Discovered sort of

[Sissy_Michelle]

Every Friday I play A video game. I go to the "man cave" and vegetate on beer, wine, or Jack & Coke. Once my son goes to bed I can then dress up (to an extent) if I want. My wife knows and we discuss from time to time my desires to dress up. I mostly will wear women's underwear and feminine pajamas or a nice nightgown while I game.

Last Friday I get a text message from my wife's best friend. The conversation slowly leads to her coming over to visit, which isn't a big deal. The both of them can get out and go do some shopping or whatever while I watch the kids. At the same time I was in a conversation with my wife about going shopping when I text to her best friend that I would like to get another outfit like I had on. I was descriptive as to what I had on. When she texts me back with "Why are you wearing black panties with a white bra?" My heart froze. Up until that text only my wife knew. So I was just drunk enough to tell her I didn't have a matching set was why. When she replies with "So I guess we'll have to take you shopping :)". That is when I brought the phone to my wife and told her that I think I made a mistake. She read the whole text chain and said that when when we first discussed my cross dressing she told her best friend. In addition they have been planning to take me shopping for some time now.

So I am kind of excited that I came out of my home with my cross-dressing, but I don't know how to feel about my wife sharing something that I thought was just between us. :o

Thoughts?

[Beverley Sims]

It does seem like a betrayal of trust, an I agree it is...
In this instance, how close is your friend to your wife?
Also there was probably no malice intended.
If it works out ok, if not just remember how far trust should go and that would be sad.

[Sissy_Michelle]

It does seem like a betrayal of trust, an I agree it is...
In this instance, how close is your friend to your wife?
Also there was probably no malice intended.
If it works out ok, if not just remember how far trust should go and that would be sad.

They grew up together and have been best friends for a log time. In addition I am positive there was no "malice intended".

[Loni]

then just go out shopping and have fun.

would you wife let you go shopping in fem? now here would be a dream day shopping with your wife and a lady friend. three gals out for a day of hitting the malls,
three lady's out for a day and lunch etc.


.

[Sissy_Michelle]

then just go out shopping and have fun.

would you wife let you go shopping in fem.

Yes that would be a fun trip. I guess we'll have to see. :)

[kimdl93]

That's not a problem unless you make it one. Your wife is entitled to a confidante. She shared this information with a friend who has demonstrated that she was worthy of that trust. Be grateful.

[arbon]

I don't know how to feel about my wife sharing something that I thought was just between us.

Did you make her swear on her life to secrecy?

[Chickhe]

Reminds me of my wife....took her years to learn how to stop her loose lips from flapping in the wind! Anyhow, since the cat is out of the bag, you might as well take advantage of it. I would not explain anything though, just spin it as a fun thing to do, like some people dress up as a favorite comic character and go to cosplay events.. Make it enjoyable and laugh at any negative comments.

[Jaylyn]

Lesson here is never text n drink.....lol I was asking my kids once what my wife wanted for her birthday and I was in the family group text mode... Luckily my daughter caught it and told me.. This is similar to what you did. Just be thankful your wife and her best friend are the only ones that know unless you are ready to be caught red handed. I think you may have a good thing going on and not worry about it. Now instead of just the wife knowing, you have another confidant to talk to and be girls with.... Ummmmm sounds almost like a poly relationship without the marriage vows... Just don't make the other girl mad at you for something you do or say and I would think wow now I can always get a second opinion on how something looks on me... Don't lose that trust in your own wife either if she trusted the other woman enough to tell her, then I'm sure it will be ok... Have fun you lucky rascal.....Jaylyn

[DanielleLee]

First let me state that I'm happy for you as I think most here will be. I think it's great that your wife has someone she can confide in, who is not judgemental and who sounds like will be an ally for both of you. First and foremost that is my response. Congratulations.

Now...

You brought up the question, or rather you stated... you didn't know how to feel about her disclosing your secret to someone, without your knowledge. Only you can be honest with yourself if it really bothers you or not. I think with the end result you've encountered... no harm, no foul.

For some however, that is not the result. On and on across the forum, you see instances of the "lie by omission" and that trust is broken because we failed to tell our spouses of our CD nature. When a spouse goes behind their CD spouse and tells someone else... I'm sorry, but I find that to be just as "trust" breaking as the CD's original sin so to speak. Many will disagree with me and that's okay. Each of us is entitled. I don't want to start a firestorm here, just give a different opinion.

All in all. I hope it works out for you and it sounds like from your OP that it probably will. Best of luck to you! :)

[Lorileah]

She read the whole text chain and said that when when we first discussed my cross dressing she told her best friend. In addition they have been planning to take me shopping for some time now.

, but I don't know how to feel about my wife sharing something that I thought was just between us. :o



My wife discussed it with her best friend and found out her Best Friend's husband dressed.

