You think transition is hard when you HAVE the money to spend on luxury surgeries, try diong this and being content with what little you have to work with.

[MysticLady]

You think transition is hard when you HAVE the money to spend on luxury surgeries, try diong this and being content with what little you have to work with.

Hi Nicole, Im in that same position, Though Im not considering transition yet or even in the planner but I agree with you on being content with where your at. Im content right now and moving forward with my desire if it's just second hand clothing at this point. Maybe later that'll change. Who knows. But Im content being me.:)

[Badtranny]

This is pretty interesting because since I manage people and projects for a living, I was pretty sure I would have this transition humming like Lance Armstrong on an oxygen bender.

I was of course completely wrong and pretty much nothing happened like I thought it would except for eventual success. I moved away from the little redneck town I lived in for 15 years so I did abruptly sever many relationships, but the nature of being a closet queen is emotional detachment so I can't really say that losing people has ever been particularly painful.

My first wife left me long before I came out as gay and my second wife left me because I came out. It was another 5 years before I would finally put it together that I wasn't exactly gay. I began my transition the same month I survived a pretty bad car accident where I didn't even get hurt. It was the moment that I decided to live my life honestly and just be me, whatever that turned out to be.

I was certain that I would have to get a new job because I work in a conservative industry at a conservative place, in a conservative part of the SF Bay. I honestly had no idea if my career would survive, but I also honestly didn't care anymore. A year after being full time my career will definitely survive, but things are beginning to get weird at the office. They have never been comfortable with the transition and they are finally starting to make moves to push me out. They know they can't be blatant, but they also know that I have enough pride that I won't hang around very long if I feel disrespected. They're either really clever or really clueless but either way, I'm looking for a way out. There is no question that my transition was not good for my job there, but it's a small price to pay for peace of mind.

Family hasn't really changed, but I'm not close to any family except for one cousin and I haven't seen him in years.

For those that want to meticulously plan out their transition; I say good. You always need a plan, but be prepared to let those plans change because your whole mindset and perspective will be changing right along with the rest of your life.

For those that are too terrified to do anything; I say start slow and keep a steady pace. You will only be able to see a few feet in front of you at times, but there will also be times when the view opens up and things won't look so bad.

Success is only measured one way if you really think about it. That measurement is peace and freedom. You may lose everything (some do, most don't) but you will gain a peace of mind and a spiritual freedom that you had never experienced before. That is an absolute guarantee for TS people. A good plan helps to keep the cost down, but success isn't about what you don't lose. It's about what you gain.

[Rogina B]

Melissa,At least you hung in there and stayed with your job/income.Yes,you have taken SHI# on a daily basis as you tell it.In my travels,I have met people that have stuck it out at work like yourself,and I have met a whole lot more "refrigerator box cases" WTF? Those are the people that lose what they had and are down to the level of living hand to mouth as an outcast from their former world.Maybe many of these people didn't have enough of something anyway[self confidence,valuable career skills,etc] to ever make a new life. But,I often wonder if they ever will have a good life as it is a tough climb out of that deep hole if someone slides into it.And then on the opposite extreme,there are others I have met that are "on top of their game[career] and got through the big change with minimal fallout. Very diverse results for having a similar issue.

[noeleena]

Hi,

How do you create the best condistions. you dont you let others do that for you. you tell the story they do the rest,

This is not about you this is about all those around you from family to close friends & those you interact with & have done for say 50 years, well how ever long youv known them , is it only about one person who is transtioning, think again its about family,& how many you are related to, blood family,

This is about other people who can help you if not your on your own and as we'd say down the river with out a paddle ,you have no control.

...noeleena...

[Nigella]

Whilst my transition is not quite complete, the conditions have never been set, I just went with the flow of the tide of being TS.

My family, and by that I mean my spouse and daughter, will always be paramount to me. I was fortunate that both of them worked with me and I with them, to ensure that each step taken was right for all of us. My parents, well have not seen my father for over 25 years and my mother passed before I accepted I was TS. My siblings, well, who knows, they are aware of me, but as we only meet at "family passings" and there have been none since I admitted I was TS, they have not met Nigella. If they reject me, it will not be a great loss.

I am not a social animal, but friends and neighbours, accepted the changes taking place, indeed, we lost contact with one family and that was because of their particular beliefs. Everyone else accept me for who I am, not who I was.

I started work in my present job as a CDer, fully informing them before I started, but as time went on, they were informed of my transition and have been fully supportive.

Why have things been easy for me? I put it down to being open and honest with anyone and everyone. I do not hide, if I'm read then so be it. I don't try to be what I'm not.

You cannot create the best circumstances, you have to work with what is thrown at you, I have been fortunate, others are not. Myself and others are living proof that it is not always the end of your past and a new start, its just a transition from one state to another.

[kerrianna]

I did it the same way I live life - by the seat of my skirt. :P

Seriously, I am NOT a planning person. I remember telling my gender therapist that, how I could not get my head around things like "a five year plan to transition" etc, and she told me she didn't really understand that way of thinking either. But some people are just really strong that way - it's what works for them.

