no secret anymore

[Lorileah]

I assumed everyone in my neighborhood knew about me.

5 years ago when my wife died, I took solace in laying around the house in a house dress or nightgown. One evening my backdoor neighbor knocked and wanted to talk about his wife who ad died a month before mine (It was a strange set of coincidence between the two wives, their illnesses almost followed the exact same course within months of each other..creepy). I did have time to take off the wig, but not make up or the clothes. I could not let him stand outside in the cold so I just decided to invite him in. I figured the next day the coconut telegraph had the story all over the neighborhood.

I don't flaunt it (actually until a year ago I tried to keep it hidden from people who didn't need to know) but I just assumed everyone knew. Mostly because some neighbors quit talking to me (even quit waving). In the last 12-18 months though I go out frequently and I leave the house in my car which is well known. Neighbors have been out walking or doing yard work. I just thought they would know or had seen.

Sunday I was out doing yard work when a neighbor came home and I walked up to talk to her (I had on a flight suit coverall and boots and gloves...damn you can't even talk about things that are not dressing without describing what you are wearing). We talked about several things then got to point where we discussed the neighbor between us. They have a dog that is impossible to be anywhere in your own yard without he dog barking and attacking the fence. I said I could not even use my deck because the dog would stand on its deck and look over the fence right onto mine. And then I told her I was over trying to be discrete and not wear a skirt or shorts...

You could see the confusion on her face. I said "Um...you don't know?" She said about what? I explained that I was going to transition and that I often could be seen as Lori. I told her I had assumed she had seen me frequently as I came and went. She said she had never seen anything but that people should do what makes them happy. We talked about how I thought he whole neighborhood knew. She said no one had said anything but they would be OK with it she was sure. My direct neighbors on either side won't I don't think because both males live for the macho life, motorcycles, hot cars, manly things. Oh well, they will have to learn to live with it now. Since I have come out to one person, I will feel more at ease in jeans and tops or shorts and sandals now.

It is going to be a great summer as I travel this path.

(I have been telling my clients and so far all have been supportive. This isn't as scary as I had made it). All that is left is my professional colleagues. And having discussed it with a sales rep, he said he didn't think it would be an issue there either.

[Beverley Sims]

Lorileah,
I can only wish you the best in stepping out.
I can relate to the neighbors confusion as I would meet others in a group when I was younger who did not know my other personna.
I would speak as if they did and it confused the hell out of them and they would go asking around who I was, how did I know so much and so on.
Just a bumpy road now and then.

[kimdl93]

Interesting reaction. I suppose that each of us thinks we're more conspicuous, and our actions more closely observed than they really are. People pretty much go on with their own lives.

I started coming out in my neighborhood about two years ago and I presume that most of my neighbors who know me know that I'm transgendered. I have met enough of them taking my dogs for walks. But, I suppose I could be similarly mistaken.

Final note: Like many of us, I've been fascinated by witnessing your growth or evolution over the past couple of years. Its encouraging to see how readily you've been accepted. Perhaps, your calm, poised and mature demeanor has something to do with this.

[STACY B]

Your like me I tell um all ,, WTF are they going to say ? Atleast we can weed out the Dumb-asses an get on with it ,, I don't have anything in common with my neighbors other living in the same Hood ,,lol,,, If they are talking about me they leave everyone else alone ,, I am used topeople talking about me weather it be Girl stuff or Just stupid crap I have done ,, So don't want to Disapoint any body ,,lol,,,

PS ,, Just because you dress like a Lady don't stop that DAM DOG from barking ? Now that something to talk about !

[lingerieLiz]

Over the years and dozens of neighborhoods I've found that it really isn't a big thing. This goes all the way back to the early 60s. Neighbors like friendly people even if they are not. They like people who can help fix things real well. I have had on a white t shirt with white bra on under it when a neighbor (guy) walked up my drive and surprised me to talk about something. We talked and he never batted an eye or treated me any different.

Another time a neighbor as I was moving in and decided to wear a dress as I was putting away somethings a neighbor (guy) walked in on me. He never said a thing as he showed me around and told me how things worked at the property. Was friendly until I moved away.

I'm sure all the women neighbors know as they have all seen me in obvious women's clothes.

[Tracii G]

I'm not one to hide or race to my car to get in it in girl mode.I don't give a hoot if they see me.
I'll walk down and get the mail even if the neighbors are there getting theirs.I'm just not afraid of what they will think.
So far my neighbor on the left is more than accepting.My neighbor on the right is an older guy and we chat often when I'm in guy mode.
I was having a smoke on the front porch in girl mode the other evening and reading a book.
He came out to get something from his truck and he waved and said hi so I waved back and said Hi Doc how are you?
He said fine and wished me a great evening.
The neighbor across the street is the nosy type that talks about everybody and they have seen me in both modes but have never said anything about it to me.
Their daughter brought her kids over for a visit a couple of days ago and she was getting their mail at the same time I was and she said Hi can I ask you a question?
I said sure go ahead.She said all the time I lived here growing up I never knew you were Trans.
I said yeah I am and just the opposite of you sister (FtM). She gave me a hug and said I think that is so awesome what is your female name?
I told her and she said from now on if I see you in girl mode I'll call you Tracii is that OK even if its in public? I told her sure no problem.
So I'm sure the whole neighborhood knows by now, again no big deal.

