CDing and children

[allison88]

I have a 4 year old son and a 2 year old daughter. I don't dress in front of them. But I'm trying to figure out how to handle it as they get older. I don't want it to be some deep dark secret, but I also know they're not old enough to understand the need for discretion about it.

So those of you with kids, how do you handle it?

[Fallen Angel]

well times have changed alot the other nite i was on chat with my web cam on and my son poped in and sat by me while i was in cd mode and even said hellow to some of the girls i was chatting with dont sweat it out they no more than you think xxxx

[Jenna1561]

Well, I am still in the closet. My wife and 4 children do not know of my crossdressing, but I am slowly getting them accustomed to the idea.

I wear polish on my toenails 24/7 and wear toerings. All of my children know that and have never said anything. My 16 year old daughter isn't particularly fond of her dad wearing nail polish (that's a girl thing, Dad), BUT she has borrowed my polish, lol.

I also wear panties 99% of the time (kids don't know, but wife most assuredly does - she also does the laundry). And I wear more jewelry in boy mode now than I did a year ago. I also wear women's jeans (way more comfy than men's), and some women's trouser socks (I like knee highs and buy the heavier versions and wear them to work).

I also wear mascara and foundation (light coatings) most every day.

So my kids may be clueless, but if they were to take a closer look, they have a lot to evaluate.

Love,

Jenna

[size7satin]

That young they are soaking up the world. Would it be better for them to learn now that people can be themself or that you have to hide themself to please the world?

I have 3... All have grown up knowing I crossdress. I know it confuses them at times and I try to be as honest when they ask questions. I try to teach them that no matter what or who they become that I will love them and hope they do the same for me and in the future thier own kids.

It was the :censor: wife that was a pita!

[Raychel]

This is one of the things that I would have changed in my life. I would have told my wife from the start and I would have been dressing in front of the kids since they were small. Kids adapt very well, and they would have just accepted Dad no matter how he was dressed. It would have just been the way life is. Now it is in the closet between the kids and I.

I would not hide the dressing from them, If your wife is accepting then is should all be fine. The kids won't know the difference.

[DonnaT]

Well, I told my kids this year, and they are all grown up.

That said, I would have told them sooner, but my wife forbade it. I think if kids grow up seeing dad in a dress and if they are never told that dresses are for girls not boys, then they won't find a reason to leak the information. If they are told nobody is to know, well, kids can say the darndest things.

A problem may rise, however if you have a boy and a girl, should questions start why he doesn't have a dress, etc.

So, you take your chances, but if you aren't afraid of being outed, then I suggest the earlier they know the better, because kids adapt pretty well.

[TGMarla]

I was first "outed" because I was caught by kids. My wife's late son came home at the wrong time. My fault, I guess. He was about 12 at the time. You need to remember that there will come a time in your lives when your influence over your kids' developement will diminish, and his friends and peer groups influence will grow enormously. They will be under great pressure to conform to what the other kids are like. And one of those influences will be gender conformity. If your children react, they just might blurt out "hey, my daddy crossdresses! There's nothing wrong with it!" They might get taunted, beat up, and cast out.

Now, sure, you could call it the long awaited wind of change, but I'd hate to pay for that change with your kids' well-being. Hey, I don't really have answers here. But I'd just try to excercise caution and try to be wise about the situation.

[Phoebe Reece]

My wife and I decided we did not want to keep major secrets from our kids (except for who Santa Claus is). Our kids grew up with full knowledge of my crossdressing from the time they were born. It was never a problem for them. Our daughter is now 30 and married (her husband knows as well) and our son is 26.

[JoAnnDallas]

If they are in in DayCare or KG, letting a 4 or 5 year old know that you crossdress, might be a problem. My sister teaches 4 and 5 year olds. The things that they have told her would curl milk. At that age they have no reason to keep anything they see or hear private. Teachers are like second mothers and they will tell them everything.

[Katie Ashe]

Here is the nice thing about kids. They woun't understand why you dress up. If you are a lifer like me, just do it in front of them, Let them ask the Q.s and answer at their level. The nice thing about young ones is they simply accept with out reason and grow a custome to it. When they get older, the will respect and be more open to different types of people. Have no fear, be yourself. My kids really don't understand, but at ages 9 +10 they accept I like ladies clothes. And my daughter last night gave me the option of mommy or daddy. I told her what ever she wants to call me is ok. I think your kids will be more open than you think. Best wishes.

[Julia Cross]

PHXS, you may want to rethink your avatar if your daughter has already stumbled upon your history on your browser. Your avatar image would likely shock your daughter should she somehow stumble upon it. Just a precautionary note.

