TRUE love begins with compromise

[Frédérique]

I was listening to a song late last night, as I did my femme “thing,” and I heard the title phrase tucked in amongst the lyrics. I immediately thought about all the MtF crossdressers on this board who are struggling to crossdress, or maintain their passion for crossdressing, within a marriage...

To those who are married, or otherwise engaged with a SO, would you agree with the statement that true love begins with compromise? Can someone retain their individuality when they have a partner? I know there are many marriages or relationships whereby crossdressing is just another interesting element, folded into an already solid foundation, just as I know there are many unions (for lack of a better word) that teeter on the brink – is one’s crossdressing more important than love for another human being? Perhaps compromise is instinctual, under the circumstances, but surrender can be a bitter pill to swallow...

I suppose the concept of “true” love is open to discussion, just as the concept of compromise is open to interpretation. Some things need to be expressed, no matter what, casting a pall over a relationship that started out with good intentions. He has to dress-up, she doesn’t like it, or even understand why he has to do it, so friction is somewhat inevitable. If true love is the cornerstone of a relationship, it follows that you may have to give up your “interests,” or otherwise find a midway point between conflicting interests. Love (and crossdressing) spawns adjustment...

Many males have “boy” interests, whereby boys go off and do their boy thing, no big deal, but when you’re interested in dressing in female clothes, or embracing femininity, or perhaps even thinking you really should BE a woman, all bets are off. Either you, the male, has to compromise for the sake of the relationship, or she has to give up some ground. I read about such comings and goings, in terms of compromise, all the time in this very section. Now and then you come across an act of heroic compromise, whereby the M submits to the F and he puts crossdressing on ice. This is inspirational to me, because it means true love actually exists...

I’m not married, nor am I in a relationship at the moment. A few years ago I was engaged to a lovely woman, and I put my crossdressing away, dead STOP. I’m not sure if our love was true, or if that was even possible in our case – one can speculate all day long, but I did put CD’ing away in an attempt to create the “normal” relationship I felt I wanted. I could tell that many such compromises would be needed, if success was my goal, and, since I am a submissive sort, I happily played the part I was supposed to play. Alas, it didn't work out, so I brought crossdressing back to the fore and picked up where I left off. For me, at least, true love has been elusive...

If I was in a relationship, I would most surely tuck crossdressing out of sight, but it would always be on my mind as a series of pleasant memories. How can one forget the happiest times of one’s life, created out of thin air in the absence of true love? In many ways, SHE hasn’t been there, so I compromised and made myself into the woman I wanted to be with. Perhaps self-love is true, but I have to make due as best I can. I admire anyone who is in a relationship, trying to do something that is rather impossible – I guess it all boils down to “who do you love?”

Are you willing to compromise your crossdressing for love (true or otherwise)? :thinking:

[kimdl93]

I don't think that true love begins with compromise, but compromise is part of relationships. Workable relationships include a willingness to listen and work out mutually satisfying agreements, regardless of the issue. If the suggestion is that a CDr, if she truly loves someone, must be willing to sacrifice their interest, desire or need to dress on the alter of true love, then I'd say that isn't compromise nor is it truly love. It's domination of one person over another.

[Greenie]

Freddy, I fear you are going to get some very contrasting answers to this question.

There is always the idea that if it IS true love as you say, then cross-dressing should not have an effect on it. I have seen many a time on other forums where women are distraught because their "one true love" is now a crossdresser. I always see those posts and think, it could not have been true love then. I think that when you are in head over heels love with someone cross-dressing is either accepted outright or with some "compromise" but I do not think that stopping CDing completely is what I would consider a compromise. For me a compromise is when both people give something up in order to better the relationship. If you stop entirely what has she done in addition that makes this in turn a compromise? Is the compromise that you stop this and THEN you will receive love? Because then that I would say does not fit the idea of true love.

[Sister Rachel]

I've spent the whole of this evening dressed and in my wife's company, it's not an issue anymore .. I buy her lingerie when buying my own :) I'm just lucky I suppose?

[Alice Torn]

Very interesting thread Fred! I do observe, that for some time now, it is overwhelmingly, the man in the relationship, that is called on to change, repent, compromise, bend over backwards, and the woman very little. We males are at a social disadvantage, even without crossdressing! Like, you, i dressed partly because i saw no real chance for a relationship, or right woman, so i mad myself into her! I have thought a lot about this, that , in the not so likely chance, that i actually get involved with a lady, I would have to tell her, and let the cat out of the bag fairly early, and let the chips fall where they may. Part of me would be willing to cut way down on dressing, it the relationship blossomed, and even willing to stop, difficult as that may be.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I believe every relationship consists of compromises. After all, we must always consider and put before us the needs of our partner, and thus we receive the same kind of unconditional love in return. I am who I am and I can't change it. I know I'm probably a willing candidate to fully transition but I also want my wife to feel very comfortable in our relationship. I wish to respect her needs, and we fully communicate EVERYTHING about it.

