It's not just about the clothes...

[Wildaboutheels]

Is it wrong for me to ONLY like lipstick? Or lipstick and wigs? Or lipstick, wigs and makeup? Or if I mix any/all of the three? Ayone else rowing the same boat? Don't need any female clothes at all mind you.

And is it WRONG to go out in public "dressed" this way?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Actually, none of the above applies to me. EVER. [for anyone still reading] Cept once a year for Haloween, when it's time for the hair and lipstick and even then, I'm not going to waste a bunch of time or have any need for makeup.

Is there a point here?

A$$umptions. People make so many assumptions here. If X is doing abc, then of course "she" is doing xyz. Makes no sense at all to me but maybe I am msssing something?

But it is an easy thing to do based on people's participation is it not?

Assuming some people are married is an easy one, not that it really makes any difference. Or people who post about experiences out in the RW. [putting up with Mean Ol Society out in the RW] who are firmly entrenched in their closets and have never been out. Undoubtedly at least 1 Forum dino [if not many others?] is quite happy there and has no problem letting folks know. Why wouldn't some people be happy there?

What kind of assumptions do you make here at the Forums?

[TeresaCD]

I think making assumptions is what we as people are good at (sadly)
One of the assumptions I made was that I couldn't be straight and cross dress (how silly was that)
And that I was alone and rare (that was pretty silly also)
The great thing I am finding here is that we have a common bond, but express ourselves in vastly different ways.
That would make us human, too!

[Alexis.j]

The thing is to do what YOU want to do and what makes YOU happy. You might get some comments from passers by, as you are not trying to project the right male/female image. Some people on this site might also not like the idea because you are technically giving them/us a bad name by not doing it properly, same goes with how you act in public.
I say be a good person and do what makes you happy.

[Lynn Marie]

I make assumptions that some people on this forum start threads to see if they can get a rise out of people and to get noticed. I make assumptions that if you're not showing an avatar with your face on this forum then I'm not going to take you that seriously. I make assumptions that if you're a mixdresser, you're on the wrong forum. I make assumptions based on the facts presented. Right or wrong, I really don't care. Deductions and assumptions are what humans do if they have any situational awareness at all.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Okay can i ask in what way are you useing the makeup lippy & wigs , as say like a firey red heavy duty makeup like goth or similer or out landish you could have hair dyed a pink or other,

Or is this like a colour that blends in not over the top. to answer to this ? in a way or is this a ? of what would i think as a woman if i see you,

its not a matter of right or wrong that has nothing at all to do with anything. its , you are a person that maybe likes makeup male or female. i can only take you back to a time men wore dress's & heavy makeup & the wigs , oh dear....... The wigs .....shoes & high heels ,

So how do i see others here, many like to dress in womens clothes okay not bothered about that, some for other reasons what ever that may be, & in fact dress & look far better than i , & im a woman. again im not bothered though i would be embarrised because i dont measure up to how they look if i stood next to those here, even in our Edwardian group im a member of most are women & are when we are dressed up in our finery, do look lovely,

i on the other hand dress quite plain because i would look out of place in lovely frilly tops & so on. i dont have the facial features that go with being a female, so i lack that .yes i dress for other groups & in one i make my clothes to suit my features & no makeup. not for our time 1400 -1700. Renaissance, 230 - 250 people ,

Not all of those of us who are female / women have that female look . thats because of my difference,

Just because some in western countys disaprove of difference does that make them right no of cause not, its thier idear of what they think. or maybe how they have been brought up.

I dont belive socity is mean , yes there are a few people who cannot accept those who are different, well im part of socity i dont have issues because im different, im a member of quite a few groups , soc, & clubs , im very well accepted, get on well so it'll depend on the person & in how you or others are accepted,

...noeleena...

[Deedee Skyblue]

I make assumptions that if you're a mixdresser, you're on the wrong forum.

I don't see the rule for 'No mixdressers'. My assumption is that if you want to be a member of this forum, you're in the right forum. If you don't take someone seriously, you don't need to post in that person's thread. I don't see the reason for dumping on someone if you don't agree with the contents of a post - just skip over it and go on to the next one. There are bound to be lots of posts here that you do agree with.