Julia

[kristine239]

I would like to throw my 2 cents in for what it's worth.

If you kids are that young and your wife knows and accepts, then I would do it now. The reason I say this is that right now your kids at that ages do not know the difference and it is easier to explain if they were to ask any questions. If they grow up with that knowledge and experience, then it is no big deal later in life.

As they get older it is harder to explain.

[Imogen_Mann]

I'm never going to tell my daughter, and I mean NEVER. Some people might not like my views, but I dont know, nor do I want to know what my parents do in private, and I'm none the worse for it.
I dont want my daughter to know what I do in private, I'ts nothing she would have any intererest in and to be honest, she is growing up in a world dominated by public image. I feel it would be overly confusing for her at a young age, and very embarrasing for her in later life (tweens and teens) to be aware of my crossdressing.

I'm smart enough not to get caught (it's not difficult, just know how and when to say 'NOT NOW' to yourself).
I have visions of my daughter's social life suffering later on because she might fear the outing of her father, or worse, fear bringing her friends home unexpectedly 'just in case'.
I am not willing to put her through that kind of social stigma, just for my own needs. Her need's come first in my life, always will now, till the day I croak (such is my view of fatherhood)

Some might ask... What if she accidentaly finds out ? ... Ummm How ? I'm not stupid. I know when she's here, and when she's going to be here etc... It's not difficult unless you want it to be. It strikes me that some people (and I'll get hung for this no doubt) want thier cake and to eat it. it's not that they 'can not' moderate thier behaviour, they 'do not want' to moderate thier behaviour, even at the risk of exposing thier kids to thier crossdressing.. I'm sorry, call me an old fashioned git, call me a stick in the mud... But no... My kid does not need to know, it will not help her become a rounded and open liberal person, and I will stand up and be counted and say YES ! I do believe that open crossdressing would be harmfull to childrens upbringing.

So there we have it. Dont take it personaly... I'm as entitled to my view as you all are to yours :)

XX

Jayme

[Julia Cross]

Hi Jayme,

I commend you on your unselfishness. Children have enough to deal with in todays world. The thought that they would need to conceal a secret about their parents for fear of being ridiculed is just not fair. it i our choice to dress, and not something we should inflict on them until they are old enough and mature enough to fully understand and comprehend what crossdressing is and how and why it is a part of us.

Julia

[SandraInHose]

I may be in the minority here, but I do NOT think kids need to know. If your children are adult, maybe you can show them this site as you explain it. But if your kids are minors, I'd advise against it.

Simply ask yourself why the kids need to be burdened with this knowledge. Especially teenagers. They have more than enough things to deal with at that age, and are confused enough about sex, societal conduct, peer pressure, and possibly their own sexuality. With kids being bombarded with issues from everywhere (MTV, movies, reality TV, peers), I would like to spare them the extra baggage of having to deal with their father being a CD.

If you see a CD on TV or in a movie, just say something positive about it, and move on. That way, if your son might have those tendencies, that may open the door up enough so that he'll feel he'll be able to talk to you about it, knowing you're OK with a subject many of us had to wonder about most of our lives.

[Julia Cross]

Sandra, well said. I could not agree more.

julia

[Julia Cross]

That's great! teenagers are too young to understand our kinks.

Julia

[Imogen_Mann]

Hi Jayme,

I commend you on your unselfishness. Children have enough to deal with in todays world. The thought that they would need to conceal a secret about their parents for fear of being ridiculed is just not fair. it i our choice to dress, and not something we should inflict on them until they are old enough and mature enough to fully understand and comprehend what crossdressing is and how and why it is a part of us.

Julia

Thank you, it's nice to know I am not alone in my views.

XX

Jayme

[Rachael R]

IMO I don't think a young child should have to deal with my "problems" (for lack of a better word). I also wouldn't tell a teenager either, they have enough problems with growing up, I don't need to add to it.

My wife knew about my dressing and sometimes my daughter would be sent to Grandma"s house for a night so I could have an opportunity to dress. Since my wife also worked nights, she didn't have to deal with it either.

My wife and I split when my daughter was 4 and up until she was 16 she didn't live with me except every oher weekend. I never had to tell her about my dressing and the closet Rachael's clothes were in was locked. When she asked why the closet was locked, i told her that was where I kept my hunting rifles.

When she was 16, she moved in with me and she was having teenage problems of her own, I wasn't going to burden her with other things. Of course, at that point, my dressing came to a halt.