Our children are grown living their own lives. And children will do just that---looking out for themselves while we somehow become a byproduct of their existence. Grandkiddies are great too. We have them! They do are charting their own course.

Do my wife and I compromise? Yes! We each look out for each other's needs to live a great life and being who we are. This is my second marriage and she knows that she could expect anything about my gender issues. Even tonight we talked about some body modifications for me that would make me extremely happy and reduce my anxiety and depression. She wants me to proceed by first talking with my therapist. She said that she enjoys being around a "Happy Me!"

I feel badly for those who have to hide and eventually reveal their real persona having a wife who doesn't understand or cannot accept that side of her husband, and then disaster strikes. At the same time I can empathise with that wife who wants to enjoy a sense of normalcy within a marriage. That is their perrogative and they are entitled to it. I guess I'm lucky.

I'm lucky to have found someone who appreciates that we have a wonderful home, a safe and secure place where we can be ourselves, be financially secure, and live loving life in many ways. She knows she can do anything she wants here as do I. She knows that she has a loving husband who goes above and beyond in appreciation because she has done the same to express her love to assure my happiness.

Compromise in a relationship is nothing but giving one's best to a relationship to be able to sit back and watch the love come flooding back. Honesty, and open communication are the basic ingredients. Once someone can experience that, one can feel nothing but love!

Cheryl

[bridget thronton]

Perhaps not so much compromise as trying to find a win win result for both partners

[Wildaboutheels]

There are far too many unmistakable signs here at this Forum to ignore as far the reason/s people do what they do.

I would be willing to bet that MOST CDers would dress far less and maybe not at all if they had willing, loving partners, [be they male or female] who gave them all the sex they wanted/needed.

It's just that simple.

JMO of course, but just ask yourselves just ONE Q. How many here got "heavily into CDing" or were "overcome by the pink fog" while they were IN a Relationship with someone.

Unless of COURSE, perhaps the partner "let themself go" in some fashion and became much less attractive.

OR, decided that sex in the Relationship is not really needed or is overrated or something to that effect.

True Love? Many folks who have had the fortune/misfortune [depending on one's POV] of being clubbed over the head with Chemistry think or assume that's True love. And why wouldn't they. Most Humans are totally defenseless when the pheromones [from the proper GENETIC partner] take over. Omnipotent and all consuming? Yes. True Love? Hardly.

And of course Pavlovs dogs are a big part of this CDing equation I believe. And those darn bells are EVERYWHERE!

[Stephanie47]

Wildaboutheels, I'm glad you inserted in capital letters MOST. Having read comments on this forum for many years I've never have seen an informal poll or a scientific poll, as to the sex lives of their wives or girlfriends, their weight, etc.

[Leah Lynn]

Being a widower, I have given up searching for that "Perfect" woman. If she somehow finds me, I'll be willing to see if anything could come of it. She would not only have to accept Leah, but would have to embrace her. I work in male mode, then everything else is enfemme. I will not give up one minute of being Leah to please a woman.

Leah

[Julie Gaum]

Wild, I can only cite my experience. But first, in your post you throw around the words "sex" and "love" --- I can relate to the sex bit but not the love part. While working in Montreal I met a Hungarian gal who gave all the sex I could handle at age 30, like four times a meet.
Howver, at the same time as a bachelor my apartment was filled with feminine things. After perhaps a year I ran, not walked, out of the relationship. You see, for most of my life until that point I hid my feelings, including CDing, quite well and now, scared, I believed that my mask or veneer had been pierced --- not mature enough to know better. Later did fall in love with another girl but that's another story. Point to this is that my sex life did not reduce my CD desires.
Julie

[Angela Campbell]

True love begins with attraction, then moves to infatuation which slowly leads to respect, trust, honor and mutual compromise. At least in the perfect world. It should be something like a communion of souls with both persons becoming a little of the other. I almost had that once.

