I think they all know

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

When I became divorced in 1984, my story came out to some people, and I believe it spread like wildfire with repercussions throughout my life. I was a crossdresser and someone who also felt the need to become a woman through transition. Through the dark ages I felt lost and alone. Then I met the woman I'm married to today who has been nothing short of awesome to love and accept me the way I am.

I learned a year ago that my ex told my daughters just why the divorce took place. And they still love and accept me as I am. I also have a wonderful step-daughter now who is just awesome, and I suspect she knows. I recently found out that my sister-in-law, her daughter, and my mother-in-law knew the other side of me long before my wife and I married. My wife and I are still wondering how anyone found out. Still, my wife has been my angel fulfilling my every need, and I do my best to pay it back and forward.

Everyone around me has been gentle and polite as if nothing is amiss. They treat me in such loving ways. Maybe it's because I've compensated to treat them above and beyond? I don't know. Today my wife and I visited her Mom for Mother's Day. I felt at first some discomfort since I learned that she knew about me. But it didn't matter. I loved my late father-in-law. Maybe he would have been someone great to talk with.

It's somewhat the same with my mother and sisters. I believe they know but might be sparing me any embarassment and just carrying on life as usual. It only bothers me that I can't be open with anyone for fear of embarassing anyone. Maybe if I could, I could move on in peace and be rid of the anxiety and depression I've been battling all my life, and toss out the pills.

Cheryl

[Beverley Sims]

I think it is time to talk to those that know and ask their advice on the subject.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Beverly, I will be contacting my therapist to run this by her. Today I almost told my youngest daughter that I'd like to talk with her, but something held me back. This is not an easy life we live.

Cheryl

[mikiSJ]

I think you have handled knowing about those who 'know', I bet you can do just as well with you own kids!

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

miki, What bothers me is who knows or how much anyone knows. It keeps me on edge. At least my daughter knows enough where we can discuss it. It just makes me walk on eggshells with anyone else.

Cheryl

[Kate Simmons]

The law of universal energy return dictates that we get back what we put out. This is otherwise known as the "Golden Rule" or as some refer to it "karma".

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Kate, I agree with what you've said. Maybe it's time I just came out and find the peace. Let the chips fall where they may. The people who truly love me will will always be there for me.

Cheryl

[Rogina B]

If you are really planning on a boob job,you may as well get it over with now.No one is going to run from you,they are family.

[Barbara Ella]

Cheryl, as you have seen, you will know when it is right, and you will feel it, and you will talk. You can never know for sure who knows what, but if they know/suspect, and are still with you, go ahead. If the eggshells get to noisy, you really need to open the subject. If they remain, problem solved, if they leave, still no more egg shell noise, and their life will be so much more silent without you in it. Your therapist will help you, I know. Just maintain your positive attitude.

Barbara

[MissTee]

I have a brother who is so completely gay, but he hides it. We all know as a few years back he had an accident that left him slightly paralyzed in his legs (still walks, but short distances and with a cane.) His then SO came to see him at the hospital and, well, we learned a lot.

Anyway, we all wonder when he's coming out -- not because it matters to us but for his health. He tries awful hard to continue to hide it including long bouts of not contacting the family and dealing with depression. We, on the other hand, don't want to say anything because he tries so hard to hide it and we don't know how he might react. We certainly do not want to embarrass him. We've open a gentle dialog a few times in hopes it would make it easy for him. No luck.

So, we all just continue pretending.

Good luck and hugs.

[Wildaboutheels]

Do you hate your male parts and hope to transition someday? Or are you happy being female part time? Do you want/need to dress more often or all the time? Regardless of how many people know, [or what they think, and honestly how many would tell you the truth to your face?] unless you want to dress full time, what business is it of theirs or why do they need to know?

You have related how well most treat you. Is it not likely that they base their interactions with you on how you TREAT them and not on mere speculation or on what clothes you might be wearing whether they are the "right" clothes or not? Sounds like you have a lot of folks in your life who "get it". Wrapping paper is JUST wrapping paper.

Human Nature being what it is, likely they all "know" something, and likley most of what they "know" is inaccurate.

IF you are taking pills to cope, you clearly need to "come clean" to everyone or take further steps to get off them.

JMO

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Thank you everyone! I've GOT to do something to help myself feel better. My wife has done all that she can including surprising me with things from shopping trips. She fully supports anything else I might do. I can easily schedule a consultation to have BA with the support of my therapist who has helped me in many ways. My wife said she would also write a supportive letter. My daugeters don't care as long as they have me for a long time on this planet.

Barbara, you have a few years on me! I admire your courage to be who you are!

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, wishing, wondering, and not doing anything about it! I'm tired of living a lie.

Cheryl

[Kandy Barr]

You are truly blessed with your wife, her support and help. Doesn't get much better than that!!! You know Cheryl, I think sometimes my biggest fear is being found out and thought of as less than..... When isn't that the objective, less male more female? Umph.....:eek:

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Kandy, We just have to let ourselves be who we are. To live according to societal expectations is, in my mind, mental suicide. I have to explore any transexual issues with my therapist too because I'm not sure. I spoke again with my wife tonight. I wanted to assure her that I didn't want to negatively affect her life in any way. She said, "Hon, you do what's right for you. You know I will alwaysl love you." It doesn't get any better!

Cheryl

[Chari]

Those that "know", accept, and support you now, will probably be there for you! Those that do not and will not try to understand it is your life - your choice, will never approve of who you are. Please do not live in fear of what others may or may not know. Be confident and comfortable with YOUR life.

[lingerieLiz]

Cheryl, People respond to you and if you accept yourself you will be accepted. I've found that people accept me as a person. Yes I'm different, but then aren't we all.

MissTee, why not make life easier and tell your brother that you know. Does he know that you CD? Maybe you could be his sister. Life is too short.

[KayeWye]

Gotta toss those pills!

[kimdl93]

If you believe that your mother and sisters know, perhaps you should ask. I'd start with one of your sisters. I can't assure you that this will solve your anxiety or depression, but a positive reaction from your loved ones might go quite a ways towards really achieving self acceptance.

Your divorce sounds a bit like mine. My ex had been quite accepting of my CDing during our marriage, but when things fell apart - for unrelated reasons - she took every opportunity to inform family members on both sides, including my sons, as well as co workers and friends. Several people talked with me about it, but no one seems to have distanced themselves from me as a result.