[DonniDarkness]

Ditto, Lynn Marie.

-Donni-

[suzy1]

Ditto again Lynn Marie.

-Suzy-

[Wildaboutheels]

Clearly, an assumption made quite often here, is the sentiment that "you have nothing to worry about, based on your avatar". Some folks at this Forum are obviously VERY worried about passing when or IF they should go out "dressed".

Telling people "not to worry" based on nothing more than looking at a small 2D picture posted at a website is not really a good idea is it?

[DonniDarkness]

Telling people "not to worry" based on nothing more than looking at a small 2D picture posted at a website is not really a good idea is it? /sarcasm And telling them they "cant" based on your personal perspective is a good idea....Maybe we should just tell them "You should Worry a lot and hide from everyone"....

/end sarcasm

-Donni-

[kimdl93]

Generalizations are a useful survival tool. So, it's natural that we make assumptions about others who share some of our interests and characteristics. Sometimes, as you note, those assumptions prove incorrect. A related mistake is the projection of ones experiences and sometimes ones emotional issues onto the situations of others.

[Greenie]

I am having a hard time thinking of how to phrase this... So it its wonky, my bad. I think a lot of time people make assumptions when I post about my SO as far as his gender identity. Maybe its because I don't explain things correctly, but I think the only one that irks me a little bit is when people respond to questions and they call him a "she"

He really hates feminine pronouns. when I post questions I phrase them as "he does this" "he does that" But then I get a ton of responses saying "let HER need who SHE needs to be, or SHE needs to do this" I feel like sometimes people assume that I am pushing the male pronouns on him, or that I am not accepting because I don't refer to him as a girl. But its something he prefers.

I guess I assume that a lot of the CDers here are NOT like my boyfriend. (but a lot are.)

[Beverley Sims]

Lynn, you put the point so succinctly.

[Wildaboutheels]

"We have all"... also comes to mind. Or "haven't all of us at one time"... NOT a good phrase to use here. When newbies see statements like that they could quickly decide that they must not belong here. Might at least partially account for the lopsided ratio, often as high as 7 or 8 to 1 of guests to members.

[LilSissyStevie]

I'm with Deedee. I thought the only requirement for being a crossdresser was to cross dress. But, I assume that Tamara makes that decision around these parts.

[Lucy_Bella]

For me the goal is not to try and fool anyone else..That's not the point of my dressing.. I love women soooo much I emulate them and I've always have felt the need to ..

For me dressing up isn't throwing on a face or hair it has to be all the way in and in private .

Why? For one, the way I dress is appealing sometimes even trashy because I dress for the attraction...Two,that does me no good out in public in fact I would be asking for trouble so it's best I stay indoors.. Unwanted attention because of the way I dress sure I could go out dressed appropriate and not having much risk of gaining any attention but that defeats my personally goal of dressing..

I've learned as I have aged that just under-dressing when I was younger may have been nothing more than just a step to what my true urges were...I am content staying in the closet for many reasons.. Not wanting to be a female ,enjoying my lifestyle as a man ,being the Alpha male when around friends and not finding any sexual attractions to men..Why would I want to expose the closeted part of me ?

No I am not living my life as a lie this is how I really am and just as others feel the right to express themselves I feel the right in not doing so..It's not my true persona I am the 70/30..


I'm with Deedee. I thought the only requirement for being a crossdresser was to cross dress. But, I assume that Tamara makes that decision around these parts.