We need people to talk about this with, they need people to talk about his with (who aren't invested like we are). I just figure everyone will tell someone who will tell someone... That is why I don't hide it

[Annaliese]

Girls tell there girl friends everything, if your wife did not think she could trust her friend she would not have told her. Get over it and enjoy the ride.

[ambigendrous]

When I told my wife those decades ago I specifically told her that if she needed to talk to someone about it she was free to tell anyone she wanted - she never did tell anyone, but I think it's important that they know that they can discuss the issue with someone, if needed.

[Sissy_Michelle]

First I would like to say thank-you to everyone that has left me advice on my little discovery. I am very appreciative of everyone's insight and experience.

My wife and her friend are the closest, since I retired from my last job and we don't know how much longer we'll be here. It is kind of hard to make friends here. Besides we're both not the type to have a bunch of friends anyway, though who we consider "friends" we're very close to.

I was kind of "shocked" that she shared our secret with someone else though I should have known she would seek council from someone and I am happy she didn't share with her mother. We get along and there has never been an issue with my in-laws. However this subject is something I would rather not share with them just yet... I wasn't betrayed as much as I was happy she shared it with her instead of one of her cousins that she is close to.

[Chari]

Your wife chose her friend well! Sometimes friends are better at keeping secrets than family. If you didn't know ('til now) that your wife's friend knew about your femme side, it is very doubtful that her friend told anyone about that subject. It sounds as though you may have another supporter/helper in your adventure of feminine items. Enjoy the shopping trip.

[Barbara Ella]

All's well that ends well, and your wife is on the same page as you and would not discuss with just anyone.

Around here, it is the wife who has set the limit, if it were up to me, I would let the girl flag fly high. If she ever chooses to tell one of her friends to have someone else to discuss this with, i will gladly accept that, and invite them over.

Barbara

[1Danni]

Not sure how to explain it so apologies if i ramble slightly. but If your wife hasn't told her best-friend at the very start, then in theory she has being waiting to some extent for the right time to tell her or actually bring it into the open at the right time as it has to be said the acceptance/reality for someone else has to be grasped and understood so a bit of time is needed. I may be totally wrong however that is my take on the situation.

[lingerieLiz]

Years ago my wife shared it with several of her friends. All of us remained friends. One reason I'm no longer that secretive.

[AlissaMurray]

I have one ex who outed me to some friends one night months after we broke up. One of those women she outed me too has a very Big Mouth. Her husband is a friend and has been stand offish ever since, like he doesn't know how to act around me. He is still a friend but no way does he wish to discuss it in any way shape or form, nor do any of the men in that crowd and nor do I with them. A bunch of Red Neck Gear Head Good'ole Boys don't want nothing to do with a guy who in their minds is a Sissy Boy. Alissa is Alissa, and she is not a Sissy Boy in any way shape or form, I just like what I like. Except for Mrs.Big Mouth trying to tell me I should just be me, no one else has ever said a word to me about it. I would just as soon keep it that way.

[Juliea661]

Hi Michelle, I'm so excited for you!!!!
Regarding your wife telling, i heard a good one about how to have a great marriage: go into marriage with your eyes wide open, and once married keep them have closed. Inother words, forget about your wife telling her best friend; in fact it sounds like you should be thankful!!!
The reason I say this, is that I encouraged my wife to tell her best friend when i told her. Why? Because she should not be trapped in the same closet I was in for too many years. Besides, GGs are all about relationships and communications (men should learn form them regarding that), and not telling her best friend was just about as bad as lying about your CDing.
My wife's best friend has also become Jules' best friend. And Jules is a lucky girl because of my wife telling. And you will be too... :-)
Hugs, Jules

[marny]

sounds like their both on board. you should be ecstatic!

[Bethany38]

My wife told one of her friends when this first started. I did not care though I was at the time trying to keep it a secret from most. I do not feel she did anything wrong as she needed someone to help her wrap her head around it. Now in the present neither one of us cares who knows. I am just another guy in a dress.

[Sissy_Michelle]

Now that she knows that I knew that she knew about my dressing up. We have been sending text messages about shopping, or even leaving the house dressed and my wife is supporting the idea somewhat. But at least she knows that I didn't get upset because she confided in someone we both knew about a little secret that only we shared.

I am very excited and cannot wait for her to come visit. Again I appreciate all of you and your support.

[linda allen]

1) I would be upset with my wife if she told anyone about my dressing without asking me first. If she really wanted to tell her friend about it, I would probably say it was OK but there's an implied trust to a marriage not to tell some things.

2) Never put anything in writing, text message, or Internet that you want to keep secret. If you accidentally told someone you were a crossdresser, you could deny it, but if you put it in a text message ot on the Internet, you've lost control and they have proof.