[Greenie]

How many here got "heavily into CDing" or were "overcome by the pink fog" while they were IN a Relationship with someone.



why not common, our sex life and the CDing increased together. he was so excited I was open to him that he started dressing more and the pink fog started. But our barriers to communication had broken down and so our sex life also exponentially increased, he felt more comfortable to be himself and experiment with dressing, while I felt more connected and thus more sex came. I am sure it doesnt work that way in the majority of relationships. But maybe I have been lucky enough to find true love.

[Beverley Sims]

I think any relationship requires compromise.
You cannot walk all over the other persons feelings.
If you were in a relationship I would suggest X dressing would surface and a compromise would have to be struck.

[Emogene]

True love begins with compromise! YES, by both parties. Neither should exercise unrighteous dominion over the other! PERIOD!

Oh, yes, I've been married, once, for forty years to the same woman. I know compromise as does she!

A working definition for a good compromise is that neither party is totally happy (or unhappy) with the agreed upon deal.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

I concur with Emogene. Would I like to dress more, especially with my wife? Of course. It would be fantastic if she would fully embrace this, and help me with makeup, encourage me to lose weight to fit into my dresses better, and do all sorts of girly things with me. However, while I would be ecstatic, she has stated she would not enjoy that. I love her and respect her enough to compromise. I feel very fortunate to have progressed in 6 months to our current situation. I'm not going to push the issue and risk alienating her. I'd say that neither of us is perfectly happy, but we are happy enough.

[Mona]

Frederique, there is a beautiful book called 'How To Love' by Gordon Livingston, in which he talks about these things, describing the types of personalities not to be involved with as well as the types of people to cherish. Among other characteristics he describes the difference the between real compromise of love and the negotiated compromise of many relationships. Though not currently in a relationship I'm holding out for the real deal if it ever comes along!

[Lorileah]

I tried compromise, it ended up that I was the one who was supposed to change while they kept their issues. I apologized for everything even when I didn't think I was wrong. I tried to be what they wanted. Now the dynamics of that relationship have changed. So in a way I have compromised. I have compromised myself.

I don't know if at the beginning of the relationship you need compromise. It is when you should be able to show the warts and all to your new partner. It is the time when you have the least investment. If you compromise early, I think it makes the relationship more a control issue on one side or the other. So I don't think it BEGINS with that.

Your partner saw something in you they liked and you saw something in them. Why would you want to change someone early on? (NB you can't change anyone...don't waste time trying. You can only change you). Now I would say the true love should be a compromise. After all why would you want someone exactly like you? That would be boring. You should have different perspectives and ideas (and ideals). You should not have to like everything your SO does and vice versa. My relationship with my GF started as we were totally the same. Music, food, shows, even taste in clothing. However with time we found we had some differences and we made adjustments for that. She had her horse stuff I had golf. we would plan to do some of these things with each other ON OCCASION but we had our time apart and that worked. We never told the other "you can't or should not do that". But as I have said before I have been very lucky in my relationships (with women...men on the other hand Oy vey). Thus the first paragraph here. Funny he was attracted to "me" then wanted to change "me".

[PaulaQ]

I disagree with the premise. I believe true love begins with friendship. That's certainly how it has been for me.

My wife and I both maintained our individuality. We each have common interests - but we each have separate interests as well. The notion that "you'll be as one" is fiction.

I am compromising my crossdressing for love - in that my spouse isn't ready to see me yet, and may never be. However, I will likely not be able to compromise forever. We discuss this frequently, and have some ideas about what we'll do in that eventuality, should it occur. (It will involve drastic changes, or ending, of our relationship as man and wife.) My wife is compromising in that she knows I need time for this, and while she can't handle it yet, she is trying in ways she can handle to help me. Should we no longer be able to be a married couple, that will also be a compromise - just not a terribly happy one for either of us. We fumble our way forward through this each day, one day at a time.

But the underlying basis for this is our friendship and love - not the compromise.

[AmyGaleRT]

Sabrina would say that true love begins with friendship. At least it did in our case. :)

She does place restrictions on my dressing, but they're either the minimum required for her to remain comfortable that "her man" is still in her life, or they're actually out of concern for my welfare. I don't mind those too much, because the alternative would be that Amy would still be in hiding.

And yes, she has gotten a little miffed when the pink fog hits, like at the salon! I don't know if there's anything that can be done about that; it may just be a fact of life. :)

EDIT: Paula, you just said the same exact thing! That's spooky. :heehee:

- Amy

[Annette Todd]

I was under the impression that true love is unconditional. Compromise comes into play with budgets and where to go out to dinner or who controls the remote. A cd might put away the clothes but the personality remains the same. I do believe dressing feminine or wanting to is manifested or revolves from one's personality. Are we supposed to compromise who we are?