She is a great decision maker!.... I wish there were more of her around shes a Saint in my books.. I love reading her replies gotta be something about the Sherwood forest.:)

[Wonderwho]

So did i miss the section in the CDing handbook that listed the different types of CDing?
I assumed that if you wore womens clothes in any way you were a CDer. Now i find out that there are
half dressers, undressers, overdressers, closet dressers and those who dress to impress.
I joined this site to find out more about the way of life that i have chosen to follow.
I assumed that it would not make any difference where or how i dressed as long as i was honest with
myself and respectfull of other peoples feelings.
I really dont care if someone does not accept my thoughts or opinion because i did not post a picture of
myself. What i look like or if i am willing to show myself should not make my thoughts or questions
any less meaningfull than those who can or are willing to post a picture.
I assumed understanding and a willingness to show respect from a group of people who are so closely
connected.
Was I wrong?
Wonderwho

[Aly Cat]

"You know what they say about when you assume....it makes an ass out of u and me." (I love that quote lol.) Everyone gives their point of view and whether or not its correct doesnt even matter lol. This site is a total melting pot of everything TS, TG, CD, etc etc etc. A forum is designed for discussions. If we couldnt give assumptions or advice, this would simply be a blog site lol.




I am having a hard time thinking of how to phrase this... So it its wonky, my bad. I think a lot of time people make assumptions when I post about my SO as far as his gender identity. Maybe its because I don't explain things correctly, but I think the only one that irks me a little bit is when people respond to questions and they call him a "she"

He really hates feminine pronouns. when I post questions I phrase them as "he does this" "he does that" But then I get a ton of responses saying "let HER need who SHE needs to be, or SHE needs to do this" I feel like sometimes people assume that I am pushing the male pronouns on him, or that I am not accepting because I don't refer to him as a girl. But its something he prefers.

I guess I assume that a lot of the CDers here are NOT like my boyfriend. (but a lot are.)

Greenie's assumption is correct for me. I am not a huge fan of being called a she or gurl. I am a guy and I like being a guy. But I, like her BF, am all about the clothes. I love the styles, the feel, and how wearing them makes me feel. Because this is a melting pot site, there is everyone from every walk of life and people associate themselves with different groups. Greenie, I wish I lived closer to you and your BF. He and I would probably be very good friends lol.

[Stephanie47]

I have not posted a picture on this site because (1) my technical knowledge is limited; (2) other people, including a minor, use this computer and she knows more about it than I; and (3) I really do not need any validation from anyone as to who I am!

As Teresa indicated I had made the assumption more than fifty years ago that I had to be gay; a queer, a fag, one destined to burn in hell (Hey, moderator! Don't get upset. That's the phrases from the less enlightened period of human existence). I got over the hurdle so I really do not need to gain acceptance from anyone.

When I joined this site I made the erroneous assumption that everyone is like me: a heterosexual male who likes wearing women's clothing on occasion. A person who has absolutely no desire to become a woman. A person who never desired to be a woman. An otherwise content male. I now realize there are many participants on this site who have or wish to transition to female. I will concur, if you fall into that category, you are not a cross dresser.

What irks the crap out of me is advice given to too many young people that if you like to don a dress for whatever unknown reason, then you are destined to transition to female. I wish there was a requirement on this site that the participants identify their status. It would reduce the amount of negative discourse that arises between the 'classical' cross dresser and the male wishing to transition.

[Lucy_Bella]

Well said Stephanie47..
For the sake of a support forum you should not co hearse a mere Cross-dressing hetro male out of the closet.. Yes there are many forms of cding if you feel like you are a female and you are surpressed. If you see your life as misery stuck in the wrong body..Then by all means get professional help ,get out of the closet..

Please don't assume everyone is a female stuck in the wrong body ..Please don't assume that if you not a female stuck in the wrong body and you crossdress you are not a crossdresser..Please don't assume we live our lives in denial because we are not as open or travel freely about because we dress in womens clothing..

Please stop drawing the line in the sand pivoting transformation to being full time female verse's the occasional feelings, but no desire, to become a female.. No desire means NO LIFE CHANGES..Why would anyone mislead a common dresser to become a full time T/G T/S without any or little knowledge of this persons history..Has anyone ever stopped to think prior to giving any ill faded advise how much you will change a persons life as you are assuming this person has likewise desires in making any life changes because they crossdress ?

No that is a professionals job and that is the best advise to give" go see one"..