When she was 20, I finally told her about my dressing, and I was surprised to find that she took it quite well. She saw the picture album I have and even complimented me on my style and taste in clothes. She has never seen me dressed though, because shortly after i told her, I became ill with the condition that I now have, and have been unable to dress since.

[kathy gg]

Hi allison,

There is alot about yourself that I am not sure how to comment on since you did not say...but knowing if you are still married to their mother would be good....and if so is she fully accepting and you two have no conflict in regards to the dressing? Those are important things to know before giving proper advice.

[allison88]

Thanks for all the replies.

Kathy, to answer your questions, my wife and I are still together and she is fully accepting and supportive of my CDing. I don't go out dressed or wear makeup or a wig. I just wear my clothes around the house.

Our main concern is that the kids might say something to someone about it, and we'd rather it not become public knowledge.

My other concern is that I think my son might be following in my footsteps in this regard. Obviously he's only 4 so it's hard to say, but I had these feelings for as long as I can remember. He loves to wear the dressup clothes we got for our daughter (especially the shoes) and such. I know that's not a definite inidcator or anything. But if he does have these tendencies, I want him to understand it's okay.

I just want to do what's best for the kids, which is what all of us want as parents.

Thanks again.

[Staci]

I also would not recommend telling the children. They have enough work to do to fit in. You need to think about what it would have been like if your parents told you they were a crossdresser. Very difficult to not say something to others and their response would probably be less than what you would like it to be. My recommendation is that you do not do this. Enjoy your privacy.

[kathy gg]

YOU WROTE:

Thanks for all the replies.

Kathy, to answer your questions, my wife and I are still together and she is fully accepting and supportive of my CDing. I don't go out dressed or wear makeup or a wig. I just wear my clothes around the house.

Our main concern is that the kids might say something to someone about it, and we'd rather it not become public knowledge.

My other concern is that I think my son might be following in my footsteps in this regard. Obviously he's only 4 so it's hard to say, but I had these feelings for as long as I can remember. He loves to wear the dressup clothes we got for our daughter (especially the shoes) and such. I know that's not a definite inidcator or anything. But if he does have these tendencies, I want him to understand it's okay.
___________________


okay, gonna stick my neck out and say you sound like more the kind of crossdresser that is NOT wanting to fully emulate a woman. Sounds a bit like a mild fetish (please dont' take that the wrong way) which nothing is wrong with. In the grand scheme of the transgender rainbow you dont' sound to far along the trail there.

If you wanted to spend time interacting with the general public, wanted to present this version of yourself to more people than you and your wife then I would suggest sharing this ...but that does not seem to be somewhere you are at. The only downside is if you do decide to take your crossdressing to a different level then you may regret your past decisions.

Since you did ask how others handled this.....first off I nor my husband view his gender expression as something negative, a burden, or some fault with his character or mine (me for enjoying it). This is just another part of who we both are. Does not entirely define our life, but we do make choices in our life (from who to make friends with, how to present ourselves) that mitigate making it easy for us to be ...well us.

Most good friends and family who we spend time with are in the know, and most are couples who have kids where the dad is a cd as well. We also go out enough that it is important that she be involved in this part of our life. Presenting as Amanda is not some rarity that only happens behind closed doors.

I think it is important for children to grow up with exposure to all different gender and sexual variations and knowledge that al these differences in life is what make our world so cool and unique.

So I expose her to chiildren of a lesbian couple I am friends with, I expose her to people with physical disabilities, people from different nationalities and religions. I want her to know that just because we are all different does not make any person not worth getting to know and appreaciate these differences.

While other might view this as some thing which to protect kids from....maybe there are worries about peer pressure or burdening an already heavy load...the truth is as long as there is a united front from mom and dad (full self aceptance and full spousal acceptance) then the child will see this as a 'non-issue'.

As for 'secrets'.....well I think understanding the value of information and how some secrets are important because it means someone trusted you enough to share that secret is a very honorable responsiblity. And to those that think children are incapable of handeling such responsiblity possibly have not talked to children of tg parents (who told very early) . I have spoken to enough children who grew up with this and the one thing I heard over and over was "it was great to know that I was not kept in the dark, that I was trusted and that it generated an open mindedness for people of all walks of life".

Yes if you tell later in life, or keep up a facade of extreme maleness, or if you look down on a kid because he too shows feminine traits, then when the child does learn this there is confusion, anger, and as I have seen many times separation. They were given an image of a dad who only put on a show, not the real dad.

Only you and yoru wife know what is best in the long run. Keep talking TO HER about how she feels and make sure that you keep that united front. No matter what the decision.

sincerly