[PaulaQ]

I was under the impression that true love is unconditional. ... Are we supposed to compromise who we are?

I think true love is conditional. There are some things that are simply untenable for a relationship to be maintained. For example, serial infidelity. As for compromising who we are - I agree with you there annette - any relationship where one or both parties have to compromise on who they are is doomed to failure. (I'll ignore, for pedagogical reasons, toxic people who NEED to change who they are so that they are reasonably functional human beings, fit to be in ANY relationship. That's another subject.)

[Barbara Ella]

While I do not think true love is unconditional, I do believe that it involves an initial complete acceptance of what one perceives as their partner, and the combination the couple produces. As time passes, each individual begins to uncover more things in their being that were not obvious at first (I do not mean they were intentionally hidden). The compromises then come in the ability of each individual to alter their connection with the partner. If one partner cannot alter their connection, they ask the other to modify somewhat so that the two fit back together.

Now, if things have been intentionally not communicated, the degree of alteration may be too great, and in the case of crossdressing, this requires one hell of an alteration in the emotional fit of the two. If agreeable compromises cannot be made, the fit will never be comfortable. Trust me, the wife makes a whole lot of compromises on this issue to keep their sanity.

So yes, compromises are a vital component of a relationship to maintain that initial feeling of true love that keeps two people together, in my case for 42 years.

Barbara

[SnowPrincess]

I find the thread extremely interesting because I am now re-examining my relationship with my wife of 37 years. I am 70 years old and discovered/acknowledged my feminine side over a year ago when my wife was away with her sisters. When she returned home I told her of my discovery. That was a terrible mistake. She drew the line in the sand, said she would never accept it and for the past year regularly drops snide comments to demean my feelings. She has now been gone a week visiting her family and will be returning tomorrow. I have spent the last week dressing every night, wearing nice things to bed and generally enjoying exploring my feminine side. My wife has never seen me wearing any female clothes so her fears/visions are all mental rather than real. Now, I fear her return because I know that she will only make more comments since she will guess at what i have been doing. The challenge which I face is do I now terminate this long term relationship or tolerate the situation. When we first got married, the relationship was wonderful with the sex fantastic, then, about 20 years ago she announced that she would no longer be into sex like she was. The relationship has drifted every since and not because of age. So, more to the point of the thread, did the change in attitude about sex prompt the emergence of my feminine side? I can say, that I have never been like other men, never enjoyed going to bars, never spoke about sexual conquests and always treated every female like a princess rather than an object. So perhaps, the feminine side was always there. But, if love is a compromise, then my wife does not love me because there is no compromise on my cd desires. So, what can all of your experienced folks provide to assist in this dilema?

[Jackie7]

Very interesting thread, thanks to all. For me, love builds on mutual acceptance and mutual support. Everybody wins and neither player is "compromised" out of existence.

[AmyGaleRT]

SnowPrincess, dear, your wife has been engaging in mental and emotional abuse ever since you revealed your femmeself to her. Sabrina would not stay in a relationship like that and neither would I. You can't repudiate this part of yourself; it will always be there, I know. So either suggest counseling, or, if that doesn't work with her, tell her to shape up or ship out. (Sabrina used those words. :)) You are in an abusive relationship, as surely as if you were a GG being beaten by her husband. You deserve better than that! And you deserve to be able to express your femmeself in whatever years are left to you.

I'll be thinking about you. :hugs:

- Amy

[Frédérique]

You see, for most of my life until that point I hid my feelings, including CDing, quite well and now, scared, I believed that my mask or veneer had been pierced --- not mature enough to know better.

This idea of a “veneer” rings a bell with me, and it’s a good topic for further discussion. Back when I was first crossdressing, and exploring the avenues of true love, there was nowhere to go for advice. As such, I also had to hide my feelings and stay very much within myself…


…he was so excited I was open to him that he started dressing more and the pink fog started. But our barriers to communication had broken down and so our sex life also exponentially increased, he felt more comfortable to be himself and experiment with dressing, while I felt more connected and thus more sex came. I am sure it doesn’t work that way in the majority of relationships. But maybe I have been lucky enough to find true love.