Okay I'm done ranting ..Have a nice day:D

[calebsmithxd]

Please stop drawing the line in the sand pivoting transformation to being full time female verse's the occasional feelings, but no desire, to become a female.. No desire means NO LIFE CHANGES..Why would anyone mislead a common dresser to become a full time T/G T/S without any or little knowledge of this persons history..Has anyone ever stopped to think prior to giving any ill faded advise how much you will change a persons life as you are assuming this person has likewise desires in making any life changes because they crossdress ?


I would think it's unlikely that anyone could mislead a dresser into becoming TG or TS. I think that's something that someone has to feel internally.

[Lucy_Bella]

I would think it's unlikely that anyone could mislead a dresser into becoming TG or TS. I think that's something that someone has to feel internally.

Call me stupid, I can take it go ahead...But I was ! Most people come here with NO knowledge of their own personal dressing other than" they just do it for some reason"..I'll admit it I was one of them,I thought for years I was a freak..Then in comes the internet, done allot of self diagnosing ,stumbled into this site..Was informed by many members that because I crossdressed I was T/G and crossdressing falls under the T/G umbrella so that made me a T/G..

Why does that make me a T/G? I do not think of myself as a female I didn't even want to be addressed as a female ..I was told it was something that I grew into by members of this site a natural progression and that I should embrace..Okay, so I tried that to ..Still don't feel like a female and that's been five years in the making ..So when do I start feeling like a female? Isn't that the term used for someone who is consider a Transgender? Someone who LIVES out their life in a dual mode as male and female but has no desire to transform opposite sex that in which they was born as?

Yes I was lead to believe it, that was me," it's likely".. But that was from my own doing and I take my own responsibility for allowing that to happen..We can not see the future on how anyone will turn out rather it's the natural progression for some that MAY lead to Transgenderism or Transexualism ..It's not the same for us ALL..We are not Doctors and pushing off our own diagnostics to others can cause irrefutable harm especially to those with no understand of their very own spectrum..Oh and I have found my spectrum..I am not T/G or T/S I am just a mere Male who crossdresses for pleasure ..Saying that does include for many the start of a path to becoming but NOT necessary true in most people a T'G or T/S.. Not that there is anything wrong becoming any of them.. I'm in no way tying to start a pissing match here either , you are all good people all you are trying to do is help ..Nothing wrong with that just use caution is all I suggest when helping ..But not my forum not my problem..

[NicoleScott]

...the only one that irks me a little bit is when people respond to questions and they call him a "she".

Greenie, your beef is legit.
Crossdressing-related or not, people should be called what they choose to be called. My first name has several common nicknames, but I don't go by any of them. For example, "Hi, I'm Robert" (not my real name), and I get called Bob. I correct the person "I go by Robert" and again and again I get called something different (Bob, Bobby, Rob, etc.). This is rude. Same applies here. I identify as a male who likes to dress up, but prefer to use a feminine name online. It would make sense that the "she" pronoun would be used when referring to me. But there are men here who crossdress, identify as men, and do not want to be referred to by a feminine pronoun. Fair enough, as long as we know. Many GG's refer to their SO's as "she", so we should, too. You refer to yours as "he", so we should, too.
When discussing relationship issues, it makes sense to use "he" and "she" for clarity. If both are called "she", it gets confusing. That's not your case, however, quite the opposite.
We should assume people will call us what we want to be called, but we will certainly be disappointed at times.

[Vickie_CDTV]

He really hates feminine pronouns. when I post questions I phrase them as "he does this" "he does that" But then I get a ton of responses saying "let HER need who SHE needs to be, or SHE needs to do this" I feel like sometimes people assume that I am pushing the male pronouns on him, or that I am not accepting because I don't refer to him as a girl. But its something he prefers.


In the trans community, people almost always go (or have gone at least) by female pronouns when discussing their feminine selves, so it is probably just habit on others' part and they just automatically use female pronouns. You should certainly correct us if we do that of course, but I don't think it came from any place of malice.