For me... I'm pretty organic and somewhat impulsive. I don't know if it's being a west coast hippie chick, being brought up in a dsyfunctional alcoholic family with abuse, having my own addiction issues, or maybe simply being born a water sign and being a creative and imaginative person? But I tend to live life kind of moment to moment esp today.

Of course some things you have to plan.

With me I seriously opened Pandora's Box at age 48. It wasn't anything new, but it was a new understanding, and acceptance, of who and what I am. And this forum was a HUGE part of that. It was here I first met trans people who thought like I did. I learned a lot and took what I was learning and tried to deal with this new understanding.

I fought myself on a lot of things. You can trace a lot of my evolution on here, as I dealt with all the other issues that I thought would prevent me from ever being happy, from ever transitioning. Honestly, when I first joined this forum in 2006 I used to look at the TS section and think "Wow, I'm glad I am not one of them!"

And that was because I grew up in the 60's and 70's when openly TS folk were ridiculed (we still are but not nearly as badly and we have so many allies and better understanding, in general, now I think). Also I was always super shy and wanted to stay invisible in life. I barely knew anyone or let them see me. My experiences as a child were traumatic when I was freely myself as female. My dad made sure I would always live with shame and fear about that.

So first I had to let go of that - overcome all the conditioning and internalized transphobia. I had to learn to not care what other people thought of me. That was a work, and still is, in progress.

I started with seeing a gender specializing therapist. She told me once that when I first saw her she rated me very low as being a successful transitioning candidate due to my other issues and my addiction problems.

But somehow I just found a way to express myself and started noticing that when I did I felt FREE. I felt REAL, for the first time. And that it was a path I had to keep exploring.

I had no vision of where it would lead. I suspected I'd only be truly happy when I transitioned but I wasn't sure I was capable of that, could afford it, and when I first suggested it to my partner she told me that she didn't think she could live with another woman.

So yeah I did do this risking that relationship and the truth is it did irrevocably change us and our dynamic. But we were always best friends first and foremost and still are. And she found as we went along that she kind of prefers female company. We just lost our intimacy really.

I tried to go slow enough with my changes so she could adapt. She thinks I went too fast. I think I went too slow. So it was probably just right.

I had to learn to give people a chance to catch up and I wasn't always graceful at that. Pronouns, esp with people who have known me a long time, got mixed up and sometimes still do. It was hard explaining to people about this. But some people just "got it" and it was those people who helped me so much!

I did everything in bits and pieces, and as far as a timeline for transition goes I kind of went off the usual tracks. I still haven't had full electrolysis. I started AFTER I went fulltime (it's way better if you do it first lol) and because I live in a small community I had little choice and after about 15 sessions decided it wasn't working very well and wasn't worth the pain and cost at the time. Maybe someday I will finish it - I'd like to. It's a... complication... I live with.

I actually started spiro as a diagnositic tool recommended by my therapist. Because I was unsure of my own self and was fighting things still we wanted to see how I reacted to having testosterone blocked.

I reacted very well! So I asked to be put on estrogen. Even better! I started out slow, felt like I was more like "myself" and upped the dosage. I made sure I had an endocrinologist for that.

Before all that I did start telling select people I was transgender. That was the start of acceptance and coming out. My younger brother was awesome. My doctor had his first TS patient and was very supportive. Some co-workers I told were totally on board. My partner had known first of course.

My mom was a bit put off but came around.

In all I was surprised and pleased by how much love and acceptance and support I had.

Once I started HRT and liked it so much I knew I was on the right path and I was dying to go fulltime. I told superiors at my work it was going to happen and I did a legal name change and social change in June of 2009. I remember telling our HR person, after I had told my own workplace and had actually shown up as Kerrianne and they were very cool, and my HR person wanted to meet with me to start a gradual plan to transition. She sounded disappointed when I told her I had already made the change at my locale. :P

GRS was something I wrestled with for awhile. I didn't like the idea of any surgery and I seemed to manage ok with how I was... except I didn't really manage well emotionally. It REALLY started to bug me, how my body seemed so much more congruous except for THAT!

It was when someone suggested I think of GRS not as a traumatic experience but as an act of love, that I realized I could and would take that step. I'm still adamant that GRS did not MAKE me female, altho I know others may argue that semantic.

I was BORN female and GRS made my body more in line with other females in this world and with my own expectation of how I should be.

And yeah it was totally worth it and I'm glad I did it, one year ago yesterday.

Sometimes I look back and think "wow! I did that?" It's probably the only thing I have ever truly done for myself and from it springs all other things, for my way of being in this world is for the first time truly real and present.

And it also showed me I can do anything if I want it bad enough. That is huge for me.

One thing my therapist told me that I really appreciated, and I have had friends tell me this too, is that I actually did this with a lot of "grace". I know it wasn't always that smooth but I think what helped me a lot was I just don't tend to take anything too seriously and yet I'm in love with life and am always fascinated with this place and the people who are here with me.

It's hard to describe. I think for me transitioning was also a very spiritual path. I know I am FAR more spiritual and feel so much more connected to the universe than I ever was.

And with that hippie chick note.... ;)