Being in a relationship where the word “love” was being bandied about caused the immediate evaporation of any pink fog in my immediate vicinity. I knew that she would not understand my crossdressing, so, with a sigh, I just stopped. A lot of this was based on a previous relationship I was in, one where I revealed my crossdressing and she didn’t like it. Despite that setback, I kept on crossdressing as often as possible when she wasn’t around. It was different the next time around, a much more serious relationship, and one day I just quietly said, “The show can’t go on…” Maybe I matured at long last. I eventually purged all my stuff…

There was a thread in another section recently about those who pose questions in a thread OP and then never respond to replies. I‘m certainly guilty of doing that, but, in this case, I would like to just sit back and read the experienced responses. So far, so good, and thanks…
:)

[SnowPrincess]

Amy Gale,

Thank you for the understanding and comments. It is helpful to have a disinterested person speak out.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Trust in one another is far more importaint than any compromise, no matter what goes on around you, yet trust can be lost so no compromise would be of any value at all.

=, On the job i worked on we had to have compleat trust in each other, day after day, because of the nature of what we were doing if not had the one we trusted left, we would & could have been killed, so you see we could not compromise in any way at all.

Did i compromise with Jos no of cause not was not posibale because of how i was born, yet we lived with each other for 35 years , though we have not been together for a few years we still love each other do things together & i help & look after as i allways have,

So maybe i see love & trust in a way that maynot be accepted, by some yet we have known each other for over 39 years,

With out trust whats compromise then.

...noeleena...

[Gillian Gigs]

I am prone to think that to understand compromise within a marriage, we need to get a better working defination of the word love. Lets face it, love is used rather loosely in todays culture. I love my spouse, I love ice cream, I love my dog, I love that sports team, I love my friend, etc. All of these things are a different type of love, yet we use the same word. Different languages have more than one word for this expression that we in speaking english call love.

My defination of love in the sense of marriage is, "to be willing to lay down my mind (what I think), will (what I want), emotions (how I feel), for the sake of my other half". For this to be truely effective both parties need be doing this. To consider the other person on an equal or better than equal footing would place you in the position of continually considering how anything would work out for the benefit of both parties. This is true compromise! It is not what I want, but what is the best for the both of us. In my case this is, and has been a working part of our relationship for some time. I see it working in other relationships also. How does one get it working within their situation... well someone has to start it, possibly by coaxing the other person along through loving actions and deeds. For many this will be a very big up hill battle. I would speculate that many have lived their lives on the premise that if it is good for me, then it is good for her. Then you add CDing, which becomes the last straw for her, then her demands come out loud and strong. Any compromising within a relationship has to be there long before the "CD" issue comes to the surface. To even look at it from another side, love and marriage is not about "me", but about "us".

[Jenniferathome]

Many males have “boy” interests, whereby boys go off and do their boy thing, no big deal, but when you’re interested in dressing in female clothes, or embracing femininity, or perhaps even thinking you really should BE a woman, all bets are off. Either you, the male, has to compromise for the sake of the relationship, or she has to give up some ground. I read about such comings and goings, in terms of compromise, all the time in this very section. Now and then you come across an act of heroic compromise, whereby the M submits to the F and he puts crossdressing on ice. This is inspirational to me, because it means true love actually exists...

Are you willing to compromise your crossdressing for love (true or otherwise)? :thinking:

I really think you need to look up the meaning of the word "compromise." Compromise is not one sided, that is a dictate. Compromise is a melding of multiple desires. I also think that to blend cross dressers with transexuals in this example is wrong. A cross dresser can "compromise" with a wife by not dressing in her presence or even enter into a DADT situation (a bad and doomed compromise, I believe) but a transexual IS in the wrong body. There is little room for compromise and it would be extremely unfair to ask a wife to "suck it up" and live as a lesbian. "True Love" would be allowing someone to transition without recriminations and to be happy for them. It does not mean that the relationship lasts in this case.

[Michelle (Oz)]

When I revealed last July to my wife of 4 years that my need/want to crossdress had returned I had thought that her love for me would be such that she would understand and tolerate me dressing. The outcome was totally different. Dressing was abhorent to her. DADT? No. She loved me enough to add that she can't live with me if I dress but she can't live without me.

It took me some months and visits to a psychologist to get over the angst of rejection and not being totally loved in the sense of Fred's OP. With the pychologists help I came to understand so much more about my wife and that her background and life's experiences had informed her fears and lack of understanding of me dressing. It wasn't a lack of love.

The subject has not been broached since and I hope won't be although I do dream of my wife waking up one morning and declaring that I can dress - oh, I also dream about winning a big lottery. Responding to a post in the Loved One's section by Reine - my eyebrows are thin; my legs, arms, shoulders and chest hairless; my finger nails shaped; sometimes I don't get quite all the makeup off. I guess, in reality, I'm very fortunate.