[marny]

Your like me I tell um all ,, WTF are they going to say ? Atleast we can weed out the Dumb-asses an get on with it ,, I don't have anything in common with my neighbors other living in the same Hood ,,lol,,, If they are talking about me they leave everyone else alone ,, I am used topeople talking about me weather it be Girl stuff or Just stupid crap I have done ,, So don't want to Disapoint any body ,,lol,,,

PS ,, Just because you dress like a Lady don't stop that DAM DOG from barking ? Now that something to talk about !

:devil::devil::devil::devil: you cool!

[PretzelGirl]

I think we do have a tendency to think we are noticed easily. Probably a bit of a self defense mechanism. If we suspect it is true, we are prepared for any outcomes. I just had it happen with the only neighbor I talk with. I take the trash out and get the mail dressed and when I come and go, my driveway is against his. Never mind their living room and dining room hand over my driveway. So I thought it was a done deal. The other day, I checked mail and had his. I saw him in front of his driveway and went over and gave it to him. His reaction was rather nervous, so my suspicions were apparently wrong.

But I can't imagine anyone not supporting you Lori. You seem to be the kind of person that has a way about you where you are engaging and personable. Best of luck with the rest of the neighborhood that doesn't know! :battingeyelashes:

[RenneB]

All I have is some advice about the canine that always barks at you. I moved into a house many years ago where the neighbor's dog would always bark at me. I decided to take the kindness route and fed him a piece of cheese. Now every time he sees me coming he just sits and wags his tail, thinking I'll bring some cheese. All he wants and gets now is a pat on the head and a scratch behind the ear.

Now the only time he barks is when some stranger comes up to the house.. nice trick, one piece of cheese and now I have a protector dog without all the other care and feeding issues....

Renne.....

[Marleena]

Lorileah you are doing the right thing, congrats! It just goes to show people are so caught up in their own lives they really don't notice. Besides that the ones you tell already know you're a cool person. :)

[Lorileah]

Renne, this dog has anxiety issues. It would bite if I tried to get close (it is a fear aggressive dog). It needs some guidance and training. Actually it needs an owner who can train it and really care for it. The owners don't care. They have been cited for noise. It wasn't from either me nor the other direct neighbor but people three houses and more away. Being a Vet I have run the normal gambit but when the owner doesn't care, you can't get the dog to care.

In re: other posts, I would have thought that they would have noticed the blonde driving away from my house 3-4 nights a week. When my MIL lived here I got all the gossip on everyone else in the neighborhood. I think she knew what they had for breakfast. I now won't worry about it though. I have planted the seed, I know it will grow and no one will be surprised.

Oh and thank yo for all the kind thoughts about me...I wish I could see that person :)

[PaulaQ]

Congratulations Lorileah. Perhaps if they did notice the blonde leaving your home, they never associated her with your male appearance at all. Probably they didn't notice, or if they did, assumed you had a pretty girlfriend. ;)

I assume you feel very liberated now! :)

[AmyGaleRT]

I don't really know my neighbors here (they've come and gone over the years), so I'm not sure I care so much if they see Amy walking to or from the car. I never hurry when I do so. :) I don't often see a lot of people outside though.

I do have a good rejoinder ready if someone asks "You're really a man, aren't you?" I'll say, "Oh, I'm just me." :D

- Amy

[Jackie7]

As Kimd says, most people are so much in their own stuff -same as we are - that not much registers. They also don't easily see that blonde as you, they think it is somebody else, maybe your sister or girlfriend or colleague. If they think about her at all.

[rudy3448]

Takes a lot of will power. Hugh step, I bet you feel so much better inside.

[flatlander_48]

Humans have very selective powers of observation. I'm sure that people have seen the folks here who recounted their stories, but we often see what we want to see or perhaps just ignore what we don't understand.

One thing that I believe can make a difference about transitioning is this. People need to know that transitioning is not done on a whim. It is a very serious process and takes quite a while. Those who are involved in the process see it as a MUST and not a want. I think that is the heart of is. People outside the community probably feel that transitioning is optional, but it really isn't.

[Sharon B.]

I can say that two of my neighbors have seen me dressed walking to my vehicle, one has seen me driving my vehicle. The woman across the road from me has slammed her door shut when she saw me as a woman. I feel it is their problem and not mine and I'm sure there are some things I could fault the with if I was so incline.

[Allison Chaynes]

Lorileah, I always enjoy reading your posts. This one makes me hopeful.

My next door neighbors are from a Middle Eastern country the US has been in a proxy war with since I was born (if that doesn't tell you, think of the word "Ayatollah"). I learned last week that the mother saw me in my backyard wearing a dress the previous week. I was taking my son to the babysitter last week when she saw me and came over to ask about the county road department and threw in a, "By the way, why were you wearing a dress last week?" I asked if she had to wear a hijab in her old country (yes) and if she liked it. She said, "No, it's uncomfortable." I told her for me, women's clothing is often more comfortable. She got a look on her face like she was pondering something. I had to leave so we didn't really finish the conversation. I don't know that she is accepting, as the relationship between their family and mine has always been cordial but kind of distant.

[AmyGaleRT]

At the very least, Allison, you gave her something to think about! She probably hasn't known any other T-girls, and relating your experience to hers may give her an opening to learn more about you...and it's harder to demonize someone when you know them personally.

- Amy