[calebsmithxd]

Call me stupid, I can take it go ahead...But I was ! Most people come here with NO knowledge of their own personal dressing other than" they just do it for some reason"..I'll admit it I was one of them,I thought for years I was a freak..Then in comes the internet, done allot of self diagnosing ,stumbled into this site..Was informed by many members that because I crossdressed I was T/G and crossdressing falls under the T/G umbrella so that made me a T/G.
I don't think you're stupid. It was just my understanding that at some point even if someone is lead in one direction or another based on what someone else says, they will figure themselves out and if they are on the worng path, they will figure it out.

[kimdl93]

I concur with Vickie. If a person expresses a preference for the male pronoun. Thats his prerogative and it's fine. But remember, none of us can read minds, and many of us strongly prefer that others refer to us by the female pronoun. So, if we mistakenly refer to your SO as she, that's an innocent mistake with no malice intended.

[Frédérique]

Is it wrong for me to ONLY like lipstick?

I sometimes wear only lipstick, and skip the femme finery. It makes you feel like a member of the New Romantic Movement, if only for a moment. Ah, decadence...
:daydreaming:

[Wildaboutheels]

Some folks have occasional slipups with choice of pronouns or names. Or adding letters. Others do it consitently, in an apparent attempt to try to get under one' skin. I'm guessing that simply ignoring them is the best way to handle it.

[dragdoll]

Am I reading this correctly but is there now some type of discrimination within this very CDing community? What I got out of this thread (from several members) is if 1) you're a "mixdresser" and 2) you're "hiding" behind anonymity, that you're not welcome here? It's bad enough out in the real world to be shunned by the gay community but being unwelcome on an internet forum by other crossdressers because they don't go the whole ****ing 9 yards every time they crossdress, that's a new one to me. I guess I've been away for awhile.

[Deedee Skyblue]

Dragdoll, I have been a member here for less than a year, but I noticed this within a few days of joining. I had assumed that in a place where people go to, presumably, escape the prejudices of the world around us, that members would try to check their own prejudice at the login page. And this is mostly true. I usually just ignore the posts that suggest that the OP is 'doing it wrong'. Or at least I try.

Deedee

[dragdoll]

This was never the case in my early days of posting here (2006-08) in fact, most people here seemed very supportive of mix-dressers, half-dressers, androgynes, ect. as they were all fell under the crossdressing umbrella. There was always that one 'elitist' poster that would chime in about how the other person was "doing it all wrong" or "making the rest of us who are 'doing it right' look bad" and those rude people would always get chastised by the other members, sometimes by the moderators. Now it seems like way too many people +1ing the complainers to the point that new people don't even want to post here.

[Asche]

I've noticed that the majority of posters here -- or at least a noisy minority -- have rather narrow and rigid ideas about gender, gender roles, and gender behavior. Men must be "masculine", women must be "feminine," and mixing the two is an abomination. This is so different from every other area of my life that I always feel a jolt of culture shock when I browse this website.

I can't help wondering if what I call "orthodox crossdressing" (the whole trying to be as much like a woman as possible) is something that particularly attracts people who have rigid conceptions of gender. After all, if you think of yourself as being a woman when you put on women's clothes, then you're not really violating The Rules about gender, because you're being a woman when you do it -- but then you have to obey every one of the female gender role rules. The recurring threads that whine "why don't women dress feminine any more?" are another manifestation of rigid ideas of gender -- why aren't Teh Wimmenz following Teh Rules(tm)?

IMHO, all this gender policing is a way of holding on to cis values and mindset -- and retaining cis privilege -- while doing something that naive folks like me might see as subverting cis-genderism.

+ + +

As for why I don't put a picture of myself up as an avatar: after you've experienced enough hostility, condescension, and patronization for failing to follow the One True Way (OTW) of M2F CDing, you don't really feel like setting yourself up for getting dumped on before people read even one word of your post.

I originally came to CD.com hoping I might find a few like-minded people with whom to discuss my idiosyncratic fashion tastes, and maybe to talk about what it's like to be an (by Society's rules) "unmanly" man in a society that at best merely tolerates unmanliness. I quickly learned that there is no place for that here. (i've had more meaningful conversations with the cashier at the local supermarket.) Instead, I've been willy-nilly learning the skills needed to not feel silenced and marginalized in an environment that treats an essential part of who I am as an abomination.