Whether this seemingly unique DADT is doomed (Jenny at #32) I don't know. I'd certainly prefer acceptance and I fear the impact of her retirement on my dressing but at this stage I'm optimistic.

Interesting thread.

[NicoleScott]

I would be willing to bet that MOST CDers would dress far less and maybe not at all if they had willing, loving partners, [be they male or female] who gave them all the sex they wanted/needed.

So are you saying that MOST CDers dress because they don't get enough sex?
There are a LOT of CDers who say that crossdressing is not sexual for them.
And even those who dress for sexual excitement, all the sex they want isn't going to stop the drive to crossdress. It may be that for some whose dressing is driven by certain fetishes, dressing may not be necessary or as frequent if the partner fed the fetish to his satisfaction. For example, if the CDer has a fetish for high heels and wears them to feed his fetish, if the partner wears them it may lessen his need to. Maybe.

[Annette Todd]

I agree there are deal breakers to a relationship/marriage such as infidelity physical or mental abuse etc. I don't think that is what is pertinent to this discussion.
Maybe true and lasting love is becoming a dying concept. However, where there is true love there also should be acceptance of each other for who they are in whole. Egad! That truly sounds nieve.
The point I was trying to make and maybe not eloquent enough is :
Capitulating one's true nature to satisfy another is giving over control of your own life to the whim and desires of another. Marriage springs from initial attraction. There are the outward physical elements and through the discovery process the inner self, personality and such, become the things through which emotional bonds are formed. I am aware though posts here that most of us have a strong, if not dominant feminine side to our personalities. So it follows, that those aspects of our personalities play a big role in the formation of those bonds. Dressing in feminine attire is only then an outward manifestation of our personalities. I therefore, don't understand the concept of someone who loves me as an imperfect human "bean" deciding that the type of clothes I put on my body should become such an issue to threaten the relationship!
That seems to me a very shallow and rigid view.
Again, maybe I am just nieve. I do know that anyone I met as a potential love interest is going to hear the whole story an be aware that I am who I am and that includes the desire, habit, etc to wear clothes that are found in the women's department and that I view the world from a point of view that is atypical to male and tends to be more feminine.
I empathise with those who are in relationships where they are forced to capitulate themselves to a SO. I said in my previous post that compromise is fine when deciding on activities or what house to buy, but compromising who you are essentially is an abdication of one's self.
I know some will think my opinion stinks, but there it is.

Annette

[Annette Todd]

Egad! did I kill this thread? or what? I hope not it was really a good one!

Annette

[LilSissyStevie]

True love begins with sacrifice. Compromise, a negotiated ceasefire, is an artifact of war.

[Miriam-J]

Compromise is necessary for us to function in society, whether in public, on the job, at church, or with family. As we mature we learn to adapt to society's expectations for verbal expression, body language, morals, ethics, and even presentation. Society relies on compromise and adaptation, with each of us giving and taking.

Marriage presents many more facets for adaptation to one another's needs, from the mundane (refrigerator space) to the personal (seat up or down) to the passionate (top or bottom). As I look to meet the needs of my partner, I recognize that I need to change certain choices so that I can enrich her life, and she does the same for me. Though we each constrain our choices, this opens the window to opportunities that would be impossible for either of us alone, and provides joys that would be unreachable.

My crossdressing is yet another facet for compromise in our marriage, and depends on the openness each of us feels toward the other's needs and desires. My wife has enriched my crossdressing experience, helping me to grow and mature when I do choose to present this way. I in turn strive to ensure the aspects of my maleness that are most valued by her continue to be expressed, that I present in male mode with appropriate frequency and in such a way that she is not embarassed publicly, and that I employ my feminine side in ways that enrich her life. It is yet another area in our lives where compromise enriches us both.

Miriam

[busker]

I would say NO. Romeo and Juliet offers no compromise to their love. Thinking Romeo is dead, she does herself in. In the O'Henry story (I think) The Gift of Magi, the wife sells her hair and the husband sells his watch in a story of true love. It may only be fiction, but two writers in the world thought that compromise was not essential in their tales of love. Compromise, I think, sets one on the path to failure of the relationship. How do I know? I have tested that sort of relationship and in time it failed due to a compromise that I allowed myself to make.
One could think about this in any context and it doesn't work. An employer taking on a new employee that doesn't quite fit the job, buying something because it is cheaper rather than because it is what is wanted. Going on a blind date because you can't line up your own dates. These are compromises and they don't work.